He's Full of Shit
The next morning, the instant I opened my eyes every joint in my body screamed in agony. It was all because I’d spent the entire previous day walking around in those insane glass slippers, practicing my gait. My calves were swollen like balloons, and my ribs—crushed flat by the corset—ached with every single breath.
“Sir Knight. Or rather, Your Highness the Princess. Did you sleep well?”
The person who opened the door and stepped inside was the real princess, now occupying my original body. She looked surprisingly gallant in that silver armor stretched over my massive frame. But watching my own vicious face break into a bright, innocent smile was still deeply unsettling.
“Haa… Your Highness… I mean, Sir Knight, you look positively refreshed. I feel like I’m dying over here.”
“I’ve more or less gotten used to it.”
I sighed and swept my tangled hair back. Even sitting up in bed felt like a monumental task. This frail, beautiful girl’s body had the absolute worst recovery rate.
“Your Highness, I noticed something while watching you walk yesterday. You were far too stiff. My body isn’t meant to move like that.”
The real princess approached the bedside, slipped one of my original body’s thick arms around me, and began offering advice.
“Empty your mind. Stop calculating how you should walk or how to hold the skirt. Just release all the tension and let go. My body has habits built over a lifetime. If you stop thinking and simply trust it, the muscles will remember and move on their own.”
Empty your mind and move as the body remembers. It made sense. I never calculated sword swings with my head either—I simply trusted the muscle memory forged through tens of thousands of repetitions.
I slowly climbed down from the bed. I took a deep breath and swept every stray thought from my mind. Focusing only on the sensation beneath my toes, I relaxed the tension in my waist just a little.
Swish.
I took one step. It was miraculous. I hadn’t even tried to sway my hips, yet the moment my feet crossed, my backside naturally swayed with a gentle, feminine rhythm. My stiff neckline softened into an elegant curve, and the fingers holding the hem of my skirt formed graceful arcs. The moment my brain surrendered control, the poise engraved into the princess’s flesh rose to the surface on its own.
“Oh… it actually works? This is way more comfortable than I expected.”
“See? I told you!”
The real princess clapped with delight. It was slightly disturbing to see my rugged face giggling like a schoolgirl, but the advice had been genuinely useful.
“But Your Highness, I did something really amazing yesterday too!”
Suddenly the real princess glanced around nervously, then leaned in close to my ear. Watching her cover her mouth with that thick, calloused male palm while whispering felt deeply wrong.
“When I woke up I needed to use the bathroom. But Sir Knight’s body is so convenient! You don’t have to lift your skirt and squat at all!”
My heart plummeted. What the hell is this crazy woman saying?
“I just unzipped the pants and… you know, that thing between the legs. That huge elephant-trunk thing! I grabbed it with my hand, aimed it forward, and let it fly—it went so far! It was so fascinating I even drew pictures on the wall with it!”
“Hey, you lunatic! Shut up! Shut your mouth right now!”
I slapped the real princess on the back in pure horror. My face burned as if it would burst into flames. Soul swap or not, not only had she reduced my precious twenty-year-old pride to an “elephant trunk,” she’d used it to play piss-painting?
My clear, lovely voice cracked through the air in panic.
“Why…? I washed it really thoroughly afterward. It started getting hard, so I poked and squeezed it out of curiosity…”
“Don’t you dare poke and squeeze it! You’re not supposed to just grab and yank on that thing! Fuck, I’m going to lose my mind!”
She wasn’t even a teenage boy, yet the princess was this clueless about male anatomy. Just imagining what obscene things my poor other half might suffer under her innocent hands made my vision swim.
“His Majesty summons you both. Please proceed to the study at once.”
At that perfect moment Margareta entered the room. I cooled my flushed cheeks and hurriedly straightened my dress. An audience with the king. A cold sweat slid down my spine. He was the one who had hurled that terrifying contract at me last night.
The heavy mahogany door of the study swung open. The king seated behind the desk looked exhausted to the bone. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and the ashtray was overflowing with cigarette butts. It was only natural—no father could sleep knowing a thug-like mercenary had taken over his only daughter’s body.
“Your Majesty. You called for us?”
The real princess offered a surprisingly credible knight’s salute using my original body. I couldn’t fall behind. I strode forward with purpose.
“Loyalty! The sword of the kingdom greets Your Majesty!”
