Recruiting the Delinquent Mushroom Senior
It's probably common for third-year Kinopio seniors with rock-bottom grades to hang out together. The other students might even tease them, saying something like, "Look at those two losers sticking together." But what if those two were heirs to ducal houses? The nobles would feel the shame as a disgrace to their class and want to complain as vassals that they shouldn't be living like that. But if speaking up could lead to their houses—or even their entire country—burning to the ground, they'd uphold the virtue of silence. For those who carry noble pride in their hearts, just looking at them would be stressful enough. Every breath would feel like swallowing flames, their stomachs bubbling like they'd gulped down poison.
But they couldn't point it out!! If there were a noble representative, that person might order the noble students to band together and help boost their grades. Then everyone would think, Ah, my own grades might slip a bit, but I can make a good impression on the ducal heirs and earn their favor—total win~. But without that kind of setup, approaching them to offer tutoring because their scores are low could wound noble pride. In extreme cases, they might think, "This low-rank punk thinks I'm a joke?" Sure, both of them had good personalities and would probably bow their heads gratefully if offered help... but the other nobles might shoot you looks like, "Who do you think you are?"
Noble society was that complicated. There was so much to watch out for, so much to learn, and the academy to attend—it was enough to make commoner life seem easier. ...Yeah, honestly, worrying about others was a luxury when securing your own position came first. The world was meant to be lived alone anyway. It could be harsh, but there was no shortage or urgency, so scraping by in moderate peace was true happiness.
Which meant...
The two ducal heirs, dangling together off a cliff with fire at their feet and no other choices, were desperately screwed.
They had to go beyond hugging each other and vowing "We'll die together if we must"—straight into a symbiotic bond where "If I die, you have to die too," clinging to the bitter end.
"Grab every achievement you can."
"Manga serialization..."
"You confident you can make it a success?"
"I can draw it just by thinking on paper."
"If you need weapon designs, let me know."
Neither was good at studying, but their brains turned just fine for scheming. Yamucha Aranemu, who couldn't draw but could collect references or sketch weapons when needed, tried to pitch in with his spoon.
"Wouldn't sending the Grand Duke for scouting make treasure hunting easier too?"
"Running a familiar on 24-hour search? Good idea."
And then there was Wiyu Witchcraft, the selfish—no, filthy rich upstart—planning to outsource her own work and overwork the poor hired familiar instead.
No clue how the professors would form the study group, but these two weren't planning to rely on them blindly.
"As a guardian, you've got all sorts of treasures, right? Maybe I can replicate them with my powers for artifact achievements?"
"Sell replicas? Hero gear's legally banned from sale."
"Then just exhibit them at the academy."
"That's actually pretty solid."
Use witch powers to mass-produce replicas and hold a hero weapon expo during the festival. Yamucha's scorpion tail twitched eagerly at Wiyu's suggestion, hooked.
Watching the two girls happily brainstorming from behind were Yamucha and Ephemera Flash, silent as ever.
"Is no one even gonna mention actually studying?"
"There are worlds of the masses that top students like us can't comprehend."
"Oh? Well, effort comes in many forms. Knowing your limits quickly is a talent in itself."
Ephemera warned them not to bother other students with study issues and told Wiyu to behave before leaving. Yamucha followed, curious what facilities the top spot would unlock for free this time. Honestly, he thought grinding studies the normal way for grades was best. Since he couldn't help anyway, he dipped out coolly. Sure, for manga production, his drawing skills meant splitting credit three ways—but official serialization wasn't easy, so he kept negative thoughts to himself.
"You two, sorry to keep you waiting. Lots of pushback from the professors on the third-year senior who'll be your Manito. Took forever to convince them."
"...Pushback?"
"Convince...?"
"No matter what they ask, I just counter with, 'So you're not graduating Wiyu Witchcraft?' and I win every time."
Truly invincible!! No matter how right the professors were or how straight their logic, it all crumbled before that premise. The faculty, desperate to graduate Wiyu within three years, had few options. It'd be great if she'd study like a normal student and boost her grades, but even pulling all-nighters in the library every day left her dead last? Retention was locked in. Sure, persistent effort would eventually raise scores and allow graduation—but drag out her enrollment!!
Then parents would demand meetings, leading to a massive professor purge, right? The first-gen Witchcraft caused chaos over three repeat years. And the second-gen outstripped her to the point of no comparison as a witch? The professors would pull out even taboo methods to force her out.
