Self-Awareness - (3)
After Wi Ilcheong left Dokgo Ryeong thoroughly shaken, she found herself alone, no longer able to swing her sword, and returned to her room.
Fuck…
The pinky finger Wi Ilcheong had shown her as he left kept flickering through her mind.
I'm not grabbing it, you fucking bastard…
Absolutely not.
No matter what happened.
She swore to herself over and over that she would never be the first to reach out and take that pinky finger.
But…
…If I just grab it…
If she just closed her eyes and, pretending it was an accident, squeezed it tight—
Wi Ilcheong would come find her in secret in the middle of the night.
And just like last night, he would give her the ultimate pleasure.
"Hnn…"
As the memory of that pleasure rose, Dokgo Ryeong's lower dantian throbbed.
More intense than the thrill of defeating a powerful enemy, more intense than the joy of advancing to a new stage of martial arts—a pleasure so fierce it was hard to forget, as if she were addicted. That was why Wi Ilcheong's pinky finger kept surfacing in her mind.
"Fuck… Fuck fuck fuck…!"
As Dokgo Ryeong clutched at her hair in frustration, the door to her room suddenly opened.
"Oh my, Lady Dokgo. You were already here?"
"…Sohong? What about the inner core?"
"From now on I only need to check it occasionally. I'm tired… Ugh…!"
Un Sohong stretched long and looked at Dokgo Ryeong.
"Would you like to take a bath together?"
"What?!"
"Oh my, if you're embarrassed you can refuse, of course."
"…I don't mind bathing separately."
"Then shall we go together?"
"…"
Dokgo Ryeong hesitated for a moment.
Back when she had been Dokgo Jin, the Un Sohong she knew had been nothing more than a baby. But now she was a grown woman, so bathing together felt a little awkward. More than anything… if Unyeong found out, he would probably throw every kind of fit at her.
"No, never mind…"
"Personally, I'm also curious about the relationship between Lady Dokgo and Young Master Wi."
"Hyeek?!"
"In exchange, I'll tell you about me and Young Master No. Aren't you curious?"
"Ugh…"
As Dokgo Ryeong hesitated, Un Sohong spoke with a slightly disappointed air.
"If you don't want to, there's nothing I can do. I've been lonely ever since my little brother left…"
"C-Can we really go together?"
"Of course. It's just two women bathing, after all."
"Ugh…"
"Don't back out now. Come on."
Un Sohong took Dokgo Ryeong's hand and led her along. In the end, Dokgo Ryeong couldn't refuse her touch.
Unyeong, I'm sorry…!
"Haa~, it's been so long. Bathing with someone else, I mean."
"Uh… yeah."
"Hehe. Why are you covering yourself like that?"
"I… I'm not… it's just…"
"Do you have a scar or something?"
"It's not that… it's just a little…"
From the moment she stepped into the bathhouse, Dokgo Ryeong couldn't find anywhere to put her eyes. Above all, it was because of Un Sohong's bare body.
…This is complicated.
When she was little she had been nothing more than a child, and now she had grown up like this—it was almost hard to believe. On top of that, showing her own naked body somehow felt embarrassing too.
As Dokgo Ryeong fretted without managing to say anything, Un Sohong spoke first.
"So, Lady Dokgo—how is it?"
"Huh? How is… what?"
"With Young Master Wi. How did you two meet?"
"We… ran into each other by chance. Wi Ilcheong came looking for my… father, and we just happened to meet."
"And you've been traveling together since then?"
"…Yeah."
"Lady Dokgo, there's something I'm curious about—may I ask?"
"…What?"
"Have you done it with Young Master Wi?"
"Hyeek?!"
Dokgo Ryeong flailed at the sudden question.
"I… I haven't!!"
"Really? Since you said you've been traveling together, I assumed you'd already mixed bodies long ago. I guess not."
"…"
Dokgo Ryeong deliberately did not mention that they had done something equivalent.
