Chapter 7
Chapter 7
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 7
Chapter Title: This Isn't a Self-Deprecating Stream
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“Mmgh!!”
When I came to, for some reason the toilet was right in front of me.
It seemed I’d been retching, but since I’d skipped meals for a while, nothing came up.
As I stayed like that, my face reflected in the toilet water caught my eye.
A girl with eyes soaked in fear and heavy dark circles. I was still trapped in Victoria’s appearance.
But for some reason, the reflection in the water wasn’t wearing a uniform.
Trembling, I raised my hand to check, and a smooth palm without a single callus came into view.
A T-shirt soaked not in blood but cold sweat. And defenseless without a weapon.
In this bizarre and bewildering scene, the thought “I’m back in reality” suddenly flashed through my mind.
“I... I’m back...”
“Victoria!”
At that moment, someone hugged me and shouted urgently.
Thinking I’d been ambushed, I instinctively curled up, but the woman holding me just kept repeating that I was okay.
Wondering what was going on, I looked up, and a familiar face came into view.
A woman with soft brown hair and a puppy-like face. She was definitely someone I knew.
“...Shin Ara-ssi?”
Remembering her name, I cautiously opened my mouth.
In response to my question, Shin Ara simply nodded.
Only then did the certainty that I’d returned to reality wash over me with relief.
The tension drained from my body, and before I knew it, I was leaning my back against Shin Ara’s chest.
“You startled me, hugging me out of nowhere...”
“S-Sorry. You must’ve been really shocked...”
“How long have you been here?”
“I just got here. Sorry I’m so late.”
I shook my head to say she wasn’t late at all.
We’d promised that if something happened, she’d pull me out of the game, and from her appearance, it was clear she’d come as fast as she could.
Of course, right after starting the game, I’d put on such a disgraceful show that she’d had no choice but to pull me out immediately.
I felt like I’d made her go through unnecessary trouble because of me, so I couldn’t lift my head.
“I’m sorry. I ruined the session.”
“N-No. You don’t need to apologize, Victoria. If anything, I should. I should’ve suggested starting with something lighter...”
“I acted on my own without consulting you.”
“You don’t need to blame yourself like that. More importantly, how are you feeling? Anywhere uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know... I still feel a bit dizzy...”
“Let’s get you to the bed first. Can you stand?”
“Yeah.”
With Shin Ara’s help, I got up from the bathroom floor.
My body had cooled from the cold sweat, so her body heat felt especially warm.
We soon walked out to the living room and sat side by side on the bed, calming our nerves.
Thanks to the gentle hand stroking my back, my chaotic mind quickly settled.
“Feeling better now? You can lie down if you’re tired.”
“I’m okay now. Just hungry and weak, that’s all.”
“Oh. You must be starving... Want to order some delivery?”
“N-No. You don’t need to go that far for me...”
“I’m hungry too. Let’s order something tasty together.”
Brushing off my refusal, Shin Ara pulled out her smartphone.
She opened the delivery app and started showing me various menus.
Of course, I had enough shame to refuse again.
Seeing her stuck here unable to go home because of me made me feel grateful but also guilty.
But even I couldn’t help my eyes lighting up at Korean dishes I hadn’t seen in four years.
And maybe because it was impossible to hide my feelings from a counselor, by the time I snapped out of it, the order was already placed.
Her judgment was as extraordinary as expected from a counselor.
I felt admiration rising for her ironclad mind, free of even decision paralysis.
“They say 15 minutes. Must be from the place right next door.”
“At least let me pay. There’s quite a bit of cash in the VR device.”
“Oh, sorry. I already paid... But why do you keep cash inside the VR device?”
“...I don’t remember.”
Truthfully, I had no idea why there was money in the VR device.
Maybe the old Victoria had left it as a tip for properly handling her body or something.
“Speaking of which, no issues with your memory? You remember turning on the stream and starting the game?”
“Oh, yeah. I remember that.”
“Then, while we wait for the food, can I ask a few questions? Nothing that’ll burden you, of course.”
“Yeah. I’m totally fine now. Ask away.”
I nodded at the natural segue into the session.
Maybe because I’d been rampaging in the game until moments ago, my PTSD was quiet, leaving me fairly relaxed.
Just in case, I hugged a pillow and got ready to answer.
Shin Ara, who’d been lost in thought for a moment, spoke in a gentle voice.
“First, let’s review your overall experience in the game. Just say what you remember—no need to push yourself.”
“Hmm... I can’t be sure, but I think I remember most of it. I definitely blacked out right after opening my eyes in the train, right?”
Right after starting Frontline Archive. I’d panicked, thinking I was trapped in the game again.
The sensations were so overwhelmingly realistic, and waking up in a train car had triggered my trauma.
Still, I’d done my best to survive.
Hiding in a safe spot and holding out without dying, expecting Shin Ara in reality would eventually pull me out.
“But then a grenade suddenly flew in, and I lost it.”
But the external help I’d hoped for shattered along with the grenade that came flying.
Facing relentless soldiers over and over, I’d lost even the hope that it was just a game and plunged into despair.
So I’d decided to end it.
I had no confidence in enduring a lonely fight without allies, and there were no comrades around to stop my suicide.
Thinking back now, it felt even scarier than the Eastern Battlefield.
There, at least I had comrades fighting alongside me, but in Frontline Archive, I was utterly alone.
“I see... Sorry I was late...”
“No. The problem was me mistaking the game for reality.”
After hearing my full explanation, Shin Ara looked gloomy and apologized.
