Leaving Home by Carriage
Leaving Home by Carriage
Every time the carriage moved, the scenery I knew began to fade away behind me.
The alley where I used to play tag with my eonnis, the corner where my oraboni secretly slipped me snacks saying it was a secret from Father, the small snack shop on the roadside I used to visit often.
They all just kept blurring away behind me.
Why do memories with people who are no longer my family keep popping up and tormenting me?
They aren't my family anymore. They're no different from strangers I just happen to know.
Why do they keep coming to mind and making me want to cry?
I held it in and held it in, but eventually couldn't anymore, so I poked my head out the window.
Because I wanted to keep the last image of the house I'd never see again in my eyes.
However, I couldn't see it.
Not the wall, not the gate. I couldn't see anything at all.
...Ah, truly.
Truly, the place I could return to has disappeared.
Realizing that, my eyes grew hot again.
Droplets of tears streamed down.
...I didn't want to cry in front of this person, at least.
I held it in because I didn't want to look weak. I held it in because I didn't want to hear empty words asking if I was okay.
Once we reached a place where the house was no longer visible, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tears dripped onto the wrapping cloth, creating wet spots on the cloth that had finally dried.
That was the moment.
"Assi."
A voice came from across from me.
Even though he just called me, my shoulders flinched for no reason.
Only after wiping my tears with my sleeve could I see him looking at me from behind his black Aeche.
I couldn't tell what kind of look he was giving me.
Because the pitch-black glass beads completely hid what was behind them.
I hated that.
I was scared because I couldn't tell what kind of sinister scheme he was hiding behind that manufactured kindness.
"You may rest assured."
He spoke cautiously, as if he were genuinely worried.
"I promise that no harm will come to you, Assi."
As soon as I heard that, what I had been suppressing all this time surged up.
The anger I didn't want to show in front of my family, or in front of the person who bought me... it surged.
He tells me to rest assured.
Even though he bought me from my family with money, dragged me out of my home, and won't even tell me where I'm going now.
"How?"
I let the words surging in my chest escape my lips.
I didn't know I could make a voice like this.
I felt like I was learning so much about myself that I didn't know in just one day.
"How am I supposed to rest assured?! In front of the person who bought me with money!"
Only after saying it could I belatedly think about what I had just said.
I got angry. At the person who bought me with money.
...And that, too, while he was worrying about me.
Once my head cooled down, my body seemed to cool down on its own.
I felt like cold sweat was starting to break out, too.
However, words once spoken cannot be taken back.
In the end, all I could do was glare at him while hugging my wrapping cloth.
I was scared. I was so scared that I had no choice but to act like I would bite him.
Is this what they mean when they say a cornered rat bares its teeth?
He was looking at me blankly, without a word.
Because of the black Aeche, I couldn't read what he was thinking at all.
Would he get angry?
Or would he raise his hand, calling me insolent?
Would he say something like, "It seems you don't know your place yet"?
Or would he smile while telling me who my master is from now on?
Why is he silent for so long? What on earth is he going to say?
My heart was pounding so hard that I wanted to beg for forgiveness right now.
Just when I thought it would be better to apologize, he finally opened his mouth.
"...I misspoke. It seems now was not the time for such words."
He straightened his back and leaned back.
As if he were conceding a point.
"I apologize. I was lacking."
He acted as if it were natural for me to act like I was going to bite him.
That attitude was even scarier.
Why isn't he scolding me?
Why isn't he getting angry?
I just spoke very rudely, didn't I? I acted so fiercely that I would have been hit even if I said that to Father?
Why is he talking as if he were the one in the wrong?
Because of that incomprehensible behavior, I became even more suspicious.
I couldn't even dare to guess what he was planning to do later to be acting like this now.
Is there anyone who fits the saying "honey on the lips, sword in the belly" as well as that man?
Looking at his expression that seemed truly apologetic, I firmly resolved:
Let's not trust him. Let's be careful.
———
Hwari, sitting across from me, was trembling so pitifully while hugging her wrapping cloth.
It was to the point where it was difficult to pretend I didn't know she was trying hard not to cry.
Even though she was bowing her head with her lips tightly pressed together, her breathing was trembling like that.