"Hehe. Then what kind of relationship are the two of you in? Still at that stage right before becoming lovers?"
"N-No! Why does everyone keep saying that about me?"
"Hmm? Not that either?"
"N-No! I… I don't really… with Wi Ilcheong… that…"
As Dokgo Ryeong flushed and groped for the right words, Un Sohong laughed.
"Hehe. You're not very honest, are you?"
"I-I am too! I really…"
"My father often says that the most painful lie of all is the one you tell yourself."
"Huh?"
"Looking at Lady Dokgo, who can't even properly say 'I hate Young Master Wi' or 'I don't like Young Master Wi,' that saying just came to mind. Hehe."
"I… I…"
"It's all right. You don't have to say any more—I understand perfectly."
"Hnnngh…"
Dokgo Ryeong dunked her mouth under the water and muttered something through a stream of bubbles.
"Pfft. You're like a baby."
"Wh-What about you then?! Do you like No Geukmyeong?"
It was her idea of a counterattack, but Un Sohong simply nodded without hesitation.
"Yes. I rather like him."
"Uwek…"
"…Why do you look so unhappy about that?"
"You mean it?"
"Yes, he seems fine."
Un Sohong smiled as she spoke.
"I like the way he looks, he's got a good build, he's tall and handsome, I can tell he tries to be considerate of me—and most of all, it's written all over his face that he likes me, which feels nice."
"…You started liking No Geukmyeong over just that?"
"Oh my. Then how does someone become likable for Lady Dokgo?"
"Well…"
Dokgo Ryeong thought for a moment, then spat it out.
"…Fights well, listens well, helps me out."
"Did Young Master Wi do those things?"
"Why… why is Wi Ilcheong coming up again?!"
"You're adorable. Hehe. It's really amazing, you know? How did Uncle Mad Demon ever end up with a daughter like this?"
"…Ah, damn it."
Being treated like a child by Un Sohong left Dokgo Ryeong with a strange feeling, and she grumbled.
"…You really like No Geukmyeong?"
"Why? Is that a problem?"
"Haa… It's not that, but…"
Dokgo Ryeong's feelings were complicated.
When she asked herself whether No Geukmyeong was truly a bad person, the only real issue was that he had held a blade to Unyeong's throat. And that softhearted Unyeong had forgiven the very No Geukmyeong who had done it. As someone who wasn't even the party involved, Dokgo Ryeong couldn't keep harping on it forever.
The problem was… his affiliation.
"…He's a Moyong Clan bastard. You know that, right?"
"I know. I heard the rough version. He came to serve my father, didn't he?"
"Are you okay with that? The Moyong Clan's been nothing but trouble lately…"
"If it really doesn't work out, I'll just give up."
"Uweh?!"
Dokgo Ryeong stared in shock, and Un Sohong laughed again.
"Ahaha! Lady Dokgo, why are you so cute?"
"Y-You're giving up?!"
"Did I say I was going to marry Young Master No? We'll just meet once, and if I like him we'll go as far as marriage. If it doesn't feel right, we break it off along the way."
"…You're something else."
Dokgo Ryeong spoke with genuine admiration.
"I… I mean… love isn't something that just comes and goes like that…"
"Lady Dokgo, don't take it so heavily."
"Huh?"
"Does love always work out? Just because you like someone doesn't mean it happens, and even if you hate someone, there are times you end up liking them before you know it."
"…"
"Don't decide there's only one answer. There's no such thing as 'it has to be this or nothing,' right?"
"Is… that so?"
"That's how it is. Hehe. So…"
Un Sohong casually edged closer to Dokgo Ryeong.
"Try meeting Young Master Wi lightly once too."
"Hyeek?!"
"How about going out into town together? Try pestering him to buy you some jewelry."
"A-Are you out of your mind?!"
"Oh my. That's how everyone gets close, you know."
