How to Train a Perverted Exhibitionist Gal Elf with Body Painting
The place we arrived at was strangely lush with forest despite being in the middle of the city. A tall fence and a barrier surrounded the spacious grounds, and inside the barrier, trees grown with magic created such dense foliage that the club building was completely hidden from view. The occasional signs of life drifting out from within made it clear that people were indeed living in this artificially created forest.
"They really have a club for everything. Doesn't this mess with the surrounding buildings? If bugs start swarming or something, it'd be a huge pain."
As I looked around, I spotted another peculiar detail. Several people outside the barrier had stuck their heads through the fence to peek inside. One guy had even brought a telescope to stare into the woods. The whole scene looked so much like a bunch of stalkers that I instinctively placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Excuse me."
"Hiiik!?"
Why the hell is he so startled? Did he think he was doing something wrong?
"W-what the hell, man?!"
A faint smell of blood and grilled meat clung to his apron. He must've come straight from the butcher shop nearby. With his thick build and sleazy face, he looked suspicious even when standing still.
"It's nothing serious. I'm new around here, so I was wondering—what exactly is this place that so many people are gathered around it?"
"O-oh, that's what you wanted to know? You scared the shit out of me!"
Then why are you wiping sweat off your face like that?
Maybe my dumbfounded country-bumpkin expression convinced him I was harmless, because the butcher gave me a sleazy grin and whispered like we were sharing a dirty secret.
"This spot is especially famous even among the club buildings, you know~!"
"A tourist attraction?"
"Pfft, it's way better than that! It's what you might call a mufufu kind of place... See the club name?"
Mufufu?
"Traditional Pattern Society?"
"Tsk tsk, you don't know about Lumiante Forest traditions?"
"What is it?"
"Ugh!"
The man let out an annoyed sigh and began explaining as if I were an idiot.
"Women from Lumiante Forest have this custom where they paint their bodies with tattoos or dyes depicting natural patterns, then walk around the forest completely exposed under the sunlight, dancing and becoming one with nature~!"
"Oh, really?"
Tattoos and body patterns—yeah, that fits perfectly with their love of nature. It matched the exact image that came to mind when thinking of tribal people, which made it even more fitting.
"But what about it?"
"Geez, you're young but your head's not working. I just said they expose their entire bodies under the sunlight, right? That means this custom is basically done almost completely naked!"
…….
...What?
"Of course, since this is the academy, they cover up the bare minimum, but even that is really the absolute minimum! Rumor has it there's even a pervert who walks around in full body painting!"
The sleazy bastard laughed with a creepy kukuku grin, so I smiled brightly right back at him.
"So that's why you brought a telescope?"
"Obviously. The forest is so damn thick you can't see shit. Even with a telescope, you only catch a glimpse for like a second!"
"Wow. If security's that tight, isn't this just a waste of time?"
"Ah, kids these days don't know anything. Watching those beautiful Lumiante Forest women prancing around in their natural state is incredible. Their dances are so primitive it makes you rock hard just looking! Way more erotic than those pretentious elegant dances! And this year, even the former queen who once ruled Lumiante Forest... Lady Kiara herself is participating!? The former queen's naked body! Everyone's losing their minds trying to burn that sight into their retinas!!"
"Aha, aha, ahhh~!"
I see.
When I smiled to show I understood, he gave me a thumbs-up and pointed at his shop.
"By the way, my shop's right next door. We rent out telescopes for about 100,000 gold per hour. If you're interested, I can hook you up right—"
"So you're not only sticking your head through the fence to peep at my student's naked body, but you're even making money off it?"
"...Huh. Your student?"
I slipped two daggers between the fingers of my left hand. My right hand tightened around Hazuki, who was still sleeping soundly. If I'd been a country bumpkin a moment ago, now I wore the aura of a warrior who hunted bandits. The instant my demeanor changed, the smile vanished from the butcher's face, replaced by the realization that he was utterly fucked.
"T-the queen is a student? What the hell are you talking about?"
"I can't tell you the reason, but the Lady Kiara you mentioned actually enrolled this year as a student. Looks like you didn't know that, huh?"
"Uh, uh, uhhhh..."
It was the kind of nonsense he could have brushed off as bullshit, but my aura had him completely cowed as he stumbled backward. The sudden movement drew the eyes of the other perverts nearby.
"Huh?"
"What's with that guy?"
"There's still plenty of time before today's crackdown starts!"
"Yeah. The security patrol won't check this street for at least another hour...!?"
The other perverts who had their heads stuck through the fence looked shocked by the sudden turn of events. To think they'd even memorized the academy guard patrol routes for this shit. Their actions were pathetic, but their planning was meticulous.
"C-can I at least get your name, sir!?"
"Ludo von Eisenwald. My occupation is academy instructor. I'm the homeroom teacher for the person you called Lady Kiara... well, technically it's Nia, but anyway. You could say I'm responsible for protecting the former queen's well-being."
"~~~~!?"
His face turned deathly pale at my explanation. The guy who'd just been drooling with lust over seeing the former Queen Kiara's naked body had been talking to none other than me. He hiccuped with an expression that said the entire world was against him. As expected, the moment he turned to run, I swung my wire.
"Huk! It's an inspection! Everyone run—!!"
"Caught in the act of voyeurism! Creating public anxiety in the area! And now flight! You're getting the enhanced penalty, you pig bastard—!!"
