The Demon Who Believes in God (2)
“Demian, are you reading the Bible again?”
“There’s nothing else to do, you know. Oh, since you mentioned it, could you look at this for me?”
Ever since that day, I had become Surda’s adopted son.
And started priest training.
‘I was scolded for wanting to find something else to do, though.’
“Um, it’s about healing the blind, right? The interpretation here is like this…”
Looking at Surda’s smile, I couldn’t say no.
To me, he was everything.
It wasn’t just that he had taken me in and given me food.
He had healed my twisted body and common sense.
He had given me dreams and courage.
‘I’m paying back the grace by becoming a believer.’
I believed in God at the same time as I believed in Surda.
My new father, who was so completely different from before.
“…Now that I think about it, you’ve finished your catechism today.”
“Yes, it’s time to receive my baptismal name.”
I was lost in emotion when Surda suddenly said, “Wait a second.”
Baptismal name.
A name borrowed to emulate a patron saint.
It was usual to receive it after catechism, so I hadn’t received one yet.
“….”
“You decide. Honestly, I feel too embarrassed to pick one myself.”
I had spent the whole day glued to the Bible. It helped.
I had been waiting for this day with all my heart.
To receive a name from Surda.
‘Whatever it is, I’ll receive it gracefully.’
My name is Demian. The meaning is demon.
A believer’s name being a demon… that’s ironic.
It was a bit embarrassing to become a priest with this name.
‘As long as I don’t get struck by lightning, it’ll be fine.’
“Demian, I’ve decided.”
Surda’s mouth opened right away.
What had he chosen? Gabriel? Matthew? Honestly, John was just too obvious.
“Actually, maybe we shouldn’t pick a name at all.”
…Huh?
“Why? Why? How can a priest exist without a baptismal name?”
“…It doesn’t matter. What a priest needs is not empty ritual but faith.”
“No, what reason—”
Surda deliberately looked away.
A habit he showed when he was in trouble or lying.
There was definitely something he was hiding.
“I can’t tell you the reason. But believe me. Picking a baptismal name will bring you big trouble.”
“…If you say it like that, I’m not going to get stubborn or anything…”
I was a bit taken aback.
So my priest name would be Demian?
If God got angry and sent a lightning strike,
“Instead, I’ll make the apple stew you like today. The harvest from the vegetable patch was great today.”
“…Apple pie too?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.”
I couldn’t resist apple pie.
***
Time passed quickly.
“Father! We’ve harvested all the vegetables. Should I put them in the storage?”
“Save only two portions. It’s getting hotter these days, so we’ll eat them up fast.”
I had grown into a sturdy young man known to all.
And taken over the household chores in Surda’s place.
Bubble bubble…
“Thank you always, Demian. Are you feeling sick anywhere?”
“Aigoo, who’s your son? I’m as strong as ever. You should worry about your own body, Father.”
“Yeah. You never had any of those illnesses.”
Morning prayer time, starting today.
‘It’s also my favorite time.’
The sound of the wood slowly burning down.
The fragrant scent of food simmering in that heat.
Clunk.
“Done.”
“Hoo… Father’s cooking skills don’t rust.”
“Old man’s few skills, after all.”
Above all, these ordinary conversations were good.
“Lord, bless this food bestowed by Your grace upon us. May it be blessed upon us through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
“Amen. You must be hungry. Eat up.”
After morning prayer, the meal began.
Always the same vegetable stew, but it slid down easily without any trouble.
Always warm. Always delicious. Always happy.
‘I hope such days continue forever.’
Just peaceful everyday life.
Such days would continue forever.
I believed it without a doubt.
“Cough…!!”
“Ah, Father? Father!?”
…Surda was coughing and about to collapse while holding the spoon.
***
Surda died.
It was obvious that I couldn’t believe it.
I myself had no sense of reality at all.
“…I knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it would be today.”
Surda had been an old man.
From the moment we met, he had been a white-haired grandfather.