I shook my head, signaling it wasn’t her fault.
After all, hadn’t she done everything she could?
If I’d trusted her and held on just a bit longer, things would surely have turned out better.
But Shin Ara’s expression didn’t brighten.
When I stared, wondering why, she tapped her smartphone and spoke.
“I think I was too complacent, relying only on the stream. I should’ve anticipated you wouldn’t see the chat.”
“Huh? Chat?”
“Yeah. Me and the viewers were chatting the whole stream. If you’d seen it, you’d have realized it was a game. We sent tons of donations too—didn’t hear anything?”
“Uh... No, nothing...”
“Sigh... So it didn’t get through after all.”
Come to think of it, I’d been streaming along with the game.
And streams allowed communication with the streamer via chat and donations.
But after starting the game, I hadn’t seen a single chat.
Considering chats had been visible at the start, this was more likely my issue than a technical glitch.
It showed just how cornered and deranged I’d been.
Realizing I’d made a fool of myself in front of strangers, my face flushed.
*Ding-dong.*
Just then, the doorbell rang—the food had arrived.
I stopped Shin Ara from standing and hurried to the front door.
After all, I couldn’t make the guest who’d paid do odd jobs too.
At the very least, receiving and setting the food was something I should handle.
“Hello.”
“Y-Yes... Hello...?”
“Take care.”
“Ah, yes! Enjoy!”
After taking the food from the delivery guy, I immediately started setting the table.
The delivery guy had reacted strangely to my face for some reason, but since Shin Ara’s expression brightened, it didn’t seem like a mistake.
Soon, steaming stew filled the table, and the meal I’d dreamed of began.
The kimchi jjigae packed with meat warmed my heart more than any vodka ever could.
It had been so long since I’d tasted the flavors of home that a smile formed naturally.
Seeing me like that must’ve struck her, because Shin Ara, spoon in hand, spoke with a bright expression.
“This is the first time I’ve seen Victoria smile. You’re so cute when you do.”
“......Don’t joke like that while eating.”
“Huh? Not joking. Didn’t you see the delivery guy’s shock at such a cute kid greeting him?”
“......Maybe he was worried because I looked sick.”
“Heh heh. I doubt it.”
Even against my reasonable counterargument, Shin Ara wouldn’t budge on calling me cute.
That made me think of the comrades I’d left on the Eastern Battlefield, lost in thought for a moment.
Nikolai, Ivan, Sergei. They’d teased me about being cute too, laughing.
Back then, those words had irked me so much I’d even gotten revenge using rank differences, which now tugged at my conscience.
“Still, playing the game seems to have improved some things.”
As we ate, Shin Ara suddenly brought up an unexpected topic.
I made a confused face, and she continued with a pleased smile.
“You looked really drained right after the stream ended, but now you seem brighter than before.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. If it were the old Victoria, wouldn’t she have frozen up without saying a word to the delivery guy? She was scared of men because of the stalker.”
“That... might be true.”
I could only nod at Shin Ara’s words.
Because I wasn’t the old Victoria, with no stalker history to empathize with.
“And now Victoria seems to distinguish between game and reality to some extent.”
But her next words piqued my interest.
I set down my spoon and asked what she meant. She pointed toward the bathroom and continued.
“Do you know what the first thing you said after coming to was?”
“Hmm... No idea. I don’t remember.”
“You said, ‘I’m back.’ You clearly recognized this as reality.”
“Oh.”
“And compared to before the game, your anxiety symptoms have noticeably decreased. Sure, there were mistakes on the first try, but using games to overcome trauma might be the right approach, no?”
Hearing her, I realized something too.
When I first opened my eyes in the bathroom, my mind was a mess, but right after meeting Shin Ara, I’d calmed down noticeably.
I’d thought it was just exhaustion from rampaging in the game, but maybe it was because I was certain “this is reality.”
“Yeah, now that you mention it. I have no doubt this is the real world now. Probably because I was in the game until moments ago.”
“Yeah. The more you play games going forward, the stronger that conviction will get. PTSD symptoms should naturally improve too. It won’t be easy, but let’s push through together.”
Overcoming trauma through games and clearly separating nightmares from reality.
Now I finally understood why she’d recommended games.
To prove my rising trust, I picked up some side dish and handed it to her.
Energized by the gesture, she ate it and spoke even brighter.
“Then I should find someone to game with you soon. Even starting light next time, we’ll eventually tackle FPS again.”
“Can’t you play with me, Shin Ara-ssi?”
“Hmm... I’d love to, but I’m not that good at games. I’d just hold you back.”
“Then I’ll play alone...”
“There’s a chance you won’t see chat again. Wouldn’t it help to have someone you know nearby?”
“But who’d team up with someone like me...”
I drooped my head with a sullen expression.
Sure, I’d fought for four years on the Eastern Battlefield, racking up over 35,000 hours, but making gaming friends was more about compatibility than skill.
Probably only someone as crazy as me would play with me.
The thought of being alone again brought back the gloom.
“No need to worry. I’ve got just the person in mind. They’ll probably contact you first.”
For some reason, Shin Ara looked sulky as she said it.
She didn’t seem close to this person she’d been watching.
Curious who could’ve upset Shin Ara, I asked who it was.
Whoever it was, they had to be devilish, so the image in my head wasn’t great.
“Who is it?”
“Ttalgwi.”
“Huh?”
“That’s their nickname for sure.”
Ttalgwi.
I didn’t like the nickname one bit.