How uncomfortable I felt when she finally looked out the window and cried, after refusing to even glance out until the very end.
And yet, seeing those tears, I strangely felt relieved.
Because the Hwari before the regression never cried.
She never laughed, suffered, or got angry.
In the first place, she rarely showed any emotion.
No matter what was done to her, or what she did, she just maintained her usual expressionless face.
And I realized too late that it was because her heart had been broken.
"You may rest assured. I promise that no harm will come to you, Assi."
I told her to rest assured because I couldn't just watch her cry.
"How?"
Her voice was unusual.
"How am I supposed to rest assured?! In front of the person who bought me with money!"
Hearing that come back, I felt like I'd been hit.
It wasn't because her gaze was sharp. It wasn't because her voice was filled with venom.
To Hwari right now, I am just the person who bought her with money.
Because I only realized that after she said it.
I knew she wouldn't see me in a good light, but hearing her thoughts directly like that was another matter.
There wasn't a single thing she said that was wrong.
Even if my intention was to save her, from her perspective, it was just the same as buying her with money.
If a suspicious person who didn't even properly explain why they were buying her tells her to rest assured...
Yeah, that's going to work so well.
It was clearly my mistake.
"...I misspoke. It seems now was not the time for such words."
I put distance between us and said I was sorry.
I don't know if she'll take it at face value, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I apologize. I was lacking."
Even if a tiger approaches with good intentions, to a chick, it would just look like it's approaching to bite and kill it.
Why couldn't I think of something so simple?
As expected, she seemed to have misinterpreted my meaning, and the wariness in her eyes deepened even further.
As if she would really bite me if I approached even a little.
It was unimaginable for the Hwari I knew to have eyes like that, but...
The Hwari of now was not the Hwari I knew.
Saying I would save her, saying I would protect her—it was all just my own one-sided circumstances.
Therefore, I had to keep my distance.
It was natural to get bitten if you reached out to a wounded beast.
The one whining about getting bitten would just be more ridiculous.
She was wary of me for a long time, then slowly lowered her head.
It didn't seem like her tension had eased. It would be one thing if she were just lost in thought.
Even if she had a stubborn side, she was intelligent, so she probably realized it belatedly.
What on earth she had said to the person who bought her with money.
She must be walking on eggshells around me.
When that thought occurred to me, my heart ached.
That's not what I wanted.
What I wanted was for her to not suppress her emotions at all, like she just did.
I didn't even want her to be a quiet, good child that everyone desires.
Because I had already seen the end result of that suppression.
However, the reason she was walking on eggshells now was because of me.
And the reason she was scared was also because of me.
"...Don't worry about what just happened. I won't hold it against you."
Knowing it wouldn't reach her, I brought up words to reassure her again.
"How... am I supposed to believe that?"
It was still a sharp voice, but it was much better to hear than a listless one.
"You don't need to believe it."
"Pardon?"
"I said you don't need to believe it. Because I decided so."
Even after saying it, I wondered what I was doing.
She also looked at me as if asking what on earth I was doing.
"Ah... yes. I understand."
I hoped this would make her a little less afraid of me, but she didn't speak to me again.
I didn't bother to say anything more either.
Because my kindness right now was just another threat to her.
The best I could do was stay still.
Only when the sun was setting did we finally arrive at her new home.
"We have arrived, Young Guild Master."
Ah, finally.
I was getting restless in one way or another.
I wonder if she'll like the house.
I looked at her with a secretly excited heart, but all I saw was her wariness, which had eased slightly, tightening up again.
Hmm.
I guess I was wrong.
Still, well, I have to do what I have to do.
I got out of the carriage and tried to carefully reach out my hand to her, but remembered she had swatted it away earlier, so I withdrew my hand.
"You may take your time getting off."
Since she tried to get on by her own strength, it would be the same for getting off.
She stared at the house quietly, then hesitated before getting off the carriage.
Her legs were shaking, which looked quite precarious, but fortunately, she didn't slip or anything.
"This is the residence where you will be staying, Assi."
Since I had told them in advance that we would arrive soon, everyone was ready to welcome her at the gate without a single person missing.
I hope she likes this a little bit.
Expecting it inwardly, I walked toward the inside of the house.