It Was My Precious Friend
It was my precious friend. 21. It was my precious friend. I couldn't understand it. I simply couldn't. Yet back then, I hadn't even noticed. I had no reason to throw myself into anything, no reason to take anything seriously. So I drifted through empty, meaningless days with my friends, never committing to anything, never losing myself in anything. Even so, I never felt lacking or incomplete. The time I spent with my neighborhood friends was pure joy. When I was with them, even a future I couldn't see felt happy. With them, it seemed like I could do anything.
Curtis, Cartman, Edra, Chief. They were the friends I'd grown up with since we were little. None of them came from noble families—just commoners who hadn't received any fancy education. Still, we shared the same spirit. We laughed together, fought together, and believed those good times would last forever. Even after we came of age, we kept living like reckless good-for-nothings.
“Hey there, miss~ Got a minute?”
“Who're you calling 'miss,' you punk?”
We'd hit on passing women with nothing but our faces to rely on. We'd drag girls back to the hottest tavern in town for a one-night stand, then gather the next day to brag about it until we drank ourselves unconscious and brawled with the other patrons. Kicked out of one place, we'd move to another neighborhood, drink ourselves stupid again, sleep at an inn, and never once think of going home. We were madmen, rebels, unfilial sons.
Without any real jobs, what on earth had felt so safe and fun about that life? Yet one thing I remember clearly—
“Hey, you trash… If even one of you leaves, you're a traitor. Got it, you pieces of shit?”
“What're you on about? Just order more drinks, Chief~”
No matter what anyone said about us, those guys were the ones who'd always stand by each other. They were my precious friends. Our first meeting had started with a fight—Chief, Curtis, and I had rushed in to save Edra and Cartman from some arrogant noble brats. The five of us got beaten to a pulp together and left in a heap. We were pathetic little brats back then, but after taking that beating side by side, something like a bond formed. We became friends. That bond lasted all the way into adulthood, turning us into five unfilial good-for-nothings.
“···· Khh··”
I had never taken anything seriously. Never thrown myself into anything. My face was decent enough that women usually fell for a few smooth words, and once I grew into my frame, no one dared look down on me. Life came easy. So I assumed everything would stay that way. I looked down on people who worked hard, calling them fools chained to their obsessions. My friends were everything to me—the only ones who truly understood me. I lived like a worthless piece of trash every single day.
Then one day, when our debauchery had reached its peak—getting kicked out of nine taverns in a single week—we were drinking at a shabby place in the northern district when someone slid into our booth.
“What the—?”
A large, solidly built man with ash-brown hair sat down at our table. I was about to curse him out when he spoke.
“You're the one they call Yuda, right?”
He looked at me with an uncomfortably intense gaze. Feeling an odd pressure, I tried to look away.
“What the hell is this parasite? Let's go, Curtis!”
I stood up, but he kept talking.
“You've got quite the reputation. A guy with no manners who wanders around taverns picking fights.”
I paused and met his eyes again.
“I've got work. Want to give it a try?”
He held out his hand.
“I'm Belberman. I lead the Composite Hunting Party.”
“Composite Hunting Party·····”
“What's that? Never heard of it.”
“No idea.”
We had no clue what he was talking about and didn't care to find out. I immediately slapped his hand away.
“If you don't want that pretty face of yours turned into a beer barrel, get lost. We do just fine without whatever crap you're selling.”
Then—
Thud———
My body was suddenly sprawled on the floor.
“H-Hey, Yuda!”
“What the hell are you doing?!”
I felt like a bear had just cuffed me. My vision swam. Belberman spoke calmly.
“Your parents hired me, actually.”
The real reason he'd come hit me like ice water.
“They want me to hunt down their good-for-nothing son.”
“Y-You son of a bitch·····! Khak····”
Those crazy parents. Even if I caused trouble and never came home, how could they hire someone like this?
“This won't do, Curtis. Let's show him!”
“Right, Cartman.”
Curtis and Cartman charged at Belberman while I was still down. But—
Thud, crack——
Belberman knocked both of them out with his bare fists, barely breaking a sweat. When Chief and Edra tried to ambush him from behind with chairs—
Crack———
Belberman barely flinched.
