Worry Consultation (2)
"Here, eat this first…!"
"Mmph."
I had worked up the courage to speak, but Mamang simply wore a solemn expression and stuffed a ssam into my mouth. Flustered, I chewed quickly, my jaw working overtime.
"Tasty, right? Now, shall we talk?"
"Y-yeah…! *cough*!"
"Unni, here's some water."
Jiwoo handed me a glass, watching me choke from nerves. I took it with both hands, gulped it down, and let out a ragged breath.
"*cough*…! *wheeze*, thanks."
"We're ready, Unni."
Jiwoo and Mamang both put on determined faces. Seeing them like that, I gave them a warning first.
"It might be… pretty heavy. Since I have to start with what happened between me and my friend."
"W-we're prepared!"
"Yeah, it's fine, Unni. I'm just grateful you asked us for advice."
"J-Jiwoo, you won't say you don't want to hear the middle part, right?"
When I asked hesitantly, both of them swore they absolutely wouldn't. So I began telling them about the past.
How I first met Yeona. The happy days that followed, and the reason I was somehow able to keep going. How kind Yeona had been, and how foolish I had been. I poured all of it out. And at the very end, I told them about the day our relationship shattered in an instant—the day I reported everything for the kids' sake, the day a blood-soaked hoodie met an orange sweater drenched in rain, the day I started seeing only my siblings.
I let out a long sigh. Jiwoo and Mamang's expressions had darkened.
"…So that's what happened. I had no idea, Unni. I'm sorry."
Jiwoo spoke with a choked voice, tears welling up. Beside her, Mamang looked at me with moist eyes.
"I-it's okay. It's normal that you didn't know."
"*sigh*… So? What about that friend of yours?"
"…I just want to be close again."
I confessed my honest feelings. I simply wanted to be friends again. I wanted to go back to the days when we ate together and laughed until our stomachs hurt.
"But I don't have the courage to talk to her again……"
"Really? Then what do you want us to do?"
"J-Jiwoo, just… hug me."
When I said that to Jiwoo, she looked surprised for a moment before smiling softly and opening her arms. I slipped into her embrace and looked at Mamang, who was pointing at herself with a questioning expression.
"What would you like me to do?"
"…Mamang, I want you to connect us."
"Huh?"
Mamang tilted her head. I quickly pulled out my phone and searched for Tachibana Kitsu.
"T-Tachibana Kitsu!"
"…!!"
"S-she's my friend… She watched my stream yesterday during the collab day……"
"Yesterday, you say?"
When I nodded, Mamang's expression shifted and she muttered something under her breath.
"So that's why she called so suddenly yesterday……"
When I asked for details, Mamang continued with a completely serious face.
"Yesterday, she suddenly called me."
"…W-what did she say?!"
"She hesitated for a while, then hung up without saying anything."
"Ah……"
"Hmm, it might be related to you, Unni?"
Mamang's words planted a small seed of hope. When she saw my expression brighten a little, she smiled.
"I got a call yesterday too, actually."
"Then it's definitely her!"
Mamang grinned brightly. I looked at her with a worried voice.
"When I tried calling back this morning, she hung up… I just wanted her to hear my voice because I was happy."
"Hmm, maybe she was just surprised?"
"Surprised?"
"Yeah."
That couldn't be right. Yeona had always been bright and outgoing, the type who never cared about strangers.
"T-that doesn't make sense. Yeona isn't the type to be shy around people."
"She does get shy sometimes. She's bright, but every now and then her energy just… drops."
"……"
This was different from the Yeona I knew—the one who was always cheerful and loved talking to anyone. The idea that I might have the wrong person made me borrow Mamang's phone to check Yeona's number.
"…It's the same."
It was identical. Not a single digit was wrong. It was the exact same number from middle school.
"……"
"Unni? Are you okay?"
"Unni."
When I froze, Jiwoo gently patted my head and asked if I was alright. I came back to my senses and nodded.
"Y-yeah."
People can change over time, no matter how much. So I just hoped she was safe. That nothing bad had happened, that she was simply tired. I prayed for that with all my heart.
"……"
Her mood kept sinking.
