The Boundary Between Reality and Ideal
The boundary between reality and ideal. 38. The boundary between reality and ideal. And so, I finally made my way to an audience with the Demon King. After two months as a legendary attendant who had conquered the Demon King’s castle, I had become Gematria’s loyal subordinate. Yet the decisive confrontation with the Demon King still awaited. And that grand confrontation began now.
Tap, tap——
Clad in an attendant’s uniform, my long skirt fluttering, I stepped into the audience chamber. That was how it all began.
“···”
The Demon King, seated upon the throne, had her eyes closed. The moment I drew near, she slowly lifted her eyelids.
“··· So it is you.”
Her voice emerged.
“You are that attendant, Jemma.”
Her voice was heavy. It had been nothing more than a simple question about my name, a light greeting and nothing more. Yet in that instant, I felt as though my heart had plummeted into the earth below, a sensation that wrapped around my entire body. She had merely spoken once, exhaled once, and I felt an invisible killing intent fill the space around me—an absurd pressure. Yes, it was a pressure I could never compare to the sensation of standing before dozens of monsters that could kill me at any moment. Comparing the two felt almost shameful; the crushing force was that overwhelming.
Still, I summoned my courage and twitched my nose.
“···· Hmm.”
I had to know. To obtain that kind of power, just how many beings must one devour?
Yet—
“···· Huh?”
There was no scent of blood. The lingering trace of blood on her hands was thick and pungent, but the kin she had consumed… No. There was no trace of any life she had ever eaten. Aside from the smell of prepared ingredients meant for meals, nothing else remained. No scent of blood at all.
Yes.
“······”
The Demon King had never once engaged in predation.
“No one has ever looked at me so perversely since Heize.”
The Demon King slowly rose from her throne. The pressure intensified, and I found it difficult even to keep sniffing; I had no choice but to lower my head.
“Do not fear. I merely summoned you because I am grateful for your devoted service to this castle.”
With those words, the Demon King erased the crushing pressure that had weighed on me moments before.
“Forgive me for frightening you. I have been rather busy of late and found it difficult to maintain control.”
She walked toward me and met my gaze.
“This is our first time meeting face to face. A pleasure.”
The Demon King extended her hand in the same manner Heize once had.
“I am the master of this castle. The Demon King.”
Her expression remained terrifyingly blank, yet somehow her palm radiated a warmth I could not explain.
Swish——
“Jemma···”
I took her hand in a daze and shook it.
“Attendant, Jemma.”
I gathered every scrap of etiquette I had learned during my time here and spoke my name. In truth, I had seen little point in learning such things when simply doing the work was enough, so I had not studied them diligently. The Demon King did not seem to mind.
“Indeed. A clever one.”
After releasing my hand, the Demon King returned to her throne and sat comfortably.
“I have heard every detail of how you have devoted your entire being to this castle and to the master you serve.”
She spoke to me.
“I am not usually one to concern myself with such matters, yet the feats you have accomplished deserve nothing less than praise.”
I had only ever tried to repay Gematria’s warmth, yet apparently that effort had produced remarkable results.
She gestured into the air. Swish——
She summoned Heize, exchanged a few brief words, then dismissed her before turning back to me.
“However, you do not serve me. Am I mistaken?”
After a short exchange, she asked me directly.
I met the Demon King’s eyes for a moment, then eased the tension in my body—the tension that had been bracing for pressure, exhaustion, and killing intent that never came.
“Yes.”
I answered.
“I do not serve you.”
I decided to be completely honest. That was how I had always lived, and I saw no reason to change now. Lying to the Demon King here would only distance me from what I truly desired.
“I serve my little person. Her name is Belberman.”
I spoke with my heart laid bare. I knew the Demon King was waging war against humanity and seeking total conquest, but—
“She is inside me now.”
I did not give a damn about any of that.
“She wanted to be eaten by me so that I might live.”
I declared it proudly, without a shred of shame.
“So I came here wearing her body.”
Just as she had wished. I came here to survive.
“And I met Gematria, who tried to take her in. Now I serve her together with my little person.”
I was here for Gematria, who had accepted me.
“Therefore, the me standing here now will do anything for Gematria.”
I showed her the instinct and reason that defined me—the heart that chased warmth.
“I like warm things.”
And I told her.
“Demon King, you are warm too.”
The warmth I had felt during that handshake.
“Your hand was truly warm.”
Outwardly it had not seemed so, yet that warmth had been there. In truth, touching her hand had also revealed why the suffocating pressure had filled the room. The Demon King had only recently returned from the front lines, yet she had summoned me before finishing her duties within the castle. She had wanted to understand the strange existence I had become, and during that process she had desperately tried to rein in her killing intent, fearing I might be cowed by it. Having spent so long on the battlefield, however, control had been difficult. That was why her expression had been slightly dark. With a single handshake, I had understood exactly what kind of person the Demon King was.
“Hahaha.”