“Good···· Now this is worth beating.”
“Huh?”
He'd taken a full-force chair strike that should have shattered the wood, yet he straightened up again.
“Come on.”
“Y-You bastard——”
He rushed Edra and drove a knee into his face.
Crack———!
“E-Edra!?”
Chief panicked, torn between fleeing and fighting. But when he saw me slowly getting up, he steeled himself and charged again.
“Uwaaah!!”
At the same time, rage flooded me. This man had hurt my only precious friends. My vision turned red. I grabbed a sharp piece of broken chair from the floor and lunged for Belberman's waist.
But then—
“Stop.”
A flat, emotionless woman's voice rang out. A slender hand landed on my wrist. My movement froze. Belberman released Chief's head and called to the woman.
“···· What is it, Jeren?”
“Stop. If you actually kill them, we're done.”
The woman called Jeren spoke to Belberman in that same emotionless tone, then slapped the shard from my hand.
Smack——
She stared at my dazed face for a moment.
“You said you'd handle this useless stuff alone~”
Belberman's voice had suddenly softened.
“I changed my mind. I got scared thinking about what would happen if the guy who beats bears with his bare hands started hunting people.”
She mentioned Belberman's identity.
“We need them alive to get paid by the client, so I came myself.”
“Is that so? These guys look like they'd be fine to kill.”
She said something chilling so casually.
“I···· I don't want to go back····!”
I tried one last desperate protest, but—
“That's not your decision to make.”
Jeren answered firmly.
“Belberman, tie them up and send them home.”
“Got it.”
Belberman started binding all of us. Panic surged through me.
“W-Wait! Hold on, I really don't want to go home!”
The reason I'd never gone back was simple. My parents were nouveau riche obsessed with nobility. They bombarded me with endless nagging and demanded I study for thirty-four hours a day even though I was still a kid. It was impossible, and the era didn't even allow commoners to rise to nobility anyway. Their insane expectations were the first reason I'd run away. That was also why I'd stopped trying to take anything seriously, why I'd refused to commit to anything.
“L-Let me go, please····!”
I begged desperately, but—
“No. We're short on money too.”
Jeren cut me off coldly and walked out of the tavern.
“Y-You goddamn····!”
Stuttering with rage, I looked up to find Belberman staring at me.
“Hmm.”
“W-What are you looking at····”
His gaze swept over my body.
“Want to try working with us for real?”
He crouched down in front of me, meeting my eyes. I realized he was serious.
“Y-You were serious····?”
Belberman, steady as a rock, answered.
“Yeah. If you work with us, I'll give you a generous share of the pay.”
He offered me the only way out.
“You could live independently, have a legitimate reason to leave home.”
“····· Really?”
I was hooked. Belberman spoke sincerely.
“Honestly, when I met your parents, I could tell they weren't right in the head either.”
“I-I'll do it.”
I bit the bait without hesitation.
“Good choice.”
Belberman smiled gently.
“But I'll only be taking you. Is that okay?”
“What?”
His next words were cruel.
“Our party's doing well, but we don't have the capacity to take all five of you.”
I almost shouted at him for even asking, but I knew I'd just get hit again, so I stayed quiet.
“Still, Yuda, you seem to have more usable strength than the others.”
Belberman explained why he'd chosen only me.
“I think you'd make a good teammate. So come with us.”
He held out his hand once more. I looked at my friends. Could I really go alone? Would it be okay?
“No.”
I couldn't imagine a happy future if I abandoned them.
“These guys have been with me through my brightest days.”
I shook my head and glared at Belberman with venomous eyes.
“Telling me to throw them away is the same as telling me to die.”
Belberman stood up and looked down at me.
“Then how about this—send me to hell with them instead.”
He prepared to swing his fist. I wasn't scared.
“I'd rather that than abandon them.”
It was the only way I could stay with them. I closed my eyes and waited for the punch.
But then—
“It's okay, Yuda···· You can go.”
Curtis's voice reached me. I looked at him in shock.
“We're fine, you bastard.”
Cartman shook his head too.
“Our families won't say much. But you···· You're different, Yuda.”
