Puppy and Master Play (4)
“I see.”
Suyeon answered so flatly it was hard to believe she had just heard that someone had died.
I didn’t particularly mind and kept talking.
“…I first met Yumin in kindergarten. We were in the same class and lived close enough that we got really close. When we were little we even slept over at each other’s places and took baths together.”
I never once imagined I would be saying this out loud again with my own mouth.
It was that painful, that raw a memory. I was dredging it up and turning it over solely for Suyeon’s sake.
Whether she understood what it cost me or not, Suyeon simply stared at me in silence while I spoke.
“…But at some point things between us started getting weird… You know how it is once you hit middle school.
Whenever the two of us hung around together, people started teasing us about dating. So, being a kid, I decided to keep my distance from her.
The problem was that around then Yumin started getting bullied. She’d always been frail—small frame, slow runner, sick all the time, constantly leaving early.
On top of that she had this pale, pretty face, so she was an easy target for the mean kids.
The girl delinquents picked on her constantly. The bullying never got better; it only got worse.
The teachers didn’t care enough to do anything, and her parents were always too busy to notice.”
I scratched my head and fell quiet for a moment. Even now, just thinking about those days made my chest ache.
Eventually I went on, voice thick with a sigh.
“…If I’d stayed by her side back then, would anything have been different…? Honestly, I don’t even know.
Before the army I didn’t look anything like I do now. In school my nickname was Chopsticks—I was a scrawny little stick of a kid. On top of that my personality wasn’t great, so I didn’t have many friends either.
So even if I’d stuck around, I probably couldn’t have helped much. I had my own problems. Around the same time I was getting bullied too. Basically we were a pair of total losers.”
I let out a self-deprecating little laugh. Suyeon just watched me steadily.
I looked down at the cooling ramen and continued slowly.
“Even so, once school was over we still hung out like always. Her parents only came home on weekends, so the house was empty most of the time. We spent a lot of hours in her room.
There was something she used to say to me a lot while we played.”
A bitter smile tugged at my mouth as I remembered. Yumin waving her thin arms, smiling as she said it over and over.
We’re on the same side, right?
Those words held a lot. Not just that we were two losers together. They held all the time we’d spent, all the memories, and something like the first fragile stirrings of love.
“I was the only person she ever had on her side. Same for me. But at least I was a guy.
That kind of loneliness hits girls harder. She must’ve had it worse than I did. That’s why she kept checking.”
“Every time she asked, I’d just answer half-heartedly—yeah, sure, whatever.
Looking back it was incredibly stupid, but at the time I even thought she was being annoying. Even though she was the only friend I had.”
“…And then we finally started high school. By chance we ended up at the same place. That’s when the real bad luck started…”
I shook my head and let out a long breath. The more I talked the more wretched I felt. Honestly I wanted to stop right there, but I forced myself to keep going for Suyeon.
“By high school at least I wasn’t getting bullied anymore. I just became this ghost who barely existed in class. The kind of kid no one notices if he doesn’t show up for a day.
Miserable enough in its own way, but still better than what Yumin had.
As the kids got older they got more cunning and cruel about tormenting her. Ignoring each other at school had become this unspoken rule between us, so I couldn’t just step in and help.
Not that a nobody like me could’ve done much anyway. You know how vicious girls can get at that age.”
“…I know. I went to an all-girls school.”
Suyeon spoke quietly. I flinched and looked at her. An all-girls school must have been pure harem heaven for someone like her.
I cleared my throat and pressed on.
“…The time we spent together after school was basically the last thing keeping her going. Without that she would’ve given up long before.
Me, on the other hand… looking back now it was such a stupid way to think… but being with her started feeling like a burden.
Our school wasn’t exactly a good neighborhood. A skinny loser like me could become a target over the smallest thing. Basically I was scared her problems would splash onto me. Pathetic, right?”
I pressed a hand to my forehead and stared at the floor for a long time, looking miserable.
Finally I opened my mouth again.
“Yumin must’ve sensed it somehow, because she started clinging harder.
Wanting to stay out late together, asking to sleep over like we used to, even trying to undress in front of me…
She even broke the unspoken rule and tried to acknowledge me at school. I did everything I could to pretend I didn’t know her.
…And then the incident happened.”
I stopped and caught my breath. While I was shaking, hands trembling, breathing hard, Suyeon was slowly settling back into her usual calm gaze.
I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the story forward.
“…One day out of nowhere this delinquent girl sitting in front of me turned around and asked,
‘Hey, is there anyone in our class you like?’
Obviously she wasn’t asking out of curiosity. If I said no they’d call me stuck-up and mess with me; if I said yes they’d mock me for that instead.
I tried to ignore her, but that never works. Pretty soon the real tough kids in class had me surrounded at my desk, demanding I name someone.
Say it now or get beaten right there.”
Even now the sheer absurdity of it made a hollow laugh rise in my throat.
