Behold! This Is the Diplomatic Negotiation of This One!
Ban Sihyuk.
That was the name of the man sitting across from me—my own dear older brother by blood.
His eyes were so cold that not a speck of welcome could be found in them. A person or two could probably have dropped dead on the spot under that gaze, and no one would have found it strange.
I mean, seriously—who glares at their adorable little sister like that?! And I wasn't saying that just because this body happened to be mine now. Objectively speaking, this little sister was genuinely, certifiably cute. If I'd had a sibling like me, I'd have carried her around everywhere, cooing about how she was too precious for words.
Ahh, yes, I was feeling full to bursting. Bursting with smugness, that is.
"Who were you talking to just now?"
"Uh, ah— I'm sorry, what?"
The sharp voice cut in without warning, and my entire train of thought derailed on the spot. Even that enormous dragonfly monster earlier hadn't managed to shut my mouth, yet this man had subdued me with a single sentence.
So how exactly was I supposed to explain this? Admitting I'd been chatting with a talking hamster perched on my head felt like a fast-track admission to a psychiatric ward—and if that happened, I'd be condemned to a lifetime of terrible hospital food.
Which was absolutely not going to happen.
"A phone call! I was on the phone with a friend!"
"...A friend?"
Ban Sihyuk's brow creased. His eyes said it outright, loud and clear: No way someone like you has friends.
No, really—he was definitely saying it. You're wondering if I'm just imagining things? Not in the slightest. This time, unlike with the dragonfly, I wasn't misreading anything. That expression was the one I'd known best in my entire past life.
"A friend I made while walking my hamster!"
"...Walking? People take their hamsters for walks?"
The hamster yanked on my hair.
"You would call that an excuse? Squeak!"
Everyone was so hopelessly old-fashioned. If the owner said it was walk time, then walk time it was.
"Fine. I'll let that slide for now."
Thankfully, perhaps thanks to the thick door, he didn't seem to have caught the details, which let me off the hook surprisingly easily. Then again, who in their right mind would suspect a person of conversing with a hamster?
Oh, come to think of it—he hadn't reacted to the hamster's voice at all, so it was the real deal? The thing had claimed that conversation only worked once it climbed onto my head, which had absolutely reeked of con artist, but apparently it hadn't been a total lie after all.
Bzzzz—! Just then, the smartphone in my pocket rattled noisily.
I didn't need to look. It had to be the delivery app, letting me know my order had arrived at the door.
My hamburgers... My darlings, just bear with that cold hallway a little longer. And you most of all, my mozzarella burger—you've never handled the chill well, so hang in there just a bit more, please.
"Go ahead and get it."
Apparently my restless fidgeting had been noticed; he was showing consideration, in his own way.
...Or not? For all I knew, he was monitoring whether I actually had friends. If he were truly that decent a guy, he wouldn't have been staring daggers at me in the first place.
"No, it's fine. I'll get it in a bit. Haha!"
While I swallowed my tears on the inside, Ban Sihyuk gave a nod and then, in that icy voice, fired a heavyweight fastball straight down the middle.
"You do know why I came here, don't you?"
Ooh, what a scare. Kindly use your turn signal before cutting in like that, sir!
"Haha, well, let's see. To have dinner with your little sister— no, that can't be it. The news... It must be about the news, right?"
Blundering my way through while he wore that expression was beyond even my talents.
"Right. And seeing the hamster on your head, I'm all the more certain it was you, Ban Harang."
It was true that my face had been mosaicked out in the news footage, but the adorable hamster perched on my crown had been broadcast in full, glorious detail.
Ugh, I hated this. I truly hated this kind of conversation. What was it with real adults? Asking questions they already knew the answers to—just say what you mean already! They hand you a perfect chance to lie, then turn around later and call you a liar for taking it. If anything, they shouldn't hand out the chance in the first place!
Although, hmm—if we counted my past life, wasn't I technically the more adult one here? Anyway. Trivial details. Skipping.
"I'll ask you point-blank. Did you use that magic yourself?"
And there it was—the main scenario.
"No! Of course not! As you well know, big brother, I'm an Unawakened!"
Just like Seo Hui's Diplomatic Negotiation from history class, I had to somehow defend my hamburgers from my most gracious brother. And what made it all the more unjust was that, as a matter of canon, I truly hadn't cast it. The hamster perched on my head had!
"Don't even think about lying. I had the residual mana left at the scene measured, and I confirmed it with my own eyes—it carried the distinct signature of our family's mana."
"I'm sorry—what?"
No, boss, you can say that all you like, but I genuinely had no idea!
"The man speaks true. This one merely borrowed your mana, after all. Squeak."
And why was it only telling me this NOW?! And who said it could help itself to somebody else's mana?! By any legal standard, this was outright theft of use. I wanted nothing more than to snatch the hamster off my head and give it a 360-degree windmill spin, but with Ban Sihyuk standing right there, I didn't dare.
"Th-that doesn't change the fact that I truly know nothing about it!"
This is so unfair! I didn't even know mana ran through this body until right before all this! Somehow, I had to play dumb and wriggle my way out. As I broke into a cold sweat and watched for his reaction, Ban Sihyuk stared down into my eyes for a long, silent moment, and a frigid stillness filled the living room. The tension hung so thick I could hear my own gulp go down. And then, at last, he spoke in a low voice.
"...I'll let it go this once. Your mana must have gotten mixed in by coincidence. If you had power like that, there's no way we wouldn't have known."
