The Imaginary Panty Thief's Rampage
My mind was blown beyond belief. Nothing could top this madness.
"No way, my underwear!!!"
"My boyfriend's!!"
"You're living with your roommate and you brought that over?!"
"Lume! All the stolen stuff looks exactly the same!"
"So, they snuck into the girls' dorm and stole underwear along with sexual activity toys for dopamine release and stress relief."
"You're using some seriously technical terms there... But what's a 'sexual activity toy'?"
"What."
<What>
"Huh? At your age, you don't know? That's—"
Crack.
The girl from the next room over approached all friendly-like, about to explain, when Lume casually lifted her up and snapped her waist. Our classmate foamed at the mouth and passed out without even a final scream.
"Keep that innocence close to your heart and charge out there! Right now!"
"Uh, o-okay..."
Since I hadn't taken off my underwear yet, I figured I should just wear what I had on and go catch the thief. Pushed out the door by Lume, I was a bit flustered but dashed toward the classroom.
<No wonder she was so nonchalant even after turning into a girl.>
"It's not that it's lewd, she was just embarrassed to shower together~... I need to reflect on that~..."
<Now, when the gaze of such a friend starts to change—that's the true beginning of heart-pounding excitement.>
"Master knows everything~"
Even when she sat next to him in a negligee, his roommate stayed totally unfazed. But someday, she'll start sneaking peeks at his collarbone or chest. [Change] and Meru Lume laughed, imagining how fun that day would be.
Wiyu was the only one oblivious. The two had been in cahoots for ages.
A ridiculous phantom thief incident suddenly struck the academy.
"No, they even hit the incubus dorm. Stole the guys' underwear too."
"Eek? For real? No discrimination there."
Reuniting with Beatus after classes ended, she shrugged that she'd been robbed too. As a bonus, the shocking detail that they'd selectively taken from the more masculine-leaning kids in the bisexual incubus dorm.
Why steal guys' underwear, anyway? Looking at the kids who came with Beatus, I honestly couldn't tell boys from girls. They were all wearing pants, so guys, right? Girls would wear skirts like Beatus.
"Kali okay?"
"You can tell just by looking at her. She doesn't even wear the uniform—think she'd wear underwear?"
"Uh, yeah... didn't realize... But is that okay?"
"The uniform was just too flimsy for her. If it were sturdy, she'd wear it."
The ones who hadn't been hit hadn't come back to school. Overwhelmingly more girls than boys in this mess. Everyone was furious head to toe, screaming about where their stuff went while hunting the thief.
I wondered if they'd already escaped the academy, but Beatus pointed out it wasn't that easy.
"They can't just let students out willy-nilly—think they'd pass some mystery outsider?"
"Huh? What happens if a student sneaks out?"
"Lightest punishment? Your clothes rip to shreds, leaving you in your underwear."
Think about the crowds from the shops in front of the academy onward. Standing there in just underwear after your clothes shred? You'd become a shut-in for life from the shame.
"So everyone figures it's a fellow student?"
"Hard to think it's an outsider."
The only place to hide stolen goods was the academy's special treasure-hiding spaces. Even personal sub-spaces wouldn't hold up if professors got serious about searching.
Crackle, fizz—
As Beatus and I wandered the school, asking victims if they'd seen the thief... Static buzzed through the whole hallway for a moment, then our homeroom instructor's voice boomed across the entire space—must've been magic.
[Announcement to all students returning after dismissal: Regarding the ongoing thefts at school—the culprit has fled into the [Practice Dungeon]. Students who capture or repel them will receive extra credit for [Field Class].]
And then came the terrifying public execution decree. Capture alive if you want, or just kill 'em—no biggie? Was that kinda brutal talk allowed? No clue who the thief was, but they were definitely a sacrificial lamb for grades.
"—Looks like it's not a [student] after all?"
"Huh? You mean like a familiar?"
"Why else would they tell us to hunt it? Some periodic academy surprise event...?"
"Not just your imagination that they're using this chance to hand out points?"
"The academy runs on this kinda haphazard BS daily. Nobles and commoners mixing—think it'd stay pristine?"
My image of the academy was shattering, but I kept quiet. Still a first-year, not even a month in—too early to despair.
"But we don't have Field Class—okay to just barge into this dungeon?"
"Eh, probably just goblin devos like little-horneds or cannibal monkey humanoids."
"...We got a goblin in our class. That cool?"
"Uncivved mountain-dwellers are monsters too. Bandit levels are sky-high."
Beatus sighed that country bumpkins like me were hopeless. Gotta be ready to kill anything that lunges, or a beauty like her gets exhausted. There are scary folks who'd kidnap and sell a [Witch], so stay vigilant.
"I'm fine, but if you get nabbed, your mom'd doom the world."
"Ah, that? Don't worry about me?!"
"Karma's a bitch..."
She hadn't known me long, but swore it was all my karma. Couldn't argue, eyes watering as we reached the artificial dungeon entrance.
"Holy crap."
Sure enough, students were down at the entrance—thief really fled here? Leaving the groaning kids behind, Beatus and I plunged in.
"Holy crap, how's it this brutal...!"
"That's one of the Four Heavenly Kings, right...?"