Edra, blood streaming from his nose, spoke up. Even Chief.
“····· This isn't you abandoning us.”
The same Chief who'd always sworn he'd kill anyone who left first was now sending me off.
“We're the ones sending you to a better place.”
After seeing how Belberman had given me a chance even after Jeren's words, Chief had made his decision.
“Thanks for choosing us till the end, you idiot.”
They were sending me somewhere better.
“····”
Suddenly, tears welled up. These guys who'd always joked about falling into the abyss together were now saying this. The same friends who'd mocked themselves while dragging each other down were telling me to go.
“Yeah, Yuda.”
Chief, who'd always been on the same wavelength, spoke with Curtis.
“Grab the chance when it comes. We'll···· follow someday.”
That emotion I'd never thought I'd feel in my life slammed into my chest.
“Y-You bastards····!”
That day, for the first time, I cried like a child.
So in the end, I joined the Composite Hunting Party. After one last drink with my friends, I followed Belberman. Watching his back as he smiled emptily at Jeren's question about whether he'd really accepted me, something hot stirred in my chest. It felt like something big was about to change my life.
But—
“Hey Yuda, get up already!?”
“Ah···· Let me sleep one more hour, Marian····”
Even after joining the party, my life didn't really change. The group had more members than I'd expected, so it ran fine without me. I didn't need to achieve anything here—just having an excuse to live independently was enough. So I spent my days sprawled out at Cartman's tavern, the party's base.
When Marian, who kept nagging me, passed by, I shot her a wink.
“Instead of that, how about joining me under the blanket····”
“You son of a bitch.”
Smack———
She hit me hard, but—
“Aagh, ow, sorry! Sorry!! Ah, my bones—!”
I still didn't change. My friends had trusted me enough to send me here, but they couldn't see me like this anyway. Even if they could, they'd probably just be jealous and say, “This bastard's still freeloading?”
But even for someone like me—a beast, a fool—something had recently caught my interest.
Tap, tap——
“····”
“Ah····”
While getting beaten by Marian as I lay on a tavern chair, a woman passed by.
“Ah, hello, Jeren!!”
“·····”
Jeren. It was Jeren.
“Hmph.”
She only gave me a contemptuous snort, but—
“Ah, yeah····”
Lately, I'd been growing more and more interested in Jeren.
At first, when we met at that tavern, I'd just thought she was a woman who caught my eye. But the longer I stayed here, the more every little thing about her—her actions, her way of speaking—started to bother me. She was competent, thorough, meticulous. She planned well, strategized well, brought in good requests, and handled almost every odd job by herself. She was like a real hero from the stories. And—
“···· She's pretty today too··”
Except for how she always looked at me with contempt, she had the gentle motherly image I'd always dreamed of. The kind, caring mother from fairy tales. I'd needed someone like that. Jeren was that person. Even if she wasn't gentle, even if her words were harsh and her face showed no emotion, she still did everyone's work behind the scenes without complaint. Even when others made mistakes, she silently stepped in and fixed everything. I couldn't help but fall for that.
So lately, unlike my old self who'd lived like an animal chasing every woman, I'd been trying to restrain myself. Hoping that if I became even a little more like her, Jeren might smile at me too. I trained hard at hunting (except for sleeping in), learned how to handle tools, and even took on odd jobs and trivial requests. But Jeren still seemed to find me unsatisfactory. Even when I escaped Marian's beatings and approached her to ask if she needed help—
“Hey Jeren, do you have any work for me——”
“Even if you look no different from a parasite, I don't care. Just get away from me, please.”
She hurled every harsh word she could think of and glared at me.
“Y-Yeah···· I'll do that····”
Where had my old self gone—the one who'd lived brilliantly, wildly, causing every kind of trouble and thinking he was the best in the world? Now I was just a pathetic dog shrinking in front of one woman.
“····”
When Jeren left to work, I stood there blankly. What had I done wrong this time? Was I really someone who shouldn't exist? All sorts of thoughts ran through my head as I stood frozen.
Of course, then—
“Rejected again?”
Marian came to tease me, as always.
“Shut up.”
I left and headed toward Cain and Evan. They weren't like my old friends, but they were more flexible than most and had accepted me quickly, so we'd grown close.