The Demon King’s dark expression melted away, and she laughed brightly, almost foolishly.
“You are a most curious child.”
She had only ever preyed once, yet she looked at me, who had achieved an evolution in an area she did not understand.
“No matter how strict I try to be with you, it seems meaningless.”
She spoke.
“Still, even someone like me… might I make one request?”
She gazed at me from her throne with eyes full of interest.
“Outside these walls, I would prefer you not speak of this side of me.”
I nodded readily.
“And you need not serve me if you do not wish to.”
At her continued words—
“That was merely a suggestion. Within my castle, every attendant is free to choose whom they serve····”
Along with realizing the Demon King’s true nature—
“In the first place, someone like you would be more justified in resenting me, would you not?”
Whether Gematria had told her or not, she seemed to know the rough outline of my life.
“I do not resent you.”
Fearing she might misunderstand, I answered clearly.
“I simply miss Belberman.”
Yet the moment her weary smile rose in my mind, my head dropped and I could no longer meet her eyes.
“I simply miss the hand that used to stroke me. That is all I wanted—to know what kind of being the Demon King was, the one who forced me to lose that.”
In that instant—
Swish——
The Demon King naturally placed her hand atop my lowered head. I had not noticed her approach, yet she stroked me.
“···· A pity.”
She spoke.
“However, in the future I envision, such sorrow will not exist.”
She told me.
“Once humanity is conquered and every demon achieves a glorious evolution···· we will enter an era where a world more beautiful than anything else unfolds.”
She asked me.
“Therefore, Attendant Jemma, will you stand with me?”
Her warm palm gently stroked my head.
“I will create a world where sorrow and pain have no place at all.”
She planted a single light within me. A single ideal.
“Though···· private sorrows may still exist, yes.”
A shining ideal.
“I will ensure you never lose someone precious again.”
I felt a moment of hesitation. Still, I answered.
“····· I will serve you.”
The Demon King’s hand that stroked me was truly warm. It felt truly pleasant. It seemed as though serving her together with Belberman, whom I would serve for eternity, would be wonderful. And even if that were not the case—
“I will serve you, Demon King.”
The way she had stroked me. Her unadorned, pure smile. It resembled Belberman’s so much. It felt so similar to that little person’s. It felt so much like the smile of a frail human. Almost impulsively, I declared that I would follow her. Yet I did not regret it. Facing her, I felt I could finally understand. Perhaps I had been wishing for this ever since I lost Belberman. Perhaps I had always longed for someone to step forward and declare they would guide my weak self. After all, I hated the rotten shape of this world more than anyone, and the horrific natural ecology of monsters disgusted me beyond measure. No—more than that. I simply hated the design of a world where one must steal from others simply to survive. That was why the Demon King’s declaration had been so appealing. The words spoken by that powerful being who carried warmth had shaken my heart so deeply. And so, together with Gematria, I pledged my loyalty to the Demon King and became Gematria’s faithful subordinate. After that—
Following Gematria’s advice that I should correct my manner of speech—
“···· Lady Gematria.”
“Mm~”
Little by little, I began learning how to speak like a proper attendant.
“Would you···· care for a meal?”
“That’s right~ That’s how you ask~”
While spending time with Gematria, who earnestly taught me proper speech—
“··· This is hard. I don’t want to do it.”
“Eek.”
I truly enjoyed it. The fact that I could spend such peaceful time with such a warm presence beneath the Demon King’s shadow made me so happy I felt I might go mad. Yes, that was how much I loved this daily life. The time spent with the endlessly gentle Gematria. These days were truly wonderful. And even when I was not with Gematria—
Tap——
“Wow, it’s Jemma——!”
“Heize.”
Whenever work ended and free time appeared, Heize would come find me and pester me, yet we grew close. That was nice too.
“You know, Jemma, what if—”
The biggest reason we became close was that she sometimes came to tell me about her ideal.
“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone with intelligence could open their hearts and have rational conversations?”
The future she envisioned was truly attractive.
“It might be a slightly dangerous thing to say, but···· I hope that someday a world like that comes into being, even more than the ideal world the Demon King desires.”
A future where no one harmed one another, where conflicts were resolved through dialogue alone, where everyone could live smiling without hurting each other. Heize wished for this from the bottom of her heart.
“I’m going to try to make that happen.”
Every time Heize declared she would chase her ideal—
“Don’t go getting yourself killed acting like an idiot.”
I would sometimes joke.
“Haha! Don’t worry. This body’s death will remain in the pages of history and bring peace to the world’s future~!”
“Planning to become a martyr?”
Who could have known it would actually turn out that way?
“Yes. If it means a future where everyone is happy can arrive···· I’ll gladly become a martyr.”
How many years passed after that? Roughly twenty years later, when Gematria brought Kibotos to the castle and Kibotos, moved by Gematria’s nature, began training disciples—Heize died. She truly died. I had never wished for such a thing.
