Give Me Back My Body, You Bastard!
I didn't give a damn about some stupid count title or whatever the hell came with it! I just wanted my body back! If you don't switch us back, I'll rip open the princess's stomach and die with her, so go ahead and try me!
The hellish etiquette lesson for the tea party finally ended. At last, the afternoon break had arrived. The moment I returned to the princess's bedroom, I collapsed onto the edge of the ornate canopy bed with a heavy thud. The instant the soft mattress enveloped my rear, a horrifying sensation shot up my spine.
Rustle.
Even the slightest movement made the plush diaper pressing against my crotch feel vividly real. The thick wad of cotton was crushing the sensitive flesh between my thighs. That humiliating sound echoed in my ears. Thanks to the corset, I couldn't even bend at the waist. I had to stay in this awkward, upright posture. Any shift in position would let the rigid steel boning mercilessly dig into my ribs.
But the absolute worst part was something else entirely. I'd been forced to choke down half a cup of black tea, and now my lower belly felt strangely heavy. I needed to piss. I really, desperately needed to piss. The sensation of my bladder expanding was transmitted perfectly through this unfamiliar female body. The signals were far more sensitive and urgent than anything I'd experienced as a man. It felt like a hot stream could leak out between my legs at any second, so without thinking, I clamped my thighs together tightly.
Rustle.
Every time I squeezed my thighs, the diaper wedged deeper between them. That bizarre feeling of the soft, thick fabric completely sealing off the area around my urethra. I shuddered at the terrible sense of relief it brought. I wanted to go to the bathroom. But I couldn't even bring myself to try. There was no way I could remove this complicated dress by myself. Untying the layers of ribbons and corset strings would require calling the maids.
Did that mean I'd have to lift my skirt in front of those elegant, refined maids and let them pull down this horrible diaper with their own hands? I was a twenty-year-old man who'd fought across battlefields and seen every kind of hardship. And now here I was, in a situation where I'd have to spread my legs in front of young maids and beg them to change my diaper. It would be better to just hold it until I died. Bursting my bladder and dying would be a hundred, a thousand times better than this humiliation.
I tensed the muscles in my lower abdomen and trembled violently. Cold sweat trickled down my pale forehead. At that moment, Margareta, who had been standing by the door, let out a deep sigh directed at me.
"Sigh... This is going to be a long road ahead."
Her voice carried an unmistakable note of utter despair. She was the head maid who always wore a cold iron mask of professionalism. Even she was genuinely horrified by the sight of me now.
"With such crude self-control, I cannot imagine how you will endure the academy's lengthy social schedule, Your Highness. Please maintain your dignity. Crossing your legs in such a vulgar manner will wrinkle your skirt hems."
Margareta approached and gave my knee a sharp tap. The moment my tightly clamped legs were forced apart, a chill swept over my crotch. My face burned red as a tomato from the shame. I wanted to argue back, but I knew that opening my mouth might make me lose control of my bladder entirely, so I could only bite my lip hard.
"Your Highness. The Royal Head Mage has arrived."
Finally, a maid's voice came from beyond the door. With a heavy clank, the massive iron door slowly opened. The person who entered was Lazarus, the Royal Head Mage. He was the very culprit who had swapped my soul with the real princess's last night.
But his appearance was just as bad. His silver robe was crumpled, and his white hair was falling out in patches. His body, well past sixty, looked so frail it might collapse at any moment. Dark circles hung heavily beneath his unkempt beard, reaching all the way to his chin. To anyone looking, he seemed like an old man on his deathbed. The title of greatest mage was nowhere to be seen; only an overworked, sickly elder stood there.
Yet that hollow gaze and the strange, vacant aura around him remained unchanged.
"Ahem. Both of you, please remain quiet. This is a private interview to check the soul settlement status. Head Maid, I ask that you leave the room for a moment."
