A Taste of What I Want

"……."

[…….]

[…….]

An awkward silence hung in the air. I thought the terms I'd offered were pretty reasonable, but apparently the kids didn't see it that way.

'…Not enough?'

My siblings must have thought the money was too little. Then again, they were college students scraping together everything they had to help me out.

"9, 9.5 to 0.5?"

I lowered the offer even further. The reason I couldn't just give them the full ten was simple—I wanted to use the money I earned doing what I actually wanted to do to buy chicken. Until now, I'd only ever done things I hated. I'd taken whatever jobs I could get, even ones that hired minors, or sometimes disappeared for days at a time to work part-time. Most of what I made—eight-tenths of it—went straight to Dad. He'd taken eight-tenths. The remaining two-tenths was what I'd managed to skim off.

I'd saved every last bit I could, adding it to the living expenses Dad occasionally brought home, just to feed the kids. One piece of chicken. The first time I ever touched food meant for them, the guilt was drowned out by something else—pure bliss. I still remember clearly how close I came to crying. That was the first time I realized chicken could taste that good.

Of course, that one piece was also the last. If I ate something that delicious, there'd be less for my siblings. So I wanted to buy it just one more time with money I'd earned myself. Just once more, with my own hands. Even if it killed me, I just wanted to order it.

"I… I want chicken… S-so, is it okay if I take this much?"

I asked hesitantly. Even to me, it felt like I was asking for too much.

As expected. They thought I was taking too much.

"S-sorry… Is the amount I'm keeping too big?"

[Huh?]

"…It's fine. I don't have to eat chicken."

Right. Who needs chicken anyway?

"…Sorry. I got ahead of myself. Hehe, you can take it all!"

I smiled brightly as I said it. Thank goodness the kids were so kind. They were the type who could talk things out instead of hitting. That alone was enough to make me feel satisfied. There was no greater joy than watching them grow up right.

[…….]

[…….]

"Kids?"

But for some reason, they weren't saying anything. It couldn't be that they still thought it wasn't enough. Jiwoo and Minwoo just opened and closed their mouths without making a sound.

Jiwoo muttered, looking away from the screen. Minwoo's eyes were red as he forced a smile at me.

"…Th-that much? Then how about 11 to -1?"

Giving a little more wasn't hard. …Though with my body like this, finding part-time work would be difficult. 'If I go to some really shady places, maybe…'

I could pay that price if it meant doing what I wanted.

"Thanks, you two."

I smiled at them.

"…I'll work hard and pay you back! I won't give up halfway either!"

Since they weren't saying anything, I figured they agreed.

"Thanks for accepting the terms!"

Just as I was about to hang up—

"…Huh?"

Jiwoo shouted at me. She'd suddenly changed the contract terms. She must have misspoke while trying to tell me to take only three.

"You're saying I should only take three? Really?"

Three would be enough for chicken. But when I asked, Jiwoo's face turned pale in an instant. She really ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠did think three was too much.

Jiwoo looked shocked. It was surprising enough that Minwoo was yelling and offering me two. I smiled and said,

"You said it wrong. Isn't it too much to mess up at the same time?"

[…….]

[…….]

Neither of them could speak. The shock must have been enormous.

"Anyway, thanks! For thinking of me."

I smiled and hung up.

-Click!

"…I raised them well."

Getting a guaranteed two-tenths. That ratio I'd once had to steal while walking on eggshells, risking my life for it—I could now claim it legitimately.

"…I'm happy."

I was happy. Happy that my siblings were looking out for me in so many ways. Happy that they loved me. I lay on the bed and kicked my feet for a long time.

"…I won't need the box cutter today."

I moved my ever-present partner, always ready for "consultations," a little farther from the bedside. My chest swelled with happiness. Thump-thump. My heart raced. It felt like I might die if I stayed like this. With a body this frail, a heart beating this fast really might kill me. But ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it wouldn't stop.

"…I'm scared."

I was terrified. That's why becoming happy was so frightening. Just like when I was in pain, just like when someone cursed at me—my heart pounded like it was going insane. But today, I was happy anyway. The feeling was so good it blew even that fear away.

"What I want to do……"

Now, I could finally do what I wanted. I wasn't sure if my personality would let me do it well, but—

"A… a Vtuber should be doable… yeah."

I didn't have to show my face. And I could still talk with expressions. I'd heard it was expensive, but if I earned money at an 8-2 split and worked hard to pay them back, it'd be fine.

I was happy. I'd tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come.

"If I'm going to stream and play with Minwoo, I should at least practice, right?"

Smiling, I launched EoW for the sake of streaming and Minwoo.

"…That was fast."

I marveled at how quick the EoW headquarters was.

* * *

After the call ended, Jiwoo and Minwoo couldn't tear themselves away from their phones.

"……."

"……."

The shock was immense. She never tried to take more money for herself. They'd told her to take more because saying "take it all" outright felt awkward, but—

"…What do we do? Our unnie, seriously."

"……."

She absolutely refused to take more. Jiwoo's heart felt like it was being torn apart. The person who'd given everything refused to receive anything in return.

"Minwoo… what do we do about our unnie?"

"…We'll just have to slowly, slowly give her more."

Minwoo said it with a bitter expression. Jiwoo nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"…Maybe we should've sent her to therapy."

Jiwoo kept crying as she spoke. Minwoo handed her a tissue and forced a smile.

"Noona, let's think positively. Big sis smiled at the end, didn't she?"

"……."

"She smiles a lot these days. Last time we visited, she was so scared she wouldn't even come out from under the blanket."

Minwoo tried to calm Jiwoo with those words. His own heart felt torn apart too, but he'd decided to look on the bright side.

"…We can't fall apart."

Looking at the wall named Suhyun, who'd broken first in their place, the two siblings made a vow once more.

"Let's save her… our unnie."

"Yeah. We have to."

If she streamed, if she did what she wanted, maybe she'd get a little better.

"Chicken… now that I think about it, big sis used to order it for us all the time."

"…Even though she never ate any herself."

Jiwoo sighed as she said it.

"Next time we visit, we should at least buy her chicken."

"Didn't she say she likes sundae?"

"…That's the only thing I've ever seen her eat happily."

Childhood. The time they'd fled outside after failing to endure Dad's violence. When Suhyun was eleven and Jiwoo was ten.

'…Unnie, are you okay?'

'…Do you like sundae?'

Even with blood on her lips from the beating, Suhyun had smiled and asked. The memory of her eating sundae so deliciously had burned itself into Jiwoo's mind.

"I didn't know she liked chicken."

"…Is there anyone who doesn't?"

"…Right. My bad."

Jiwoo laughed awkwardly. Minwoo left her behind and headed for the front door.

"I'm heading out."

"Drinking?"

"Yeah. The guys want to drink since we couldn't yesterday."

"…Don't overdo it."

Jiwoo frowned as she said it. Minwoo nodded at her.

"You know I can't drink much."

"Yeah. Go on."

"Okay, I'm off."

Jiwoo gave a bitter smile.

"…Unnie probably won't drink."

Imagining the three of them gathered together for once, sharing a drink, Jiwoo flopped onto the sofa.

* * *

The EoW community was buzzing again.

Everyone was cursing VAM while also welcoming her—his—return.

And in a dark room, Suhyun, who'd entered the community for the first time in a while, looked at those reactions and thought,

"…Why are they happy that I'm alive?"

She genuinely wondered. She'd only ever heard curses. She couldn't understand why people would insult her while claiming to like her. Suhyun closed the community and lay down on her bed.

"…Should I just stick with the name VAM for the stream too?"

Muttering that, Suhyun smiled for the first time in her life as she drifted off to sleep.