“····”
In the end, the Demon King, enraged, destroyed the massive invasion bridge that had existed long before I joined and declared that all exchange with them would be severed until preparations for war were complete. I could not know what the Demon King had seen there. I could not properly understand what she had witnessed that led to such a decision. Yet there was one thing I did know.
“····”
The Demon King had liked Heize more than anyone—more than even I, who had been closest to Heize within the castle.
It had been Heize who planted the seed of an ideal world within the Demon King’s barren soil of invasion and made it bloom. For those twenty years, Heize had done every kind of reckless thing to prove herself to the Demon King. Just as she had told me twenty years earlier, Heize had poured her entire heart and soul into realizing that ideal world. In the end, she made her efforts bloom, earned the Demon King’s trust, and at the very moment she tried to reap that fruit—humanity betrayed her. Heize had personally acted as diplomat to build intimacy with humans for peace talks with the Demon King. Yet the humans, whom the Demon King had always called the root of all evil, ultimately could not restrain their ugly nature at the decisive moment. Heize truly became a martyr. Yet if there was one truly regrettable thing—
The Demon King, who had shut herself in her room and done nothing for a time after Heize’s death, eventually regained her senses and emerged years later. Because of the pain of betrayal and loss, she tried to deny even Heize’s existence.
“Her existence never happened.”
Heize was erased without even being permitted to leave her name in history. Although many attendants and subordinates besides Kibotos and Gematria protested the Demon King’s order—
“Are you hungry for rebellion?”
That was when it began. The time when the Demon King began ruling everyone through fear. The time when she began dominating everyone with terror. Even so, within the grand framework she still respected everyone’s freedom, yet the Demon King herself could never escape that guilt. She constantly whipped herself, refusing to let herself escape the pain. Kibotos knew the Demon King’s heart. Having joined the castle ten years before Heize’s martyrdom, Kibotos had used her Clairvoyance to become the youngest executive and remained at the Demon King’s side. Because both Gematria and Kibotos understood the Demon King’s heart better than anyone after she became a tyrant, they did not oppose the decision to erase Heize. Even as her behavior grew violent, they faithfully carried out their duties and, afterward, always lingered near the Demon King to see if there was anything else they could do to help. I, too, sensing how precarious her warm palm had become, added serving the Demon King to my daily routine of serving Gematria and diligently worked to make the Demon King’s life better. Even though Heize’s desired ideal world could no longer be realized, I simply wanted the Demon King to find comfort. Just as she had promised me with a smile that day, I wanted her to keep that promise so Heize would not be disappointed. Even though Heize’s death had pained me greatly as well—still, Demon King, you must not do the same. Heize, who left first and waits, would be saddened. So rise again and keep the promise you made to everyone. At least keep that much, so that when you meet Heize again someday, you can smile together. Affirm yourself.
“····”
Those words—affirm yourself. Although it was somewhat presumptuous for a mere attendant like me to say, I never voiced them. Instead, I supported the Demon King to the best of my ability so she might realize it on her own, and sometimes I even neglected Gematria’s tea parties to look after her. Fortunately, eight years after Heize’s death, the Demon King asked me, the one who had cared for her so diligently—
“Why do you show me such pity?”
It was before the Demon King retired for the night, while I was arranging her bedroom so she could sleep soundly. During those days, the Demon King found it strange that I, Gematria’s loyal subordinate, was looking after her.
“Because I was Heize’s friend too.”
Yet when I answered boldly, still unable to correct my speech, the Demon King stared at me for a moment with those eyes.
“Because I was sad too.”
“····”
Little by little, tears began to fall.
“···· I’m sorry····”
She curled her body tightly, lowered her head deeply.
“I’m sorry···· I’m sorry, I’m sorry······!”
She rubbed her ruined face with both hands.
“I···· I·····!! Nngh········!”
She cried out to me. I could feel every emotion through the warmth in the Demon King’s hands. I slowly approached her, took her hand, pulled it toward me, and placed it against my cheek.
“It’s all right.”
I spoke in a warm voice.
“It’s all right.”
The Demon King caressed my face like that. I comforted the Demon King like that.
“We’re all right, so let’s move forward····”
For the first time, though my honorifics were not perfect, I spoke to the Demon King with genuine respect.
“There is no longer any need to deny yourself like that.”
Just as everyone in the castle wished for the Demon King to move further ahead, so did I. Just as Heize had shown the Demon King a new path while respecting her will, I could not show her a new path, yet I could respect her will more than anyone.
“Believe in yourself. Look ahead.”
Had I ever smiled so warmly in my life? I had not known I could wear such a warm smile while living my life. Yet that day, Belberman’s—my little person’s—smile as she died rose in my mind. The moment she kept whispering not to hate Belberman, not to come to hate myself. I tried to replicate that smile as best I could. I wanted the Demon King to feel the heart I had felt that day. I wanted her to feel that warmth. I wanted her to rise again and, for Heize’s sake as well, look straight at her future. So I gave her the warmest expression I could.
“Heize also became a martyr hoping for that.”
