The Big Clean (2)
A terrifying feeling swept over me. An overwhelming sense of anxiety crashed down. I looked around, but there was nothing to see. Just an endless black void. Trembling, I scanned the empty space.
"I-Is anyone there…?"
A painfully familiar voice echoed through the emptiness.
"Suhyun, you've disappointed me."
"…!!!"
Suhyun. The name I'd been called in my past life. And the one speaking was none other than my mother from that life.
"…M-Mom?"
"Well, I suppose that's just like you."
I had no idea why she was here. Panicking, I stammered through my words.
"P-Please don't throw me away…! Please, please!"
I'd been abandoned. Discarded because I fell short of expectations.
"This time… I'll do better… hic! Don't throw me away… Please, please don't throw me away just because I'm a failure……"
"…Tsk. Stop crying. It's disgusting to look at."
Mother's face twisted in contempt as she slowly faded away. I lunged toward her, but my hateful left leg refused to move.
"Don't go…!!! Please!!"
No matter how desperately I cried out, Mother vanished without a trace. Then another voice reached me.
"…Hey. Where's the money?"
"Hiiik!?"
It was my father from this life.
"Haa… You worthless piece of shit."
"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!!"
Father smashed a soju bottle against the floor and pointed the jagged edge at me.
"If I raised you, the least you could do is pay up."
"I-I'm sorry…! It's all my fault."
I dropped to my knees and begged, just like always.
"Hah. Look at this pathetic bitch. You said you'd take the kids' share too."
"…Aah……"
"Begging won't help you."
"Hic…!!"
Father grabbed my hair and pressed the broken bottle against my neck, smiling coldly.
"You should've stopped me from reporting it."
"I-I'm sorry. It's my fault."
"…What did I say before?"
"I-If I report you, you'll stab everyone to death."
"…That's right. Die."
Just as the bottle was about to pierce me—
"Hah…!!!!!"
I jolted awake in bed, drenched in cold sweat.
"…A dream?"
It had all been a dream. Being abandoned by my mother in my past life. Being murdered by my father in this one. Everything.
Yet knowing that brought no relief. Crawling off the bed, I burst into tears.
"No… I can't… Someone as awful as me…"
-Rustle!!
A faint red stain had seeped into the blanket.
Reaching into the air, I stared at my freshly wrapped bandages.
"…I said I wouldn't do it anymore."
Even as I muttered that, another part of me whispered that once a day was still okay.
"Nothing's changed……"
I wanted to change, but I couldn't. The realization hit me all over again.
I felt depressed. I wanted to shake off this gloom.
"…Haa. What time is it……"
With a heavy heart, I picked up my phone and checked the time.
[5:00 am]
Five in the morning. I'd woken from a nightmare at an absurdly early hour.
"…It's dawn."
Not the joking kind of "eight in the morning." Actual, genuine dawn. I wanted to sleep more, but my body refused. Once a nightmare woke me, falling back asleep was nearly impossible.
"……"
Swallowed by melancholy, I knew I shouldn't, but I picked up the phone anyway.
"J-Just a little… it should be fine to call, right……"
I'd already bothered Jiwoo too much. Afraid she'd find me annoying, I called Minwoo instead.
-Ring ring ring.
The dial tone continued. I stretched out my uncooperative left leg and anxiously bounced my right one while waiting for him to pick up. If he didn't answer because he hated me, there was nothing I could do. But—
"…A-Are you asleep?"
It was definitely the middle of the night.
'Suhyun is useless.'
'Dad's busy, so don't bother him.'
Suddenly, the voices of those trash from my past life echoed in my ears. I couldn't be a nuisance. If I was useless and still bothered people, I'd be thrown away.
"…Thrown away… again."
Abandoned once more. By the younger siblings I loved most. I hated that thought. Worried I might be bothering him, I reached to hang up—
[Hello!? Noona?]
"…M-Minwoo."
He'd answered.
[What's wrong? Calling at this hour… hah…!]
"A-Are you working out?"
[Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm exercising. Why?]
Minwoo's gentle voice made it sound like any random conversation was fine. In that moment, I felt the difference between him and the trash from my past life.
'…Right. Our kids are all good people.'
Maybe it was okay to lean on them a little. I spoke to Minwoo in the brightest voice I could manage.
"…I had a nightmare."
[A nightmare?]
"……It was scary."
[Are you okay? What should I do? Should I come over right now? I can grab a taxi and be there in no time.]
Minwoo immediately offered to come to my place, completely serious. I waved my hands frantically even though he couldn't see me.
