The Self-Proclaimed Son of Heaven (3)

The occupation of Taishan Commandery ended far too anticlimactically. The bastards who had been operating in the shadows until now had shown signs of unease, but the moment the Black Mountain Army began its advance, nothing stood in our way.

"Hey, look at that. The city gates are just wide open?"

"No one's even guarding them. Should we go taste the place a bit?"

One soldier muttered with a hollow chuckle, but no one responded. Not a single person laughed. The atmosphere was such that no one even considered looting or running their mouths. Right now, the Black Mountain Army wasn't a band of 'bandits'—it was an actual 'army' that I had trained like a madman.

I turned my head from atop my horse, scanning the surroundings. An empty fortress. Abandoned government offices. Traces of officials who had fled in panic. And the commoners peeking out from behind walls or from between alleyways, watching us. The look in their eyes was obvious. Fear and contempt.

"The bandits are here."

"Our village is going to get pillaged too..."

"Hide the women! Fuck, they'll drink all the liquor and smash everything."

Whispers came from all directions, accompanied by the sounds of children crying and doors slamming shut. I slowly turned my head. Yu Byeok approached and spoke quietly.

"Boss. The commoners... ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠seem even more anxious than we expected."

"Of course they do," I smirked. "The fact that all of Taishan Commandery is empty is proof of just how rotten this country has become. But no matter how rotten the country is, when bandits move into the empty spots... to those bastards, we're scarier than corrupt officials."

Yu Byeok looked like he had something to say, but he swallowed it down without speaking. At that moment, a group of local officials revealed themselves in front of the Black Mountain Army's path. They stomped the ground roughly and shouted.

"What is the meaning of this! How dare bandits occupy the commandery and threaten the people!"

"We are the officials of this land! Black Mountain bandits seizing a commandery! This is treason! Treason!"

Their blatant shouts twisted the expressions of some soldiers. Hands tightened around sword hilts, and a few reached for the bows at their waists.

"Boss." Yu Byeok quietly awaited orders.

I nodded. "Ignore them and keep moving."

"Understood."

The Black Mountain Army passed by without sparing them a single glance. Amid the sound of hooves pounding the earth, Yu Byeok muttered like a sigh.

"These guys... they're listening far better than I expected."

I burst out laughing. "Fuck, after how hard I drilled them? Any bastard who doesn't listen to my orders gets his head chopped off. Though, fuck, they might still ignore the 'don't rape the women' part."

I slowly turned my horse's head, gazing back at Taishan as it gradually faded into the distance. "But can those bastards still call us bandits after this? The imperial army doesn't move, but bandits step up to suppress the rebels. Fuck. The world's truly gone to shit. Gone to shit."

The soldiers following behind continued their march in silence. And the eyes of the commoners watching them began to change little by little. From fear... to doubt. From doubt... to confusion. And that confusion was completely overturned when we took our 'next action.'

The Black Mountain Army that had occupied Taishan Commandery divided its forces and stationed them in each county. Abandoned government offices and fleeing officials. Only heavy silence flowed through the empty alleys.

Behind the government office of one such county, soldiers kicked up layers of old dust as they opened the warehouse doors. There, sacks of grain were piled up like mountains. The stench of rot stung the nose, but half of it was still usable.

"These fuckers... they hid it all away just to stuff their own faces."

"The commoners can't even eat shit, but the government office is overflowing with grain? Fuck."

As the soldiers grumbled and checked the grain in their hands, Yu Byeok approached me.

"Boss. What do you intend to do with this grain?"

Without even turning around, I spat out, "Distribute it."

Yu Byeok frowned. "Pardon?"

"Give it all away. Right now. Load it onto carts and send it to every village. Take it directly to households with the elderly or infirm."

The surrounding soldiers all lifted their heads at once. Their eyes were filled with suspicion.

"You're really... giving this away?"

"Wasn't this our military rations?"

"Bandits handing out grain?"

A murmur spread among the soldiers at this unfamiliar order. Their eyes seemed to ask if bandits giving anything to commoners had lost their minds.

I silently raised my head. "We're twenty-five thousand strong, you idiots. Twenty-five thousand. You think this much grain would even fill our bellies? I'll make sure you bastards get fed, so just hand it out, you morons."

When I barked at them, the soldiers lowered their gazes and began to move. Seeing this, Yu Byeok smiled faintly.

"Boss... if you do this, the commoners' reaction will surely..."

"Change. Yeah." I walked slowly past the wall toward the city gates. As the carts loaded with grain sacks arrived at each village one by one, the commoners began to peek out their heads.

At first, no one approached. Suspicion, fear, bewilderment. The word 'bandit' meant plunder, and to those who believed it, these carts must have looked like traps.

"Is this... really being given to us?"

