Public Indecency at the Han River
A cool breeze should've been gently rustling through when I arrived at the Han River... but no such luck. Instead, a ferocious gale came blasting in like crazy. Where was that spring scent from just moments ago on the mountain? Wasn't March supposed to bring spring breezes?
"Babe, fuck, it's always like this near the water. They said it was windy, but I didn't think it'd be this bad."
"Babe, it's too cold..."
"It's fine, babe. I've got you."
Even in this weather, couples were everywhere. It was like their noses were crooked, but Han River dates under cherry blossoms were non-negotiable. They sat shivering on picnic mats that were on the verge of flying away in the wind, munching on snacks. Honestly, it didn't look all that appealing.
"March is a bit early anyway... Cherry blossoms won't be out until around then, right? It'll probably warm up a little closer to that time."
Of course, I had zero intention of coming back here even if the cherry blossoms did bloom. Sure, there were tons of people, but over 80% were couples. Flowers are flowers no matter where you see them—why come all the way out here, grimace against the wind, and wander around pretending to enjoy the spring sun? It had been incomprehensible to me since I was a kid.
"Babe, technology's come so far these days."
I propped my phone up on a stand, played a cherry blossom vlog, ordered some chicken, and that spot would've been paradise. That's probably why I'd never been to a cherry blossom festival even once, despite my parents dragging me around everywhere else as a kid. Not sure why the story veered there, but anyway.
Since I'd already made the time to come this far and it wasn't that far anyway, I decided to rent a bike, shiver through the cold, and take a lap around the Han River.
"Seoul's got so many rental bikes. Perfect."
It'd been a while since I became a Seoulite, but I still wasn't used to it. Coming from such a rural backwater, public services like this were just endlessly fascinating.
"Whoa, and they're super cheap too."
There were electric bikes and kick scooters too, but I'm a safety-first guy. Honestly, anything risky enough to cause accidents when time's stopped and the roads are empty for me alone was best avoided. Even if I could stop time.
"Still pretty damn cold, but... nice."
My jaw was chattering so hard I could barely speak, but the Han River scenery was genuinely stunning. Being a weekday, it wasn't that crowded, and without the wind, it would've been pure bliss riding in the warm spring sun.
"Hoo, haa... Y-you, it's too c-cold..."
The couples stopped midway at a convenience store to try that famous Han River ramen. Of course, it just tasted like regular ramen—nothing special. But ramen's perfection in itself, so I slurped it down deliciously, bought a hot drink, and got back up.
With convenience stores crawling with couples too, sitting around felt annoying anyway.
"Fuck this shit. Couples everywhere—here, there, fucking ridiculous."
It wasn't because I didn't have a girlfriend. I had women who gave it up anytime, and if I wanted, I could even fuck idols. Why would I envy some girlfriend bullshit? I just couldn't stand the constant babe~ clinging and noisy chatter on either side. Yeah, that's all it was.
"Hoo, hot drink in the chilly wind—pure heaven."
Afraid it'd cool off if I rode much farther, I parked the bike near the shadowy underside of a bridge, sipping away. The bridge seemed to block some wind, or at least that's what I told myself.
This was getting risky for catching a cold. Should I stop time and dash straight to the subway? Deep in thought—
"Yeah, that sounds good. No need to catch a cold and hack away alone in a strange city."
Right as I was about to invoke the power—
"Haaah... ahh..."
"Babe, feels good...?"
"Mmm, sooo good..."
Moans like that started tickling my ears. No way—weekday or not, with people openly walking around in this freezing cold, outdoor sex? Were they insane?
"Crazy bastards...?"
Curious to see their faces, I quietly approached the source. Tall grass hid most of it, but peeking in, I spotted the woman's face. Baby-faced cutie pie. And those jiggling tits? Total bagel girl—my exact type.
"Oh ho, hitting all my buttons. Ahem. Doing that in a place like this."
Public indecency, straight-up crime. So, the culprits needed judgment. No CCTV here, no one to punish them. They'd fuck happily in a public park meant for leisurely strolls, leave their mess, and vanish. Think of the cleaners who'd have to deal with it—how disgusting and infuriating!
"Hah, no choice then."
I had to step up. Proper punishment, and they wouldn't dare repeat it.
Time Manipulation has been activated.
The bone-chilling gale halted instantly. Swaying grass froze mid-motion, and the criminal couple mid-fuck in the grass stopped too.
"Ahem, time for some punishment."
I approached the criminals. The guy, dick in hand about to thrust, I hurled far away like trash. He flopped near the grass patch—looked like he'd fallen on his own, whatever.