Thud!
Without thinking I clenched my right fist and slammed it against my left breast. It was an old habit from greeting superiors. A freezing silence descended over the study. Veins bulged on the king’s forehead. The hand holding his pen trembled violently.
“This… insane bastard… touching my daughter’s breasts in front of her own father?”
A suppressed curse slipped from the king’s lips.
“Have you forgotten whose body you wear? Swearing loyalty by pounding on that chest while dressed in fluttering silk? I want to cut your head off this instant.”
Shit. A mistake. In my zeal to show loyalty I had punched the heavy breasts pushing out above the corset.
I flinched and quickly gathered the hem of my skirt with both hands. I slid my right foot back, bent my knees, and spoke in the sweetest, most nasal tone I could manage, lips forming delicate shapes.
“F-Father… did you sleep well…?”
The shame felt like it would split my skull open. A grown man calling a king over fifty “Father” in that cutesy voice. My insides curled up so tightly I thought I might vanish from embarrassment.
“Haa… Enough. It’s revolting to watch, so stop.”
The king pressed hard against his temples as if fighting a migraine.
“Vacation is nearly over. Once you return to the academy, the eyes of every noble in the kingdom will be watching. You must not arouse even the slightest suspicion—especially in front of the Imperial Crown Prince, who has grown quite close to the princess lately. Be extra cautious there.”
“The Imperial Crown Prince… Your Majesty?”
“Indeed. He may become my daughter’s future husband. Minimize physical contact, but maintain warm, affectionate eye contact. Do you understand?”
Me—a crude male mercenary—exchanging lovey-dovey glances with another man? The very idea made acid rise in my throat. Still, for the sake of survival, I nodded desperately.
“And. You have not forgotten, I trust.”
The king’s eyes turned to ice. A murderous chill flooded the study. He leaned across the desk, staring straight through me.
“The final clause of the contract. I warned you not to touch my daughter’s body recklessly.”
My shoulders jerked. The king’s razor-sharp gaze bored into my eyes. I swallowed hard.
It was after the bath, lying in bed. The room was empty. I had stripped off the corset and diaper, wearing only a thin silk nightgown. The shame of losing control and wetting myself kept drawing my attention downward.
Had I cleaned it properly? Did it smell? At first it was nothing more than simple curiosity, a physiological check. I secretly slipped my hand beneath the blanket.
But this sensitive female body nearly blew every rational thought away with the lightest touch.
I had been too exhausted to continue, but…
“Why do you say nothing?”
The king’s icy voice snapped me back to reality. My heart hammered like it would explode, but I was a battle-hardened mercenary knight. Poker face? I had that down cold. I forced my eyes to sparkle and painted on the purest, most innocent expression I could manage.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand… I am an honorable knight of this kingdom. How could I possibly dare to lust after Her Highness’s sacred body in such a profane manner? I swear on my life that I did not lay a single finger upon her.”
The brazen lie slid smoothly from between my red lips. The king stared into my eyes for a long moment, then gave a short, derisive snort.
“Good. That is fortunate. Just in case you might try something foolish, I will tell you this now.”
He pulled something from the desk drawer and toyed with it.
“Protective magic has been passed down through the royal bloodline for generations. If any profane stimulation is applied to that body, a magical signal reaches me instantly. Had you done anything improper last night, your head would already be on display in the public square.”
“……!”
“Do not even think about trying any tricks in the future. If you leave so much as a single mark on my daughter’s body, I will turn you into minced meat on the spot.”
At the king’s terrifying threat I nodded frantically, face pale. The real princess trembled beside me.
“Dismissed. Prepare for afternoon training.”
The moment we left the study, cold sweat poured down my back. As the heavy door closed and only the two of us remained in the hallway, I hung my head and bit my lip hard.
Fuck. That was way too close.
While clutching my chest, a sudden realization struck me. Magical signal? It alerts him the moment there’s profane stimulation?
I swallowed a hollow laugh.
My ass. I already groped myself down there last night and nothing happened. The old man’s full of shit.
The king’s deadly threat had been nothing but a perfect bluff. Even while still tasting the terror of the guillotine, a wicked sense of victory bloomed inside me. Suppressing the smirk tugging at my lips, I straightened my corset-constricted waist.
He’s full of shit.