Nightmare of the Promotion Series

The game began.

I closed every window that wasn't the game client.

Snipe, but never stream the snipe. That was the rule. Which was why, whenever I landed on the opposite team from the streamer I was targeting, I shut my broadcast down.

I sniped for one reason only — to make a streamer's life miserable. Not because I wanted to win.

Nautilus's chat messages popped up right as both sides were checking invades. I didn't feel they deserved a response, so I pointedly ignored them.

No reaction from me, so that type opened his mouth again. He was clearly picking a fight, so I casually muted ToolsAreFree's chat.

Supports these days, I swear...

For some reason I found myself missing a certain mysterious Orianna one-trick. Probably just my imagination. Still, muting him untangled a little of the knot in my chest.

That said — TF's got some nerve.

Picking Ignite on a champion that was basically the textbook definition of a macro pick? Standard operating procedure for that kind of control mid was Teleport. Taking Ignite instead of TP meant only one thing.

He's planning to bully Azir with Twisted Fate?

Ignite was the spell you took only when you intended to pressure your lane opponent. And TF had taken it into me.

My spells, on the other hand, were Cleanse and Flash — the so-called standard setup into Twisted Fate.

Neither team attempted an invade, and laning phase began.

TF came in aggressive on the trade from level one, but I refused to play along. Like it or not, the moment the enemy took Ignite, health management became mandatory. Slip up and you could hand over a solo kill — or die the second their jungler so much as breathed in your direction.

So I farmed cleanly through level three. TF kept trying to poke; when I wouldn't bite, he shoved the wave.

Enemy jungle and our jungle both started topside buff, so...

A scuttle fight up the river was highly likely. TF knew that too — which was exactly why he was shoving this hard. Ideally I'd match the shove, but playing passive early had already handed him lane priority.

I'll take a little loss if I have to. No choice.

I focused on harassing TF while he hard-shoved. A glance at the minimap showed both junglers appearing in the topside river brush. Sustained poke had dropped TF to roughly half health — but he'd still managed to crash two waves under tower.

Your average mid laner would spam retreat pings at their jungler and stay to farm the wave. I'd already read that play, though, so I abandoned the farm without hesitation and rotated.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

I spammed target pings on the rotating TF with extreme prejudice. The enemy jungler was Nunu, and Nunu was an absolute predator in objective fights. Jarvan IV clearly knew that too — the moment my pings went out, he dumped the EQ combo he'd been saving straight onto TF.

TF must not have expected the sudden turn, because he didn't dodge a single skill.

TF, who'd failed to manage his health, got deleted under the combined assault from me and Jarvan. But the fight wasn't over. Enemy Nunu had scooped the scuttle and was already pathing top.

Malphite's desperate pings rang out across the Rift.

Hoping he'd hold just a little longer, I dropped on-the-way pings. Whether those pings helped or not, Malphite managed to fall back under tower. But Renekton apparently couldn't bear to let a low-HP Malphite walk — he forced a tower dive.

Malphite died in the end — but Renekton and Nunu were left so low that stepping on a Lego would have finished them.

Jarvan peeled off after the fleeing Nunu into enemy territory. I cut my path right and chased the escaping Renekton.

Renekton ducked into the brush in front of the Tier 2 tower.

He's channeling TP in there, guaranteed.

I Flash-hopped the wall without hesitation and WEQ-combo'd straight into the brush. Sure enough, Renekton was mid-Teleport — a few auto-attacks later, the kill was mine.

Around the same time, our Jarvan finished off the fleeing Nunu. Having won the skirmish, I hit the recall button. Leaving lane had cost me a lot of minion waves, but it wasn't a bad trade. I'd burned about three waves, given up one kill, and walked away with three of my own.

Okay. This is a pretty good start.

"Are you kidding me, this Twisted Fate piece of— ahh, for fuck's sake!"

Park Kwon-tae stared at his grayed-out game screen and poured pure hatred onto TF.

"Yeah, I know I should've just taken the execute."

"But if I take the execute, Azir gets the XP."

"3MinCurry, thank you so much for the ten-thousand-won donation. Honestly, 3MinCurry's right — the forced hate has been insane lately. That's just facts, right?"

