Our Cafe for Cherished Memories
We decided to pool fifty thousand points together to unlock the cafe.
Since we were unlocking it as a group, the reply told us to choose a [Team Name] and reapply. It caught us off guard, but Beatus couldn’t be bothered with it and just scribbled down [Witch and the Remnants] before submitting.
“Is this seriously okay?”
“If they find out there’s a witch—a rare species—won’t people show up to gawk like it’s a damn zoo?”
“Is this actually fine?”
“There are goat beastmen walking around who were born from goats getting rammed, so the two of us would be the zoo’s star attractions!”
I had zero confidence that I could handle Beatus’s relentlessly positive attitude, so I aged about ten years on the spot. The light was so intense it felt like my skin was shriveling in real time.
Anyway, that’s how a group with me as the reluctant leader came into existence among the first-years.
From what I heard, the strong ones in our year had already formed their own factions. When Kali warned me to stay alert because I was apparently one of the Four Heavenly Kings of the first-years, all I could do was float a giant question mark over my head.
I didn’t even know what the Four Heavenly Kings were, so why was I suddenly part of them? And more importantly, why did everyone else know about this stuff like it was common knowledge while I was completely in the dark?
Was I being avoided by my classmates? Looking back, even I would steer clear of a crazy dark-skinned witch who wandered around braless while insisting she was a guy.
I should cherish the friends I already have… Wanting to make more at this point felt like pure greed.
“Anyway, allow me to introduce her! This is my roommate, Miss Meru Lume!”
“Meruru~ Nice to meet you everyooone~”
“Whoa, the richest commoner in the world. Damn it…! Please sell us some fruit from your territory, just once!”
“Don’t commoners usually have to bow and scrape to nobles for that kind of thing?”
“Nobles are basically civil servants… It’s fucking easy to rise up, but a total bitch to step down.”
Beatus shuddered, claiming that if you really wanted to quit being a noble, you’d have to offer a human sacrifice to an evil god or something. When I heard that plenty of nobles actually practiced necromancy through black magic because they wanted out, I seriously doubted my own ears.
“But you said you’re a land baron. How much do you actually have?”
“About a hundred thousand square kilometers.”
“If you can’t picture it, our family’s territory is only four hundred and sixty-one square kilometers.”
“Sorry, but as someone from a ducal house, I only have one residence, so I can’t relate to either of you…”
“Oh my? If you’re from the Witchcraft ducal family, wouldn’t you have a castle and even your own country? Weren’t you the previous Tower Master?”
“Why am I the only one who doesn’t know anything about my own family?”
Beyond feeling hurt, I couldn’t understand why Mom had hidden all of that and chosen to live with me in some rural backwater.
I genuinely wanted to know about our family situation, but realizing I didn’t even know who my real father was made cold sweat run down my back. It seemed like my friends didn’t know either, which meant she must have gotten married and given birth without telling a soul.
Mom’s request that I not attend the academy… maybe it was an even more serious issue than I had imagined?
“I see.”
“Um… about my dad…”
When even the Grand Duke admitted it had been so absurd it was downright shocking, I was left speechless.
Yeah. I shouldn’t overcomplicate things. I’d just focus on academy life—specifically on running the cafe to earn money.
“Since we’re students, our main duty is studying, so we’ll need to get permission from a professor first, right~?”
Meru Lume smiled brightly, explaining that commoners had different curriculums and therefore possessed a lot more information about the various facilities.
We clicked our tongues in realization. The system was structured so that nobles who looked down on and despised commoners would never gain access to that information.
The question was whether anyone would actually look down on them when an empty territory would only cause the nobles themselves to suffer. Still, since we had no plans to open any other facilities, we set our questions aside for later and decided to visit a professor first.
After all, my mom was an academy graduate, wasn’t she?
The Grand Duke suggested we visit the professor who had taught her and ask for a favor.
“Oh my, it really has, Your Grace. Was the last time on the front lines?”
I worried the professor might try to run away again, but the young-looking female professor seemed genuinely close to the Grand Duke. They happily caught up for a bit before she finally turned her gaze toward me.
“Hmm. You don’t resemble Aris, that problem child, in the slightest.”
“I hear that I don’t look like my mom a lot.”
“Goodness, you used polite speech with your professor? I think I might cry—give me a moment.”
Overcome with emotion, she wiped her tears with a handkerchief, saying she never imagined the day would come when she would be treated with respect as an adult by her former student’s daughter. She sobbed for a full three minutes, and the other professors around her quietly shed tears in sympathy.
The guilt tightened around my throat and stabbed at my heart until I felt like I would die from discomfort.
“So you want to run a [Cafe], correct? You’ve already made friends… but are you sure you’ll be all right? Even if you hire employees, you must prove you have at least minimal management ability.”
The professor, looking worried, explained that completely handing operations over to part-timers was prohibited. Students managing the facility on weekends or after classes had to meet a minimum weekly operating time to keep it running.
When I thought about it, since it was a facility for students, it would be strange if the system allowed people to simply take advantage of it. For some, it would be a place to hone their skills and gain real social experience. Plus it gave students a chance to earn money, so hiring them to work was still a viable solution.
But if I was going to manage the place anyway, part of me wanted to try doing it myself.
“Don’t worry, Professor! Even if I look like this, I’m confident in my milk-making skills!”
“…Yes, I can see that…!”
I wasn’t sure why the professor kept staring at my chest, but strawberry milk, banana milk, sweet hot milk, cocoa—Mom had always given me glowing reviews. Hehehe.
I could even make cheese, and since I’d had plenty of free time, I’d studied cookbooks. As long as I had the ingredients, I could bake cakes too!
“Even if I look like this, back in my hometown I was really popular for milking a huge amount in one go, ahem.”