And from that moment on, resolve once again filled the Demon King’s eyes. The Demon King’s castle, once ruled by fear, began transforming into a castle governed by brilliant strategy and wisdom. Although fear still lingered here and there, the Demon King tried not to rule everything through terror and instead focused on devising the most certain plan to bring humanity down. Although that was not the future Heize had desired, I supported such a Demon King. Together with Gematria, I supported such a Demon King. Although it was not the future Heize had wanted, from the moment they took Heize away, humanity had become our enemy and our arch-nemesis. We would never forgive humanity. And although she might not like it, Heize would surely support us from the afterlife. Just as she always had—without showing it, Heize had always loved everyone.
“Kibotos.”
“·····”
And also—the many subordinates who died alongside Heize. Among those subordinates had been Kibotos’s disciples. I had only recently learned this.
“It will be all right, everyone.”
“····”
Understanding Heize’s heart better than anyone, I tried my best to understand Kibotos’s heart for Heize’s sake as well.
“No one will resent you.”
“··· I···· I····· Aah, Jemma···”
I wanted at least the people in this castle to live joyful lives. At least until the war ended, I wanted as few people as possible to be sad. I tried my best to embrace Kibotos’s sorrow and the Demon King’s sorrow as well. Yes. Many believe monsters cannot feel emotions. Yet I was more sincere than anyone when it came to everyone’s emotions. I was more sincere than anyone about the sense of loss that comes from losing someone precious. Because I knew better than any other being the pain that sense of loss brings, I wanted to help everyone forget that pain as painlessly as possible. In truth, I had once believed I possessed no emotions. After all, I had felt nothing even while swallowing Belberman with my throat. But that was not the case. I had been able to eat Belberman because I loved her, and because of that I had been able to sink into sorrow. In the end, I had sobbed myself to sleep, unable to bear that sorrow. At the time, I simply had not known how to explain it. But now I understand. I can feel everyone’s sorrow now. The warmth and tenderness I feel from their palms. The comfort transmitted to me from their embrace tells me everything. The sense of loss, the sorrow, the pain everyone felt after losing Heize—I can feel everyone’s hearts like that. Therefore, just as Belberman did for me, I want to warmly embrace everyone. I want my embrace to become a warm haven for them. Even if it is not their one and only haven, I at least do not want to see the kind people of this castle grieving any longer. That is why, every night, I prayed with all my heart. If a god exists—if the god Belberman spoke of exists in this world—please let this war end quickly without giving birth to any pain. Please let the conquest the Demon King will wage again end without leaving behind any pain. I prayed that sincerely, even using the honorifics I had once found so uncomfortable.
“··· Jemma, good morning.”
“Kibotos.”
Fortunately, perhaps thanks to my consideration, Kibotos managed to compose herself and, together with her remaining disciples, resolved to protect Gematria, who had taken her in.
“Jemma.”
Gematria also—
“Come here for a moment.”
Although I was in the middle of work, she called me to a stop. Swish———
She gently embraced me and stroked me.
“My precious jewel, Jemma···· Even if I leave someday, do not be sad.”
She whispered to me in a warmer voice than ever before.
“My little rabbit·····”
Had Gematria already known, even then? Had she known everything from that moment—that she would have to sacrifice herself?
“Would you like a snack?”
Although at the time I had simply thought Gematria seemed a little lonely and wanted to feed her snacks while listening to her talk, Gematria afterward said nothing more and simply held me preciously, stroking me. I, too—
If only I had realized it then. If only I had noticed then, I could have stayed closer. I could have told her I wanted to be even closer.
Thud———!
“Jemma, go to the surface!!”
“How did humans get this far····!!”
The Demon King had rebuilt the destroyed invasion bridge using monsters, killing them to make it sturdy and creating a new bridge to the human world. Afterward, she launched countless monster offensives and attempted strategic attacks, but for some reason, humanity—which had been collapsing helplessly like reeds—suddenly took up arms and rose up. They broke through the monster offensives and began mounting a defense. The moment that defense became solid, they used the heroes to break through all the way to the Demon King’s castle. At the cries of my fellow attendants that humans had invaded even the underground, I quickly tried to head to the surface. Yet before me—
“Why are demons···· like humans···”
A black-haired human man and two women appeared. For a moment, I wondered if I had to fight. I was not weak, after all, and I thought I could handle three humans. Yet they had weapons, and I was empty-handed. Turning to flee was also difficult in this simple corridor with no cover. It was a moment of being caught between advance and retreat. However—
Tap——
Someone appeared before me.
“Hmph. They said these humans were strong···· yet they are far from perfect.”
Cartoria. It was Cartoria.
“Yuda, that one···· is an executive·····!”
“Correct. You have a good eye.”
Cartoria stepped forward before me, buying time for me to escape.
“I am Demon General Cartoria, however·····”
As I immediately turned and headed for the stairs leading to the surface—
“It seems there is no need to bother fighting you imperfect beings.”
