The Moon and Horizon of Caspia
It was faint. Only faintly could I feel it. This world had no intention of leaving me in peace. Not after I had clawed my way across the floor with everything I had, my body torn apart by countless arrows. Not after everything we had endured. The world seemed determined to deny us any true rest. That much was painfully obvious. It had been that way ever since we first resolved to join the Demon King War. Ever since we formed our composite hunting party and lived each day with fierce determination. Ever since our crushing defeat before the Demon King scattered us, leaving our fates unknown. And even after I returned here alone, resolved to chase my ideals, only to meet her as if by fate. This world simply would not leave us be. It wanted something from us. It wanted us to create something. A silent wish, never forced upon others or declared to the masses, yet it existed all the same. And we, more than anyone else, had taken that wish upon ourselves. That was why we had ended up here.
Slrrrk———
When I opened my eyes after falling asleep, I found myself in a rather tall building. The height and shape of the structures had not changed much from what I remembered, yet in the center of Caspia, a new and considerably taller building had been erected while I was gone. I had never imagined it would be a residence. Least of all the home of someone I was almost certain was Chris.
I slowly sat up on the bed, still wrapped in blankets, and gazed out the wide, clean window at Caspia’s dim nightscape.
“···· Haaah····!”
How long had it been since I last felt such softness? I had slept so soundly that the lingering comfort still clung to me. I rubbed my drowsy eyes, thinking that once I woke properly, I would ask her if she knew who I was. But when I looked around the room—plain and unadorned, clearly hers—there was no one else here. Only me.
After a moment of quiet confusion, I slipped out of bed and stepped out of the room, intending to explore her living space and find her. Yet the more I saw of the stark, almost masculine bedroom, the harder it became to dismiss the certainty that this was indeed Chris’s place.
I wandered slowly through the space until my eyes caught on something.
“This is·····”
At last, I found it.
“···· Why is this here····”
Tucked between carelessly folded towels was a damp toothbrush.
“····”
The moment I saw it, I froze. Then, little by little, memories began to surface.
“Aaah, Chris—— You left it in there again!?”
“Oh, right···· I did it out of habit again. Sorry, Justitia.”
Bit by bit, the sensations of those days brushed against my fingertips. I reached for the toothbrush and pulled it free from between the towels, just as I had back then.
“Didn’t I tell you not to put it there, or you’d have to buy dinner, Chris~?”
“Ah, just this once, Belberman····!”
The three of us had been sorting laundry when the kids appeared out of nowhere.
“Cain, Evan! Chris hyung says he’s buying dinner!”
“Really, Yuda!?”
“Chris, you’re serious!?”
“Haaah····· Fine, I’ll buy.”
Chris’s exasperated face as he ended up treating everyone because the youngest members had turned a quiet matter into a loud one. He had been the oldest in our hunting party, where the average age was mid-twenties. When the youngest ones got rowdy, even someone as easygoing and loyal as Chris could not resist being swept along. No matter how tough or generous he was, he could never win against our momentum.
“···· Chris.”
I stood there holding the toothbrush for a moment before carrying it to the bathroom and returning it to where it belonged. When she came back, we would talk about everything we had wanted to say. Little by little. A smile had crept onto my lips without me noticing. As I looked at his—her—toothbrush in the bathroom mirror, the nostalgia of those days filled my face.
Why did it no longer feel like she would fail to recognize me? All I could think was that when we met again, we would know each other without fail. That we would become friends once more, just like before, and laugh together as we talked. I pushed the guilt aside for now, preparing instead for a joyful reunion.
“Belberman hyung.”
A voice called out. From beyond the mirror.
“Having fun?”
From beyond the mirror. Yuda stood there, half his face missing, staring straight at me. Yuda, standing behind me with half his face erased, stared straight at me.
“Happy?”
He was grabbing my shoulder. I could see it now.
“Belberman hyung, how do I look?”
The moment I saw him, my fingertips trembled. My eyes widened as I stared at him in shock. But when he reached for my neck—
“·····”
The instant I closed and opened my eyes again, he vanished without a trace.
“···· Haa····!”
My breath, which had stopped, finally resumed. For a while it had been locked inside me, and now it came rushing back, filling my lungs and throat in ragged gasps. I stood there panting, staring at the mirror.
“···· Wait····”
Unlike before, when such visions would send me spiraling into panic, this time I had returned with a firm resolve. This time was different.
“I’ll repay it all····”
The debt I owed Yuda—I would repay it without fail. What happened that day had become my greatest sin, but the living mattered more now. Yuda, who was already gone. Pietro. Sevia. Cain and Evan. And everyone else who had to sacrifice themselves because of me. Once this was all over, I would settle every score. I would pay every debt I owed for failing to protect you. And when it ended, I would return to your side.
“··· So just wait.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again and stared at the spot in the mirror where Yuda had stood. Even though he was no longer there. Even though he could never return to my side again. Still, the frantic pounding in my chest, born from my renewed resolve, gradually began to subside. Once I had steadied myself, I turned away and focused on the present.
When would Chris return? Why had she left me alone? I headed back to the living room, hoping to find some clue about why she had gone, when I noticed a note left on the cluttered table.
“····”
It said that she had work at night and would be away, that her patrol duties kept her busy during the day and she rarely came home, and that even on weekends she was often occupied with personal matters. However, tomorrow was a weekend, and because an unexpected person had appeared who needed looking after, she would return once the sun rose.
I stared at the note for a moment. Even when everything seemed finished, Chris was one of the few people who could keep living at such a frantic pace. She had always been that bright.
After spacing out at the memories again, the thought of not seeing her for a while made me want to go find her right now and shout that I was Belberman, that I had returned safely. But if it was personal business···· perhaps it could not be helped. I decided to wait patiently.
Of course, there was little I could do in someone else’s house except sit on the sofa and let time pass. Still····
“····”
For some reason, I felt at ease. The fact that our story had not ended yet. The possibility that more of us might still be alive.
“······”
Yuda’s death still hurt. I still felt guilty. But don’t worry, Yuda. Your death was not in vain. The reason I was able to return here was because you fought with everything you had. Because of that, I was able to speak with the Demon King after opening my heart, and that was how I came back. So once my reunion with Chris succeeds, I will move again. The world does not want to leave me alone. In that case, I should be the one to act first. If struggling will not let me sit still and rest, then···· yes. Dancing with the resolve to die—that must be the beauty of being human.
So, Chris. You’ll recognize me, won’t you?