Outing (6)
I stopped crying and hiccuped as I buried myself in Minwoo's arms. Meanwhile, Jiwoo was already firing off messages to Haram and Yeon-a.
"Sis, are you okay?"
"…It's nothing, I just got a little overwhelmed… heup… I-I'm fine now."
I blew my nose with the tissue Minwoo handed me and gave him a small smile.
"This is nice. Going outside once in a while."
"Let's do it more often."
"Yeah…!"
"By the way, when are you gonna play games with me?"
"Oh right, we did promise that, didn't we…?"
When I scrunched up my face, Minwoo grabbed my hand and grumbled that he'd be upset if I forgot. Even though he'd grown bigger and his hands were rougher now, he was still my little brother. It wasn't all that different from when he used to trail after me calling me "noona, noona" as a kid.
"…I literally raised you while changing your dirty diapers."
"Out of nowhere…?"
Minwoo tilted his head in confusion. I smiled awkwardly, then knelt on one knee to meet his eyes and gently stroked his hair.
"Thank you… my little brother."
"…!!"
"…I'm sorry. For being a sister who couldn't do anything… for always making things hard for you… back then and even now…"
"……."
Minwoo hung his head. He was probably fighting back tears. Without a word, I reached out and lifted the sunglasses that were about to slip off his face. Just as I thought—he was still just a kid. He'd been hurt less than me, but that didn't mean he hadn't been hurt at all.
"…I'm sorry. I was too selfish."
I patted him comfortingly, and he stood up with a bright smile, saying he'd go catch a taxi real quick.
'He can't cry in front of me, can he?'
My face went blank as I fought back the tears threatening to spill. I nodded at him. The rain poured down in sheets. Once Minwoo disappeared, the sound of rain hammered against my ears. I stared blankly up at the sky, listening to it.
Then Jiwoo came over and crouched beside me.
"What are you doing, sis? Squatting out here like this."
"…Jiwoo. I just… I like the rain."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah…"
Her eyes sparkled as she said it felt like the first time she'd learned something I liked.
"I think this is the first time I've figured out what you like, sis."
"…Is it?"
"Well, yeah. I never really knew what you liked… because you never told me."
Jiwoo looked down at the ground with a bitter expression. I suppose that made sense. I had never shared anything with her. I was always getting beaten, and when I wasn't being hit, I wasn't even home. The only time she could see me in anything resembling a normal state was at dawn, when I'd come home so exhausted I'd basically pass out.
"……."
"Still, I don't hate you, sis."
"…I see."
When I answered awkwardly, Jiwoo smiled brightly and said it wasn't too late to start learning from now on. I smiled back and nodded. Little by little. Just like this, one thing at a time. That's what I was thinking when—
"Sis… I'm back."
A hoarse voice called out from behind us. When I turned around, there was Minwoo, sniffling with red, puffy eyes.
'He's exactly like he was as a kid…'
It was no different from those adorable days. The thought made me smile softly.
"…Come here. I'll wipe your tears."
"No, I can do it myself."
Minwoo wiped his eyes as he spoke.
'…I really am sorry.'
I was feeling down when a welcome voice rang out from far away.
"Sis! Minwoo!"
It was Haram, walking toward us under an umbrella. The way she'd dressed up to the nines made it obvious how excited she'd been for today.
"It's been a while, sis."
"…We played games together not that long ago…"
"So you didn't miss me?"
"…I-I-I did miss you… yeah."
When I nodded, Haram beamed and asked if she could hug me. I nodded again, and she squealed as she pulled me into a tight embrace. From the side came a disgruntled voice.
"Hey, what about me, lady? No hello for me?"
"Hello."
"Ugh… never mind."
When Haram greeted her with zero soul or smile, Jiwoo sighed and told her to forget it. It was clear how close the two of them were, and that put me at ease.
"Haa… Suhyun essence fully recharged."
"What the heck is Suhyun essence…?"
"It's your essence, sis!"
Haram was spouting nonsense again. When I tilted my head in confusion, Jiwoo jumped in and gently shoved Haram aside.
"Enough of that. Go over there. Play with Minwoo."
"What? Don't hog her all to yourself!"
"Minwoo's waiting."
"…Okay."
She'd been complaining about not being left out, but the moment Jiwoo mentioned Minwoo was waiting, Haram vanished. When I turned to look at Minwoo, I saw the two of them blushing furiously, unable to say a word to each other.
"…What's up with those two…?"
"They're in a mutual one-sided crush."
"…?"
"They're both way too dense."