"N-No…! I-It's fine, really…!"
[You're really okay? You didn't cry alone and use the box cutter again, did you?]
"…!!"
[…I knew it.]
"…S-Sorry."
When I apologized, Minwoo's voice softened with reassurance.
[It's okay… Did you at least disinfect it properly?]
"Y-Yeah."
[Good. Is there anything Noona and I can do for you?]
Something they could do. I just wanted them beside me. Right now, I craved the warmth of family. Not parents who treated me like an object, like the ones from my past life. Not parents who abandoned us and ran, or kept abusing us. I needed my siblings—the ones who actually cared about me. So I gathered my courage.
"…T-Today!!"
[Yeah, today.]
"Cleaning… could you come a little earlier… I want to see you… hic! I-If it's a bother, you don't have to come… hic!"
I'd meant to ask bravely, but the sorrow from the nightmare burst out and tears spilled over before I could stop them. Hearing me sob, Minwoo spoke in a flustered voice.
[You're crying!? No way! I'll be right there, okay? I want to see Noona too.]
"R-Really…?"
[Of course. You're basically our mom. Thanks for everything, Noona.]
Half of it was probably exaggeration. After all, from their perspective, it must've looked like I was the one keeping that hell going alongside Dad. But even if it was only half-sincere, it was enough. My chest felt warm.
"…I love you. Sorry for calling so early. I'll hang up now."
[I'll be there by eight. Thanks again, Noona.]
"Don't thank me… Bye."
Feeling a little calmer, I ended the call.
"……"
The empty room. I looked at the pile of trash near the entrance, then at the filthy floor it had stained.
"…It's really dirty."
Extremely dirty. I hadn't cleaned in so long that dust had piled up everywhere, along with countless unidentifiable stains. Among them were several bloodstains.
"The kids will be shocked."
And today, even my teacher was coming.
"…I should at least mop the floor once."
Forcing my uncooperative body upright, I headed to the bathroom. I only realized I was smiling when I was already wringing out the mop.
7:30 a.m.
"Hngh… hah…!!"
-Thud!
After two straight hours of mopping, I collapsed onto the floor.
"Ow… N-Nosebleed……"
Blood trickled down, but I didn't mind. With my limp leg and weak arms, I'd pushed the mop across the floor with everything I had. Aside from the dripping nosebleed, I'd managed to erase most of the stains.
"Hngh……"
My heart ached. I'd pushed myself too hard, and now it hurt. Stuffing tissues into my nose, I leaned against the wall beside the bed and closed my eyes, exhausted.
It was tough. Really tough. But I also felt a small spark of pride. It felt like I'd become a different person.
-Tremble tremble tremble.
"Hehe… My arms are shaking."
Where had all the muscle I'd built from manual labor gone? Once my leg was ruined in my second year of high school, I couldn't work anymore, and my stamina had hit rock bottom.
"I used to run around so much……"
Recalling my once-glorious past, I let my arm drop limply to the floor. I closed my eyes. I knew I shouldn't sleep, but the drowsiness was too strong to fight. I probably wouldn't dream after using up so much energy.
"…Thirty minutes left… I-I shouldn't sleep…"
In the end, I slipped into a deep sleep.
Current time: 7:40 a.m.
"Hngh, I'm sleepy… Minwoo-yaaang, good morning!"
"Good morning, Haram noona."
"Haram, get away from our Minwoo."
Haram, Jiwoo, and Minwoo stood in front of Suhyun's house, their expressions tense as they texted her.
"Noona said she really wanted to see us soon?"
"Yes, she did."
At Minwoo's smiling answer, Haram's face flushed. "I-Is that so?" she replied, forcing a smile. Minwoo's cheeks turned red in response.
Jiwoo thought to herself, '…I wish they'd both just die.'
They were here to clean, so what was this nonsense?
"Noona hasn't seen the text. Maybe she's already cleaning?"
"Noona told us last time that if she's not answering, we should just unlock the door and come in."
"Oh, right."
Jiwoo punched in the door lock code as she spoke. The moment the door opened, Minwoo quickly spun Haram around.
"Huh? W-What are you doing, Minwoo-ya?"
"Noona, you might need a moment to prepare. There's a lot of trash."
"I-Is that so?"
"Yes."
Thump-thump. Just as Haram's heart began pounding wildly—
"Noona!?"
Jiwoo, who had gone in first with a sigh, suddenly cried out in alarm. The other two rushed inside.
"Noona…!! What—?! Why, why are you like this?"
They found Suhyun slumped weakly against the wall, blood dripping from her nose.