Going Out (1)
The stream that had dropped a massive Red Pill continued afterward. Yeon-a, who wanted to sing a duet, performed a song bang with me, and we wrapped up the broadcast by sharing stories we hadn't gotten to yet.
"Ah, nooo… Everyone, I'm sorry about today……."
"Donggyulies, Jireongies, bye-bye!"
Yeon-a waved her hands enthusiastically. Following her lead, I waved too, and people began saying their goodbyes one by one as they left.
The chat flooded with words of encouragement. It felt like my farewell message had made them even more supportive.
"…I'll do my best…! Watch over me."
I said that to the last few who stayed, comforting myself. Someday, without stumbling over my words, without getting nervous, if I could treat people normally. If I could proudly show Mom and Dad that I'm doing well. What kind of expression would I have on that day?
"…Watch over me. I love you……."
After saying that, I leaned close to the mic and gave it a kiss. It was something I'd wanted most from my parents as a child, but no one had ever done for me. So I did it myself.
Happy, and I'll get revenge on Mom and Dad. Even if they abandoned me, I'm living well like this. I'll get revenge on my past life's parents too. Don't decide for me what suits me.
Smiling faintly, I turned off the cam and ended the stream. When I shut down the computer, the monitor went dark. My reflection appeared in it. Normally it would have felt incredibly empty, but after pouring everything out, I felt a little better. Of course, the biggest factor was probably having someone beside me today.
"Good work, Suhyunaaa…!"
"Y-yeah, you too, Yeon-a……."
"Wow… it's already dawn."
We'd started in the evening and gone quite long. In the darkened room, afraid to turn on the lights, I went to the window and threw it wide open. Beautiful neon sign lights poured into the house.
"You only open the window at night?"
Yeon-a asked as she flopped onto the bed. I lay down beside her and nodded.
"Yeah… Sunlight's scary during the day."
"I see. That makes sense."
Yeon-a affirmed me like that. I liked her thoughtful heart.
"…Thanks, Yeon-a."
"Huh? Suddenly?"
"Just… for everything."
"What are you thanking me for?"
Yeon-a grinned playfully. I just scratched my cheek with an awkward smile.
"…Helping me back in school, and coming to me like this, all of it."
"Really? Glad it helped."
Yeon-a stared blankly at the ceiling. In the room with just the two of us, I hesitated before asking.
"H-hey, Yeon-a."
"Yeah?"
"It's late… do you want to stay over?"
I was embarrassed. It was my first time letting someone else sleep over. I worried she might refuse, but Yeon-a chuckled and agreed right away.
"Sure. In return, I should make breakfast too."
"Th-that'd be great……."
"You're too skinny, you need to eat properly, okay?"
Yeon-a patted my head. Sleepiness crept in.
"We have to brush our teeth."
"Ah……."
"Let's brush?"
In the end, that night I was led by Yeon-a to brush my teeth before falling asleep.
The next morning at 9 a.m., I heard rustling sounds from early on.
"Uuuugh……."
"You awake?"
"Yeona…?"
"It's Yeon-aaa!"
She poked my cheek. I chuckled and asked what she was doing.
"What're you doing…? Moving around first thing in the morning isn't good……."
"…You really need a health checkup, don't you?"
Yeon-a worried about my body. I muttered that I should get one and rubbed my eyes.
"I'll give you breakfast once you wash up."
"Okay……."
"Breakfast is beef stew pasta!"
"D-did you buy pasta noodles too…?"
"I thought maybe you'd teach me how to cook later… I-I'm not that good either!"
Yeon-a said shyly. I told her she was already amazing and headed to the bathroom to shower. The delicious smell kept wafting in the whole time.
I'm so hungry…….
Muttering that to myself, I finished showering quickly, eager to eat, and came out.
"You always wear the same clothes…?"
"Ah… yeah, I rotate the same three……."
"Do you change your underwear every day?"
"O-of course… Not cleaning up trash doesn't mean I neglect my body……."