“Oh, you're here, newbie?”
“Welcome, kid.”
“Evan, you bastard, we're the same age, so why do you keep calling me kid···· Damn it.”
These two had helped me a lot with learning hunting tools and methods. Maybe they'd seen something in my seemingly lazy self, or maybe they'd had similar pasts. Either way, they'd treated me like a real friend, helping me adapt quickly. When I asked Cain, who was maintaining his tools because he wanted to test his own long-range hunting method—
“No requests today?”
“Belberman took all of them.”
Cain answered while sharpening arrowheads.
“Ah, Belberman again····”
My expression soured.
“You really hate Belberman, huh~?”
Evan teased me while organizing tools. But it was inevitable. Back then, I'd felt an intense inferiority complex toward him.
He was only a year older than me, but his body was on another level, his strength was monstrous, and his head wasn't stupid either. He understood and applied difficult things instantly. I was too dumb for that. Even though he was young like me, his hunting experience was so vast that even a veteran hunter with fifty years under his belt couldn't compare. And Belberman wasn't just experienced—he excelled in both strength and strategy. He was a perfect hexagon of a human being. At that level, it went beyond inferiority into admiration. But my pride wasn't that weak.
When I first arrived, I'd hunted a bear using every tool and weapon available. I had talent for hunting. My skill with a bow was on par with Cain, a professional archer. I'd shown that level of skill on my very first shot. So if I worked hard, maybe I could catch up to Belberman.
But—
“Actually, you hate him because Jeren likes Belberman, right?”
“Shut your mouth.”
The truth was—
“Am I wrong? Jeren only smiles at Belberman, so your inferiority complex exploded, didn't it?”
The reason I hated Belberman was because of Jeren. No matter what I did, no matter how much talent I showed, Jeren never gave me a second glance. But when Belberman appeared, she always approached him first to report or discuss work. She even chatted with him about trivial things and sometimes smiled. How could I not hate him?
I'd resolved to clean up my past to win Jeren's attention. But it was too hard. Just a little more and I'd catch up to Belberman. But I couldn't. Evan kept pushing.
“This bastard's so flustered he can't even talk, lol”
“Stop it, Evan.”
But Evan didn't stop. Even with Cain trying to hold him back, he kept needling me until I snapped.
Crack———!
“You bastard!”
“Yuda, wait·····!”
I swung my fist at the back of Evan's head. Cain rushed over and wrapped his arms around my waist to stop me.
“Agh····! This son of a bitch, his hands are ridiculously heavy····”
Even while rubbing his head, Evan stuck out his tongue and provoked me. I grabbed a nearby bow and arrow and aimed at him.
“Hey, Yuda, what are you doing!!”
Cain let go of my waist and tried to grab my arm, but—
“That bastard····”
In my hot-blooded, prideful state, I had no fear of the one who'd touched my reverse scale.
But—
“····”
Suddenly, I felt a sharp gaze from somewhere. In that instant, I turned my head.
“······”
“···· Ah.”
From a distance—since when had she been watching? Jeren was looking at me. I immediately released the tension on the bow and arrow and dropped them to the floor.
“W-Wait, Jeren, this is——”
I broke free from Cain and reached out to Jeren. But—
“······ Trash.”
With a face full of genuine contempt I'd never seen before, she spat out that single word and left. I couldn't stop her or explain myself. I just stood there, unable to chase after her.
“····”
Chasing her wouldn't change anything anyway. If I followed and asked what she wanted, I'd only get more insults. There was nothing else I could do.
“···· Damn it····”
I just stood there. Cain put a hand on my shoulder, saying I'd gone too far this time. But what had I felt in that moment? Inferiority toward Belberman? Hatred toward Evan? Betrayal toward Cain for not taking my side? No. None of that.
“····”
The only emotion that wrapped around me was self-loathing. Pure, simple self-loathing. Had I really done all this just to hear those words from Jeren? Had I really tried to kill a precious comrade over a childish provocation? The thought made me want to quit everything. My courage to face Jeren tomorrow vanished completely. I felt like I was crumbling apart.
