Hospital Visit (2)
I headed to a small café with Mom before going to the hospital after we met up. "Suhyun, have you eaten?"
"…Ah, n-not yet… I was going to, but I spilled everything."
When I gave an awkward little smile, Mom asked if I’d hurt myself anywhere. "…You didn’t get hurt anywhere, did you, sweetheart?"
"U-um, I’m okay."
Mom’s face was full of worry. Looking at her like that, I offered an awkward smile of my own. Is this burdensome…? Or does it feel good? I couldn’t really tell. My heart was racing, yet at the same time it felt warm and cozy. It was different from when my younger siblings worried about me. …Well, if it feels good, then it’s good.
Thinking that, I smiled softly and glanced at Jiwoo sitting beside me. She had been drinking her beverage with a blank expression, but when she noticed me looking, she gave me a gentle smile.
"What’s wrong, sis?"
"…I-I was wondering if this was uncomfortable for you…"
The moment I asked, the smile vanished from Jiwoo’s face. She looked at Mom with half-lidded eyes. Mom tensed up instantly, her body going rigid. I thought Jiwoo might say something harsh, but what came out was a deflated, almost bored-sounding voice.
"…Not really. I don’t know."
"I-I see."
"It’s not as uncomfortable as it was at first."
As she spoke, Jiwoo reached out and gently stroked my hair. It seemed like she was telling me she was fine and that I should talk with Mom a little more. Gathering my courage, I nodded.
"Um… have you eaten, Mom…?"
"I already ate. Thank you for thinking of me."
Mom looked at me with a soft voice and gentle eyes. Hearing those words from someone who looked exactly like me felt strangely unsettling.
"…I-I’m the one who should be thankful. I didn’t think you’d actually come if I called…"
"If my daughter calls, Mom comes right away… I don’t want to make the same mistake again."
As she spoke, Mom stroked my cheek. Up close, I could see the scars clearly etched across her palms—evidence of hard labor.
"……."
"…It’s nothing serious. Just from when I worked at the factory. I’m fine."
Mom reassured me, then asked what kind of tests I’d be getting today.
"Um… today it’s my leg, blood work, and… just a general health checkup overall…"
"I see."
"I’m not sure about the endoscopy."
"Then first…"
Mom glanced at Jiwoo as she spoke. Jiwoo, who had been staring only at her phone, finally met Mom’s eyes. She let out a small sigh before speaking.
"It’s fine. You can call me by name."
"R-really?"
"…Yes. I told you. I don’t plan on hating you forever. I just need time to sort out my feelings."
Jiwoo added that we just shouldn’t cross the line. Both Mom and I understood what that line was. It meant no touching, and not acting too familiar. She looked like a prickly little hedgehog, which was kind of cute, but Mom seemed genuinely scared.
…It must be frightening.
It probably was. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, Jiwoo was still that man’s daughter, so there were similarities. Mom, who didn’t see her often, seemed to have that face burned even deeper into her memory.
"Mom… let’s go."
"Y-yes…"
Mom took my hand and held it tightly. I didn’t pull away from her slightly trembling fingers as we walked.
Since there were more than just one or two tests, we took a taxi to the university hospital. Once there, Jiwoo handled the registration in my place because I was scared of people. There were so many people that I felt completely overwhelmed. Mom and Jiwoo guided me through it all until somehow I ended up standing in front of the waiting room for my appointment.
"…Are we seeing the doctor first?"
"The leg is the most serious issue for sis, so we’ll start with that and do the tests."
Jiwoo spoke gently as she wrapped me in a soft hug. Held tightly in her arms, I could feel my heart pounding wildly among all those people.
It’s beating too fast… I’m scared.
There were way too many people. I kept scanning around, terrified they might be looking at me strangely. At the same time, my ears stayed perked up, refusing to relax. My heart wouldn’t stop racing, and the anxiety started to show. Honestly, I was breaking out in cold sweat and my head was spinning.
My stomach feels awful…
I was about to escape to the bathroom when—
"…Suhyun, are you okay?"
"…!!"
"Does this help a little? How is it…?"
Mom, with a worried expression, gently covered my ears completely. Then she asked again if I was alright.
"…I-I’m okay."
"Isn’t your stomach upset?"
She whispered softly, checking on me with genuine concern. Thanks to her, I felt a bit of strength return. I nodded and said,
"Really… I’m okay. Thank you, Mom."