Un Sohong reached out and tucked Dokgo Ryeong's hair behind her ear as she spoke.
"Lady Dokgo has such pretty ears—earrings would suit you nicely."
"H-Hyeek?!"
"You casually link arms with Young Master Wi and whisper, 'Young Master, I want that ornament over there.' Lady Dokgo is beautiful, so no matter which man you asked, he'd buy it for you."
"U… uuh…"
"Besides, Young Master Wi already seems to have quite a bit of feeling for Lady Dokgo, doesn't he?"
"I… th-that… uh…"
Dokgo Ryeong's eyes began to spin.
Wi Ilcheong has feelings for me? No—I'm supposed to hang on Wi Ilcheong's arm? Me?
As her hair turned a full, vivid pink, Un Sohong laughed.
"What a lovely hair color you have, Lady Dokgo."
"Hyeek?!"
That was the finishing blow.
Every time I see it, I can't help but feel how truly lovely your hair color is.
The words Wi Ilcheong had spoken earlier rose again in her mind, and whether from the heat of the bath or from sheer embarrassment, Dokgo Ryeong finally—
"Hyeaaah…"
"L-Lady Dokgo?!"
—slowly sank beneath the water.
When Dokgo Ryeong came to her senses, the first person she saw was Baekri Sohyeon.
"…Why are you here, Dullard?"
"You're awake?"
"…Yeah."
"I heard from the Divine Doctor's daughter that you collapsed in the bath, so I came."
"…Fuck."
"Don't say bad words."
Ignoring Baekri Sohyeon, Dokgo Ryeong pushed herself upright, and the other woman held out a cup of water.
"Here. Drink and clear your head."
"…Thanks."
As Dokgo Ryeong gulped the water down, Baekri Sohyeon began smoothing her hair from behind.
"…What are you doing?"
"Just. Tidying Ryeong Mae's hair?"
"…Do you have to?"
"If you don't take care of it properly, it gets damaged. Ryeong Mae's hair is so fine, it needs even more careful handling."
"What a pain…"
Feeling Baekri Sohyeon's hands working diligently behind her, Dokgo Ryeong was just starting to settle down when someone opened the door and came in.
"Ah, you're awake~?"
"…Why are you here, Hao Sect?"
"Uh… to help? More than that, Lady Dokgo really does faint a lot while bathing. For someone so sturdy, you collapse pretty often."
"Kyaaaak!!"
"Haven't heard that in a while. Hihi."
Eun Gwanyeong laughed as she came over with something in her hands and sat down across from Dokgo Ryeong.
"…What are you doing?"
"Stay still. Close your eyes too."
"Why are you putting powder on me?"
"Shut your mouth too! Otherwise it'll get in!"
"…"
A distinctly uneasy feeling began to creep over Dokgo Ryeong.
"What are you putting on my mou—"
"Stay still!"
"Ryeong Mae, you can't keep moving."
"…"
Behind her Baekri Sohyeon was fussing with her hair; in front of her Eun Gwanyeong was smearing something on her face. It was almost as if…
"…Am I going somewhere?"
"Hmm? Didn't Lady Dokgo bring it up first~?"
"Ryeong Mae said so."
"…Huh?"
Startled, Dokgo Ryeong opened her eyes.
"…Me? What did I say?"
Just then the door opened again and one more person came in.
"Ah, Lady Dokgo. You're awake?"
"…Sorry about yesterday, Sohong. You carried me, didn't you?"
"Hehe. It's fine. I got to touch you a lot thanks to that."
"…"
Looking at Un Sohong, who had somehow grown so tall, Dokgo Ryeong's mood grew complicated again.
"…So. Where am I going?"
"Oh my, Lady Dokgo. Don't you remember?"
"Huh?"
"Last night you kept looking for Young Master Wi all night long."
"I… I-I-I… me?!"
Dokgo Ryeong tried to leap up, but Baekri Sohyeon quickly pressed down on her shoulders from behind.