"Hey now. Don't cross the line."

Park Kwon-tae deleted the chats that had gone too far. One round of fear politics and the chat's heat dropped cold.

"Just wait a bit. I'll show you a proper carry."

To revive the fallen energy, Park Kwon-tae boldly tossed out a bluff-laced promise.

That did the trick — the chat's firepower, which had been dying down, roared back to life. Having restored the stream's atmosphere, Park Kwon-tae turned his focus back to the game.

Time flowed on, and the game reached its late stages. The kill score sat at 10 to 15 — practically a coin flip.

Not bad.

The situation itself wasn't bad. The later the game went, the higher Azir's carry potential climbed.

The Baron we'd taken once before had respawned. We'd already locked down vision, so the enemy team had none. On top of that, their bot inhibitor was down, which meant Renekton — the one holding Teleport — was away from the play. Given how absurdly fast Azir bursted objectives, starting Baron right now gave us a very real shot at securing it. No vision meant the enemy couldn't just walk in.

Our Jarvan, thinking the same ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thing I was, started hitting Baron. Take this and the win was basically free.

But then—

Our support dropped exactly two pings and peeled out of the Baron pit. Then he hooked the Nunu who was pushing up through the river brush, leading the charge himself.

What angle was he even seeing?

A completely incomprehensible engage from Nautilus. And because of that Nautilus, we were forced to choose one of two options: abandon him, finish Baron, and get out — or stop the Baron burst right here and take the teamfight.

Nautilus, who'd gone in first, was already eating focused fire from the entire enemy team. At this rate he was dead for sure. And in that moment, our top laner Malphite made the call.

Malphite Flash-closed the gap in an instant and ulted, knocking three of them up. Once the team's main tank had initiated, there was no choice but to follow. We hastily stopped the Baron burst and opened the fight.

Jarvan IV's Cataclysm slammed down on the enemies Malphite had launched — but the landing zone was far from where Samira and I were standing, creating an instant damage gap. Meanwhile, the three Malphite had knocked up were Renekton, Nunu, and Leona. That left a free-hit setup for a well-fed Tristana and Twisted Fate.

Samira and I tried to deal damage belatedly, but we were already losing the DPS war. When the dust settled, every ally except me was dead. On their side, TF, Renekton, and Tristana had survived.

Having won the teamfight, the enemy team marched down mid, where the wave was already pushed in. I recalled home at top speed, chugged a potion, and left the fountain. Then I tucked myself into the wall beside the mid inhibitor tower and waited for them.

Before long, the enemy advanced on the inhibitor tower with a minion wave in tow. I held my breath, waiting until I was just barely out of vision — and the instant I entered their sight range, I dumped every skill I had onto Tristana.

Azir's ultimate line echoed across the Rift.

Full-HP Tristana one-shot on the spot. That left Renekton, whose health management had been nonexistent since the Baron fight, and an underfed TF. I immediately cleaned up the bigger threat — Renekton.

TF tried to finish me off at half health, but I cycled my cooldowns and closed it out fast with a WEQ combo.

Ignite was ticking and it was close, but the shield from my E let me survive by a hair.

I flicked to the minimap and checked bot side. Two allied super minions were already leaning on the enemy twin towers. No hesitation — I activated the Unsealed Spellbook I'd been saving and swapped Cleanse for Teleport.

Fastest enemy respawn is Leona, nineteen seconds.

Teleport channel: 4.5 seconds. Could I push to the Nexus in 14.5?

"Easy."

Victory locked in, I let the corner of my mouth curl up. Twin towers went down. The moment I started hitting the Nexus, the freshly respawned Leona tried to stop me — but the Nexus hit zero first.

Match over, I logged into Curry's stream with my heart pounding. The first thing that hit my eyes was Curry himself — both hands covering his face, head bowed. A twinge of secondhand pity made me glance sideways, and there was the chat, descending into absolute chaos, messages flying by at a deranged speed.

The chat of a Curry who'd just had the first game of his promotion series demolished wasn't a chatroom anymore. It was a vision of hell.