Acting Like a Guy Causes Misunderstandings
If you act like a guy, misunderstandings happen, you know.
We joined a study group taught by our third-year senior, Kaoru Ortokanna. We started off slow, focusing on memorization first to build a basic understanding of problem-solving.
Greatsword Puppy had gotten a noble's basic education, but her brain was on the dim side, so she struggled to keep up. Me? I'd never learned any of this stuff to begin with, but I could grind it out with sheer effort and catch up eventually. There was hope.
Yeah, it wasn't that I couldn't do it—I just hadn't studied. Once we got started, I surprisingly pulled ahead, and escape became possible. Not that I'd beat any commoners on the finals, but at least I wouldn't be dead last. Hope glimmered.
Lower scores meant penalties, so even a tiny boost would help my graduation chances. Thanks to that, I got released early from study prison under the professor's watch, stuck in a room with Senior.
"Hmm, your head's not bad at all. Makes sense since you never learned it before. You can go home early today."
"Yes!"
And just like that, Greatsword Puppy was the only one left to study. That's when she—who always seemed so cool and aloof—started trembling. Her face crumbled into a tearful mess.
Before long, all that remained was one tiny baby Doberman puppy.
"Don't gooo!!!"
"Woo woo!! Don't leave me after study time—let's walk the halls instead, woof woof!"
Greatsword Puppy clung to my pant leg with her whole body, dangling there. It reminded me of the beastkin kids back in the village who did the exact same thing when they wanted to play. Nostalgic.
I had no idea her heart was burning with desperation. I just thought she was cute, so I patted her head and went to scratch her belly—then slapped my own cheek in a panic.
"Whoa, almost sexually harassed her. Can't just rub a maiden's belly willy-nilly."
"Oh right. She's got that mental delusion where she thinks she's a guy? Gender identity's important, huh."
"I'll let you scratch my belly, just don't goooo!"
Did she think offering her body was her only card? Even when Senior Kaoru tried shaking her off her ankle, Puppy's grip was insanely strong—she wouldn't budge.
"To begin with, junior? If you'd studied properly, we wouldn't be suffering like this."
Senior's patience finally snapped. She clenched her fist until it cracked, then smashed it down on Puppy's head.
A brutal thwack echoed, followed by Puppy yelping kyaang kyaang! as she rolled on the floor, rubbing her head in agony.
"There, leave this mutt here and go do your thing, junior."
"Uh... wanna hit the cafe for coffee or something?"
"I hate bitter. Make it sweet."
"Got it..."
"I wanna try that trendy doukanku that's all the rage—"
"Stop tormenting your friend and let's go, Puppy."
Puppy's eyes, as Senior dragged her away by the ankle with a pitiful pout, were just like the cows back home on slaughter day. Eyes brimming with sorrow, staring silently.
Some understood it was time and accepted it. Others, clueless and terrified, looked to their owner—me—for help. Some bawled until their throats gave out, betrayed...
I hadn't done anything wrong, but ignoring a friend's heartbreak stung. Plus, didn't they say sweets help your brain during study sessions? Thank goodness I could cook. I headed to the cafe.
"<Loser, welcome~>"
"What're you doing here, Grand Duke?"
"<Tutoring your friends in history.>"
"Here for homework?"
"Finished it right away~"
"Such a hard worker."
The Grand Duke—practically a living history book—was helping my friends with their assignments at the cafe. As soon as the owner showed up, Void Mask came bounding over excitedly; I gave her a hug. Hugged the part-time outer god too.
"No, that's troublesome."
Tanaka straight-up refused when I tried hugging him—fair, life-threatening vibe. Guess guys hugging looks weird.
"Alright, wanna show off your skills to motivate our friends' studying?"
"Huh? Whatcha making?"
"Dunno, that trendy doukanku?"
I checked a rough recipe, but copying it exactly felt lame, so I used milk chocolate for a white version. Humming as I shaped the round treats, my friends said running a cafe after graduation suited me perfectly.
Sounded nice, but... wait, I'd come to the academy to make money after graduating. Was that even right for a duke? Doubts crept in.
"Grand Duke, is my mom rich?"
"<Even a tenth of her wealth would let you idle for a century.>"
Thinking back, we'd just farmed in the countryside. Never struggled for cash. I'd thought I needed to grow up and support Mom, but that was childish nonsense.
Still, Mom was at fault for hiding it. With her scale, there must've been reasons—no resentment. I'd enrolled for her sake anyway... Sigh, whatever.
I'd ditched stray thoughts to grind studies and boost grades. Now with free time, weird stuff piled up. Too far to turn back, and I wanted to stay at the academy... People's hearts—even mine—are hard to grasp. No wonder I couldn't understand Mom's.
"All done! Made extras for friends too—wanna share?"
The plate overflowed with round chocolate snacks. I tucked my fave—intense dark chocolate—between my breasts.
"there?>"
"Won't melt, won't melt~ Pockets are meh."
I explained it'd last till dorm study snacks; Grand Duke muttered "Please melt..." desperately, drooling.
"If it melts, you can have it?"
"<Like a dog licking food off its master's cheek. Looks don't matter—I'm an animal at heart; instincts win!!>"
"If it melts, yours. If it melts."