“…So what do you think I said? Heh. Looking back I have no idea where a scrawny kid like me found the guts. Probably just teenage rebellion.
I pointed straight at the girl who’d asked me first and said,
‘You. Because you’ve got big tits.’
…To be fair, for a student she really did. I’d snuck a few glances. Not that I actually liked her.
Anyway, the result was obvious. One of the guys surrounding me was dating her. They beat the hell out of me. Two bones broken that day.”
I grabbed the wrist that had snapped back then and rolled it around, smiling. Then I shrugged and continued.
“…But the rumor spread through the whole school. Some skinny loser had pointed at the top girl delinquent in class and said he liked her—of course it got around.
I didn’t care what people whispered behind my back. The problem was Yumin.
She took it completely seriously—that I liked that girl.
And the reason hit her hard too. Like I said, she was frail, so her body was pretty underdeveloped.
She must’ve thought something like, ‘Jihoon likes girls with big chests… and I’m…’ I don’t know for sure.”
I gave a bitter smile and crossed my arms. After a short hesitation I went on.
“…And then… that day happened. The kids who bullied her ordered her to bring any boy she knew from school. Obviously whoever she brought would get bullied too.
Normally she would’ve refused to the end, or just grabbed some random stranger. Even if that kid hated her for it, it would’ve been better than betraying me.
But that day she brought me. Used the excuse that a teacher was calling me. So the whole school found out we knew each other, and we got bullied as a pair.
…I still don’t really know why she chose that. My best guess is it was a kind of revenge.
Revenge for me saying I liked that delinquent girl instead of her.”
I blinked rapidly and let out another self-mocking laugh. My chest hurt so badly I could barely keep talking, but I’d come this far; there was no turning back.
“…That evening I screamed at her with pure hatred in my voice. That it was all her fault. That I really hated her, that she was disgusting. That she should never speak to me again.
Yumin just stared at me without a word. She didn’t apologize, didn’t get angry. Just looked at me with those glass-clear eyes.
I left her standing there, stormed off, and went home.
…That was the last time.”
I bit my lip, eyes shut tight, trying to steady my ragged breathing. Something touched my back; when I turned, Suyeon had gently laid her hand there.
I gave her a grateful look and continued.
“…Even though I said all that, I never really meant never to see her again. It was just the heat of the moment. She was still the only friend I had.
I just decided, out of stupid pride, that I wouldn’t acknowledge her for a while. Wouldn’t even go to her house.
And then she didn’t come to school for several days. She’d skipped before, so I didn’t think much of it.
Then my birthday came around. By then I was ready to make up.
I figured I could use the birthday as an excuse—hey, got a present for me or what?—something like that.
Thinking that, I went to her place for the first time in a while…
…and found her lying face-down on the floor. Not even on the bed—why the cold floor…
She was still in her school uniform. She hadn’t changed clothes since I left.
The whole place was a mess. Weird scribbles all over the walls. Toward the end her mind must’ve been really fraying.
…Cause of death was starvation. She hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since that day.
A normal person wouldn’t die in a few days, but Yumin had always been so weak.”
I stared at the ground in silence for a while. Something brushed the corner of my eye; when I looked up, Suyeon was wiping away the tears I’d shed.
Her face was as expressionless as ever, but her eyes were warm.
I managed a smile, turned to face her fully, and said,
“…Ever since that day, I see ghosts too.
Whenever someone acts like Yumin, whenever someone who looks like her passes by, whenever someone’s way of speaking reminds me of hers.
Her ghost is always watching me… with those pure, transparent eyes.”
I swallowed hard, scrubbed the tears streaming down my face with my sleeve, and looked at Suyeon.
“…So, basically… what I wanted to say to you in the end is…
Just… that. It wasn’t really anything special.
Now that I’ve finished I don’t even know why I told you all this. Fuck… I sound like such an idiot, don’t I…”
I laughed through the tears. Suyeon watched me for a long moment, then spoke with quiet certainty.
“…No. There are no such things as ghosts in this world.”
She gave me a gentle smile and stroked my hair. I stared at her in surprise.
Then she took my hand and slipped it between the front of her hospital gown, speaking softly.
“Here. Touch the big breasts you like.”
“…Uh… th-thanks…”
It was a completely out-of-nowhere offer, but I obediently did as she said.
Suyeon smiled at me, then casually shrugged off the gown and bared her chest.
“I’ll take the clothes off so you can use both hands.”
“W-wait… uh…”
Before I knew it I was cupping and kneading her full F-cup teardrop breasts with both hands just like she’d told me to.
Suyeon narrowed her eyes and looked at me with a seductive gaze, murmuring low,
“Your hands are warm. Feels nice.”
I kept gently massaging her cool soft flesh and answered with a small smile of my own.
“…You’re warm too, Noona.”
The steady thump-thump of her heartbeat, the living heat of it, passed straight into my palms.