In the Music
"Ow, my legs hurt..."
I rub my thigh, grumbling under my breath. Roller coasters are all well and good, but if only something could be done about the safety bar crushing your legs the whole ride.
"Shall we sit down somewhere nearby for a bit?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine. I was just talking to myself, haha..."
After Atlantis, we'd been drifting around the park with no particular destination. Every corner we turned was swarming with people, and a rough eyeball estimate told me each ride would mean a wait of well over two hours. We were lucky Atlantis had only cost us about an hour.
"Should we get lunch first and figure out the rest from there?"
"Mm... sure. Is there anything you'd like to eat? Anything's fine with me."
Chiwon, you can't just say that? This is exactly the moment where you're supposed to toss out options like "How about Chinese?" or "Do you like tonkatsu?"
"Then shall we go eat ramyeon?"
"...What?"
Chiwon's dazed expression didn't clear until we'd walked a few minutes and stopped in front of a restaurant. I had said it, yes, but did he seriously think we'd come all the way to Lotte World to eat instant ramyeon?
"Ah... you startled me."
Chiwon mutters it under his breath. I can hear you, you know! The place we'd arrived at was one of those quick-service spots selling tonkatsu, jjajangmyeon, and other easy meals. After a short wait we ordered, chashu ramen for me and fried rice for Chiwon, claimed a table, and I studied his face. His expression was a little... complicated?
"Do you like ramyeon?"
"Yes. I don't usually eat it that often, but I found myself craving it after so long."
That was, of course, a lie. I love ramyeon so much that going a single day without a bowl feels like thorns sprouting on my tongue. Other noodles, kalguksu or jjolmyeon and the like, are just so-so, so why does instant ramyeon have to taste so impossibly good?
"Inje absolutely loves ramyeon too, you know. She loves the packet stuff so much more than proper ramen that back in school she'd crush it up and eat it in place of her school lunch."
"Wow, she must really love her ramyeon."
Back then, school lunch felt like such a chore that I'd fake a trip down to the cafeteria and hole up in some corner, tearing into a packet of ramyeon instead. The noise would give me away, and friends would come sniffing me out and steal a piece each. You took a whole heap of my ramyeon back then too, you know!
"You remind me of Inje somehow, Haeun."
Eh, did I get caught? However he read the alarm on my face, Chiwon hurried to add,
"Please don't take that the wrong way. I didn't mean anything bad by it."
"Oh, oh... right. Of course I know! I know exactly what kind of person Inje is, so..."
"How should I put this... Mm, it's not just her tastes, it's something... it's honestly hard to put into words."
"In the sense that it's just comfortable being around her? Today's the first time I've actually met you, but it feels like we've been friends for years."
Comfortable to be around, he says. So that's how you've been seeing me all this time.
"...Ah, was that a strange thing to say? I think I got a little too comfortable there..."
"No. I'm really... glad. I'm sure Inje treasures you too..."
An awkward silence settles over us for a moment. But it isn't the silence of having nothing left to say; it's a chosen silence, both of us working to smother the strange current running between us, one of us sunk in gratitude and embarrassment, the other in bewilderment and bashfulness. Ding! A cheerful little jingle chimes from the counter.
"...I think our food's up."
The ramen was delicious. It's just that, with the mood the way it was, I couldn't tell whether it was going down my throat or my nose. It must have been the same for Chiwon, because he picked at his fried rice more halfheartedly than usual. After that, hardly a word passed between us until the meal was over, at most a "Shall I grab you some water?" or a "Do you need napkins?"
We paid and stepped outside, and I stretched first, arms reaching for the sky. Ugh, everything aches. It was only just past lunchtime, so why was I this exhausted already? Chiwon, walking up behind me, spoke up out of nowhere.
"Haeun, I think something's stuck to your back."
"Really?"
A leaf, maybe? I thought nothing of it and reached back to feel. My fingertips found soft leather skin and the cold metal teeth of a zipper. Nothing to worry about... wait. He couldn't possibly mean this was what he'd seen, could he?
"Yes. That thing you're touching right now. It looks like some kind of zipper, but where on earth would you even get one..."
Fuck, I'd forgotten. Had I grown so used to blouses that covered the back of my neck that I'd completely failed to remember the obvious fact that short sleeves left it bare? Come to think of it, until now I'd either been walking hand in hand with Chiwon or standing behind him. That was the only reason I hadn't been caught, and then, like an idiot, I had to go and stand right in front of him...!
"Ah, ah, this? This is, well... um..."