"<Goddess of Fate who birthed the cosmos, if my prayer reaches you, make it meeeeelt!>"
Grand Duke clasped his wings piously skyward. Whatever goddess that was, she'd probably freak.
I passed chocolates to friends; all thanked me happily. Except Beatus, who eyed hers oddly while staring.
"Hey, you don't even know what today is, do ya?"
"Huh? What day?"
"Doesn't matter if you don't~ Tastier than what Revo gave me?"
Beatus giggled, "Gonna fall for Wiyu~" as she munched.
Revo's face went beet red, trembling; he shot up.
"Ughhh...!! I hate you, Wiyu!!"
"Eek?"
"I won't lose!!!"
"Wait, what's going on?! My herbology teacher's—don't gooo!!!"
I was the only one clueless amid the chaos; others just laughed. I bolted full-speed after Revo, but humans can't outrun words? No, I could've caught him, but it'd get messy.
Left vanished Revo behind and headed to the clubroom. Gave chocolates to Senior Kaoru and Greatsword Puppy en route—five to Puppy, she looked so down.
"Eh, stuff happened."
"Amamiya is a VIP inmate."
"Welcome.... to the world of us 'problem children'..."
I casually updated the club seniors on Amamiya Echo. Akarino Kiduna burst out laughing: "That lunatic brawler Kaoru-junior's underling?!"
Flag Senior said Amamiya was strong enough to match Kiduna—surprising. Hikikomori or not, Kiduna's fights were beastly... Experience, huh?
"Oh yeah, made chocolates for you seniors."
"Whoa! Flag! Good junior you got!"
"Friendship chocolates? Finally getting some!!!"
Handed one each; Kiduna scarfed gratefully, Flag savored with thanks.
"But what's today?"
Asking the clueless duo froze them solid.
"N-no, it's nothing."
"Just can't eat chocolate myself."
"Oh, okay?"
Probably no biggie. Sat to study manga drawing—must serialize for graduation. Gripped paper in anguish when...
"Hey, seniors."
"Yo, Yamucha~ What's up?"
"Friends said Wiyu went to manga club. Here to review today's drawings."
"Hard worker."
"Great attitude."
"Appreciate it."
Moved by his "can't help studies, so this instead," I dug for the white round one saved for roommate Meru Lume to give him.
But... gone? Had one earlier—Kiduna eat it? Could remake en route to dorms, but waiting was rude.
"Uh, Yamucha, want chocolate?"
"Sure, gladly."
"Can't be helped then~ Can make fresh if it's weird?"
Placed it in his outstretched hand. Room went dead silent, time frozen.
"Pockets get dirty; guy-to-guy, this is fine, right?"
Back home, we'd eat floor-dropped food. Fellow commoner(?) solidarity, yeah?
Only Grand Duke's beak-smacking echoed.
"Uh uh... th-thanks... left something in class..."
Yamucha bolted backward out the door.
"Busy, huh? Makes sense as commoner rep. .....Seniors, why stare?"
"Didn't peg him as a problem child too."
"Different flavor from Amamiya—pure evil..."
"...Too dirty?"
Showed my clean (frequent baths) bits spread wide; Kiduna throat-punched Flag Senior—"Almost got it." Flag thanked her; she veiled with handkerchief.
What... a skit?
Larirure Day.
One day commemorating the great first hero—honoring the companion and lover who journeyed from start to finish.
Exchange gifts with someone you like or fancy, confess feelings. Give sweet snacks to the opposite sex as an indirect "I like you." A slaughter day for solos.
Yamucha stared out the window at scenery, chocolate in hand uneaten, lost in a daze. Greatsword Puppy, drawn by the yummy scent like treasure-hunting, eyed him munching her handful.
"Not eating? Gimme."
"Huh? Wh-what's that?"
"Wiyu made tons to share with friends."
"Ah.... I see.... Phew.... No way it'd be that, haha."
"Aw, pretty girl gives chocolate, lost in happy dreams? Sorry to shatter 'em with reality. Not eating? Gimme."
"Wouldn't most buy a drink or something...?"
"New color—curious taste."
All white chocolates, she showed hers. His was uniquely colored, so they swapped.
As Puppy popped hers in...
"Wait, said only one, skip if iffy—pulls a different-colored one from between her breasts? Total misunderstanding."
Puppy spat frantically onto her palm, glaring at Yamucha.
"Even a dog-head like me ain't that clueless."
A bit spitty, but she offered anyway; Yamucha freaked, declined. It slipped, splatted on floor.
Both winced regretfully when...
"Ah... dropped? Waste."
Wiyu, searching after no-show, pitied the scene.
"Three-second rule!! Not too late!! Lick it like a dog, man up!! Steel yourself!!"
"No, guys give as friendship..."
For her friend, Puppy hoisted clueless idiot Yamucha and yeeted him out the window.
"....You two fight??"
"Too good for that punk."
"...? Oh, okay? Want more? Was gonna make some."
"<Too yummy!!!>"
Hallway chocolate? Grand Duke dog-licked it clean. Gave Yamucha a fresh pile at club later. He relaxed at "just friend care," but why's everyone acting like chocolates mean something?