The Narrow Gate (12)
A cool breeze brushed across my face, and my eyes opened of their own accord.
"Ah, you're awake, Ha-eun."
"Su-ryeon…?"
The first thing I saw upon opening my eyes was Su-ryeon's face. I stared at her for a moment, trying to make sense of the situation.
Perhaps she could tell I still hadn't fully come to my senses, because she swept my hair back as she spoke.
"Do you remember collapsing in the bath?"
"In the bath…?"
"Yes. I heard you stayed in the hot water too long and fainted."
Having said that, Su-ryeon suddenly leaned in close.
Her face was so near that my body flinched without thinking. She paid my reaction no mind at all.
"Is that true?"
"T-true what?"
"Whether the reason Yoon Seo-a gave is the truth."
So it was Seo-a who'd said that. Looking into the brown eyes so close to mine, I slowly nodded.
"Probably. If the people who were there say so, then it must be. I was unconscious, so my memories of the bath are hazy."
Of course, it was a lie. The conversation I'd had with Shin So-hye in the bath, the sensation of Seo-a's fingers scraping inside me — all of it was still vivid.
At my excuse, Su-ryeon let out a short breath and murmured,
"Ha-eun, who has a habit of taking long baths, fainting in one… Don't you find that a little strange?"
"Ah—"
Right. Su-ryeon knew my bathing preferences. Caught out, I averted my gaze, and Su-ryeon — who'd been looking down at me with an unreadable expression — sighed and pulled away.
Then she began fanning my face with a fan she'd gotten from somewhere. That cool breeze I'd been feeling must have been from this.
"Ha-eun. Do you not trust me?"
"N-not trust you?"
"It's hard, isn't it. Because of Yoon Seo-a."
"Su-ryeon, what if someone hears you saying that…"
At those words I hastily sat up and looked around before speaking. We were still in Seo-a's room — it was far too careless a thing to say.
But Su-ryeon answered in a perfectly calm voice, as if it were nothing.
"It's fine. Everyone's downstairs having a late dinner."
"Downstairs…?"
Only then did I notice the low murmur of conversation and the clink of dishes drifting up from below.
"So no matter what we talk about, they won't hear us from down there. As long as we don't raise our voices too much. So — what do you think, Ha-eun?"
"What do I think…?"
"Don't you want to get away from Yoon Seo-a?"
I had the feeling I'd heard something similar before. Back then she'd only asked if I was all right. Now she was asking outright whether I wanted to escape.
Had she finally realized that I wasn't all right? Well — there was no hiding it from Su-ryeon.
Just today alone, I'd shown her my weakness without any filter.
Honestly speaking, it wasn't as if I had no desire to tell Su-ryeon everything and finally feel some relief.
I'd reached my limit too. I didn't want to keep being toyed with by Seo-a, keep suffering in silence. I was exhausted from constantly watching other people's reactions, terrified of being found out.
If I poured all of that out, Su-ryeon would surely find some way — any way — to put distance between me and Seo-a.
Even if that meant I might not be able to see everyone for a while, it would still be less miserable than being trapped under Seo-a's thumb.
Thinking that, I looked at Su-ryeon. I gazed for a long time into eyes that held a firm resolve, as if she would act the moment I said I wanted out — and then I slowly opened my mouth.
"Su-ryeon."
"Yes."
"Honestly speaking, I'm not okay. But I'm still going to say that I am."
"You're not okay, but you'll say you are?"
"If I asked you for help, I'm sure I could run away from Yoon Seo-a."
But it wouldn't last. Even if I ran, would Seo-a really give up? No — from everything I'd seen of her up close, she absolutely wouldn't.
This was the same Yoon Seo-a who'd flown into a rage like a woman possessed when I'd suggested we start our relationship over. If I ran off on my own, I'd see that face again.
And if that happened, there was no way she'd leave Su-ryeon alone — the one who'd helped hide me. Seo-a in that state felt unhinged; she'd do something unthinkable.
If I followed Su-ryeon's advice and ran, it would be easier for me. But I couldn't accept making other people suffer just so I could be comfortable.
Better that I alone be the one who struggled and suffered. When I put it that way, Su-ryeon spoke in a voice thick with frustration.
"But Ha-eun, you're already at your limit. You threw up from trauma you couldn't even hide. And even then, other people's well-being matters more?"
"I don't know. But the thought of someone else suffering because of me… doesn't feel good."
Maybe the reason I fretted over everyone around me more than myself was my abysmally low self-esteem.
I'd been Yu Ha-eun for a long time now, but the memories of my past life stretched back even further — and they clung to me, sticky and unwilling to let go.
"But—!"
"Even so, I'm glad I have you, Su-ryeon."
"What?"
"Having someone who looks out for me the way you do… it gives me the strength to keep going."
Honestly, the time I'd known Su-ryeon couldn't be called long.
Of course, a short acquaintance didn't mean a shallow relationship — but that was only how I saw it.
For Su-ryeon, it would be different. Risking danger for someone she'd known for barely a month and a half — wasn't that a loss?
So the right thing was to stop her from trying to persuade me any further.
I meant to smile one last time with genuine gratitude and thank her.
