Can I Fuck Your Mom? (4)
"Whaaat~?"
Kim Minjae trailed off in disbelief, too stunned to finish his sentence. He sucked on his cola through the straw, staring at his friend's face. It didn't look like a joke. Hell, this wasn't the kind of thing you joked about in the first place. Asking if you could fuck someone else's mom was the sort of dangerous prank that could lead to murder. Kim Hoyoung wasn't the type to spout that kind of bullshit.
So... was he serious about fucking his mom? No, wait—did he mean "sell her off"?
"Think about it. No matter how you look at it, it's all upside. You get free from your mom, open your clinic, and your mom—who's been celibate for 20 years—finally gets a man in her life."
"Hold on. Let me think."
Kim Minjae's mind raced. Selling his mom? The idea itself was inhuman, downright filial impiety. But the guy across from him was just some ordinary buddy, not a ruthless crime boss or a psychopath.
"...You're not saying you'd force yourself on her if she hates it, right?"
"Of course not. If your mom says no, I won't lay a finger on her. Promise."
"For real?"
"Absolutely."
If it was a lie, he could just report it to the cops. Besides, would his mom— a former swimmer with stamina that put even her son to shame—let some punk kid rape her? Sure, part of that was because Kim Minjae was pathetically weak for a guy, but still.
"Well... if Mom says okay... You're not her type, though. But how much money do you even have? Be honest. I've got a 1 billion won mortgage on the house, and to open a clinic... especially renting prime land in pricey Paengchang-dong, that's at least another billion."
"Okay. So hand over your mom for 2 billion won?"
"What? You have 2 billion won?"
2 billion wasn't some dog's name you tossed around lightly. A jobless guy in his twenties couldn't just throw that figure out casually.
"You're really giving me 2 billion won?"
"For real. I'll wire it upfront. If the money doesn't come through, you don't have to keep your end. But once you get it, introduce me to your mom."
He sounded dead serious. If 2 billion won really landed in his account!
Oh Jeongyeon always said money solved 90% of your problems. Kim Minjae agreed. Even after med school and getting his license, poverty hung over him like a dark cloud, refusing to let go. Sure, once he opened his practice and started earning big, things would loosen up—but he couldn't even afford the startup costs. He'd been debating applying to hospitals as an employee.
Mom would flip: "You went all the way to America just to be some wage slave!?"
'2 billion... 2 billion won. With that in hand, the monthly interest alone would cover living expenses.'
It was Mom's greed... yeah, her vanity that made them buy this oversized, overpriced house for two people. The interest payments were 2.5 million won a month—decent salary territory.
'I told her I was fine in a one-room. She's partly to blame for our debt squeeze. So it's fair to pin some responsibility on her. I'm not pushing her into getting raped—just introducing her. For 2 billion... How many patients would I need to treat to earn that working? Even 100-200 million a year is a stretch.'
At first, introducing his mom to a friend sounded absurd. But the more he thought, the more it made sense. Bluntly put, money was the justification.
"Just introduce her, right? If Mom says no, that's it. My job's done once I make the intro. Don't go back on your word."
"Got it. So you're cool with it?"
"Give me the 2 billion first, then I'll talk to Mom."
"Deal."
Clink. They tapped their cola cups like soju glasses, sealing their mutual satisfaction.
It went way smoother than expected, Kim Minjae thought.
'Isn't this deal way too skewed in my favor?'
'Take the money, Mom says no and storms out, done.'
'She hates flaky, pathetic types like Kim Hoyoung.'
'Especially if he admits to pimping for cash—she'd despise him.'
'Basically, I pocket 2 billion for free.'
'What the hell is this guy thinking?'
Hoyoung seemed thoughtless, just wiping ketchup off his fingers with a napkin, grinning like he'd gotten what he wanted. Was he an idiot? At minimum, he should've played hard to get on the payment timing. There was zero risk here—no money, no obligation. Grab the cash, one meeting, ditch him. No breach of contract.
...Perfect. No flaws, no loopholes. A flawless plan. 2 billion won rolling right in.
"Alright... I approve. I'll introduce you to Mom. But fucking her? That's on your skills, got it?"
In the end, Kim Minjae succumbed to the sweet temptation of cash, agreeing to bridge his mom and his friend.
No one at this popular fast-food joint would guess a deal to hand over a mom to a friend was being struck.
With their satisfying agreement done, the pair left the burger place and rejoined the group. No need for a double date with four people, so they decided to call it a day.
