One Small Step

If the Michael Jackson goblin from that one Japanese manga had overcome sunlight, would it have felt like this?

"……."

Gazing at the fading evening sunset and feeling the breeze, I drew in a lungful of fresh air through my nose for the first time in ages.

"…Nice. Dust-free air."

Air without that musty, stale smell. After savoring a deep breath of the outside world, I shut the window again and pulled the curtains halfway closed.

"Kuh, if light gets in while I’m on the computer the monitor will be impossible to see…! Yeah!"

Muttering that to myself, I limped over to the computer chair and sat down. Then I powered on the PC and opened Discord. Normally this would just be for aimlessly browsing game servers since I had no friends, but things were different now.

Mama—no, Haram’s name was right there. It filled me with an overwhelming sense of pride.

"One person……."

It was only one, but that was more than enough. One step. To someone else it might look too small to mean anything, but still…

"…Maybe I can be someone who’s capable of changing, too."

To me, it was one step that carried enormous weight. Just like the single footprint humanity left on the moon.

"Did I overreact too much…?"

Embarrassment suddenly washed over me and my face grew hot as I frantically moved my fingers to start the stream.

"I-I should get the stream going soon or I’ll be in trouble… They’ll probably yell at me for being so late."

The thought of people I liked getting angry at me was so horrifying that I shook my head rapidly, launched the virtual program, and quickly checked the facial tracking. After setting up the waiting screen and music, I waited for viewers to arrive.

The moment the stream went live, people began trickling in and greeting me.

The atmosphere in chat was turning dangerous, so I quickly turned off the music, brought up the virtual avatar, and bowed my head earnestly.

"I-I’m sorry! I ended up running late… Ahaha……."

They sounded genuinely shocked. My own eyes widened as I looked around in confusion.

"Ah… the mic……"

I realized I’d been apologizing this whole time without even turning the mic on.

"Th-the mic was off… it was off…"

My face burned. It was a blessing that viewers couldn’t see a VTuber’s expression.

Seeing everyone call me cute, I covered my face and begged them to stop.

"P-please don’t call me cute… Hic! I-I’m embarrassed…!"

That only made them more mischievous.

"D-don’t tease me… I’ll really faint."

It wasn’t a joke—she really could faint. After finally calming the chat, I let out a sigh and smiled.

"Anyway…! I’m really sorry for being late……"

"Uh, um… Th-that is, I was……"

I was about to say I’d been eating meat with my little sister and talking about some worries when—

"Ah… Yeah, I ate meat and did a bit of worry-sharing. It was about streaming stuff."

After sniffling, the chat praised me.

I tilted my head at their words.

"W-was that really that impressive?"

It didn’t feel bad, though. It all seemed like praise and positive attention. Having grown up without much praise, I was always hungry for it. Maybe I just wanted people to care about me.

With that thought, I smiled and told them about my day—opening the curtains and even the window to breathe fresh air.

"Um, well…! I opened the curtains and the window too and breathed in some fresh air… W-was that impressive?"

The jireongis were making a fuss. It was a little weird, but funny and entertaining, so I smiled softly and thanked them.

"Th-thank you… Everyone, I thought this was only a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠big deal to me… But you all… Heheh, I’m glad you think differently from me… Th-thank you for the support."

So many people wanted me to get even a little better. In that case, I had to work harder, at least in this moment. Even if the light was fading, it wasn’t completely without warmth.

"Thank you…!"

Smiling brightly, I thanked everyone again.

Yeon-a climbed into bed and let out a rough breath, trying to calm her excitement.

"…I can’t believe I accepted that."

She muttered, voice trembling.

"……."

Letting out a long sigh, Yeon-a put a cigarette between her lips and moved it up and down. Staring at the ceiling, she took it out again with her fingers.

"…Would she hate it?"

Would Suhyun hate the smell of cigarettes? The thought made Yeon-a stare blankly at the cigarette before snapping it in half with her fingers.

"It’s bad for your body anyway… It’s pointless."

Muttering that, she got up unsteadily and tossed the pack into the trash.

"Haa… She probably hates alcohol too……"

She muttered again and blankly turned on her phone with a sigh. She didn’t have the courage to meet in real life, yet here she was getting worked up over a collab whose date wasn’t even set. She felt so pathetic.

"Idiot. Who’s gonna meet me? I’ll just end up neglecting her again and… I’m the one who abandoned her, after all."

That guilt refused to leave Yeon-a’s mind. She had abandoned Suhyun. Because she was scared of Suhyun’s father.

"……."

Covering her invisible right eye with her hand, Yeon-a stared blankly at the sky.

"Dad, I’m sorry."

She apologized to her father. Apologized to the father who had sacrificed himself and died because of her mistake. Her mom and the people around her said it wasn’t her fault, but Yeon-a knew the truth. They were just brainwashing themselves because they couldn’t bring themselves to hate her. Her mom was brainwashing herself too, because she couldn’t hate her own child. Every time Yeon-a saw that, it felt like her heart was being torn apart.

And then she realized something new.

"I was loved… so I should’ve saved her."

She had received more love than she deserved. If she had shared even a little of that overflowing love with Suhyun…

Yeon-a was drowning in that regret when an alarm went off on her phone.

The alarm was notifying her that Suhyun’s stream had started. Yeon-a’s fingers froze as she hesitated for a long time.

"…Is it okay to watch?"

Suhyun wouldn’t notice anyway. Knowing that, Yeon-a logged into a secondary account and quietly entered the stream.

"S-Suhyun, the hospital isn’t a respawn point."

Suhyun’s condition seemed even worse. Just as Yeon-a was sighing, feeling like everything was her fault—

"…!!"

Yeon-a’s name had slipped out of Suhyun’s mouth. Suhyun continued in a happy voice.

"……."

Yeon-a stared blankly at Suhyun’s avatar.