Cartoria also vanished from that place and joined me on the surface. I headed straight for Kibotos, who would be using her Clairvoyance in the safe zone.
Tap tap tap———
“What on earth···· what is happening·····”
Yet for some reason, Kibotos was with the Demon King.
“Then I shall take it.”
Crack———!
The moment I discovered the Demon King and Kibotos, I saw the Demon King taking Kibotos’s eye.
“Kibotos———!!”
“····”
The moment I met the Demon King’s eyes after she stole the Clairvoyance, I felt my body stiffen. Why—why had the Demon King taken Kibotos’s Clairvoyance? I felt not only bewilderment but outright shock. The Demon King had respected Kibotos’s ability so much. Yet before I could even ask in my agitated state, the Demon King let out a sigh and quickly left the place. I immediately rushed over and embraced Kibotos, who was in great pain from her wound.
“Kibotos, Kibotos!!”
The moment I began emergency treatment to stabilize Kibotos’s condition—why was it? Kibotos seemed to be suffering not because of her wound, but because of something else.
“Gematriaaaaa·····!!”
Along with her calling out that name in a voice filled with even greater agony, I saw it.
“···· Surely not.”
With trembling hands, I stopped treating Kibotos and looked toward the direction the Demon King had left. Yet—
“Gematriaaaaaaaa······!!”
Along with Kibotos’s scream, I—why was it? I felt as though a great hole had opened somewhere in my chest, leaving behind only an insane emptiness.
“······ No.”
Vivid red memories rose. Belberman. Even as she was being torn apart and eaten by me, she had embraced me and whispered. Heize. The day before she was killed, she had counted stars with me on the surface and spoken about the end of ideals. Gematria.
“·····”
Gematria, Gematria. No. No, no. Why—why even Gematria? No. We promised we would stay together for a long, long time. “·······” Demon King, you promised me. You said no one would lose someone precious to them. You said you would make it so. Why? Why? Why?
“·····”
I—because I had been staring in the direction the Demon King disappeared, I failed to treat Kibotos in time. In the end, the attendants who arrived later than I did had to step in, and because of that, Kibotos never regained her sight. In the end, I felt guilty toward Kibotos, yet even so—
“·······”
Empty, I simply dropped my blood-soaked palm onto the floor.
“······”
Gematria. Gematria. Her palm. That warm embrace. Her warm smile. “····” The black feathers she always scattered whenever she approached me. The warm voice that always whispered in my ear whenever she stroked my head after I had worked hard. My precious jewel, little Jemma. I love you. All of those words—every single one of them.
“Nngh——”
Ah. No. No, Gematria.
“Nngh, aaaa······!!”
Gematria, at least—not Gematria. No. No. No.
“ Aaaaaaaaaa———!! ”
In the end, clutching my face with both hands, I screamed. Now even I could not endure any longer. I had lived so hard, endured so hard. I had endured by relying only on Gematria. If even you leave me—if even you leave me—what do I do? How do I live? Please, please tell me you will come back. Please. Tell me you will stroke me again. Promise me. However—Gematria never returned to my side. That never happened, even after the war ended.
“····”
It felt as though the sky had shattered. The sky in my vision was broken into countless pieces, no longer forming a proper world. In the end, on the battlefield where everything had concluded, at the grand funeral held for Gematria, I watched as Gematria’s cold form—now unable to hold any warmth—was placed into a stone coffin. “······” I simply stretched out my unconsciously trembling fingertips toward her, saying nothing, only my lower lip trembling. Gematria could not take that hand of mine again. In the end, the stone coffin was sealed and buried deep within the Demon King’s castle. After the war once again ended in the demons’ victory—when news spread that all the heroes had been scattered and become food for monsters, and that humanity had lost its greatest forces and stood at the brink of extinction—we thought we had finally reached the end of this war. However, because we demons had also suffered tremendous losses, we ultimately failed to end our enmity with them. Learning that another war would follow, I despaired once more and completely collapsed. I could no longer find any meaning in living. Yet—
“····”
After the funeral ended, while I remained locked in Gematria’s room for a time, buried in her scent and struggling to reclaim her warmth, unable to do anything—why was it? From the empty air where nothing had existed, a brilliant purple warm light carrying her magical power began to arrive. Eventually, the black feathers I had collected to make a small necklace for Gematria began to seep into the box where they were gathered.
“····”
Drawn by the warm energy of that light, I carefully approached the box. Swish———
When I slowly opened the tightly sealed box—
Saaaaa———
Truly—had she known? Had she really known? Along with a powerful beam of light that suddenly surged from the box, the feathers flew up. The purple magical power that filled the room in beautiful curves gently circled around me once before—
Whoosh———
It returned to the box and was absorbed into a locket I had never seen before. When I reached out with trembling fingertips toward that unfamiliar locket and carefully picked it up—
Thud——
A piece of paper, as though it had been attached behind that tiny locket, sensed my hand in the air and flew out, falling to the bottom of the box. With even more trembling hands, I set the locket down for a moment, picked up the letter, carefully tore it open, and began to read slowly.