Crack!
"Kwaaaaaaaaagh!!!"
Just like last night, when I gripped the wire without unfurling it, it instantly transformed into an iron club (deadly weapon). Criminal skulls apparently weren't as soft as our house's Selena's bread-butt, because the moment it connected cleanly, a massive lump swelled on his head and he passed out.
"You lot, don't you dare run! You perverted fuckers!!"
"""Hwaaaaaaaaack!!!"""
The ones trying to flee in the chaos were caught by my right and left throwing daggers. When I tossed them lightly, they flew like boomerangs and chased down their targets. A slight cut to their cheeks or thighs was enough to inject poison and drop them.
"U-ugh! My dick hurts! Wait, is this... poison!?"
"Who the hell coats their daggers with aphrodisiacs..."
"Ogh! Oghhh!"
"Damn it, this side's nerves are paralyzed! I can't move at all!"
"My long-cherished dream... of seeing the Dark Elf Queen's voluptuous body... crumbling so pathetically...!"
"This is bad. If I get caught again, my wife said she'd pop my balls..."
"You're still better off! Ever since I made eye contact with my daughter in puberty, she won't even talk to me or eat at the same table!"
"The last two of you brought this on yourselves, you idiots!!"
""Buhik!?""
I finished them off with flying kicks to knock the last two out, then smacked the rest in the jaw with my wire to send them into unconsciousness. I deliberately used the wire instead of my fists to leave plenty of bruises and lumps. Obviously on purpose.
Ugh-♡
When I gripped the wire's handle hard while swinging it, a lewd moan came from somewhere. I thought maybe Hazuki had finally woken up, but before I could check, the barrier protecting the forest and fence dissolved with a soft rustle.
Who's coming out?
I'd just beaten someone right in front of the entrance. Of course the staff or manager would come out. I quickly put away my wire and daggers into their holsters. In that moment, a thick wooden door opened, revealing smooth brown skin.
"Oh? Teach?"
"Lady Kiara... I mean, Nia?"
"Ooh. Did you come to check out the club too, Teach? Ah, right! Miss Nora said yesterday that Ludo would be coming instead of her today! Yay, this is gonna be fun~☆"
The one who appeared was the Gal Elf · Nia Lumiante, still freely borrowing her mother's body. Despite her age, she had a vulgarly curvaceous brown body and mature face, yet wore her black hair in ridiculous twin-tails like some cheap gal. She flashed a peace sign with her hand while squealing with laughter. Every movement made her body jiggle everywhere, and I didn't think I'd ever get used to the sight.
No. The premise of "getting used to it" is fundamentally wrong.
There was no way anyone could get used to that in the first place. And sure enough, this idiot elf...!
As expected, she crawled out completely naked—!!
To be precise, she'd painted white patterns resembling ocean waves across her brown skin. In other words, she had walked all the way to the club entrance wearing nothing but body painting.
"Hey, hey hey, you crazy bitch! What the hell are you doing with your mother's body!?"
"What do you mean? Club activities, obviously. Hehe, how is it? Cute, right~!? I worked really hard on the butt part especially~?"
"Uwaaaaaagh! Fuck, don't strike poses like that outside!"
She'd painted thick lines to cover the important parts, but even then, her protruding nipples and the dark bush below couldn't be hidden. No matter how much paint she used, it was like sprinkling snow on a lush Amazon jungle. Her nipples were thick like buttons—way beyond what paint could conceal. The white paint actually made the thick nipple lines and the shape of her areolas stand out even more obscenely.
"W-what the heck! Yelling at me the second we meet! You scared me!"
"I'm the one who's scared! Please, just turn around! And get inside right now!"
"I came out because I heard noise outside. While I was at it, I got hungry so I was thinking of buying something to eat—"
"Are you insane? Where do you think you're going looking like that!?"
"Kyaa!"
I frantically stripped off my holster and shirt, then pressed them against Lady Kiara's body to cover her up. My brand new shirt got completely ruined by the white paint, but that didn't matter right now. If I didn't do something about this exhibitionist elf immediately, the honor of the former Lumiante Queen would be tarnished forever.
"What? Are you gonna paint patterns with us too, Teach?"
But no matter how hard I pushed, she wouldn't budge. It felt like trying to shove a massive building with my bare hands, and my heart sank. The gal dark elf seemed to find my desperate struggle adorable as she grinned mischievously.
"Hehe, everyone's gathered inside right now painting each other's bodies! C'mon, Teach, join us~☆"
"I didn't come here for that—Whoaahhh!!"
Before I could finish speaking, my body was yanked forward. Just what the hell was Lady Kiara's body made of? She swung me around like I was a piece of paper. What insane strength. Is this the power of an elf who's lived for a thousand years!? Was it her Blessing? Or was it innate? Either way, I couldn't resist at all as I was kidnapped half-naked with my top removed. To think the day would come when I'd be manhandled by a woman. The fact that it wasn't a metaphor but literal physical force made me shocked twice over.
"Wait, more importantly! I need to drag those bastards to the guards—!"
"It's useless~. Even if you work hard to catch them, similar people show up again the next day! So it's better to just ignore it and enjoy yourself~!"
With that, she hurled me into the forest and shouted.
"Everyone~! We have one new club experience participant~☆"
"Aaaaaagh!!"
My vision spun wildly. I face-planted straight into the ground. The thick scent of forest and female bodies filled my nose.