Step by Step
"No."
Jiwoo looked at me with a firm expression after hearing my sobs. I knew I was being unreasonable. Jiwoo probably just hated Mom, plain and simple. Minwoo, still hurting himself, wouldn't understand why I was saying this either. Even I hadn't fully sorted out my own feelings yet, so how could they?
So when I dropped my head and let the tears fall, a gentle hand still reached out to stroke my hair.
"…Living together is out of the question. Think about it rationally, unnie."
"Huh…?"
"Honestly, I can't forgive her." Jiwoo said, glancing at Mom before asking her to understand. Mom simply nodded, as if there was nothing to understand in the first place.
"…There's nothing to understand. It's only natural."
"Good that you get it."
Jiwoo closed her eyes and let out a sigh before turning back to me.
"Unnie, I still can't allow you to live with that woman."
"Ah……"
"Not in that cramped one-room apartment, and definitely not by moving her into the place Minwoo and I share."
"……"
Jiwoo looked at me apologetically. "I don't think I can agree to this, unnie. Even if your condition has improved… it hasn't improved that much yet. And Mom's a victim in her own way too. She'd be hurting a lot."
"…Y-yeah, that's true."
If I thought about it coldly, neither Mom nor I were in great shape. How many families would allow two people like that to live together?
'Jiwoo and Minwoo probably don't want to be around Mom, so living together would just exhaust everyone……'
"I don't plan on avoiding her forever either."
"Really…?"
"…I'm only doing this because of you, unnie."
Jiwoo sighed again. Mom's eyes widened in surprise.
"Is that true…?"
"Either way, we're angry not just because she abandoned us, but because of how much unnie suffered because of it." Jiwoo shot Mom a half-glare. The distrust in her eyes was so clear that even I felt myself shrinking back.
'She's so different from the Jiwoo I used to know……'
Still, I was glad. In the end, she was doing all this for me. I wiped my tears on my sleeve, and Jiwoo smiled softly at me before turning back to Mom.
"I can't fully trust you yet. You know what you did to us."
"…I'm sorry."
"It's fine. I've already accepted your apology, and hearing it more won't change anything."
"……"
"…Where do you live? I won't stop you two from meeting, even if I can't allow you to live together."
"R-really?"
When Mom looked startled, Jiwoo sighed and held out her phone.
"Put your number in. If you want to meet, call me and I'll come pick you up. Meeting alone makes me nervous, so that's off-limits."
Mom couldn't hide her joy. My own heart was pounding too. This was the same person who had once abandoned me… but because of her, I had been able to endure. She was the one who had given me love, even if only for a little while.
"…Thank you, Jiwoo."
"Haa… I'll wait outside. You two talk."
"Are you sulking…?"
Jiwoo silently pinched my cheek before letting out a small laugh.
"No."
"B-but… why are you going out…?"
"Someone has to keep Minwoo company. And I don't have anything else to say to her."
"Ah……"
"If she does anything weird, yell. I'll come right back in."
"O-okay, got it."
Just before leaving, Jiwoo glanced at Mom one more time.
"…Sorry for being so harsh. I've got a lot built up."
"It's fine… You grew up well."
"Thank unnie for that. She's the one who raised me."
Jiwoo shot Mom one last glare before walking out. Mom smiled awkwardly, her fingers fidgeting. I did the same under the table, sneaking glances at her.
'She looks a little older now.'
She definitely looked older than she had in her twenties, but she was still beautiful. That beauty hadn't gone anywhere.
"……"
"……"
An awkward silence settled between us. I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Then Mom spoke, her voice trembling slightly.
"…It must have been so hard for you."
"…!!"
"How's your leg? You looked like you were struggling… Have you been to the hospital?"
Her voice was shaky but gentle and warm as she worried about me. It made my eyes sting, and I sniffled, shaking my head.
"It was hard… It was so, so hard… I was too scared to die or report it, so I just… endured."
"Mom… Mom is so sorry."
"Hic…!"
If only she had come just a little sooner. If she had appeared while I was still a minor and held me…
"Can I… hug you? Or would that still be uncomfortable?"
Mom asked. Honestly, I was scared. She wasn't someone I had been close to, and even if there were circumstances, she had still abandoned me once. But despite that, I nodded.
"Hug me… I want to be held tight."