My precious Jemma.
Even when I spoke playfully with you, I was always watching you. Whether you were by my side or not, I was always watching over you. That was because of the guilt I felt toward Belberman and the witches, but also because of the awe I felt toward you, who had achieved a new evolution unlike other demons. And also because I loved you more than anyone.
The words “first subordinate and last subordinate”—those words filled with affection. If I were to die first, I might not be able to tell you. Still, I wanted to give you this locket no matter what. In truth, I wanted to give it to you while I was alive. I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you while I was alive. So even if I die, at least you—please live on. That is my plea.
— Gematria
“·····”
Only then—only then did I realize. Even when Gematria spoke playfully with me, she had always been watching me. Whether I was by her side or not, she had always been watching over me. That was because of the guilt she felt toward Belberman and the witches, but also because of the awe she felt toward me, who had achieved a new evolution unlike other demons. And also because she loved me more than anyone. The words “first subordinate and last subordinate”—those words filled with affection. If she were to die first, she might not be able to tell me. Still, she wanted to give me this locket no matter what. In truth, she wanted to give it to me while she was alive. She was sorry she couldn’t give it to me while she was alive. So even if she died, at least I—please live on. That pleading voice of Gematria’s seemed to reach me. I realized that voice was gradually reaching me. I had clearly only been reading simple writing. Moreover, it was writing she had left in the simple language humans used because I had not learned the demon tongue. Ah. Aah, why? Why didn’t you tell me while you were alive, Gematria? Why are you always one step late in your actions, Gematria?
“·····”
Why didn’t I know? I should have known long ago that you were leaving. As your subordinate, I should have known long ago. Then I would have drawn closer to you. I would have clung closer and begged for your love. Why didn’t you tell me? There are still so many stories I haven’t told you. There are still so many words I haven’t said. There are so many words I couldn’t say to Belberman either, and just as many I wanted to say to you, Gematria. Why didn’t you tell me? Why exactly? Why·····.
“Hic, sob····”
I finished reading the letter. Yet Gematria’s playful voice and gentle smile lingered before my eyes and would not disappear. So, so the large teardrops kept falling. The sorrow from the longing and sense of loss kept welling up, and I kept sniffling. So quickly, curious about what was inside the locket—perhaps Gematria, who I thought was dead, would jump out from there. I truly hoped that would happen. I wanted to see her jump out of the locket, saying it was just a surprise gift, that she wanted to startle me, calling out playfully. So—
Click——
With clumsy hands, I slipped several times before finally managing to open the locket.
“····· Mmph, nngh····!”
I—I truly—became so sad I felt I would go mad.
“Whyyyyy, why is it only this kind of photo······!!”
Always—always only the moments when I looked foolish, Gematria’s figure using that strange magic to record and print them onto paper. That strange habit of Gematria’s came to mind.
“Aaaaa······!!”
Now I realized. That strange habit had existed because she wanted to record my countless appearances, because she thought every part of me was lovely. Because she wanted to record every single moment of mine without exception. Only now did I realize that fact. The foolish photo of me contained in the opening part of the locket, and the photo of Gematria’s playful smile contained in the part where the necklace was attached—too much. Ah, far too much.
“I hate it, Gematriaaaaa, I hate it, I hate it, don’t go, don’t go, don’t go, don’t go, don’t gooooo·····!!”
In the end, with both arms trembling so sweetly, I carefully embraced that locket. All day long. Truly all day long, until dehydration set in, I poured out tears. Until dehydration came to me, who had been a monster, and I grew dizzy. Clutching the letter and locket so tightly they crumpled. Truly. Truly, I cried as though the entire world were leaving. I could not help it. To me, Gematria had been a being who shared almost every part of my life, which had begun to shine after arriving at the Demon King’s castle. No matter how much I began to give my heart to the Demon King or to Kibotos, whenever I looked back, Gematria was always waiting for me. She waited only for me to return home, drinking black tea alone. And when I returned to her side even late, without any sign of displeasure, she would smile with her eyes and, just as always, stroke my head with that warm, soft hand. I still cannot forget. The memory of Belberman stroking me. The memory of her embracing me. The memories with Gematria were so happy that they made me forget those. Truly. When I was with Gematria, even the painful memories with Belberman did not feel painful at all. I thought I would never feel that pain again. Yet, yet even so—
“·····”
In the end, I stopped my tears. With one hand, I roughly wiped away the tears and smoothed out the crumpled letter before placing it back inside the envelope. Then I hung the locket Gematria had given me around my neck and clutched it tightly.
“···· Wait.”
I whispered to that locket.
“Wait for me, Gematria···”
I—I would become the perfect attendant she had wanted.
“Until I come to you, until we meet again·····”
Although I did not show it as much as Cartoria, I recalled the conversations with Gematria, who had helped me speak properly while always regretting my somewhat lacking appearance.
