The Price of Survival
"Are you kidding me?"
I set my freshly poured glass down on the table and asked him. There was no room left for the alcohol to dull my senses. This was a topic that required a sober mind.
"You want me to risk my life and go fight over there just to take in some wolf-kin girl?"
"She's not just some wolf-kin girl. She's a daughter of the Blackwood family. She's a noble."
"What difference does that make?"
"It makes all the difference."
"Captain—"
"Berg. Listen. It’s not like I haven't thought this through."
"..."
I was left speechless by Adam’s calm tone. Sometimes, he had this way about him. Even when he was spouting nonsense, he made it sound like he had a grand plan. If you tried to argue too hastily, you’d end up feeling like an idiot. I furrowed my brow, scratched my eyebrow, and looked at him with a sigh. I waited for his explanation.
Adam tapped his finger against his glass, stalling for a moment. He seemed to be organizing his thoughts. Then, in a low, earnest voice, he spoke.
"...Berg. The war is coming to an end."
"..."
He set his glass down slowly. *Clack.*
"Whether it’s the Hero’s party or the Demon King, one side is going to reach the finish line. And as the war ends, the country will face massive changes."
My heart stirred faintly at the mention of the Hero’s party.
"How do you know the war is ending, Captain?"
"I know. The signs are there. Trust me."
Aside from the unavoidable news, I had always turned a blind eye to anything regarding the Hero’s party. Among the information I’d missed, there must have been something that gave him such certainty.
"...We should just assume the Hero wins and prepare for the future. If the Demon King kills the Hero, there’s no hope anyway."
I wanted to steer the conversation away from the Hero’s party. Especially the part about them dying.
"What does that have to do with taking the Blackwood daughter as payment?"
"Because we’ve been making a living by clinging to this war. If the Hero’s party wins and the war ends, the monster population will plummet. And when that happens, we’ll be in danger."
"What danger? We can just find other work when the time comes."
"It’s not about running out of work. People will start looking at us—the mercenary corps itself—with suspicion."
"...The mercenary corps existed long before the Demon King appeared."
"There were never any mercenary corps of our scale."
"..."
"And nobles don't look kindly on armed groups like us. They’ll be especially wary of us since we’re composed entirely of humans. Do you think they’ll just sit back knowing there’s a group with the military power of a Duke’s house? A group that could take their place by force?"
"Aren't you looking too far ahead?"
"No. I’m certain. You know as well as I do that there are already plenty of nobles who don't like us. Even if there weren't, it doesn't hurt to be prepared."
Once again, I was persuaded by him far too easily. I stopped my pointless rebuttals.
"...So?"
"So, I’m saying we need to get a foothold in the Blackwood family now that the opportunity has presented itself. It wouldn't hurt to get involved with other families, either. If you can't beat them, join them, right? We have to look at the future after the war, Berg. That’s the only way to keep the mercenary corps—and the families our members have raised—safe."
The more I listened, the more it made sense. In truth, the reason Adam made this choice probably had as much to do with the families the members had raised as it did with the corps itself. If he only cared about safety, disbanding would be a fine choice. If we were ever targeted by nobles in the distant future, we could just scatter, just as we had when we first gathered. But the fact that he didn't mention that possibility meant the situation was far different now than it had been back then. Adam wasn't the type to abandon the people who had trusted and followed him. Thinking of their families, he had no choice but to look toward the future.
"...You’ve really turned into a village head, haven't you?"
Adam chuckled at my sarcasm and asked, "So, does that bother you?"
I revealed the trust I had in him, which was somehow embarrassing to admit.
"...It bothers me."
I let go of the tension in my shoulders. "If you say that’s how it’s going to be, then that’s how it is."
Once again, I ended up giving in to his words. It was so simple it made my previous arguments feel pathetic.
"You always end up doing what I say anyway, yet you always argue first."
"...It’s not like you haven't done stupid things before."
Adam picked up the glass he’d set on the floor, as if the serious talk was over. I picked up my own glass and sat back down. I sighed and asked:
"Getting a foothold means you're thinking of marriage, right? You aren't going to bring a noble daughter here just to use her as a servant."
Adam nodded. "Obviously. That’s the only way to make the relationship solid."
"Inter-species marriage... I’ve heard that’s quite difficult."
"..."
"Have you met the other party?"
"Neir Blackwood? Yeah, I’ve seen her. From a distance, though. I’ve never seen a woman that beautiful."