"For free...? Seriously?"

"What's going on? There must be some scheme behind this, right?"

Whispers leaked out from among the people. The soldiers standing before the carts silently distributed the sacks. They moved like machines and didn't utter a word. Even the soldiers who usually cracked jokes were now rigidly disciplined.

One old woman reached out with trembling hands and took a sack of grain. Then, as if frightened, she looked up at the soldier.

"...Can we... really take this?"

Instead of answering, the soldier simply nodded. At that single nod, the old woman collapsed to her knees and burst into tears.

"Thank you... Thank you so much..."

Hearing her, the people around her began to approach one by one and accept the sacks. Wariness still lingered, but awkward smiles gradually spread across their faces. Whether those smiles were genuine or just an act for survival, I didn't know... but the fear was definitely disappearing.

An old local official watching the scene from afar muttered from behind a wall.

"This... isn't the bandits I knew..."

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Yu Byeok glanced at me and said, "Boss. At this rate, public sentiment will completely turn in our favor."

I nodded indifferently. "The commoners aren't idiots. If they switched sides after one act of charity, they'd be dogs, not humans."

"Did you plan this from the beginning?"

I snorted and tapped my sword hilt. "At the very least, I need to manage public sentiment in my own territory. It's not even our military rations anyway, so what's the problem with giving it away?"

"You are absolutely right, Boss."

I stared at the setting red sun and muttered, "You need justification and public support to do anything. What a pain in the ass. Fuck."

Mounted on my horse, I raised my hand briefly. "Leave two thousand in Taishan. The entire army will advance to Qing Province. Understood?"

"Yes, Boss!"

Tens of thousands of soldiers shouted in unison. Hooves began to move, and the Black Mountain Army's banners fluttered once more. Taishan Commandery had now become the Black Mountain Army's territory, at least temporarily. The next target was the head of the false Son of Heaven marching on Qing Province.

The moment we set foot in Qing Province, an entire village fell silent. The marching Black Mountain Army kicked up dust, sending jars and laundry laid out along the roadside flying. Several commoners began packing their belongings and fleeing.

"The bandits have reached Qing Province too!"

"Kyaaaah! Run!"

Children screamed along every marching route, and the commoners fled the instant they saw us. Without exception, the people of Qing Province looked at the Black Mountain Army with eyes full of terror.

"We haven't even looted or pillaged anything, yet it's like this. Fuck."

One soldier walking at the front muttered.

"It was the same in Taishan, but it's even worse here. I mean, we are actual bandits... but do we really deserve this kind of treatment?"

"We are bandits. But this time we haven't done any bandit stuff. We handed out grain, didn't touch the women, didn't burn any villages... fuck..."

"Ha, my hands are getting itchy."

The soldiers' complaints poured out one after another. They all felt a strange, awkward discomfort. They knew they were bandits, but they also realized their current actions weren't very bandit-like. And that dissonance made them openly displeased with the commoners' reactions.

Watching their pathetic state, I said nothing and simply rode forward. The bastards who had been grumbling immediately shut their mouths. Not a single one met my eyes. Even without me saying a word, those morons seemed to understand exactly what I wanted to say.

'If they didn't get it, I'd just chop their heads off anyway.' Fortunately, I didn't need to draw my sword today.

Then Yu Byeok turned his horse and rode up beside me. "Did you anticipate the commoners' reaction?"

"It'd be strange if it were any different." I answered calmly. "The government troops holed up inside Qingcheng and refuse to come out. These people only care about avoiding losses. In Yanzhou, even the idiots at least pretended to send troops out to suppress rebellions unless it was something like Zhang Jue."

I cleared my dry throat and continued. "The Qing Province bastards have mouths to curse us from behind, but the ones brave enough to charge at us with blades have been dead for a long time."

"So that's why you pushed forward so aggressively?" Yu Byeok asked cautiously.

I slowly turned to look at him. His expression clearly read, 'Boss, what are you thinking by pushing this far?'

"Hey, Yu Byeok."

"Yes?"

"We're not looting, we're handing out grain, and we're not touching the commoners, right?"

"Yes. That is correct."

"But the commoners are terrified and running away, and the government troops inside Qingcheng aren't moving an inch?"

"Correct."

I chuckled. "Then what does that make bandits like us who aren't acting like bandits?"

"...What does it make us?"

"It makes us not bandits, you idiot." I spat out a thick wad of phlegm and continued. "Fuck, this is just war. War. I only said we were coming out to protect our territory because I was worried the guys below would get noisy. You already know that, don't you?"

Yu Byeok pressed his lips tightly shut. I kept talking.

"So, what should we do now?"

".....I don't know."