“Keep waiting here, drinking the black tea I brewed·······”
Finally, I made that request of her.
“Let’s meet again. We absolutely···· must meet again.”
She was the one who had prepared an oven and cooking utensils in the room for my still-clumsy self. She was the one who, no matter how messy the room became because of my still-clumsy organizing, still smiled and encouraged me. She was such a gentle person. Please wait for me. For the last time. For the last time, I’ll act spoiled, Gematria. My master.
“····”
In the end, after wiping away my tears, I closed the box again. Although there were no longer any black feathers left anywhere, and therefore no need to clean further, I did not bother putting the box away.
“····”
That box contained my final memories with Gematria. Therefore, after organizing the box, I rose from that spot again. In truth, for a while after locking myself in this place out of longing for Gematria, I had resented the Demon King greatly. Even after taking Kibotos’s eye, she had failed to protect Gematria. Yet the thing she had done to protect Gematria—the reason she had to do such a thing to Kibotos—I had heard from Cartoria, who came to Gematria’s room a while ago. I no longer resented the Demon King. Yes. Therefore, there was no longer any reason to remain seated here trying to find Gematria. The Demon King had simply done her best because she wanted to protect Gematria, and Kibotos had also tried her best to overcome her fear but ultimately collapsed. Therefore, I resent no one. If I must resent someone, yes—I will resent my own powerless and frail self. I will resent Gematria, who decided to leave me alone. Therefore—
Swish——
I immediately rose from my body, which had been wearing mourning clothes for several days without changing, and changed into the neatly pressed attendant uniform. Then, clutching Gematria’s final heart—the locket—tightly against my chest for a moment, I—
Tap———
Left the room where I had been indebted to Gematria. The first place I headed was the Demon King’s room, which I cleaned again. Because I had not touched it, there were far too many areas that were not perfectly organized. Afterward, I immediately cleaned the bathroom and headed toward the attendants preparing lunch.
“J-Jemma···”
“I will do it.”
Without revealing any emotion, I spoke. Because I felt my emotions were no longer necessary for this work. There was no longer anyone left in this land to consume my emotions—neither Gematria nor Belberman. At least the Demon King and Kibotos were not. Those two were not people so frail that they would consume my emotions. Moreover, even without me, there were plenty of people who cared for Kibotos. Therefore, until such a being came to me again—until I met Belberman and Gematria again—I would live with my emotions dead. I swore it. Now that I could no longer afford to sell my frivolous emotions, there was no longer any room left for the existence called me. And above all, on the day Gematria died, the Jemma who had understood everyone’s emotions also died. In truth, to be honest, it was a slight sense of skepticism. Although there was no resentment, a small amount of disappointment still remained. I had worked so hard for everyone, so that no one would be sad, yet in the end, what returned to me was Gematria’s death. That was why I made that decision. And because I believed that perfectly carrying out all work with my emotions dead was the image of the perfect attendant I envisioned—because I realized that only by killing my emotions would my true self not emerge even in unexpected situations. Therefore, I had now become not Subordinate Jemma, but Attendant Jemma. Attendant Jemma without a master.
“····”
And so, longing for Gematria, I lived for days, for weeks. Because both Belberman and Gematria had wanted me to live a happy life. Therefore, I tried to grant their wish. Even though no matter how cheerfully I tried to survive, I could find no meaning, still I hoped to live without dying. Because the war was not yet over, and because I had not yet seen the ideal world Heize had desired. At least I wanted to die after seeing that much. After this war ended, what kind of future would come—how it would turn out. I wanted to die only after seeing at least that much. Therefore—
“·····”
I lived diligently. Becoming Attendant Jemma, I lived desperately hard. Although I could no longer feel any joy or happiness, still I split each day into seconds and attended to many people. I even managed Cartoria’s private room entirely. If Gematria saw this appearance, she might like it. Yes, if I worked hard, she would like it. So I worked even harder. More.
Thud———
However—my body was not completely unable to feel fatigue. I could only ignore the accumulating fatigue; the moment the piled-up fatigue reached its limit without being relieved—while carrying ingredients, I collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “J-Jemma!” “Jemma!?” If the attendants nearby had not been startled and looked after me, I would probably have fallen into a long sleep from that moment, just like when I lost Belberman. However, thanks to the attendants caring for me—
“···”
I was able to wake up again in Gematria’s room. So I tried to rise and work as always, but along with the sensation that a strange smell was beginning to mix with Gematria’s scent—
Flop——
An existence grabbed me as I tried to rise from the bed and pulled me back down.
“Lie down.”
“····”
It was the Demon King. The Demon King had brought me, who had collapsed, to the bed and was carefully stroking me while I lay on her lap.
“How···”
When I tried to ask why she was here when she should have been handling work—
“Four days have passed since you collapsed.”
The Demon King immediately told me.
“You did not wake for four days, so I came personally.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, then slowly spoke.