"...Wait—seriously?"
"Yes. I'll give our parents some suitable story myself, so stay quietly at home for the time being. And no more hamster walks."
Huh? My eyes flew wide open at the unexpected answer. And here I'd thought face-reading was a science—apparently not always? Could he actually be a kind older brother who looked after his little sister, against all odds? Whatever his reasons, the crisis of my child support being frozen had been averted!
"...Ban Harang. You have been taking your medication properly, haven't you?"
Medication? Let's see, I'd have to paw through some memories here... The original owner of this body, the real Ban Harang, had apparently been on antidepressants. I wanted to tell him, Your sister already left this world because of that very depression, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Instead, I answered with a light nod.
"Tell me when you're running low. I'll bring you more."
No, thank you, my most gracious brother—I shall humbly decline and accept only the sentiment. I am currently very much satisfied with my life as it is. Naturally, I kept that to myself as well. Man, I was biting back a lot of words today. Honestly.
His business apparently concluded, Ban Sihyuk rose from his seat and headed for the front door. Just as I was silently cheering—finally, I could send off that terrifying brother of mine and rendezvous with my hamburgers—he opened the door and froze mid-motion. His icy gaze had landed on the mountain of delivery bags piled on the hallway floor.
"...What is all this?"
"Ah, that's... well, as you can see, it's delivery food."
"I know. The smell of hamburgers is practically vibrating out from between the bags."
Ban Sihyuk frowned and swept his eyes over the dozens of bags one by one. ...This felt ominous. Don't tell me he was coveting my hamburgers?
"I hadn't realized you liked hamburgers this much."
Even a glance said it was far beyond what one person could eat. He looked over the hamburger tower—easily more than forty strong—then turned back to me, utterly dumbfounded.
"Ah— I've kind of been obsessed with hamburgers lately. Haha!"
As I laughed it off with an awkward scratch of my cheek, Ban Sihyuk studied the delivery bags in silence for a moment, then let out a short sigh.
"Haah... You're suspicious as all hell, but I have a schedule, so I'm off."
Whoever it was that had booked my gracious brother's schedule today, please accept my sincerest and most heartfelt thanks.
"Stop living on this fast food and eat proper meals."
"Yes, yes, I'll be sure to keep that in mind~"
I answered perfunctorily, earnestly praying he would just shut the door and go—and then Ban Sihyuk added one last remark in a quiet voice.
"...Next time, we'll really eat together. Dinner."
"...Huh?"
My eyes went round at the unexpected offer, but he said nothing more—just opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Naturally, the answer in my heart had long since been decided. Nope! Absolutely not! If I sat face-to-face over a meal with my most gracious brother, I'd be a hundred percent certain to get indigestion and end up carted off to a hospital.
Only after watching through the gap in the door until Ban Sihyuk boarded the elevator and it slid fully shut did I finally release a sigh of relief and bolt out into the hallway.
"Haembugi! You've waited so long, haven't you?! Yes, yes, I missed you too, my beautiful darlings!"
With both arms wrapped around the precious delivery bags, neatly stacked on the floor, I carried them all into the living room. First, just as originally planned, I lifted out the mozzarella burger, wrapper and all—
"Aaaagh! The cheese has gone completely solid...!"
It was only to be expected after all that time abandoned on the freezing hallway floor, but watching the cheese that should have stretched into glorious strands snap clean apart instead was enough to crush my soul outright.
...And yet—thank you for the meal!
I took a great big bite of the cold patty and cheese.
"Oishii—!"
As expected, hamburgers never betrayed me—not even cold ones.
"Munch, munch... Looks tasty, that does. Squeak."
I could hear the hamster smacking its little lips on top of my head. Ordinarily I wouldn't have yielded a single crumb even under torture, but seeing as my heaven-sent, most gracious brother had just let everything slide, sharing a bite or two with the hamster was hardly a sacrifice. That's right—if we ran short, I could simply order more!
"Ahh, now that's the stuff. Here, Mr. Hamster, you have a bite too."
I pinched off a small piece of the savory patty and cheese from the mozzarella burger, laid it gently on the sofa, and quietly began splitting the hamburger with the hamster, face to face.
"This is what happiness is. What else could happiness possibly be?"
"Mm, nom... And all of it you owe to this one, who saved you from the dragonfly. Squeak."
"Okay, okay, I'll coolly admit it~"
That said, I was now under orders to keep a low profile for the time being... so what was I supposed to do with myself? Ooh! I had it—worldbuilding research, first and foremost. Relying solely on this body's leftover memories would make it hard to respond swiftly the next time some incident inevitably exploded. As the old saying goes, know yourself and know your enemy, and you will never be defeated in a hundred battles. The better I understood this world, the more natural and airtight my lies could become down the line.
"Mr. Hamster, honestly, that walk cover story earlier? Absolutely legendary. Agreed? Yep, agreed~"
Squeak squeak—! Squeak!
Cheese clamped in its mouth, the hamster bristled its fur at me and squeaked away with great fervor about who knows what. I couldn't make out a word of it, but eh—I was sure it meant pure astonishment and lavish praise.
"Behold! This is the diplomatic negotiation of this one!"
Seo Hui had won the Six Garrison Settlements through diplomacy—and I had won one whole week of hamburgers!
Squeak squeak—!
"Enough, enough! Such excessive praise makes me blush—that will be quite enough!"
Starting tomorrow, it was on to full-scale homeschooling—just you wait, an even further-evolved me was on the way!