"Fuck, once you've raised the stakes in a gamble, you have to keep betting until your hands get cut off. No matter how good bandits are at plundering, they're still bandits in the end. In the end, they either get their heads chopped off or get betrayed. That's the fate of bandit bastards. Got it?"

I turned my reins toward the north. "Fuck, Qing Province isn't anything special. The commoners are scared shitless, the so-called government troops are too afraid of the rebels to leave their walls, and ironically, we—the actual bandits—are the ones going out to stop the rebels."

"...But is it necessary to be this proactive?"

I looked at Yu Byeok again. "Hey, the proactive ones get to eat more."

"......."

"I'm still hungry."

After riding in silence for a while, I roughly recalled the map in my head. 'North of Qing Province... If Zhang Jue is coming down, he'll naturally head that way. Since he's cavalry-heavy, he'll want to charge through open terrain. He can't maneuver easily in narrow or rough areas, and there's no reason for him to deliberately enter muddy ground and reduce his mobility.'

I turned my head toward Yu Byeok. "Yu Byeok."

"Yes."

"What's the terrain like north of Qing Province?"

"It consists of plains and rolling hills. The plains are ideal for cavalry operations. It's completely open."

I smiled faintly. "Right. Then that's where he'll come."

At my confident answer, Yu Byeok quietly closed his mouth.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"Ah, fuck. Looks like I'll finally get to meet that so-called 'Son of Heaven.'"

I muttered while picking my nose. That afternoon, a scout returned covered in dust. Before he even dismounted, he yanked the reins and fell weakly to his knees before me, bowing his head to the ground.

"Boss!"

"Why are you crawling over here in such a hurry? Catch your breath first, then speak."

I waved my hand in annoyance. The man took a deep breath and spoke immediately.

"Zhang Jue! The false Son of Heaven Zhang Jue's forces are entering northern Qing Province!"

I tilted my head slightly from atop my horse. "How many troops?"

"Over fifty thousand... Most are cavalry, advancing rapidly southward in formation!"

Yu Byeok asked sharply from the side. "Who was at the front?"

"...Zhang Jue himself has come out. He's wearing golden armor with a purple silk cloak, openly showing his face at the vanguard and shouting 'True Mandate Son of Heaven'!"

Hearing that, I slowly curled my lips into a smile. "True Mandate Son of Heaven, my ass. The world's reached the point where dragging along a few tens of thousands of barbarians makes you the Son of Heaven."

I slowly turned my head. The sky stretching toward northern Qing Province was gradually growing darker.

"Good. Then let's go take a look."

I raised my hand from atop my horse. "All forces, advance north."

"Yes!"

"Hey, before we head north, open your ears and listen well. From now on, we're fighting a real war. Not banditry—war. And on their side is a son of a bitch claiming to be the Son of Heaven. If we lose, we're bandits. If we win... that bastard will be the one ending up as nothing but a bandit."

The soldiers' eyes gleamed.

"Raise the banners."

The Black Mountain Army's black banners began to flutter once more. I slightly lifted my head to look at those black banners.

"Let's go. Since some idiot is spouting off about the Mandate of Heaven, we'll shove the real Mandate of Heaven down his throat."

Northern Qing Province plains. As the Black Mountain Army lined up across the tranquil fields, the first thing to appear was the wind. A cool breeze blowing from the south flattened the weeds, and soon dust rose from far away.

"There they are." Yu Byeok pointed with his hand. "They're coming. They're in formation, and most of their forces are cavalry."

I slowly shifted my gaze from atop my horse. The army revealed as the dust settled. Rough cavalry and northern barbarians with crude weapons—not typical bandits or government troops. And at their vanguard, one conspicuously ornate object pierced toward the sky.

A golden banner. And in its center, the massive characters for 'True Mandate' were embroidered.

"Hahaha, fuck." I let out a chuckle. "So he's calling himself the True Mandate Son of Heaven."

The banner gleaming in the sunlight was excessively gaudy, and right beneath it, Zhang Jue sat atop his horse like a tower. The bastard was wearing golden armor. A purple silk cloak fluttered behind him, and the ornaments around his waist jingled with every movement.

'This fucker stayed quiet as a mouse when the Yellow Turbans were running wild...'

I remembered Zhang Jue, who had been the Grand Administrator of Taishan a few years ago. During the height of the Yellow Turban Rebellion, he hadn't budged from his headquarters and had sent messengers to the court begging them to suppress the Yellow Turbans in Yanzhou like spam messages. Now that same bastard was leading a barbarian cavalry force across the main road while calling himself the True Mandate Son of Heaven.

"Fuck, anyone can see this is just playing emperor, right?"

"But the propaganda effect is undeniable," Yu Byeok muttered quietly. "...It won't shake our men, but it will carry considerable intimidation for anyone watching."

I sniffed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Well, bastards like this are the most fun to chew up and spit out."

