Your Gentle Despair (4)
Once, I had seen the earth stained with blood.
Screams, tears, cries for mercy—all vanishing into handfuls of bloody pulp right before my eyes.
From the moment that sight burned itself into me, Magical Girl Emerald—I—could no longer live like a normal person.
Every time I closed my eyes that scene flickered back to life, and waking up screaming was the best outcome I could hope for.
"Emerald, snap out of it! Emerald! Your hope circuit is being eroded by despair energy right now!"
"Aka…ri… Akari… ugh…"
Despair was spilling out of me.
A magical girl who scattered hope lethal to monsters.
For a being like that, the most lethal thing of all was naturally despair itself.
And if that despair came from her own heart, it was all the more fatal.
"Cough… uugh… kek…"
Over the pool of scarlet light, another red was laid down.
No—closer to black than red. Death itself painted the crimson world over in black.
"H-her vital signs are dropping! Snap out of it, Emerald!!!!"
"I… I—"
If it had been only a light despair, I might have shaken it off easily.
But the despair I felt now was on an entirely different level from anything before.
A dense despair thick enough to gnaw away at my own life.
That despair was being born in my heart, racing through my hope circuit and flooding every corner of my body.
My body… feels like it's burning…
It was as if hydrochloric acid had replaced the blood in my veins.
I curled up under pain so intense my vision went white.
I can't… I can't breathe…
"Emerald!!!"
"Ah… hah…"
At May's cry from beside me I tried somehow to draw a breath, but my body had already locked up so completely that even the act of breathing was impossible.
Snap out of it. Snap out of it, Emerald. Remember why you came back to the past.
You returned to destroy Apocalypse, didn't you?
This is actually a good thing. Apocalypse is gone now, so—
—No. That's not it.
That girl, Akari, is not Apocalypse.
A special bond I met in this world.
She looks exactly like Apocalypse and is surely the same person, yet she is absolutely not Apocalypse.
In this world, Apocalypse does not exist.
That was the conclusion I—Magical Girl Emerald—had reached a few days after living with Akari.
Who in the world wouldn't grieve the death of a friend, the death of someone precious?
Even a magical girl was still human, after all.
Perhaps she had simply been hiding a fragile heart behind the mask called hope.
"Emerald—!!!"
"…!!"
A sudden flare of despair energy made my frozen body start moving again.
The despair that had been circulating inside me moments earlier drained away in an instant, and the empty space filled once more with hope.
As soon as my airway opened I gulped down the surrounding air; my blurred vision gradually sharpened.
"E-Emerald—j-just now…!!"
"…Ugh."
A familiar situation. And a familiar despair.
It had faded in a flash, yet the memory carved into my mind forced my body to move.
…I have to go.
Why?
Why was I trying to head there?
To defeat Apocalypse?
No. No. The one pouring out that despair right now is not Apocalypse.
And if it really is Apocalypse?
Then what am I supposed to do?
Have I been fooled by an Apocalypse pretending to be human? Or did I simply delude myself?
My head spun.
Akari and Apocalypse overlapped, scattered, fused, tore apart, and repeated the cycle endlessly.
"Akari…"
"That girl will be fine, Emerald! Please, just take care of your own body first!"
At May's shout I clutched my head.
Pain so vivid it felt as if a needle were stabbing straight into my brain forced my mouth open.
No. Don't say that. Anything but that—
"…Why? Because that girl is a monster?"
"…Huh?"
"……"
The words left my mouth without a single thought, and my mind went cold and still.
So you knew, May.
Or maybe I had known it unconsciously myself.
Akari is—
A body colder than other people's, a slow heartbeat, even the way she reacted to delicious food as if she had just put something disgusting in her mouth.
I had wanted to believe she was human. More precisely, I had been believing she was human.
After all, Apocalypse had been far less human-like than the Akari of now.
—She is not Apocalypse.
But she was not Apocalypse.
She herself had proven it, and I had guaranteed it.
That was exactly why I had to go to the place that despair was coming from.