"Thank you. Because of you, Su-ryeon— ah?"
But before I could finish, Su-ryeon grabbed my shoulders and pushed me flat onto the floor.
At that sudden action, I opened my mouth with a dazed expression.
"Su-ryeon…?"
"Thank you? Because of me? Doesn't that sound strange? I haven't done anything."
"Haven't done anything? You—"
"It was just words. Anyone could have said that much, even if it wasn't me."
Anyone could have said it? I reached for Su-ryeon's arm to protest.
Or rather — I was about to. If I hadn't seen the tears welling at the corners of her eyes as she lifted her head.
"Su-ryeon…"
"All I've been able to give you this whole time is empty words of comfort. Even watching you suffer so much you could barely breathe…!"
"Don't say that. Anyone in your position would have done the same. It isn't your fault."
"This isn't the time to understand my situation, Ha-eun!"
At her raised voice, the murmuring from downstairs went quiet. I looked at her in alarm.
"Su-ryeon…! Your voice is too loud! They'll hear everything down there!"
"Is something going on up there?"
"Ah — no, nothing. I just bumped into some furniture."
"Oh? Ha-eun? Have you woken up?"
Seo-a responded to my voice.
I shot a look at Su-ryeon — still gazing down at me with tears brimming — asking her to wait a moment, then spoke again.
"Yes! But I'll come down a little later! Ah — my body still isn't completely better!"
"Is that so. Then once you feel better, come down with Hong Su-ryeon."
Fortunately, nothing about what I'd said seemed to raise suspicion; there was no sign of anyone coming up.
I let out a breath of relief and turned back to Su-ryeon.
"Su-ryeon. We're already in a position that would be easy to misunderstand if anyone saw us — what were you thinking, raising your voice like that if someone came up?"
"Being misunderstood wouldn't be so bad. Or better yet, Ha-eun — why don't you just date me?"
"Excuse me?"
For a second I thought something was wrong with my ears. A confession? In this situation? But as if to confirm I hadn't misheard, Su-ryeon kept going.
"Date me. And let's leave the academy together. Father will be angry when he finds out, but if I explain the circumstances carefully, he'll understand. And as a bonus, he'll protect you too — since you'd be dating me."
Of course he'd demand a long explanation, but we'd figure it out somehow. Su-ryeon said it lightly, almost joking, and I asked back in a trembling voice.
"Why… why would you go that far for me?"
Looking back, Su-ryeon had been deeply kind to me from the very beginning. From the day we met, she'd told me I could call her by name. When she learned I was being bullied, she'd flown into a rage.
She'd suggested ways for me to escape the harassment more than once, and sometimes she'd even comforted my exhausted heart.
I couldn't understand how she could go so far.
"I haven't done anything for you…"
When I said it in a shaking voice, Su-ryeon smiled softly.
"Does everything have to be give-and-take?"
"What?"
"You and I are friends. So of course I worry about you. Because we're friends. And the fact that you haven't done anything for me just means I've never been in a situation where I needed it. Or are you saying that if I ever were, you'd ignore me?"
"Of course not! I would never—!"
My voice came out louder than I intended. I hastily covered my mouth, and Su-ryeon laughed — puhu — before continuing.
"So helping you is the most natural thing in the world. Because we're friends."
"Friends…"
"Ah — of course, if you wanted, we could always become something more than friends."
"Huh?!"
I jumped, and Su-ryeon spoke with a face full of mischief.
"I told you. If it were just me, maybe not — but to get Father to use his influence for you as well, you'd need to be someone precious to me. Like a girlfriend. Of course, since we're both girls it might take a little more persuading… but if we kissed right in front of him, he'd believe us, don't you think?"
"A k-kiss?!"
"Ah, come to think of it — when we first met, you were quite firm about having no interest in dating another girl."
Hmm, that makes things a bit difficult. While Su-ryeon was murmuring that to herself, I carefully opened my mouth.
"Um… Su-ryeon…?"
"Just a moment. I feel like I'm on the verge of thinking of a way…"
"I-if it were with you, Su-ryeon… I don't think I couldn't do it…"
"…What?"
"If it's you… I'd be okay with it."
No matter how I looked at it, it was an embarrassingly forward thing to say. After insisting so hard that I wouldn't, to turn around and say that with Su-ryeon it was fine — didn't that sound like a confession?
But it was how I truly felt. Su-ryeon, who'd comforted me and gotten angry on my behalf all this time, already held a large share of my heart.
With her, I could even kiss of my own free will and not mind.
My not-quite-a-confession seemed to startle Su-ryeon as well, but she soon leaned in closer with a serious voice.
"You mean that, right?"
"What? Y-yes… I do mean it, but…"
Why was she getting so close? I averted my eyes for no good reason, but Su-ryeon slowly drew nearer still.
As if she were about to kiss me right then and there.
But when I'd said I'd be okay, I'd meant if it came to that!
N-not that I was planning to pull away. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing for what was about to happen—
"Hmm. I came up because I heard a loud noise and got worried."
At that cool voice, both of us turned our heads at the same time.
Yoon Seo-a, frozen halfway up the stairs, looked at us and smiled sweetly.
"What are the two of you doing?"