"Should we stay like this a little longer?"
Looking at Mom as she said that, I could only nod silently. She then sealed my ears perfectly, blocking out all sound. Even the frantic beating of my heart gradually faded until I couldn’t hear it anymore. After that, feeling the warmth of Jiwoo hugging me and Mom covering my ears, I closed my eyes in a sense of calm. In that place where everyone else was completely shut out, I decided to catch my breath for a little while.
I don’t know how long I’d had my eyes closed, nestled between Mom and Jiwoo. I’m getting sleepy… Just as I was starting to doze off, I felt Jiwoo pull away from my side. Startled, I opened my eyes and saw Jiwoo standing up, along with a nurse looking in our direction. In that instant, I knew instinctively.
It’s my turn…!
The moment I realized it, Mom took her hands away from my ears and gave me a warm smile.
"Let’s go in, Suhyun."
"Sis, hold my hand."
Jiwoo reached out to help me up. I took her hand, stood up lightly, and walked into the examination room, tense with nerves.
"H-hello…"
"You’re Miss Yoo Suhyun, correct? Please have a seat here."
The doctor flinched slightly when he saw my hair color, but he didn’t make it obvious. He simply guided me to the chair. I felt a bit reluctant talking to a middle-aged man, but—
"What brings you in today?"
When he asked with a gentle smile, I felt like I could manage to respond after all. Of course, that didn’t stop me from trembling. My heart raced even faster, and my eyes kept darting around, reading the room. Cold sweat ran down my back, but it wasn’t enough to make me faint, so I opened my mouth in a tiny, crawling voice.
"Um… m-my leg feels strange."
"Your leg? In what way?"
When he noticed me constantly checking his reaction, the doctor’s voice grew even kinder.
"…My left leg… doesn’t move well, and the… the sensation is dull…"
"How long has it been like this?"
The doctor asked while typing. I told him it had been that way since middle school, so roughly seven to nine years.
"…I-it’s b-been about s-seven to nine years…"
"Pardon?"
"Hic…!"
The doctor looked at me in surprise and raised his voice slightly. Reflexively, I raised my guard and stared at him. For a moment, silence filled the examination room.
"S-sorry… i-it’s a habit."
"I-I see…? Ahem! Alright, I understand. That’s quite a long time, isn’t it?"
"Y-yes…"
"Did it develop gradually?"
Once I realized he wasn’t going to hurt me, my answers started coming more easily than before.
"…Yes, th-that’s right…"
"Shall we take a look then?"
He pulled out something that looked like a small hammer and tapped my leg lightly. The right leg jerked up immediately on its own. But the real problem was my left leg, which barely twitched even when struck.
"…It twitches a little, but the reflex isn’t there."
The doctor made a thoughtful sucking sound through his teeth and rubbed his chin before saying he understood and tapping away at the keyboard.
"For now, could you put your leg up here? I’d like to examine it more closely."
He brought over another chair and placed it in front of me.
"…Is it okay if I touch you?"
The doctor asked carefully. It took a big decision on my part, but I was about to give permission anyway when—
"I’ll do it."
"Ah, you’re her sister…?"
"That’s right."
Jiwoo stepped forward from the side and lifted my leg onto the chair for me.
Thank goodness…
I knew they’d have to touch it for the exam anyway, but if someone had to, I’d rather it be during the test only. Skin-to-skin contact made me nervous no matter what. Anyway, the doctor examined my leg like that.
"…Were these scars on your leg there from the beginning? Or did they appear recently?"
"Ah… th-they’re recent ones… I’m reflecting on it… please don’t scold me."
When I sniffled, the doctor quickly said he wasn’t trying to scold me and that he was sorry.
"I’m sorry. Anyway, if these appeared after the leg became like this, they aren’t the cause…"
He then asked me to walk for him.
"Could you walk a few steps?"
"Yes…"
I stood up and limped across the room. The doctor watched and nodded.
"It looks like there’s nerve damage… and you said the sensation is dull, right? Then it’s probably close to one hundred percent."
"Th-then what happens?"
"We’ll do a blood test and an MRI first. If there’s a structural issue, surgery might be able to fix it."
The doctor smiled brightly as he spoke. Hearing that it might get better, I could sense both Mom and Jiwoo feeling hopeful. …It might actually get better? I’d tried not to hold onto hope. But the possibility made my heart start pounding again.