To keep the girl I had guaranteed as human remaining human.
I will never let Akari become Apocalypse.
If she had been a monster from our first meeting, I wouldn't have hesitated at all.
But the Akari of our first meeting had been closer to a person than to a monster like Apocalypse.
So I had no choice but to believe.
Not in the beast Apocalypse, but in the human Apocalypse.
"I don't really recommend going to meet that girl, Emerald."
"…May."
"But… she didn't seem all that bad either…"
May was always like this.
She would say no, and then in the end she would bend for me just once.
I raised a hand that had already stopped trembling and tapped the top of May's head with my finger.
"Let's go save Akari, May."
I will never let you become Apocalypse.
So I will save you no matter what.
Absolutely.
Ugh, I suddenly have the chills…
Don't tell me I caught a cold? Nah, no way.
The moment I imagined something that impossible, a hollow laugh burst out of me on reflex.
That Apocalypse catching a cold? Ruby would laugh herself sick if she overheard.
"H-hey, if we go this way we'll reach the exit, right? R-right?"
"Is it taking too long?"
"Yes! We've been walking forever and we still haven't arrived—that doesn't make any sense!"
Bull's-eye.
If you wanted the exit, all you really had to do was keep going straight back the way we came.
So why was I circling the laboratory over and over? Because even like this I wanted to suck up the despair of the humans trailing behind me.
It was only for a moment, but the scent was really delicious…
Something similar to the despair Tamako gave off in her sleep, maybe.
If I had to put it into numbers, it was like mixing human and magical-girl despair one-to-one and then cutting the result in half.
Anyway.
"What if the Doctor shows up while we're doing this…!!"
"I hate getting hurt…"
"I-I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
The first thing they fretted about was that human called the Doctor; it painted a crystal-clear picture of just how vicious he must have been.
How was it that every single human who slapped the title "Doctor" on themselves turned out to have such a rotten personality?
"Just a little farther."
So what exactly can you people even do?
I freely drank in the despair rolling off the humans and smiled in pure good humor.
It was lucky they were following behind me; if they had seen my face they might have bolted on the spot.
"…I don't trust you! No matter how I look at it, we're just going around and around the same place!"
"I had no choice—I was looking for a path without monsters."
"Still, this is way too much!"
"Ah-ah, if you keep shouting like that a monster really will show up, you know?"
What kind of reaction would they give if a real monster appeared in front of these trembling humans?
Just imagining it made my heart flutter with excitement.
All right, then—just one for now~
Grrrk—
"Eek…?!"
"A m-monster…"
"Th-this is all because you shouted!"
"It's not my fault! Th-that kid kept taking us around the same path…!!"
Being young humans, their reactions were especially delicious.
They didn't even think of running; they just kept blaming each other, which put me in a rather pleasant mood.
Looking at the despair coming off them, they seemed simply frozen in pure panic, but still.
If I just stand here it'll look weird, so maybe I should force them to run.
Kyaaaaah—!!
This was exactly the moment when one person's sacrifice mattered.
The monster that had been edging closer, watching for its chance, received my signal and charged at full speed.
Which one will I choose? Take a guess~
Well, I said that, but there was really only one answer here.
I stepped in front of the humans who still hadn't moved even though a monster was barreling toward them, and spread my arms wide.
Thud—
"Kyaa?!"
"Wh-what…"
My vision spun and my body slammed into the side wall in an instant.
It felt a bit like riding a roller coaster—pretty fun, actually.
I cracked my eyes open and lifted my head to find the humans staring at me, dumbfounded, shock written all over their faces.
And now, if I just toss them one line—
"Everyone… run… away…"
"U-uaaaaah!!"
The words, spoken as if they might break apart at any second, seemed to jolt the humans back to their senses.
The moment I finished speaking they spun around and started running; I quietly lifted the corners of my mouth.
Humans so terrified they fled in the exact opposite direction from the exit…
It was such a movie-like scene I couldn't help but laugh.