As I spoke, the vanguard on Zhang Jue's side also halted their formation. Before the two armies' front lines could clash, a single cavalryman holding a banner rode out from the center.

"His Majesty the Son of Heaven summons Jang Yeon of the Black Mountain Army! Receive the imperial command!"

"Boss." Yu Byeok asked quietly. "What will you do?"

I turned my head slightly. "I'll go. Let's see the face of this Son of Heaven bastard who claims to have received the Mandate. And I need to check whether that banner-waving fucker is telling me to kneel before the Son of Heaven."

I slowly pulled my reins and stepped forward. In the middle of the field where both armies' vanguards had stopped, a figure in golden armor drew closer through the dusty wind. It was Zhang Jue.

The bastard rode out with an arrogant demeanor, followed by five guards. They wore red armor, carried round shields and sharp swords, and glared at me with murderous eyes.

'He's really going all out with this emperor cosplay, the son of a bitch.'

I sniffed and dismounted. And I brought no one with me. Just one sword and one horse. That was enough.

In the center of the battlefield where both armies' gazes were focused, we stood facing each other. The self-proclaimed Son of Heaven who kept babbling about the Mandate, and me—the one who started as a bandit and raised an army.

When the guards tried to take a step toward me, Zhang Jue raised his hand to stop them.

"Do not draw your blades recklessly before me. Today, I have come to bestow grace."

Even his nonsense sounded refined when delivered so elegantly. He must think it makes him look impressive.

"Jang Yeon of Black Mountain." Zhang Jue opened his mouth. His voice was awkwardly low and attempted to sound dignified, but even a shallow look revealed his precarious bravado oozing through.

"I know all of your actions. I have heard that you ceased your banditry and distributed grain to the commoners. I commend your intent."

I crossed my arms and glanced at the bastard spouting nonsense. "So what? Are you going to give me rice cakes? Or has the great Son of Heaven himself come out to personally bestow a reward?"

Zhang Jue's eyebrows twitched slightly, but he quickly regained his pompous attitude.

"I am the one who has received the Mandate of Heaven. Heaven has abandoned Han and entrusted this world to me. You know it as well, do you not? That the current court is corrupt and rotten."

I immediately shot back. "So that's why you're waving banners around claiming to be the Son of Heaven? No matter how many banners you raise, a retard is still a retard, isn't he?"

"How dare...!" When one of Zhang Jue's guards tried to step forward, Zhang Jue raised his hand again.

"I am magnanimous. Though you are but a lowly bandit, if you pledge allegiance to me now, I shall appoint you as Inspector of Yanzhou and treat you generously."

"Wow, fuck." I finally burst out laughing. "Puhahaha. Alright, let's get this straight. A bandit was quietly living his life when some crazy bastard uses heaven as an excuse to join hands with barbarians and raise an army? Then he comes to the quiet bandit and offers him an official post if he submits?"

"I am—"

"Shut your mouth, you fucking retard."

At my words, the guards behind Zhang Jue reached for their sword hilts. But Zhang Jue gestured again. Imitating the emperor in a laughable manner, he lifted his head.

"I have received the command of Heaven. One who does not understand the Mandate like you will eventually—"

"Fuck, stop with the Mandate of Heaven bullshit. Who the hell would believe a guy who goes ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠around cutting commoners' throats with Wuhuan barbarians is the Son of Heaven?"

Veins bulged on Zhang Jue's forehead. I took one step forward.

"You're just a piece of shit from Taishan, you son of a bitch. When the Yellow Turbans were crawling everywhere, you couldn't even open your mouth. What qualifications do you have to play emperor? No, fuck. If a guy who was hiding back then suddenly comes out wearing golden armor, does that make him the Son of Heaven? He's just a yellow clown."

"Jang Yeon!!!" Zhang Jue roared. His face twisted with rage. "For the crime of insulting me! I shall take your head and offer it to Heaven!"

"Sure. Go ahead and try, you son of a bitch. I'll fight Heaven itself, you bastard."

Zhang Jue drew his sword. At the same time, his guards pulled out their blades and charged.

"All troops, charge!! Annihilate the bandit who has insulted me!"

The Wuhuan cavalry in the rear broke formation and began tearing across the plains. The golden banner flashed, and the sound of hooves covered the ground.

I turned my head. "Don't look back, just retreat! You sons of bitches!"

"Yes!"

The Black Mountain Army's cavalry retreated without looking back, and some genuinely fled in fear. Fuck, I'll drill them even harder when we get back.

And I looked at Zhang Jue one last time. 'The bastard who claims to have received the Mandate of Heaven got lured in by a mere bandit. What a catch. What a catch.'

A smile hung on my lips.

"Fuck, chase me all the way to the end. I'll crush your skull for real."