Going Out (5)
The sound of bickering drifts in from outside the door. Familiar voices, one male and one female.
"…Minwoo… and Jiwoo……."
Rubbing my eyes, I mutter their names and sit up on the edge of the bed. I pick up my phone and check the time. 8:31 a.m. It’s almost surprising that I woke up on my own. Still half-blind from the bright screen, I squint at the backlog of messages.
They’ve been texting since six in the morning. I smile faintly at how much they have to say, then turn the phone off and look toward the door as a knock echoes through the room.
Knock knock knock.
"Sis, we’re here!"
Jiwoo’s voice. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it. Even now, the sound of knocking still scares me. But if I freeze up here, there’s no point, so I force my voice out.
"…C-come in……"
My voice is low and heavy. The door opens, and Jiwoo and Minwoo step inside—Jiwoo in a suit and sunglasses, Minwoo right behind her.
It’s dark in here… I hope they don’t trip.
Just as the thought crosses my mind—
"Target located! Target located!"
"…?"
Jiwoo starts making a fuss. Minwoo sighs, then plays along, fiddling with his wireless earbuds like he’s on a radio.
"…What are you two doing…?"
"Yoo Suhyun-ssi?"
"Uh, yeah… that’s my name."
Jiwoo grins at my flustered reply and asks if she can hug me. I nod. Minwoo grumbles that it’s unfair and shakes her, but Jiwoo ignores him and speaks to me directly.
"What’s going on, sis? You said you wanted to go outside! Are you sure you’re okay? Is it too much? No one’s forcing you, right?"
"Y-yeah… I want to go out myself……"
"Huuu…!!"
Jiwoo’s eyes glisten with genuine joy. Minwoo kneels in front of me, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head.
"Big sis, you okay?"
"Yeah… I’m okay, Minwoo."
His eyes are damp too. They’ve both been waiting for me to step outside. Seeing how much I’ve changed seems to have moved them. A wave of awkwardness hits me. This used to be something I did every day without thinking. Realizing I’ve hurt them this much just by staying inside for a little over half a year makes my chest tighten.
"…Sorry. You must’ve waited… a long time…?"
"It’s fine, sis."
"Yeah. We’d wait years if we had to, big sis."
They each take one of my hands and smile. Family really is a good thing, no matter how you look at it. What I did to protect them wasn’t something anyone should have to do, but I don’t regret becoming their punching bag.
"…I love you guys."
"…!!"
"Hup."
I smile, slide off the bed, and limp toward the bathroom on my bad leg.
"I’ll go wash up… Could you grab that hoodie and some underwear for me?"
"Got it. What about pants, big sis?"
"…Ah, pants… I haven’t worn them in so long I don’t even know where they are……"
Jiwoo says she’ll find them. I thank her and head into the shower. After eating properly lately, my ribs aren’t quite as visible.
"…Maybe I’ve put on a little weight."
I look at my thin, pale arms covered in scars and smile faintly. I want to take better care of myself now. I hope I can gain a bit more weight.
"Ugh… cold……"
I don’t bother adjusting the temperature and just wash in cold water. I don’t want to keep them waiting, and hot water on my scars hurts too much anyway. Shivering, I finish rinsing off, wrap a towel around myself, and step out.
"…Clothes, please."
"Sis!? You can’t come out like that!"
"It’s fine, I’ll turn around."
"…We’re family, you know."
I mutter and put on the clothes Jiwoo hands me. Along with the hoodie, I find a pair of shorts I haven’t seen in ages.
"…Dolphin shorts……"
"Cute, right?"
"…I hate them. They’re too girly."
"You are a girl, sis."
Jiwoo’s tone is so firm that I just nod blankly.
"S-still, a skirt would be better… I’m used to them from school."
"Eh? Should I go buy one?"
"Long pants are the most comfortable… I wore them a lot for work……"
"No way! They’re not cute at all!"