How old would he be now after all this time.
“We can’t take him to the hospital since it’s in the countryside.”
Here, if you got old or sick, you died.
There was no medical facility at all.
My coming back to life after dying had been a miracle.
“May the young lamb who was once a brilliant sage return to Your embrace. Please grant him peaceful rest. Amen.”
After laying him on the bed, I prayed.
I should have put up a tombstone…
But now I couldn’t even look at it properly.
“Just a bit, walk.”
Thud, thud. The sound of footsteps filling the corridor.
Without shoe sounds, it felt strangely empty.
After walking endlessly until I came to my senses,
“…Ah. Father’s room.”
It had become Surda’s room.
“Even this place is a long time ago.”
Clank. I opened the old door.
Right away, the familiar scent rushed in.
He had nursed me, who was dying, in this room.
“After that, you didn’t let me in, but I didn’t want to come in like this.”
The things in the room were just the bed, the chair, and one bookshelf.
He probably hadn’t replaced the worn-out furniture.
It was only fitting for Surda to be like this.
“Sigh… shit…”
Thud. I sat on the bed and spat out the swear word I had held back since I was a child.
The joy of that day was still vivid.
Thanks to you, I know how happy and blessed my life was.
Did you know that?
“You must have known. But why… why did you leave so suddenly…”
It wasn’t resentment.
How could I resent him.
The old man who had been so kind and good to excess.
The benefactor who had lit a fire in a life that was dark.
The father who had not only raised me but also told me the goal of life… how could I resent him.
“So suddenly…”
This was just childishness.
Just the selfish, self-centered tantrum of a big child.
“…Eh? What’s this?”
As I was lost in the whirlpool of emotion,
A faded book among the black Bible books caught my eye.
The name on the book I picked up spellbound was,
“My Son. To Demian.”
“If you can’t find your way alone, I will write this book.
When you read this book, it will be the time I die.
First, I want to say I’m sorry.
My body has already aged enough.
There were still many things I wanted to do with you, but the day of death feels deep in my bones.
Demian. Blessing from the sky and my treasure.
You may think of me as a kind of savior.
If you have a kind heart, that’s fine.
But that’s not the case. You are my savior.
Light, salt, and benefactor at the same time.
…I committed a great sin I can’t tell you.
This place is not a peaceful refuge.
It is a prison built for me to punish myself, and a place of divine punishment.
Originally, I was to be punished alone and die lonely here.
But then, you appeared before me.
You gave me courage to live and filled the rest of my life with happiness.
You gave me a goal in life.
Demian. A gift from our kind and handsome Lord.
You were the best son to me.
—Your sincere father, Surda.”
Epilogue. The rest is a guide to the outside world.
I will travel as much as I want, leaving this narrow space.
Don’t worry about travel expenses. I prepared enough.
I love you.
.
.
.
“….”
I couldn’t move for a while.
Nothing moved.
As if time had stopped.
“…Ah.”
How long had passed.
My eyelashes became hot.
They got hotter and hotter until I couldn’t open my eyes properly.
Even so, I let them stay warm.
“Ah… Father…”
Just hugging the notebook in my hands.
“Father…!!”
I could only let it flow endlessly.
***
“Phew… Is this enough to look real?”
After that, I buried Surda and put up a tombstone.
I didn’t hold a funeral.
I had no knowledge and it didn’t seem like Surda would like one.
“A man who saved a boy’s life sleeps here.”
“Thank you for a while. Sincerely.”
After praying for his soul in heaven,
I started packing my things.
As Surda said, to see the world.
“I will visit many places and tell you everything without fail.”
New world, new places, new connections.
After experiencing all of them, I would return and brag to Surda.
That the places he guided were wonderful, that others would find them amazing.
And that being with you now was the best.
“…Good. Shall we go?”
With resolve in my heart,
I took a step toward the outside,
Kwaaaang—!!
Lightning from the sky struck me and I died.
…Oh God.
--- **END OF CHAPTER 2**