"The phrasing is weird, so let's stop there."
Yeon-a patted my head, then untied her ponytail and sat at the table.
"Not wearing pants?"
"I wasn't wearing any yesterday either……."
"…?"
"The angle doesn't show anything, so it's fine……."
I smiled awkwardly, but Yeon-a said that wasn't the issue and smacked her own forehead.
"…I should've bought you clothes."
"Th-then we'd have to go outside together."
"That's true."
Yeon-a nodded. Going outside. Of course, Jiwoo had nagged me about buying new clothes too. But I was still scared to leave the house. Like a vampire, I couldn't even handle sunlight properly and stayed trapped inside.
"Th-the sunlight's scary… I'm still a bit……."
This was right. I was still scared. The thought of people's stares if I went out was terrifying. It felt like everyone would point fingers at me. Like everyone would curse and swing fists. Logically, I knew that wasn't true. But the wounds left in me kept aching, and I couldn't bear it. Especially since my broken body drew a lot of attention.
"B-back then… I barely managed thanks to Jiwoo and Minu. Now that they're gone… I can't hold on……."
"……."
I had no confidence. It felt like I'd burned everything and had nothing left. When I honestly shared that, Yeon-a smiled and asked if something wasn't strange.
"Suhyun, doesn't something feel off?"
"…?"
"You're standing in sunlight right now, you know?"
"Eh…?"
Hearing her words, I realized it was strange. The house was as bright as if the lights were on. Most of the gloom from the darkness had disappeared. A refreshing breeze blew in. Startled, I turned my head toward the window. And then—
Flutter.
"…!!"
"The curtains… they're open?"
The curtains danced in the wind between the sunlight. The light wasn't blocked at all. Thanks to that, the beautiful cityscape came into view. It was beautiful—so beautiful it left me dazed.
"…Want to try going outside? If you're scared, we can call your siblings and Haram too."
"……."
I stared blankly at Yeon-a's suggestion. Tears threatened to fall.
"Ugh… Hic……."
"You're crying?! Are you okay? Uh… Should I have closed them? S-sorry, I only just noticed… I was so focused on making breakfast."
Yeon-a looked flustered. Something hot streamed down my cheeks. At the same time, she put the pasta she'd made into my mouth.
"…It's good… so, so good."
"Suhyun?"
"Sniff……."
Chewing with both cheeks puffed out, I swallowed the pasta while sniffling. It was incredibly delicious. And that warm taste whispered to me. How about mustering some courage? I thought so too. Maybe it was time to take the second step.
"Yeon-a……."
"Yeah, tell me, Suhyun. I'm listening."
Yeon-a smiled gently and ate her pasta gracefully. Looking at her, I asked.
"You know… is it okay to try being brave…? Is it really okay for me to… actually be brave…?"
Asking with tears in my eyes, Yeon-a answered with a warm, motherly smile.
"Of course."
"……."
Yeon-a reached out and patted my head. My body didn't shrink away.
"You're more mature than I thought, our Suhyun."
"…That's not the problem……."
Yeon-a said she understood and told me it was okay.
"If anyone badmouths you, I'll scold them. We can call your siblings too—might as well say hi while we're at it."
"…That sounds fun. I think they'd like it a lot."
Jiwoo and Minu would love it too. Haram might hug me and not let go.
"……."
"Want to think about it?"
"What's there to think about?"
I said that and turned to look at the sparkling scenery outside.
"…I want to go out."
"Good thinking."
Yeon-a smiled. Nodding at her, I said I'd contact my siblings too and helped with the dishes. About fifteen minutes later—
"I'm heading out. Take care of yourself and eat well."
"Y-yeah… got it."
"You'll contact me? So we can go clothes shopping together."
"…I'm looking forward to it."
Yeon-a smirked at me and left. After seeing her off properly, I stared blankly out the window, then closed it and drew the curtains.
"…It's pretty, but this still feels more comfortable."
My racing heart quickly calmed down.