54. Pistil (3)
54. Pistil (3)
-Clink.
The iron chains that seemed like they would never come loose fell powerlessly to the floor.
At the same time, both my arms ached.
Having been suspended by iron chains for nearly a week, it seemed like blood was finally circulating properly.
Honestly, even if the succubus released my restraints, the situation wouldn't change much.
After all, I couldn't escape, and there was no way to defeat her.
Ah, perhaps she wants to see me trembling in fear, trying to run away, and then despairing when caught.
Literally, the appearance of prey?
-Click, click.
The succubus approached me.
Sorry, but if you were expecting me to try to run away, I won't be meeting your expectations.
I prepared myself mentally.
It will hurt.
It will be painful.
It might be so painful and unfair that I scream.
But I had to endure.
That must be exactly what this woman wants to see.
I waited with that determination, but.
-Clatter!
"······?"
Suddenly, the succubus dropped a dagger in front of me.
Then she pointed at my stomach and said.
"I've erased the uterine tattoo too. If you want to die, you can die."
"·····What?"
Honestly, I didn't believe her words.
I thought she would laugh hysterically, asking if I really believed that if I tried to kill myself.
But watching the succubus's reaction, I carefully picked up the dagger and lightly drew it across my wrist.
-Sting!
"····Yikes?"
But blood came out.
No, of course blood should come out.
Even though it was obvious, some feeling of suffocation disappeared.
Without even caring about the succubus's gaze, I lifted my clothes.
I remembered my etiquette teacher's words that I should never lift my clothes in front of others, even if they're the same gender, but that wasn't important right now.
When I lifted my clothes like that, the pink Crotch Tattoo that had been engraved on my lower abdomen, always in my line of sight, was gone.
And simultaneously, all the memories I had experienced until now began to resurface.
From Evernoir-nim suddenly giving me permission to imagine her body.
To her saying that since it wouldn't go down, she'd suck it out with her mouth.
From feeling jealous watching Evernoir-nim being raped by Baman, to being unable to forget Ebram's scent and masturbating all night before seducing him and getting fucked.
"Ah, aah····."
After the memories played back again, the person I saw when I looked back was utterly disgusting.
I was clearly supposed to be a man.
Though it's too late for regrets now, my appearance until now was that of a slut, a whore, a rag to anyone who saw me.
"···Ugh, uuugh."
Instantly, my mind went hazy and nausea rose up.
It was so filthy.
After receiving the request from Imperial Father to stop the demon army, all I've done until now was essentially live drowning in female pleasure.
'·····No. That wasn't me.'
It was so shocking that I even began to escape reality.
But even if I deceive myself and pretend not to know, that doesn't make it the truth.
I'm already defiled beyond defilement.
If it weren't for filthy me, Evernoir-nim would definitely be living a normal life.
My life as a man was over.
Even if I go back, there's nothing that can satisfy the pleasure that has already surpassed limits, so I'll feel thirst and eventually go mad.
Since I've crossed a line I shouldn't have crossed with this body, even if I live, I must continue living with this body.
Of course, that would only be temporary - I was certain I'd feel lacking again soon.
-Tremble tremble·····.
With trembling hands, I picked up the dagger, holding it reversed.
"Haa, haa, haa."
I only had two choices left.
Either live on as a whore again as 'myself' with my sanity intact, even without the Crotch Tattoo the succubus engraved on me,
Or end my life here as the succubus mercifully allowed.
····If I had to choose, I chose the latter.
The memories I already knew flood back once more.
No matter how I think about it, to continue living with these memories, I would have to abandon my true nature, myself who is Jerod.
I,
My name is,
My identity is,
Jerod von Belburg.
The second son of the 47th Emperor of the Belburg Empire.
Therefore, I will die not as Jaina, but as Jerod.
Because that was 'me'.
-Guk.
Drip.
"·····Ugh."
Red blood flowed from where the blade lightly touched my neck.
But the blood didn't flow down like in novels.