"Stay still, Ryeong Mae."
"If you keep doing that it'll smear, Lady Dokgo. Stay still~."
"N-No, who did I look for?"
As Dokgo Ryeong asked in a panic, Un Sohong grinned.
"Last night Lady Dokgo kept talking in her sleep—'Wi Ilcheong… uuh… I… Wi Ilcheong… uuh…' over and over."
"Eek?!"
Dokgo Ryeong flushed bright red in mortification, and Un Sohong beamed at the sight.
"So I told Young Master Wi. 'Lady Dokgo missed Young Master Wi so much she collapsed. Would you please go out with her tomorrow without fail?' I already made the appointment."
"Y-Y-Y-You—why would you?!"
"Because Lady Dokgo isn't honest. Luckily the two of them helped once I said something."
"I… I…!"
"Lady Dokgo, you know, right? Do what I told you yesterday. Arm-link, earrings!"
"No… I really don't care about that…"
Just then Eun Gwanyeong pulled her hands away.
"I'm done! What about you, Sohyeon Unnie?"
"…All done. Me too. With this much, Oppa should like it, right?"
"Right?"
"You bastards…! I really…"
Dokgo Ryeong looked ready to thrash again, so Baekri Sohyeon caught her arm and spoke.
"Ryeong Mae, Ryeong Mae. Hold the arm like this."
Baekri Sohyeon took Dokgo Ryeong's arm and nestled it between her own breasts as she demonstrated.
"Don't pull with your arm—subtly press your chest in. Got it?"
"Y… you lewd bitch!"
"Anyway, just do it like that. You have to, okay?"
"I… I-I-I…!"
"I roughly told Wi Oppa the route, so you can just go wherever Wi Oppa wants to go~."
"I'm not going, you brats!!!"
Dokgo Ryeong screamed her refusal, but the other women showed no intention of stopping.
"Lady Dokgo, if you don't go I'll tell Father and make it so the inner core never existed."
"Th-That kind of…!"
"And I'll go tell Grandfather Sword God."
"Ah… come on! Father and daughter both dragging the Sword God into this, seriously…"
Dokgo Ryeong was about to claw at her hair when Baekri Sohyeon caught her arm and stopped her.
"Don't touch your hair. I fixed it nicely."
"Kyaaaak!! I'm going insane, for real!!"
Just then the door opened.
"I was told you were looking for me, Dokgo… Lady?"
Wi Ilcheong looked at Dokgo Ryeong, and his eyes widened a little in surprise. Then he smiled and held out his hand.
"…It seems you're all ready. Shall we go?"
"N-No… I… I really…"
As Dokgo Ryeong edged backward little by little, other hands blocked her from behind.
"Don't try to wriggle out of it~!"
"Ryeong Mae, remember what I told you!"
"N-No… I really…!"
As Dokgo Ryeong hesitated, Baekri Sohyeon and Eun Gwanyeong, fed up, shoved her forward. Suddenly pushed from behind, Dokgo Ryeong pitched forward as if falling—and Wi Ilcheong caught her.
"Hyaat…!"
"Oh dear… are you all right?"
"Hyaaa…"
Dokgo Ryeong's face turned scarlet, and Wi Ilcheong looked at her and let out a soft laugh.
"You've dressed up prettily. It suits you."
"Th-That's…"
"Take my hand."
"N-No… I…"
As Dokgo Ryeong's eyes darted around with nowhere to settle, Wi Ilcheong took her hand.
"Hyeek?!"
"Since holding hands seemed to make you uncomfortable, let's do it this way."
He moved her hand to his sleeve and carefully folded her fingers so that she was gripping the fabric.
"How is this?"
"Th-Uuh…"
"It seems better than staying here any longer, doesn't it?"
"Uuuuh…"
Dokgo Ryeong's hand clenched tight around Wi Ilcheong's sleeve, and she hung her head low.
"…Y-Yes…"