What Shine Loves
Even as we walked toward the cafeteria, Amy continued her explanation about citizenship. She seemed determined to instill in us just how important it was, but Shine merely kept looking around with an entirely uninterested expression.
"Shine, are you listening?"
"Yeah."
Shine answered Amy half-heartedly as she wandered here and there down the hallway. Still, seeing how she never strayed beyond a certain radius of Amy, it seemed Shine relied on her quite a bit too.
"Then, how many grades did I say exist for standard citizenship?"
"Grade 3."
"And which one did Jeff and Shine receive?"
"Grade 5."
"Good. You remembered well."
"Mm-hmm."
"Then, one last question."
Shine, who had been wandering around, stopped in her tracks at Amy's words.
"Okay. Ask your last question."
Shine spoke as if she were doing Amy a favor, hands on her hips and chest puffed out. Amy wore a subtle, amused expression at her attitude.
"What is the highest district a Grade 5 citizen can enter?"
"District 5."
Grade 5 citizenship—it was a high-tier status that average people couldn't obtain even if they spent their entire lives striving for it. Yet Amy had handed such citizenship over to us so easily, without asking for anything in return. I couldn't even begin to guess her true status. I had never even heard of someone with the authority to issue Grade 5 citizenships so effortlessly. In fact, judging by her words, it seemed she could issue even higher grades.
The place where I was born was District 23. A place where vagrants who didn't even possess citizenship lived. A district symbolized by a massive mountain of garbage where the entire world's waste gathered. As childhood memories bubbled up, I quickly shook my head to dispel them.
"Amy."
"Yes?"
"Is there something beyond Grade 3 citizenship?"
"There is, but it's a grade that can't be obtained through normal means."
"What's so good about having a high grade?"
"You can do a lot of things."
"A lot of things?"
Shine seemed to have developed an interest in citizenship. She sidled up close to Amy and grabbed her hand.
"Anything I want?"
"Most things, yes."
"Can I have everything I want to own, too?"
Shine's eyes began to sparkle. Amy looked into those glittering eyes, then knelt down to match Shine's height.
"Is there something you want, Shine?"
"A whole lot of things."
"You'll be able to have them all later."
Amy smiled softly and stroked Shine's hair.
We entered the cafeteria and began to eat. Having grown interested in citizenship, Shine started peppered Amy with all sorts of questions to the point of being annoying. Yet Amy didn't show a single hint of irritation, answering every single one of them. For the questions that were difficult to answer, she simply gave vague, evasive replies.
"I want to know Amy's grade," Shine said.
"You'll find out later."
"I want to know too."
"Shh, it's mealtime right now, so let's be quiet."
Amy placed a finger over her lips as she spoke.
Only then did Shine and I look around. Without realizing it, our voices had apparently gotten quite loud. Everyone nearby was staring in our direction. I quickly lowered my head, finding the weight of so many eyes uncomfortable. Shine, however, was different. Instead of shrinking back, she glared back at them as if demanding to know what they were looking at. But the onlookers only let out soft chuckles, finding her behavior adorable.
After we finished eating and returned to our room, Shine spoke to Amy.
"Amy. Give me the citizenship cards."
"Are you sure you won't lose them?" Amy asked, pulling the cards from her pocket.
"Yeah."
"What about you, Jeff?"
"I'm fine without it."
I shook my head with an indifferent expression. It was a citizenship I wouldn't be able to use once I went back anyway. Even if it was a high grade, I couldn't bring myself to care about something I would never actually use.
"Then I'll keep them!"
Shine hopped up from the floor and snatched the two cards from Amy's hand.
"Jeff, are you really okay with this?"
"Yes."
I nodded, watching Shine smile brightly as she held my card. Whether Amy had it or Shine had it, it didn't make much of a difference to me.
Go back. Yes. I had to go back. I had to get out of here. Memories I had forgotten began to resurface. My once-hazy sense of purpose gradually grew clearer. I stared blankly down at my hands. These tiny hands moved slowly. This isn't my body.
"Jeff!"
"..."
"Jeff!"
"...Yeah?"
A bright voice rang in my ears. Startled, I blankly raised my head. Shine, wearing a radiant smile, approached me and held up the cards.
"I'll keep them safe."
"Okay."
I nodded. Shine, that's not what's important to me right now.
I massaged my forehead and sank into a nearby chair. The clearer my hazy memories became, the worse my headache grew. What on earth had I been doing all this time?
"Amy."
"Yes?"
I placed my hand on the table. My small hand stretched out, tapping against the high tabletop. My tiny fingers tapped out a steady, rhythmic beat. Tap. Tap. Tap. The dull sound echoed several times. I closed my eyes, trying to organize the thoughts inside my head.