“So that’s why they’re so big…”
“…Eh?”
“No, well, since you’re a witch I suppose it’s possible?”
The professor praised me, saying it was truly impressive and that even as a woman she couldn’t help but be amazed. I finally realized she had been staring at my chest the entire time I spoke. With a hiccup, I hurriedly corrected myself.
“Th-that’s not it… I don’t produce milk or anything like that…”
“Ah, probably not. I was talking about other kinds of milk…”
I could feel the temperature in the staff room plummet instantly. Holding my chest with both hands, I couldn’t understand why I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, but my face burned like it was on fire.
A witch’s power could technically make milk come from the chest… but why would she misunderstand like that? My friends were making faces like “Wait, wasn’t it that kind of thing?” and I felt a strange sense of betrayal.
No… it’s just that there’s something big attached. It’s not for making milk… What the hell am I even thinking right now?
I suddenly missed the dairy cow we raised back home. I wanted to cover my face with anything, but with the atmosphere already this awkward, all I could do was hang my head.
A suffocating, heavy silence settled over the room.
The female professor quietly removed her glasses, set them down, wiped her face, and smiled.
“So Aris has finally sent an assassin after me… I made her repeat three years, but that was your fault, wasn’t it!!!!”
“Proooofessooor!!!!!”
The professor smashed through the window and dove inside, flopping onto the floor with a loud thud. Students screamed. Meanwhile the other professors trembled in terror, muttering things like “Aris, you vicious woman…”, “Is this really how you’re getting revenge?”, and “A gentleman’s revenge takes ten years… wait, why are we the ones being avenged?”
Watching the ambulance arrive and the professor being carried away, I squeezed my eyes shut in utter despair.
“I heard you sent two professors packing. As expected of Witchcraft.”
The instructor practically begged me to stay employed for a long time and granted permission for the [Cafe]. From now on, he would handle everything from bringing supplies into the academy to all the minor details!
“We can buy fruit in bulk from our house~”
We’d set the price so we wouldn’t lose money, keeping in mind what commoners could afford with discounts.
With Meru Lume joining the team, the future of running the [Cafe] wasn’t just bright—it was positively radiant.
“Having a big landowner sure is convenient. Cheap raw materials mean profit. We can sell the fruit as-is too.”
“Since we’re running it anyway, how about giving one free cake and one free coffee per day to the top ten ranked students?”
“Ooh, you want to spark some competition? If the studious kids start coming often, it’s a win for us.”
While I stood there cooking in a completely soulless state, the three of them laughed like nothing had happened and continued making plans.
It was really fortunate they got along so quickly.
I really liked that they accepted me as a friend even though I had this embarrassing, shameful, oversized pair of breasts…
If only the body I possessed wasn’t originally male, my mind would feel a lot lighter.
“Here, everyone eat up. I made plenty, so don’t hold back.”
“Tarts and every kind of cake…!! Our cafe is going to be a huge success!!”
“The girls are going to looove this so much~”
“Ah, we should write down the ingredients in case anyone has allergies.”
My friends, moved by the desserts I confidently presented, giggled and began eating happily.
Even though I only had female friends and we were basically holding a tea party straight out of a noble girl’s story, spending time with friends at the academy was genuinely fun.
“But Wiyu, your way of speaking is really cute~”
“Eh? Is it? I wasn’t really aware… It’s probably because of Mom.”
She acted cute even toward her own son, so I must have picked it up without realizing. Lume said it was adorable and hopped in place before swallowing an entire cake in one bite.
“But how did you make so much when we don’t even have ingredients?”
“I used my [Witch] powers to create both the ingredients and the cakes.”
“So they came from your body?”
“Then is this basically poop?”
Silence fell over the happy dessert party where everyone had been laughing and chatting.
Even the Grand Duke, who had been urgently pecking at the chocolate snacks I’d set aside on his personal plate so no one would steal them, couldn’t close his beak. He turned to stare at Beatus.
Everyone looked at Beatus with frozen expressions. Chocolate was smeared messily around his mouth.
Beatus’s face soured, then he started sweating coldly while sneaking glances at me.
“No, um… why… it came from the power inside the body… it was just a metaphor…? If it tastes good, isn’t that what matters? I will never forget the flavor of the Witch’s poop pellets!!”
Beatus kept smacking his lips, saying it was so delicious!! while laughing, but he scratched his neck awkwardly in the icy atmosphere.
“At this rate I’m going to have to hit you once.”
“Who are you calling a goat?”
“I’m never making anything with my powers again.”
I declared that I would never create anything using [Witch] powers again. After hearing that, the twice-as-furious Grand Duke slammed Beatus straight into the ceiling.
Kali and Lume didn’t sympathize with her, saying there were other things one should say to a girl, and comforted me instead.
Why was every single day so exhausting for such a wide variety of reasons?
“First we need to hire part-timers… You said I could just summon them?”
After embedding Beatus in the ceiling, the Grand Duke brought over a sheet of paper covered in a magic circle.
To save as much money as possible, he suggested I summon part-timers to handle the labor costs.
“I’m not sure what karma is as a currency… It’s like mana energy, right? Is it okay for me to provide that much?”
“So who exactly is going to show up?”
The cafe part-timer turned out to be an Outer God from a distant dimension, recommended through one of the Grand Duke’s acquaintances.
I wondered if it was really all right for an existence on the level of an Outer God to work as a simple cafe part-timer. The being themselves said they were free and that it would make a good pastime, so they gladly accepted the job for fifty thousand karma.
“The attackers won’t die, right?”
After the Grand Duke’s comment, I added a sign at the cafe entrance that read “Caution: Part-timer is an Outer God.”
I had a feeling I’d made a mistake trying to save on labor costs… but I hoped it would be fine.