Bluntly, some suggested just fudging it with biased grading. But bribery—no, the top-tier treasure math answer key from the Divination professor? Rejected on principle by the student who'd refuse it anyway. She'd probably just call her parents and snitch on the corrupt profs.
In the end, the Divination professor—who'd handed Wiyu overwhelming power mid-enrollment via bribery—no, divination—unleashed the ultimate Manito.
"Third-year senior. Academy-wide top scorer. But one of the seven problem children with confirmed retention."
"Hey~ Underclassmen. Name's Kaoru Ortokanna. You all got some unique looks. Black doggy and little darkie."
"Ah, hello."
The third-year senior was... shockingly, not human—a mushroom. Well, she talked and had self-awareness, so a talking mushroom person. Staring in wonder, she stared back just as curiously. Top of her year grade-wise, same as Ephemera—why the retention?
"Ahaha, fought too much. Grades got me promotions, but demerits piled up and blocked graduation. Problem child status."
"Eek..."
"Famous senior."
"Huh? You know me?"
"Hated being underestimated, so picked fights everywhere to show off strength. No one in the academy could restrain her—rumors spread to other schools too."
"For real?"
"Beat down students from other academies in exchange matches too."
Kaoru puffed her chest proudly at Yamucha's tale—but yeah, infamous problem child with academy black marks from all the brawling.
"But seven? Wasn't it six before, prof?"
The Divination professor glanced silently at me to Kaoru's question.
"Ahaha! It's you!! The maniac who subspace-nuked the entire first-year building!"
She patted my shoulders, saying the academy was fun with underclassmen like me.
"...Already branded a problem child, prof?!"
I'd never heard this, so I panicked and turned to the professor. She corrected it to "person of interest," not problem child. That hurt worse—who else was on the list?
"Hmm, crossdressing Amamiya Echo, manga club ghost Akarino Kiduna, classmate Onozuka Yungmei maybe."
Prof said names off-limits, so Kaoru spilled anyway. I knew all three and had tons to say, but bit my tongue.
"But prof, you must've been desperate? Dragging out a problem child you left retained for constant trouble?"
"Huh? Dragging out?"
"Fought classmates so much, got locked in the academy jail. Heard about you from Amamiya in there."
Even more dangerous than expected. Casually grinning about it made me feel she lived in another world.
"If this problem senior racks up enough achievements tutoring two dead-last incompetents to promotion, graduation's possible, right?"
Grinning at the professor's "Any ideas?" she said of course. With "anything goes," achievement paths overflowed—she brimmed with confidence.
"Inter-academy exchange matches."
She mentioned the Academy Exchange Competition—a friendly rivalry event for prestige between schools. Rivalries drew alumni crowds; massive festival scale.
Which academy was superior? Post-grad pride hinged on it. In a world prizing noble honor, academy fame mattered hugely. Exchanges got brutal over egos—quiet grads steered clear. Pluwitch Academy's history, tradition, and prestige meant low student interest anyway. Their ranking hovered mid-pack.
"We'll climb the ranks. By stealing points from other students!!"
Our studying wouldn't boost scores much anyway. Better swipe from strangers we'd never see again. Student-like methods only? Professors and the duo could only gasp in awe.
"Other profs handle backlash. We just wreck shop."
Students just maintaining health for easy graduation lacked fire. Shining the academy, gaining fame, announcing your existence—that was true nobility.
"Never dreamed this chance would come."
Kaoru self-mocked she'd rot eternally as a third-year in jail. Pulling a thick cigar from her bosom, lighting it with a match, she grinned at us.
"I've been waiting for a day like this."
"For lunatics like you to enroll."
No brain-racking schemes or time-wasting crafting... Simpler existed. Simplest, most intuitive—eternal proof through kingdom history.
Overwhelming violence!!
"Desperation breeds unique grit."
"...So we practice brawling from now on?"
I swallowed hard, asking the cigar-chomping, booze-craving Kaoru senior. She quietly pulled out a thick notebook at my polite question.
"Exchange isn't tomorrow. Study normally till then."
"Aaagh..."
Eyes squeezed shut at the first page's brain-searing formulas, the two incompetents recoiled.
"The harsher the studies, the sweeter violence tastes... My theory. Remember it, underclassmen."