"When can we leave?"
The words I managed to squeeze out were an expression of my desire to go outside, to escape this place. Foreign memories began to intrude, blurring my thoughts. Memories flashed past my eyes. But they weren't mine. Spending a childhood with Shine? That was absurd. The fragments of foreign memories that I had taken for granted, that I had believed were my own, began to peel away. Behind them, my true memories emerged. The trigger was my childhood memory. The image of the massive mountain of garbage rose up, pushing away the happy childhood memories I supposedly shared with Shine.
"Jeff?"
Shine's puzzled voice drifted over. I hurriedly raised my hand.
"Shine, wait..."
If she came close, everything would blur again. Something incredibly important would sink deep down. I stood up and began to back away. Shine, who had been watching me with confusion, suddenly looked startled as if she had realized something, and rushed toward me. Practically flying across the room, Shine threw her arms around my body. The memories that had been rising so clearly sank back down in an instant. My body falling backward, silver threads scattering. Amy reaching out toward us in surprise. Every scene began to dissolve. Static filled my ears. Scurrying to the floor, I stared blankly up at the ceiling. My vision, which had turned completely white, quickly began to recover. The fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling was blinding. I raised my hand to rub my eyes.
"Jeff."
As I rubbed my eyes, I turned my head at Shine's whisper in my ear. Shine, holding me in a tight embrace, was staring down at me.
"Shine."
"Jeff. Just stay still for a moment."
I nodded. Just as she said, just as she wanted. The headache rapidly began to fade. The fragmented memories were forcibly stitched back together. Like a thick fog rolling in to cover up what had originally been there, a heavy haze descended upon my mind.
"Are you two alright?"
"Amy."
A large shadow fell over my head as I lay there. Seeing Amy standing there with her back to the fluorescent light, a faint smile slipped onto my face. Looking worried, Amy reached out her hands to help Shine and me to our feet. My staggering body quickly regained its sense of balance.
"Amy. What did I just say?"
My memories were confusingly jumbled. I gently pushed Shine out of my arms and asked Amy.
"Just now?"
Amy tilted her head at my question. Stroking her chin, she soon shook her head.
"No, you didn't say anything."
"Yeah. You didn't say a thing."
Shine, who had slipped out of my embrace, looked up at Amy and spoke. Just as she said, I hadn't said anything. Just... just... what was I trying to do? My face fell. I felt like I had been on the verge of remembering something incredibly important just a moment ago, but now my mind was a complete blank. Was it really that important? The fact that I couldn't remember, leaving behind only a lingering trace of a feeling, threw me into deep confusion. Shine's gaze fixed on me. My reflection in her eyes. The girl who looked exactly like her was undoubtedly me. It was me. That was an undeniable fact.
"Shine... I feel weird..."
It was strange. Truly strange. Weren't my arms a bit longer? I felt like my legs were longer, too. My fingers should have been thicker. And I wasn't this short.
"No, Jeff. You're not weird at all."
Shine stepped closer to me. Her arms spread wide. A warm embrace wrapped around me. I buried my face in her chest. My chaotic mind rapidly began to settle.
"Jeff wanted to watch TV."
Shine's voice flowed softly. I nodded. That's right. I had wanted to watch TV. The thoughts that had filled my head just moments ago sank away rapidly. I turned my head to check the clock. Conveniently, the show I liked was about to start soon.
"Right..."
"Yeah, Jeff."
My downcast expression vanished, replaced by a smile.
"Amy."
"Yes?"
I called out to Amy. The words I wanted to say to her had finally come to mind. My gaze swept across the room. We were out of snacks. We had eaten them all. I couldn't even remember how many snacks I had demolished with this tiny body.
"We're all out of snacks."
"No cola either," Shine added, nodding along.
"Already?"
When Amy asked back in surprise, I nodded.
"You ate all of that already?"
Amy muttered, looking toward the trash can in the corner of the room. It was overflowing with empty snack bags and plastic bottles—the mindless result of stuffing everything in without a single thought for recycling.
"Since you're growing, I'll let it slide."
Amy let out a small sigh, walked over to the door, and began putting on her shoes.
"I'm going too!"
Shine, who had been clinging to me, pulled away and ran over to Amy. I felt a sudden pang of regret at the loss of her warmth. Rubbing my empty arms, I waved to the two of them, wishing them a safe trip.
Right after Shine and Amy left the room, I stood up and grabbed the remote control. My small finger pressed down on the button. With a soft click, the button went down. A moment later, the television screen flickered to life. The reflection of the young girl on the dark screen vanished in an instant.