Lazarus cleared his throat and spoke in a hoarse voice. Margareta shot me a doubtful glance. She performed a perfectly angled, courteous bow before quietly exiting the room. Clank. The heavy door closed, and the sound of the lock engaging followed.
Now only three remained in the room: the real princess's soul inside my bulky male body, me wearing a diaper in her body, and the half-dead old mage.
The instant the door shut, Lazarus's rigid shoulders slumped completely. The dignified look in his eyes vanished in a flash. He rubbed his dry face with trembling, wrinkled hands and collapsed onto the floor with a thud.
"Old man, why do you look so exhausted?"
"Haaaa... I'm going to die. Seriously, I'll either die from overwork or get my head chopped off by His Majesty's sword. One or the other."
What a sight, the Royal Head Mage sprawled on the floor and whining like that. But I wasn't about to lose when it came to complaining. The anger and resentment I'd been holding back exploded all at once.
"What the hell are you saying? Please save me... I beg you... just save me... I'm seriously going to lose my mind like this..."
I clutched my cheeks with both hands and wailed. The voice that came out of my mouth was disgustingly clear and beautiful. It was utterly bizarre to hear such a desperate, beastly howl emerge like pearls rolling on a silver tray.
"Oh dear... you've been through a lot, haven't you?"
Lazarus replied half-heartedly while patting my back. That casual tone finally snapped the last thread of my sanity.
"Uncomfortable? Fuck, adapt? Do you even know what I'm wearing between my legs right now?! A diaper! It's a goddamn diaper!"
I shot to my feet. The corset crushed my solar plexus and cut off my breath, but I endured through sheer willpower. The rustling sound filled the room.
"A twenty-year-old knight of the kingdom, and I'm wearing a diaper! I need to piss but I can't even go to the bathroom when I want! I can't breathe because of this corset, and these two melons on my chest are so heavy I want to die!"
The horrible disgust I felt even when I touched my own body. Everything was hell.
"Um, Sir Knight... I mean, Your Highness. Please calm down."
"I can't! I don't want to do this anymore! Just kill me!"
I collapsed onto the floor and stretched out my legs. My skirt fluttered and wrinkled, but I didn't care.
"I don't need some stupid count title or any of that crap! Just give me back my body! If you don't, I'll rip open my stomach with the princess and we'll both die, so do whatever the hell you want!"
My eyes rolled back as I completely lost control. The heavy sensation between my legs kept trampling my pride. I wanted to grab a dagger and stab myself in the gut right then. Or maybe strangle my real body sitting in the corner.
Lazarus rubbed his forehead and let out a deep sigh. The old man's wrinkled brow furrowed even deeper.
"Shut up and switch us back right now! You can do the soul swap, can't you?! You're the one who did it!"
I crawled toward him, trying to grab his collar. But my skirt tangled around my ankles and I just flailed helplessly. I tried to put strength into my arms, but this frail female body's muscles wouldn't obey me.
Lazarus hastily covered my mouth with his hand. Even the grip of this wrinkled, bony old man's hand was something I couldn't shake off now. It was utter helplessness.
"Shh! Be quiet! They'll hear us outside!"
He glanced at the door, then lowered his voice to a whisper.
"It's possible. To reverse-calculate and return the souls to their proper places... the materials alone will cost 100,000 gold coins."
"...What? 100,000 coins?"
I gasped sharply. My pupils shook like aspen leaves in the wind. 100,000 gold coins. It was an astronomical sum that I'd only be able to touch if I worked myself to death with night shifts my entire life, saving every single penny without spending a cent. It was money I could never earn even if I spent my whole life cutting down people.
"Then ask the king for it! His only daughter's life is on the line. Is that kind of money even an issue?!"
"Have you lost your mind?"
Lazarus shook his head, his face turning pale. Pure terror filled the old man's expression.