Jiwoo shook her head. She looked pretty tired, so I figured bothering her would be dangerous and quietly watched the rain instead.
The rain fell, soaking the city. The sunlight had hidden itself for a while, and people were hurrying to escape the downpour. And among all those people, I spotted one person in particular.
A girl with orange hair walking toward us. Just from the way she walked, I could tell. Even though our time together had been short, she was the only friend I'd ever had in my life.
"It's Yeon-a."
"Looks like it."
"…You can tell just from her walk."
"Isn't it just because her hair color screams Yeon-a unnie?"
Jiwoo asked with a giggle. My face flushed red. I cleared my throat, stood up from my crouch, and waved. She smiled brightly and waved back. Then she looked left and right, closed her umbrella, and came running toward me. I was startled but couldn't help laughing.
Before I knew it, Yeon-a had crossed the rainy street and reached me.
"Long time no see!"
"What do you mean, long time no see…!"
"I missed you, you know?"
She ruffled my hair vigorously.
"Uuuu…"
"Don't like it?"
"…No, it's fine… heuuu."
When I looked up and smiled, Yeon-a smiled back. After we'd chatted excitedly and wrapped up our conversation, Jiwoo finally chimed in from the side.
"Hello! Yeon-a unnie! Nice to meet you."
"Ah…! Jiwoo. Please take care of me."
They both bowed politely to each other. I smiled softly as I watched Yeon-a.
"Yeon-a… you're wearing the same clothes as last time?"
"Of course… all my other clothes smell like cigarettes… What if Suhyun passes out again?"
With a worried look, Yeon-a approached Jiwoo and asked if she smelled like smoke. Jiwoo said it was fine and gave a thumbs-up.
"It's okay."
"Really…? Whew."
"Anyway, let's get going now."
Jiwoo smiled brightly. After calling a taxi, we all climbed in. I ended up with Haram and Yeon-a, while Jiwoo and Minwoo said they'd ride together. Once we split up, I somehow found myself sitting in the middle of the taxi. When I saw the middle-aged male driver, I started trembling uncontrollably.
"Miss, are you okay?"
"Y-yes… I'm f-fine."
The driver kept trying to talk to me. I knew he meant well, but it was incredibly overwhelming.
'Please just treat me like I'm invisible… please, please… I'm scared… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'
I prayed desperately inside my head and squeezed my eyes shut. Then I heard a small whisper.
"…You can hold my hand tight if you want."
"……Sis, it's okay. We're right here."
On my right, Yeon-a gripped my hand firmly. On my left, Haram—trembling herself—held my other hand just as tightly. Thanks to them, I desperately fought down the creeping trauma and pretended to fall asleep.
Yeon-a smiled at the driver and spoke up.
"She's fine, sir. My friend here is just really scared of cars. She was in an accident a while back."
"Ah… Poor girl, so young."
Apparently convinced by Yeon-a's explanation, he stayed quiet after that, just listening to music as we headed to the department store.
* * *
The pattering rain sounds faded, and Yeon-a held an umbrella over me as she announced we'd arrived at the department store.
"Ta-da! Department store arrival! Mom, do you have anything you want to buy?"
"Oh, I was thinking of looking at some microphones. I want to try doing ASMR…"
"ASMR? They sell that stuff here?"
"I don't know. I just want to browse. Broadcasting equipment and stuff."
The two of them chattered away. I closed my eyes beside them and just listened to their voices. The cool breeze from the rain brushed against my cheeks.
'This feels nice…'
It really did. I liked this ordinary feeling—stepping outside like a normal person and listening to people I cared about talk.
"Suhyun, what about you? What are you going to buy?"
"Right, what are you planning to get, sis?"
"Uh… me?"
"Do you want to try ASMR too, sis!?"
Haram brought it up. ASMR… I'd heard about it plenty of times. After I became independent, I'd even listened to it during my insomnia phase.
'It's not bad…'
"Um, how does it work…? Do you have to eat stuff the whole time…? What if I throw up while eating…"
When I said that, Haram explained that you didn't necessarily have to eat. You could touch objects, or if you went in a slightly lewd direction, you could make mouth sounds too.
"Hehe, if you go that route, there's nothing you can't do."
"…Huh?"
"…Mom, please, I'm begging you."
Beside my flustered self, Yeon-a slapped her forehead and sighed. It clearly wasn't the first time this had happened, so I decided to just let it slide.
"…If I did the hehe stuff… w-would there even be demand for it…?"
Before fully letting it go, I asked out of curiosity. The two of them looked at me, made eye contact for about three seconds, then both broke into bright smiles and gave me a thumbs-up.