I stalled, hand clamped over the zipper. What on earth was I supposed to say? After a desperate scramble through every possibility, I landed on one excuse that barely deserved the name.
"Actually, this is, uh, I hurt my back really badly when I was little. So I had surgery, and, um, how do I put it... one of the side effects is that I have to wear this thing on the back of my neck. It's, you know, sort of a medical device. It's always been there, er, so there's really no need to worry about me. Ah, thank you for worrying, though!"
What kind of rambling nonsense was that? A surgical side effect that forces you to wear a zipper-shaped medical device on the back of your neck? Where in the world does such a device exist? And there wasn't a single scar back there, so what "serious injury" was that supposed to have been? Idiot, idiot, absolute moron! Even if the words wouldn't come, surely he wasn't going to swallow a pathetic excuse like that?
"...It doesn't hurt now, though, right?"
"Sorry?"
I spun around to find Chiwon wearing a genuinely worried look. What was with that face? Had he actually believed what I'd just said? He believed that?
"...Yes! It was a real injury from when I was little, so I'm fine now. I've gotten used to this thing on my neck, too..."
"That's a relief. Still, just to be safe, if anything ever feels off, tell me right away."
Phew. Somehow, it seemed, I'd talked my way through. Well, no matter how sharp his instincts were, he'd never guess this was an actual zipper. Who would imagine there was a person inside the leather? I let out a secret sigh, cold sweat prickling down my spine. Still, just to be safe: from now on, never stand in front of Chiwon. And trailing too far behind was out of the question, so walking beside him, hand in hand like before, would be the safest option, wouldn't it? Absolutely not because I wanted to hold his hand. Obviously.
"Chiwon!"
I called out to him as he walked a few steps ahead. He stopped and turned, and I seized his hand.
"...Let's hold hands again."
"...Okay."
Our gazes kept missing each other, our footsteps falling out of step, but with the same feeling tucked away in both our hearts, hands clasped once more, we walked on.
"Today was so much fun. Ah, it's been forever since I enjoyed myself like this."
"Same here."
Late that evening, leaning on the second-floor railing with the parade unfolding below, we made easy conversation. We hadn't even ridden all that much, and yet the hours had slipped away like this. It felt a little unfair.
"Which ride was your favorite? I think I liked the Gyro Drop best."
"Eh... the Gyro Drop..."
Honestly, I'd had no intention of riding the Gyro Drop. But today was a date, and wanting to meet him halfway, I rode one for the first time in my life. Two things I learned: the Gyro Drop is fucking terrifying, and this body can produce a truly impressive scream.
"For me... Sindbad's Adventure."
There's a charm to drifting quietly along the water and taking in the scenery, and I especially love that final stretch where the boat plunges straight down. It's thrilling without ever being truly scary. Though there was the small mishap of the splash soaking my chest enough that my bra showed through. Small... wasn't quite the word for it. I really should have gotten a picture of Chiwon's face right then.
Beyond that, the day had been full of little joys: jumping out of my skin in the haunted house and practically collapsing into Chiwon's arms; flagging down a passing couple in matching headbands to take our photo; riding the carousel while our eyes kept meeting, each of us turning away and glancing back, over and over. It had been genuinely fun, fun enough that I wished today could just keep going.
"Haeun."
I didn't take my eyes off the parade, but I could picture exactly what kind of expression Chiwon was wearing right now. And if what I imagined was right...
"There's something I need to tell you."
I turned to look at him. Tension, fear, and a resolve hardened all at once, a face that looked ready to burst into tears on the spot. Sincerity deserved to be met with sincerity. I turned my body and closed the distance. Three steps, two, then one more. We stood facing each other, barely a fist's width apart.
I couldn't return Chiwon's feelings. Because the person standing here was, in the end, a fake, nothing more than an act, a woman called Yu Haeun played by someone else. So this was where it had to end. Today had been wonderful, truly, but not quite enough to become lovers. We should stay friends, the kind who only checked in now and then. That was what I meant to say. That was what I had to say.
"I like you, Haeun."
Why did that one sentence, those eyes so full of sincerity, shake me this badly?
Silence stretched between us. I just stood there, staring down at his chest, until his voice came again, bitter at the edges.
"...I see. Understood. I mean, what did I expect, being who I am. I went and poured my feelings all over you without even knowing how you felt. What I just said, so, please forget..."
Rising onto my tiptoes, I cupped Chiwon's head in both hands and kissed him. Eyes turned away from the catastrophe waiting somewhere down the road, I did exactly as my overflowing feelings commanded. Beneath the parade's thundering music, we shared our first kiss as a couple.
"...I like you too."