The heart of a boy who'd loved someone. The clumsy heart of a man who'd wanted to be worthy of the one he loved.
“····· Damn it.”
After that, I ignored Cain's words and locked myself in the inn attached to the tavern. Normally, even if Jeren scolded me on an off day, I'd have lounged on a tavern chair where she could see me and slept in, or taken a nap somewhere visible despite the stares. But this time, I hid in a place where no one could see me and tried to sleep. That was how much—how much I'd never truly loved someone before. But Jeren···· I liked her that much. It was all ruined. Everything was ruined now.
“····”
I hadn't known that sincerity could hurt this much. I hadn't known that having genuine feelings for someone could be this painful. That those feelings wouldn't reach them. That I could never do it again. That I'd made it impossible myself. It hurt so much. I never dreamed Jeren would see that stupid thing I did in a moment of anger. Really, I never even imagined it.
“···· Haa····”
But while I was buried under the blanket, feeling utterly miserable—
Creak——
“Hey, parasite.”
Marian had found me somehow and approached.
“Go away···· I want to be alone.”
When I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes—
“What kind of man can't even handle that~!”
Marian playfully grabbed the blanket and tugged, still teasing. Had the rumor already spread?
“Just leave me alone····!”
Still unable to muster any energy, I tried to hold onto the blanket. But—
“Honestly, you can't beat Belberman anyway!”
Marian finally touched my reverse scale.
“How would you know!?”
I kicked off the blanket and burst out in frustration.
“I can do it too if I try! I can do it well! Whatever Belberman can do, I can do too!! I'll show you!! Why does everyone only ignore me!?”
It wasn't just now. From the very first day until now, everyone except Cain had ignored me. No matter what I accomplished—hunting a bear alone with every tool available, somehow securing a big request—they only reacted indifferently. But the moment I made one mistake, everyone scolded me. All that piled-up resentment finally exploded.
“Belberman beat a bear with his bare hands, right!? Fine!? I'll do it too!! I'll show you!”
After venting at the slightly flustered Marian, I stormed out of the room.
Thud———
But the moment I stepped out the door—
“····”
For some reason, I came face to face with Jeren leaning against the wall outside, eyes closed.
“·····”
My body froze for a moment when I saw her, but I couldn't suppress my anger. I walked straight past her and ran toward the forest where bears often appeared, without taking any weapons. As I went, I slowly began to realize—how Marian had found my hidden room, why Jeren had been waiting there. But I was a man. A man through and through. To prove what I'd resolved to prove, to take responsibility for my words, I headed to the forest empty-handed. It was clearly reckless. The moment I arrived, I realized I'd said something unnecessary. But I was too sad to stop. Sad and angry. I felt like I could do it. If I just tried a little harder, I could. But no one believed in me. No one acknowledged me. I'd tried so desperately—abandoning all my old habits, trying to become a new person. But no one recognized it. So in the end, I challenged it. I stood at the edge of a cliff and pushed myself over.
“Uwaaaaaaaaah———!”
My resolve turned into a roar in the bear-infested forest. The roar that lasted two full minutes—the one that felt like my heart would burst and my throat would explode—
Thud———
Eventually, it really did—
“·······”
Summon a massive adult bear three times my size. What had filled my eyes when I first saw it? Looking back now, it might have been despair or frustration. But in that moment, to my young, reckless self, that giant bear was—
“···· Ha·· Haha.”
Proof of my ability.
“····· Hahahaha———!”
My greatest rival that would let me advance to the next level. What filled my eyes was hope. Trust in the bear that had come at my roar. Trust and excitement. I charged straight at the bear. The bear charged back and swung its paw. We clashed. After that, where was I? “·····” Where exactly? Under some tree, buried in snow, but— “····” In the end, what I held in my hand was the bear's fang. I'd finally proven it. Beside the snowdrift where I'd been buried lay the massive bear's corpse.