Mom stood up and sat beside me, reaching out with slightly trembling hands. I hesitated for a moment before throwing myself into her arms. For the first time since she had abandoned me at eight years old—after nearly fifteen years—I was back in my mother's embrace.
"…I missed you so much… You should have come just a little earlier……"
"I'm sorry. Mom is so sorry… I should have seen my daughter sooner."
Mom wiped my tear-streaked face as she spoke. I looked up at her from within her arms, taking in the sight of her own tears falling.
"Don't go anywhere now… Come to our house whenever you want to see me……"
"Okay. I promise, my daughter."
She hesitated for a moment before saying the words I had waited my whole life to hear, her voice thick with tears.
"I love you… I love you so much."
"…!!"
Tears streamed down my face. It felt like a lifetime of resentment had finally been released. I was hearing the words I had waited for since my past life, spoken from the mouth of the person called "mother."
"…Crying again?"
"Y-you're crying too……"
"I guess I am."
Mom smiled softly through her tears. Her trembling hand rested against my back. I held her tightly for a long time.
While Suhyun and Sujin talked, the three people waiting outside the restaurant greeted Jiwoo with anxious faces.
"…Jiwoo-ssi, how's Suhyun?"
"Unnie… decided to forgive her. She seemed like she'd been waiting for this for so long… I couldn't stop her. After everything she's sacrificed, it felt wrong to interfere… I have to respect her choice."
Jiwoo smiled bitterly. Even she didn't completely hate the person called "mother." Honestly, she wasn't sure she would have made a different choice if she had been in Sujin's position.
"…Even if it's not full forgiveness… I'll decide based on how she acts from now on."
Minwoo listened quietly before nodding.
"I need time… I still can't accept it."
"Yeah. You don't have to forgive her, Jiwoo-ya, Minwoo-ya."
Haram comforted the two of them. Jiwoo shot her a sarcastic look.
"You want our family to fall apart?"
"N-no, that's not it… I-I just saw how much you were struggling! W-we're just friends, right?"
Haram flustered as Jiwoo and Minwoo chuckled.
"White-haired dairy cow."
"…N-not in front of Minwoo!"
"Noona, that's too much. Look how red Haram-noona's face is."
The three of them bickered playfully. Watching them, Yeon-a placed a hand over her now-settled heart and sat down.
'…Suhyun decided to forgive her.'
Yeon-a honestly thought it wasn't a bad thing. Suhyun might not have realized it herself, but she had unconsciously done many things that showed she missed her mother. She had stubbornly kept the same hairstyle her mother had first given her. She had never dyed her hair—the same color as her mother's—despite being beaten multiple times by her drunk father because of it.
"…I hope she's happy."
Yeon-a, who had been Suhyun's only friend before Haram appeared, smiled softly as she wished for that.
After finishing our conversation, I showed Mom my left leg when she worried about it.
"…I'm used to it now, so it doesn't bother me."
"……"
"It's okay… Really, it's okay."
"How much did it hurt……"
Mom wiped her eyes with a tissue, murmuring that she couldn't believe I had endured what she herself couldn't. "Shouldn't you go to the hospital…?"
"…I was too scared to leave the house… This is the first time I've gone out in half a year."
"Ah……"
Mom couldn't bring herself to say anything more. I smiled at her and promised that once I was feeling better, I'd go to the hospital first.
"Once I'm better… I'll go to the hospital first."
"…Mom will pay for it. I've been saving money again for four years. It's not much, but…"
I smiled at Mom as she spoke awkwardly.
"Um… I'm working now."
"…Really?"
"Yeah… I do internet broadcasting, so it's fine. I can go by myself."
"Still, let me do my job as your mother just once."
Mom pleaded, and I nodded before standing up with her support.
"Won't you stay and eat?"
"…J-Jiwoo and Minwoo would feel uncomfortable……"
"Right… You'd feel uncomfortable too, Suhyun-ah."
"Next time… I'll bring my friends."
With that promise for next time, I bowed my head at the restaurant entrance and said goodbye to Mom.
"…I'll come see you soon, Suhyun-ah."
"Okay……"
"I love you, my daughter."
"……"
I only nodded before returning to where the others were waiting. Not too fast—just step by step. If we kept going like this, maybe one day we could reclaim the peace of our family.
'…I hope so.'
I really hoped so.