"His Majesty ordered me to resolve the curse... If I waste the treasury to return your body, the princess's curse will continue... And if we suddenly withdraw that much money from the national coffers, the noble faction will immediately pounce. If they start investigating the source of the funds, the secret of the cursed princess will be exposed... Then we'll all be dancing on the guillotine together."
"Fuck..."
It was hopeless. A curse that had gone unsolved for hundreds of years. If I asked the king for money, I'd lose my head. It meant I had no choice but to wait in this diaper-wearing princess body until I found a way to break this damn curse myself.
I bit my trembling lips. Hot tears welled up in my eyes.
"Then... we can just run away. Let's sneak out at night and escape. I could even dance in the streets with this princess body to earn money, right?"
When I muttered like a madman, Lazarus snorted. The old man's cloudy eyes pierced me with a cold stare.
"Face reality, Sir Knight. Do you really think you could climb over the palace walls with that body right now? With those mana-less, frail legs, you'd be crawling after just ten minutes of running."
He'd hit the nail on the head. Right now, just standing up from a chair left me breathless. The corset was squeezing my organs so I couldn't even run properly. My strength was at a truly hopeless level. Forget climbing walls; I'd be lucky not to trip over my own heavy skirts.
"Besides, if you run away, what happens to your family? Do you think His Majesty would let them live? By tomorrow morning... all their heads will be hanging on the palace walls."
My breath caught in my throat. My younger sibling's face flashed through my mind. They were blood brothers and sisters I'd fought alongside and trusted with my back. I couldn't drag them into danger just to save myself. This was a perfect hostage situation. The king knew my weaknesses far too well.
"Most importantly..."
Lazarus's gaze dropped to below my skirt. A bitter smirk tugged at his lips.
"Right now, you can't even remove the armor you're wearing down there without the maids' help, can you? With a body that can't even go to the bathroom alone, where exactly do you think you're going to run?"
Bang.
It felt like I'd been hit in the head with a hammer. That was the most painful weakness of all. Even if I ran, I couldn't take off this complicated dress by myself. I couldn't even lower the diaper inside my skirt. The image of me slowly dying on the roadside, pissing and shitting myself, appeared vividly before my eyes.
A body so pathetic I couldn't even handle the most basic human dignity on my own. I was no different from a thoroughly domesticated beast.
"Haaa... Asking me to solve a royal curse that hasn't been broken in hundreds of years... Are you all insane? I'm not some god."
Lazarus banged his head against the wall and muttered self-mockingly.
"At this point, I'm seriously considering packing my bags and running away myself. Or maybe I should swap into the body of some young, handsome noble heir while we're at it? Hahaha. If I sell everything, I might be able to scrape together 100,000 coins... Hahaha."
"......"
It was ridiculous. His own life was hanging by a thread, and he was cracking jokes? Seeing that frivolous mouth and materialistic attitude made me doubt whether this old man actually had the ability to break the curse. I couldn't believe my entire life was in the hands of this dying geezer.
"Haha, just kidding. Anyway, for the time being, both of you must adapt perfectly to your current bodies. Especially you, Sir Knight. In a month and a half, you'll have to attend the academy in the Empire..."
"The academy..."
The moment I heard that word, everything went black before my eyes. The heart of high society where noble children from across the nation gathered. Did that mean I'd have to enter that glamorous academy while wearing a diaper? Sitting quietly, sipping tea with an elegant smile? It meant I'd have to dance at balls under hundreds of watchful eyes, terrified that something might leak between my legs.
I clenched the muscles in my lower abdomen. The bladder, swollen from the tea, throbbed like it was about to burst. My legs shook reflexively. The thick diaper pressed damply against my crotch. There was no escape.
No money. No strength. My comrades held hostage. I was trapped in this frail, sensitive female body, forced to live every day shamefully begging the maids to change my diaper. A serious thought circled in my head that it might be better to just bite my tongue and die right now.
In the abyss of despair, I squeezed my eyes shut. Only the unpleasant rustling sound filled the heavy silence of the room.