“I’m fine. I will return to work now.”
In a voice that contained no emotion whatsoever. I said that and tried to rise again. Because I did not want to be indebted to the Demon King like this. Gematria would not want this. My weak appearance. Flop———
Yet the Demon King forced me down again.
“··· I told you to lie down.”
With her eyes closed, she carefully—roughly, yet carefully—stroked me. Somehow—
“····”
The warmth that had been gradually fading began to be felt, and little by little I felt all the tension in my body release. In the end, I entrusted my body to the Demon King’s hand, and finally, with my eyes tightly closed, I began to burrow into the Demon King’s embrace.
“···· I wanted to save her.”
The Demon King spoke.
“Kibotos’s help was desperately needed, yet I···· could not help it.”
Because among the attendants, she trusted me more than anyone. Therefore—she spoke with her heart laid bare. Now, I did not want that. Because of that, I—now. Now it was too hard.
“I have already heard everything.”
Therefore—I tried to regain my senses and rise from the Demon King’s embrace. Flop——
Yet that hand forced me down again, and while stroking me once more—
“···· It is my fault.”
I heard the Demon King’s—the Demon King’s apology.
“You do not have to do that.”
I unconsciously began clenching my fists. It felt as though my heart was becoming agitated. Hearing that apology, it truly felt as though the existence called the Demon King was wicked.
“If I had responded even a little faster, no one would have had to die····”
Yet the Demon King embraced my head with both hands.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry····”
Different from before, and therefore carrying a different meaning, she conveyed her apology. I—who had quietly listened to the Demon King’s apology—why, I did not know, a sense of emptiness found me, and in the end I lost all will to do anything.
“·····”
So, simply—simply remaining in her embrace, being stroked—
“··· Lady Gematria was a gentle person··”
I recalled memories of her.
“Yes. Even when I was wandering, she was always so gentle that she took my side···”
Then the Demon King also recalled memories of her.
“Whenever I was in the bathroom, she would always come in and play pranks, yet she always talked about you and said to definitely include you as a candidate when choosing the next executive.”
She told me things about her that I did not know.
“Whenever I had trivial conversations with that child, your story was never missing.”
Just as expected of Gematria, who had always watched over me—even before the Demon King, she had always only talked about me.
“In the end, even when I asked how she could become an executive when that child had not yet evolved enough···· Gematria would only curse me for being stuck in a mold and laugh.”
We—we like that—
“She disliked people who were stuck in molds.”
“Correct. That is why she truly disliked me···.”
Although our voices were filled with sorrow, still we shared the joyful memories we had with her. I—even the small resentments I had held toward her were purified through that conversation.
“···· I seem to have rested enough, Your Majesty.”
Only after sufficient conversation had taken place did I escape from the Demon King’s hand, which finally released me.
“Thank you···· for making time to talk with me like this.”
Although my tone was still devoid of emotion, still I sincerely thanked the Demon King, who had brought up stories about Gematria to prevent our relationship from breaking.
“Yes. So from now on, do not push yourself too hard.”
At the Demon King’s warm voice—
“If you need to, you may come find me anytime. I will always accept you.”
“Thank you. I hope you have a peaceful time.”
I was about to leave Gematria’s room. However, the moment I grabbed the doorknob and tried to open the door—
“···· Jemma.”
“Yes?”
The Demon King called me to a stop.
“Half a day from now, come to my room.”
The Demon King spoke in a somewhat different atmosphere from before.
“However, the conversation we just had never happened···· and half a day from now, you must come find me to assist with an important matter that no one must know about.”
“·····”
Sensing that something was amiss, I stared at the Demon King for a moment.
“Understood.”
After answering quietly, I immediately left the room as though nothing had happened. A few minutes after I left, the Demon King emerged from the room. Just what kind of matter was it that she summoned me with such a serious expression? Could it be about Gematria? All sorts of thoughts began to arise, and as I returned among the attendants, I spent the entire day working—wondering whether I was thinking about that secret matter—and spent the whole day wondering what it could be. However, perhaps because it had been a while since I returned, the work felt rather enjoyable, and as I moved quickly here and there, resolving many matters—
“···· Time.”
Confirming that the time had already come, I organized my work and quietly headed toward the Demon King’s room. Without anyone knowing. Without anyone sensing my presence. This was a skill I had acquired while secretly going to the surface to play with Heize in the past, yet it was truly useful in other places as well—especially when resolving such secret matters. And so, at the exact time—exactly in front of the Demon King’s room—I carefully knocked twice and lightly scratched the doorknob. Realizing it was me, the Demon King—
Click——
“Come in quickly.”
Let me inside. Wondering what it was, I entered the room, and inside—
“······”
Was a single human body.
“This···· what on earth···”
Completely dissected, it was sprawled across the bed. And above its heart was embedded a single sparkling large Soul Stone, beating very faintly—as though it were dying.
“If you’ve seen it, help quickly.”
The Demon King began to transmute the human body with her magic.