I burst out laughing. "Haha. That’s great. Well, congratulations, Captain."
A momentary silence hung in the air.
"....."
"....."
Instead of answering, Adam stared at me for a long time. I was too busy enjoying the drink to notice his gaze.
"...?"
But the lingering silence made me suspicious. When I looked at Adam again, he was swirling his glass.
"I told you, this is expensive liquor."
Adam always fed me expensive liquor whenever he had a favor to ask. I blinked at him, then slowly set my glass down.
"..."
The pieces of what he wanted began to fall into place. And the more they did, the more I shook my head.
"...What kind of nonsense are you talking about?"
"Berg."
"If you want to do it, you do it. Why are you asking me?"
"You do it. This is an important marriage."
"Then you do it! You're the Captain, you should be the one doing it!"
"Hey, kid, I... I’m clearly going to cheat, aren't I?"
Adam said it so confidently it was absurd. A hollow laugh escaped me at the unexpected answer. Seeing me laugh, he seemed to gain strength and pushed harder.
"There are so many women throwing themselves at me, what am I supposed to do? I can't say no. But you're different, Berg. You haven't even glanced at the countless women who have tried to seduce you, have you?"
"Forget it."
"I know. I know you’ll treat your wife well. You’re kind, you take care of people, you’re delicate... you just don't talk much, but once someone falls for you, they can't get out. You’re the perfect fit to maintain a solid marriage. Besides, I already told them you’d be the one."
"..."
Adam raised his voice for a second. "Hey! I’m trying to find you a good bride, why are you like this?"
"Are you my parent? I’ll find one myself."
"That’s been your answer for three years now."
"...Whether it’s three years or ten, I’ll handle it myself."
Adam scratched his head and asked, "Ha, Berg. I didn't want to bring this up, but..."
"...?"
"Do you hate women?"
"..."
I stared at Adam coldly. He clicked his tongue at my reaction.
"...I’m only asking because you push away every woman who says they like you. Such a waste of a handsome face. Look at that expression, you look like you’re about to hit me. Anyway, if that’s not it, why are you resisting so desperately?"
"..."
Instead of answering, I tried to erase the person who kept flickering in my mind. I took a sip of the drink, enjoying the stinging sensation on the tip of my tongue. I savored the feeling of it sliding down my throat. I responded with silence.
A long silence followed.
"...Ha."
Adam seemed to give up, until he whispered quietly:
"...This has something to do with why you were acting so crazy back in the slums, doesn't it?"
"*Cough!*"
The drink went down the wrong pipe. A burning pain flared in my throat. I broke into a coughing fit.
"*Cough! Cough...! Cough!*"
Adam patted my back. I calmed my coughing, avoided his eyes, and asked:
"Ha, damn... what are you talking about?"
"...We’ve been together for so long, do you really think I couldn't guess that much? I don't know what it was, but it must have been a woman."
"..."
I stood up abruptly. "....Whew. Thanks for the drink."
"I told you, this was expensive liquor, you brat."
"I’ll pay you back later."
I set the glass on the table and shook my head. I knew that such a violent reaction might be seen as a silent admission of his past guess, but I couldn't help it. I started to leave his quarters.
"That’s a sickness, you know."
Adam said. Coming from him, it hit differently. I didn't slow my pace.
"Berg. You’re the perfect fit. You have to do this."
Adam’s voice kept ringing in my ears. "For the sake of the kids... please. You take care of them as much as I do. You’d do anything for them, too."
To me, who continued to respond with silence, Adam said one last thing:
"...Can you still not forget her?"
'Don't forget me, Bel.'
"......"
My footsteps came to a dead halt. A lump formed in my throat.
"Ha... if it’s really impossible, I’ll give up on it too."
Adam took a step back. But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell him to drop the request immediately. Perhaps it was because I understood why he was pushing for this marriage. In any case, Adam’s judgment was always right. I might have been hesitating because I was sure he was right this time, too.
I closed my eyes once more. Recently, the days I spent thinking about Sien had truly decreased. I could barely remember what her warmth felt like. Even so, she still caused a massive ripple within me. I hated admitting this fact.
Perhaps, just perhaps, the time had come for me to let go of the past. I might need to sort out the feelings I had been avoiding. Because it didn't hurt as much as it used to. She, too, must have let me go by now.
It had been seven years. Not one year, not two, but seven years had passed.
"...Give me some time to think."
Unable to make a choice, I said that and left Adam’s house. Perhaps the moment had come for me to finally cast off the curse.