"Had fun catching up, Jeongyeon Aunt."
Out of nowhere, Kim Hoyoung said goodbye not to his friend, but to his friend's mom. Oh Jeongyeon, arms crossed, had her massive chest thrust out even more. Her eyes held clear contempt for the insignificant boy.
"Me too. But shouldn't you get a job soon? Your parents must be worried."
"No plans for that. Mom doesn't nag much either."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Hmm... Maybe they've given up? Still, you're not a kid anymore. Time to think marriage. For that, you need a house, a proper job, and to consider others' eyes..."
Her lecture kicked off. Kim Minjae, who knew how endless Oh Jeongyeon's nagging could get, slapped his palm to his forehead. On the flip side, he felt relieved—no way those two would hit it off. Duh, obviously.
"Enough about me. How about you, Aunt?"
"—What?"
Hoyoung smoothly cut her off and switched topics. The worst one, in Kim Minjae's opinion.
"You've been single 20 years too, right? No spiderwebs down there yet?"
"Wha—!!"
Oh Jeongyeon's face turned beet red. Too furious to speak, her lips just flapped.
"Kids are important, sure, but a woman's happiness isn't just motherhood... In 10 more years, no one'll want you even if you try. Better act before it's too late..."
"Stop! Shut it."
Kim Minjae jumped in. If not for their prior deal, he'd have exploded even on a friend—but he knew Hoyoung's goal. And they needed that 2 billion.
Time to cool things before they boiled over.
"M-Minjae! What the hell did he just say?"
"Calm down, Mom."
"I was just worried about you, Aunt."
"Kim Hoyoung, drop it."
Kim Minjae pushed his frozen mom's back toward the exit, glancing back at his friend. The guy grinned without a shred of guilt.
'Pimping for cash? He's gone full psycho.'
Sure, Mom started it, but there were lines you didn't cross. Shaking his head, Kim Minjae decided to cut ties.
'Once I get the 2 billion, ghost this loser...'
Watching that crude attitude, he worried the 2 billion promise was just hot air.
"H-how could he say... Unbelievable... Th-that's straight-up sexual harassment."
"I know, Mom. He's lost it."
"S-see? That's why I told you. Choose friends carefully... That psycho won't help your life at all."
Sorry to his still-stuttering, shocked mom, but he couldn't agree right now. Cursing his situation—having to explain this apology in their half-unpacked new place—he laid out the full 2 billion plan.
Surprisingly, she listened calmly, without yelling. Veteran poise from someone who'd seen it all.
"So? I splash cold water on that rude punk, tell him 'I wouldn't show a body like this to trash like you,' and walk? Then we get 2 billion?"
"Exactly, Mom! We just meet once. He promised no rape, so if you ditch him, contract's done."
Oh Jeongyeon knew their loan struggles well. The Paengchang-dong move had been a stretch... She'd been thinking they needed a scheme, and this might be heaven-sent.
2 billion. How massive was that? Plus, she'd wanted to confront the punk again anyway.
"I even bought him a meal once... And he says spiderwebs? What the fuck?"
"C-calm down, Mom. I thought he was crazy too."
"Can't forgive... I'll claw his face off."
She bared her glossy, essential-oil-shined nails menacingly, grinding her teeth.
"Chill first, Mom. Our goal's the 2 billion. Not even sure he'll pay—"
A notification pinged. Text arrived.
"2 billion wired. Tell Aunt to come to my place."
"...Fuck, 2 billion really hit the account."
"What? For real?"
Even Oh Jeongyeon, who'd normally scold his swearing, froze at the glaring "2,000,000,000 won" in the bank app.
"Mom... Sorry, but we gotta go to his place? Feels like bad shit if we take it and bail."
"...Fine. I wanted a word with him anyway."
She threw a cardigan over her dress, grabbed her handbag.
"Be back soon after sorting it."
"Don't go and actually like him or date for real?"
"You nuts? Don't worry about me—cut ties with him. Lots of folks ruined by clinging to old friends."
"Haha, got it, Mom~"
Her rushed shoe-grabbing screamed "finish this quick." Kim Minjae waved her off, imagining the nail marks she'd leave on Hoyoung's face—no worries about sparks flying.
It was 4:30 PM. Wait for dinner together? Sounded good. Sprawled on the sofa, he dozed off.
Next morning, he woke to Mom cooking breakfast—in yesterday's dress. When did she get back? Why no change?