"*ahem*… Ahem."
Even when she tried to speak, her energy refused to rise. Still, Yeona laughed and chatted with her viewers.
"What? You want to play EoW…? No thanks."
The chat scrolled up rapidly. She stared at it with dull eyes and chugged the water beside her. The cold liquid cooled her head, but brought no comfort. Only endless gloom.
"I'll end the stream here. I think I still have a hangover."
It was hard. Too hard to keep going. So many people loved her, yet she couldn't love herself.
…Do I even deserve this?
The question kept attacking her. After ending the stream, she grabbed the cigarette on her desk and lit it.
"*sigh*……"
She felt a little better, but still couldn't feel okay.
The gentle voice of her mother made Yeona's chest tighten, but she pushed the feeling down, stubbed out the cigarette, and switched back to being the bright daughter.
"Yeah! It's nothing but fun!"
[Really? That's a relief, my daughter.]
"It suits me perfectly."
Disgusting.
She felt sick at how desperately she was pretending to be cheerful. After that day, the bright Joo Yeona had disappeared. The girl once full of contradictions and hypocrisy no longer existed.
"…It suits me too well."
[Yeah, Mom lives just to see you. You know that, right?]
"I know."
[Let's go see your dad sometime soon.]
"……"
At those words, Yeona instinctively covered her mouth. She felt like she would throw up if she made a single mistake.
"O-okay."
[Alright, since we couldn't go during the holidays.]
"Yeah, I'm hanging up, Mom."
She ended the call and let out a long sigh, lifting her head to see cigarette smoke drifting across the ceiling.
"Hey, Suhyun."
She muttered quietly.
"…Why am I like this? Always selfish, never able to help anyone… I should've just asked my family for help."
What if she had saved Suhyun before everything completely broke her? Would Suhyun still be by her side now?
"I don't know."
With a blank expression, Yeona moved her mouse as if possessed, searching for the VOD of Snake's stream. In the video was Suhyun, singing with a completely cracked voice.
"……"
She was truly an incredible person. Yeona couldn't believe someone who had gone through all that could still try to stand back up.
"You're… doing your best to become the person you want to be."
Compared to herself—someone who had lost her light, who radiated false light, who had even lost her dreams—Suhyun was dazzling.
"I wanted to become someone like you too, Suhyun."
She murmured as she listened to the song, then removed her lenses. Her half-dead, unfocused eyes were revealed.
"I can't see."
She closed her eyes and focused on Suhyun's singing. A sweet voice she had never heard before. The only time Yeona had heard anything resembling singing was during their first meeting, and even then it had been little more than humming. She had never really gotten to enjoy Suhyun's singing.
"You hated singing this much, yet……"
Suppressing the surge of emotion as much as she could, Yeona curled up on her chair.
"…You're shining. I've always been jealous of you, Suhyun."
Suhyun's awkward smile had gradually become natural on her avatar. Even her cracked voice sounded beautiful. The song was so wonderful that Yeona found herself wanting to mend their torn friendship.
[…Thank you, everyone! Thanks to you… I-I get to sing like this… and more than anything, I'm happy!]
"…!!"
[N-next song, then.]
Tears Yeona had been holding back streamed down her cheeks. She didn't know why. Why was she crying? It was confusing. Maybe it was because she envied her friend for becoming the person she herself had wanted to be. The sight of Suhyun laughing and genuinely enjoying herself reminded Yeona of her own childhood self—the one who could share her true feelings with others. Now all she saw was someone different from herself, someone untainted by lies.
[I'll come to see you again, no matter how many times it takes.]
"……"
[I'll dream of you again, no matter how many times it takes.]
Yeona cried as she listened to Suhyun's voice. Then her phone rang again.
"…?"
Wiping her tears, she picked up the phone and couldn't help but be surprised.
Haram's offer to collab with Suhyun. Yeona had been about to refuse, but then—
[I want to find the things I forgot, one by one, with you.]
"……"
Suhyun's voice made her hesitate. Suhyun looked so happy.
"…C-can we really become close again?"
Yeona's fingers moved quickly.
[Tachibana Kitsu: Sounds good]