"Y-yeah..."
We hadn't even introduced ourselves yet—is this okay for a first meeting? Worried if she was breathing, I checked close: alive, but uniform shredded everywhere, covered in slashes. Starting to regret not bringing Grand Duke—could I handle this?
"Knocking out all first-years to escape? Ballsy."
"Kinda admirable, in a way."
First-years girls alone numbered in the hundreds—fight 'em all? Not just humans, all kinds of beastkin too. Confident in that chain battle?
Deeper in, amid downed students, Bigsword Girl was fighting someone.
"Transform!!"
Swinging her greatsword, but opponent too fast—she switched tactics, outfit shifting to a black suit. Her longsword swings left afterimages, carving arcs in the air.
But the foe toyed with her, one arm behind back.
"...Huh? Kinda familiar...?"
Aristocratic outfit, rapier in hand, hair over eyes. Beyond striking—total déjà vu. But no same-age guy friends in my village.
One thing clear: not human, some [Summoned Beast] type.
"Beatus! Who's summon is that?! Looks like a mana blob!"
"Luring us into the dungeon while the summoner bails???"
As Beatus stomped, ready to headbutt on sight... The thief wrapped his rapier around Bigsword Girl's blade, yanked it away, and pierced her throat in a flash.
The insane exchange left us stunned. Bigsword Girl, not even noticing her sword gone, swung her arm to block—screamed and flew back.
"Damn! Go, Wiyu! Fire breath!!"
"Waaaaaah!!"
At Beatus's order, I inhaled deep, blasting fire with all I had—but stationary, he traced a circle with his blade tip, deflecting the flames.
...Why thief with that skill? Wondering briefly...
"Wha...?? I know who it is!!"
"Who?! More importantly, you again?!"
"No, from when I was a kid... No sparring partners, lonely, so I made an imaginary friend!"
Hard to believe even for me, but [Witch] instinct? Up close, I felt the connection.
Beatus recoiled—"So it loops back to you!!"—and kicked my shin.
"Yeah, Wit-Sat-Ppi... I'm the Giga Chad imaginary friend crystallized from your wish for a panty thief!!"
"I wished all day, but why steal underwear?!"
"Ask Grand Duke, the power source who made me, Wit-Sat-Ppi."
"How dare you say that!! Our Grand Duke isn't some perv hoping I wear his kink underwear?! He insists he's a guy, but someday he'll resign to girl me, dress me up for doll play—no way!!"
"Tears for your denial."
"Huh? Not denial...?"
"Fuck, gotta report that crow to the cops and jail him."
Whatever. My desperate wish birthed Giga Chad from my head, causing this mess. Influenced by Grand Duke to steal panties? Total BS excuse. Probably my subconscious hating girl underwear!!
"Hmph, living with that in your head? Flunk city. Chocolate."
"Ack?! Top Student! You got robbed too?"
"That matter? If it's a [Witch]'s [Summoned Beast]—wanna see how strong."
With that, Ephemera burst with lightning, accelerating into a charge before I could stop her. Three(?) Heavenly Kings down—top dog steps up? She drew her twin blades boldly, clashing fiercely with Giga Chad.
"Holy crap, main body's a swordless scrub but insanely strong!! Beat that before?!"
"I did as a guy!!"
Yelled with real grievance and rage, but Beatus's eyes held zero trust—just cried. Big tears plopping, she cooed "Y-yeah..." and wiped them with a handkerchief, saying our Wiyu was super strong.
"For real, I was decent as a guy...!!"
"Anyway, that strength's your [Witch] potential fused into the summon—Grand Duke helped too. Can Top win?"
From the exchanges, Top seemed favored. Piercing, slashing with rapier—but he had an extra sword. Block, parry, smack away, then chip wounds with the other blade. Blinding speed made eyes hurt.
"...B-but... If it's my imagination, shouldn't it not exist in reality...? 'Cause it's imaginary."
Casual mutter amid the nail-biter. My common sense jabbed—everyone's eyes snapped to me.
"...Wit-Sat-Ppi... stay healthy..."
"Eh? N-no!! Don't vanish now!!! How do I fix this!!! Nooooo!!!! Don't go, Giga Chad!!!!"
No chance to stop—fading, his presence vanishing. Bigsword Girl sneaking up, Ephemera mid-clash—both stared at me dumbfounded.
Whipped around—Beatus, who'd been prepping, bolted for the exit.
"So, Chocolate? Why'd you call your boyfriend? Spill."
Ephemera eyed me murderously, limbs ready to sever—I sweated bullets.
"Treasure was a hassle!! Top Student studies hard, right?! Or Bigsword Girl—take it!!"
Dug frantically in my skirt pocket for the "treasure" I'd grabbed. Bribe to satisfy them.
Bigsword approached at "treasure"; Top peeked too.
To them, I showed the cursed treasure letting a repeater smash first-years and ace math for 3 years: [1-3rd Year Magical Math Past Exam Answer Key].
Stunned silence at the reveal. Then, wordless like conspiring, they bolted without looking back.
"Don't run!!!!"
Even Top Student and hero guardian have limits. The stolen underwear turned up in the dungeon.
And I unlocked the feat: Making Top Student flee.