Because though I lightly pierced the skin, my hand stopped at the final moment.
Honestly, I was scared.
I didn't want to die.
Perhaps it was because of that instinct.
I couldn't stab any deeper.
I want to live.
But I don't have the confidence to live normally.
"Darling, I'll respect whatever choice you make. But I think I need to tell you this one thing."
The succubus who had been silently watching me suddenly intervened.
At first, I thought she had some scheme and became intensely wary of her.
But to my embarrassment, she didn't even approach me.
And just as my guard was gradually lowering, her mouth opened.
"Darling, you had sex recently, right?"
"········."
"And without a condom too."
At that moment.
My heart dropped with a thud, and I felt a sense of emptiness.
And the thought I had feared became reality through her next words.
"I could feel it in your belly. Very small, precious···, and at the same time, an infinitely weak stirring of life."
"·········Ah."
There's a child·····?
In my belly right now?
Instinctively, I touched my lower abdomen with my hand.
All I could feel was smooth, soft skin.
I couldn't feel any life at all.
-·····Clatter.
But I could no longer hold the dagger.
Simultaneously, countless thoughts began flooding my mind.
If I end my own life here,
This child will ultimately lose its life too.
And because of me.
Just because I can't live as myself, there's no reason for this child to have to end its life too.
"········No, can't."
I must not die.
In my memories remained the memory of stroking the small, cute Mine.
And the emotions from that time were so vivid too.
The feeling that I wish I had a daughter like this.
And the greed that I definitely want to give birth myself.
Clearly that wasn't me, but it wasn't someone else either.
Though it was an emotion felt because of the Crotch Tattoo the succubus engraved, I couldn't deny the emotion itself.
"So, Your Highness, you must survive no matter what I do. Harder than anyone else. It's all for the child, right?"
"·········."
Was I persuaded by the succubus's words?
Or did I never have the courage to end my own life from the beginning?
Before I knew it, my heart began filling with the will to continue living.
"·······I'll do it."
"Hm?"
"I'll do it. Whatever you do to me."
"Really?"
"But I have a condition."
"Okay, say anything."
I don't know if that succubus will agree or not.
But even so, I had to take the step.
Because even if I sacrifice my body, I must protect the child.
Right now, that was the only thought I had.
For the child's sake, I didn't care what happened to me.
I don't know if that's called maternal instinct, or if it's just my nature that can't take life lightly.
"Please don't touch the child at all. Anything related to me."
"Hmm~, what a great mother. Humans are so fascinating."
Does maternal instinct not exist for succubi?
Perhaps it's because she's not even human to begin with, but a descendant of demons.
Anyway, the succubus agreed to my condition.
Moreover, I even got her promise to personally protect and guard the child so other demon army members wouldn't threaten or try to use it.
I never thought she would go that far.
I should have felt grateful, but instead I felt fear.
Just how severely does she plan to torment me that a descendant of demons would offer to protect an infinitely weak human child?
"Good, then shall we change how we address each other first? What is Your Highness's name?"
"This one's name is·····,"
What should I say?
Jerod?
Or Jaina?
After much contemplation, I answered.
"·······Jaina von Belburg."
"Pretty name. I'm Lilith, the Succubus Queen."
In the end, I gave up.
Jerod, the life I've lived until now and my very identity.
Since I've already offered my body to Lilith, I won't be able to return to my previous life.
"So, what is it that you want···."
At my words, Lilith slowly approached.
Looking down at me with a very seductive gaze, I knew that gaze was directed at my breasts and thighs, but I couldn't avoid it.
After all, it was the result of the choice I made.
Lilith reached out her hand.
Squish.
"····Ugh."
Lilith smiled with satisfaction and whispered in my ear.
"Hoo, hoohoo, if you had avoided it, I would have torn your clothes right off."
Lilith's hand groped my chest, but I only turned my head away without moving my body.
Though it was a disgustingly repulsive touch, I endured it steadfastly.