"Ugh……"
When I make a gloomy face, Jiwoo grins and holds the dolphin shorts open.
"Come on, you can’t go out in just your underwear."
"…I don’t remember buying these……"
"They’re mine. I wore them when I was little."
She says she couldn’t find my pants, but brought these just in case. I can only tell her she did well.
"…Well, with the hoodie down it won’t even look like I’m wearing shorts anyway… Yeah, it’s fine."
"Glad you like them."
"No, little sis, the part big sis is satisfied with is weird."
Minwoo says this to Jiwoo. She covers his mouth and suggests I get some sunlight before we leave.
"Before we go, want to get used to the sunlight a bit?"
"Yeah… sounds good."
It’s not a bad idea. I’ve already gotten used to sunlight inside the room. Facing it for a moment should be fine as long as it’s not too sudden.
Kind of like dipping your toes in before jumping into the pool.
I nod at Jiwoo once I’m ready. She walks over to the window energetically. Minwoo kneels beside me and places his sunglasses on my forehead.
"It might be too bright, so you don’t hurt your eyes, big sis."
"Th-thanks."
"Okay, here we go!"
Shhhk!
The curtains open. Light spills into the room, and with it comes the smell of rain I haven’t noticed in so long.
"Huh… it’s raining?"
"Yeah, it’s raining today, sis. I brought an umbrella too."
Jiwoo points to a clear umbrella by the door. I stare at it for a moment, then swallow nervously.
Of all things, it had to be clear……
Yeon-a’s crumpled umbrella flashes through my mind, but I push the thought away. I don’t want my trauma to reach out and grab me. I take a deep breath and listen to the sound of the rain.
…It’s a nice sound.
Rainy days are easier to go out in. After all, I’ve always liked rainy days.
"Alright, let’s go!"
"W-whoa…!"
"Hold my hand, big sis."
Minwoo reaches out. When I take his hand, I feel the calluses from training. He’s grown taller than me now.
…He really worked hard.
Someone who silently pushes toward their dream. Those kinds of people are closer than you think.
"…Minwoo, your calluses… you must’ve worked really, really hard……"
"…Well, I really wanted to get into the police academy."
"That’s not the only reason, is it?"
Jiwoo elbows him in the side. Minwoo blushes and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.
"I-it’s because… I wanted to protect you. You both looked so pitiful."
"…I see."
"Yeah. Well, that guy got reported and disappeared before anything happened."
"That old man was unnecessarily fit. Had a lot of muscle too."
Jiwoo says it like it’s all in the past. Even though I’m still trapped in that pain, I don’t hate her for it. If anything, I’m grateful she can talk about it so lightly. It means that, at least on the surface, their father’s violence has become something they can move past. Every time I see them, I’m reminded that my efforts weren’t completely in vain. In the end, I was the one who kept them locked in that hell too. That’s why I want to be happy—so I can apologize properly, with a clear mind.
While lost in thought, Jiwoo and Minwoo step out of my dark studio apartment. My own feet meet the light slanting in through the doorway.
"…!!"
"Don’t be scared, sis. Take it slow."
"Big sis, breathe. You can do it."
They look at me with worried expressions from behind their sunglasses. I swallow hard. I’m still scared. But I don’t want to be scared anymore.
"Hup…!!"
I squeeze my eyes shut, make my decision, and step forward. Before I know it, my body has crossed the threshold and reached the parking lot of the villa.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh…
"…It sounds nice."
The pleasant sound of rain fills my ears. I stare blankly at the scene. It’s not as overwhelming as I thought.
"…Hic…!"
Tears spill out. I’m just so happy that I made it outside.
"What do you know… I can do it… Even someone like me can live normally…!"
I sob while looking out at the rainy world. Jiwoo and Minwoo silently pat my back from behind. The tears won’t stop. Maybe I really can overcome everything and move on like it’s nothing.
"…It feels good…!!"
I stop crying and say it out loud.