“··· Heh, heha·· Hahahaha···”
Even though my body had no strength left and every bone felt shattered—
“I did it···· I did it, I······ did it···”
In a head-on fight with a bear, I'd won. Even if the reason was the environment and how I'd used it, I'd succeeded in killing a bear with my bare hands. I'd proven myself. Even though— Even though— “Jeren···· I did it····” My nose was completely broken, my neck torn, my whole body smashed. Breathing was hard. It hurt so much I thought I might die. No, at this point, dying was natural. That was painful. But— “····” Somehow, I thought I could still move. I could still stand. So if I took this fang and left the forest, reached where people were— I could prove myself and return. But— Growl——! “You bastards····” A pack of wolves, drawn by the scent of blood, had gathered around me. “G-Get lost···· You bastards····!?” I tried to shout while forcing my heavy body up, but wolves didn't understand words. If they did, I'd have become a legendary druid. In the end— The alpha wolf leaped at me first. I— I died just like that. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the regret that had been boiling inside finally cool. I simply accepted my fate. Thwip——— 'Kyaang——!' But an arrow shot from somewhere struck the alpha wolf dead center, instantly severing its life. At the wolf's pained whimper, I snapped my eyes open. The hesitant pack began to retreat, growling. Thud—— But— Slash———! A familiar large man with ash-brown hair appeared from somewhere and cut down one of the fleeing wolves with a massive sword. “What the— Yuda!” “···· Huh.” He greeted me casually while looking at me. “Man···· If I'd caught all of them, that'd be five hundred coins····” He looked regretfully at the escaping wolves, then grabbed my arm and supported me so I could stand properly. “Why were you sleeping in a place like this?” He asked with an innocent face. “···· You're really something····” I finally smiled, deciding to acknowledge it. “Huh? Who? Likes me? Cartman?” Of course, this stupid, dog-like, handsome bear of a man still hadn't caught on and just led me back to town. “···· Thanks, Belberman.” That was when it started. When I let go of my inferiority toward Belberman and truly began to follow him. When I resolved to fix my hot-tempered personality. If I didn't, I'd just end up relying on someone again, no different from my past self. So— “Ah, and···· Belberman.” I still couldn't breathe well, but I spoke anyway. “Teach me how to hunt····” “Oh, really!? Of course I'll teach you~” It was something I'd never wanted to say before because of my inferiority. But for some reason, after actually beating a bear, I felt like I understood why people had ignored me. This inferiority complex had been the root of every problem. Jeren ignoring me was also because I'd refused to acknowledge Belberman and rebelled. Even though that meant Jeren would probably never like me now, and my chest ached at the reality— Still. Still, I knew why Belberman had been here. Why, after returning from a request in another southern region, he'd come all the way here and regretted seeing a wolf pack that hadn't even been on recent request boards. “···· Jeren····” From far away, Jeren had been following us out of the forest. Jeren, holding a bow, was visible to me. “····” No matter how much she tried to hide from me, no matter how much she tried to conceal it— Jeren, in the eyes of someone who loves you, your figure can't possibly be invisible. Yes. It had been Jeren who'd sent Marian to find me in that room and cheer me up. The only ones who'd shown they were close to me in front of Jeren were Cain, Evan, and Marian. Since things had gone badly with Cain and Evan, only Marian remained. So Jeren had brought Marian to lift my mood. And even now— She hadn't stopped me directly, but to prevent me from dying pointlessly, she'd brought Belberman. And Belberman, pretending not to know anything, had tried to save my face. Of course, everything had been so clumsy that even someone as dense as me had noticed. But still— Even if she didn't love someone like me, I knew she wasn't the type to abandon me. I decided to be satisfied with that. In the end, I'd proven myself and overcome the biggest wall blocking my path—inferiority. Now I only felt respect for Belberman. After trying it myself, I understood. So I wouldn't force Jeren to pay attention to me anymore. Just like this, as the person I am, I'll become a member of the Composite Hunting Party alongside the Belberman I respect and draw my future. I just···· suddenly wanted to. But— Just as I made that resolution and thought the incident was over— “····” Late at night when everyone was asleep, I'd come down to the first-floor tavern because I was thirsty. There, alone at a dark table, bathed in moonlight as she gazed out the window, sat a woman with a bottle of the liquor I liked prepared in front of her. Her expression was as emotionless as ever, but— “··· Yuda.” When she saw me and met my eyes, I thought—just maybe—I saw a smile.