Farewell
Farewell
I had said I would pack, but when I actually thought about it, there was nothing worth calling luggage.
That made sense, since everything had burned down.
The blankets, the hair tie my second eonni gave me as a gift, the dolls, the toys—nothing was left, just piles of ash.
Still, if I looked, maybe there was one thing left that I could take.
Something that could prove I was once a person of the Jujak Family.
Something that could remind me that I was Jeok Hwari, daughter of my father and mother, younger sister to my oppa and eonnis, and the youngest daughter of the Jujak Family.
Maybe, just maybe, there was one thing somewhere.
I didn't know where, though.
Should I start by looking in the room where I hid?
You never know. Maybe a hair tie is lying on the floor.
I forced my feet, which felt unusually heavy today, to move toward the room, but no one followed me.
I thought that was for the better.
If someone had been by my side, I don't think I could have endured it.
I might have snapped at them, asking if they were going to help me leave after selling me to a scary person.
And, I might have shown them me crying.
I didn't want to cry.
Even if they sold me to a scary person, I didn't want the last image my family remembered of me to be unsightly.
My heart wanted to sit on the floor and wail, but I couldn't do that.
I didn't want to.
"...Nothing."
As expected, there was nothing in the room.
Then, would it be elsewhere?
Teobeok-teobeok, I wandered the mansion aimlessly, looking for what to take.
Only after searching the entire house, which was still relatively intact, could I gather a few things that seemed okay to take.
A few sets of clothes I usually wore that were hanging on the drying rack, some clean undergarments, and a hairpin I'd left in Mother's room and forgotten to bring.
And a single red tie with slightly singed ends, identical to the one my second eonni had gifted me, was all there was.
...Eonni had tied my hair and told me I looked pretty.
She said Hwari looked good in red, and that she would continue to tie my hair for me in the future.
She said that, so why.
I tried to direct my resentment, which had nowhere to go, toward Eonni, but I stopped.
It wasn't Eonni's fault.
My eonnis, at least my eldest eonni, didn't want me to go.
So, I shouldn't resent them.
If I had to resent someone, it should be that person who came to buy me.
I found a suitable cloth wrapper and packed my luggage.
It was ridiculously light and simple for luggage to take when leaving home, but even that was hard to pack properly.
It was really difficult because I was trying not to use my right hand.
I could have used it, but I didn't want to.
This arm must be the reason I ended up like this.
I didn't even want to look at this arm that didn't feel like my own.
I tried to pack with only my left hand until the end, but I accidentally tied the knot wrong, and the luggage spilled open.
"Ah..."
The collected clothes had just spilled out.
It was something I could just pick up and pack again.
But strangely, I felt like I was suffocating.
I didn't want my eyes to get hot, so I gritted my teeth.
Don't cry.
Why are you crying over something so trivial?
Why...
"Hu...uk..."
Even though I tried hard to hold back my tears, a sobbing sound escaped from beyond my throat.
One by one, wet stains spread across the scattered cloth wrapper.
Only after the wet stains became too numerous to count could I finally stop crying.
This time, I packed the luggage using my right arm as well.
I had only added one hand, yet it was such an easy task.
I tied the knot tightly so it wouldn't come undone, and when I lifted the bundle, it felt emptily light.
I even let out a hollow laugh, wondering if the time I spent in this house amounted to nothing more than this weight.
The hallway was empty.
No one was waiting for me or looking for me.
...They might look for me if I were late, but I didn't want to find people that much.
Walking teobeok-teobeok down the unusually desolate hallway, I tried hard to remember this scenery and scent.
Because later, even if I missed it, I wouldn't be able to see it again.
Even if it was just the smell of burnt wood and muddy dirt, a home was still a home.
When I headed to the courtyard, my relatives were huddled together.
Not only that, but the servants and family members were all buzzing as if waiting for someone.
As soon as they saw me, they stopped buzzing and, as if by agreement, avoided my gaze.
I didn't even think it was funny.
Did they come out to see me off, or did they come out to monitor if I was leaving properly?
I don't know. I also wondered if that was even important anymore.
Receiving their sidelong glances, I approached the scary person who was waiting quietly in front of the main gate.
I didn't want to approach, but... now I had to go.
If it weren't for that person, I could have at least pretended to smile.
Now, I couldn't even do that.
"Have you come, Miss."
I didn't reply and hugged the bundle in my arms even tighter.
Still, shouldn't I at least say goodbye?
No, I wondered if I should.
They are the people who sold me; is there a need to tell such people to stay well?
Even so, they are family; should I leave a final greeting?
Not knowing, I stayed still, then turned around to look at the family members.
None of them tried to make proper eye contact with me.
As if it were uncomfortable.
Ah, I see.
Even though no answer came back, I felt like I knew what kind of answer it was.
"...For the time being."
I got into position and slowly bowed my waist.
My voice was tinged with crying, but I didn't have enough mental strength left to care about that.
"Thank you for raising me."
That was the last greeting I left for them.
I didn't want to say, thank you for loving me.
I knew it was meaningless to beg them one last time not to send me away.
So, this was the best I could offer.
A thank you for giving birth to me, feeding me, clothing me, and raising me this much is enough, right?
In the end, there were people who showed tears, but that was all.
They just showed tears, they didn't try to hold onto me.
Only then could I give up.
At the same time, it felt like something clicked and locked.
I don't know what was locked, but the chance of it opening...
probably won't happen.
I turned my body, passed the strange person, and headed out the main gate.
That person, called the Junior Guild Leader of the Cheongun Merchant Guild, didn't say anything to me for going ahead on my own and followed quietly.
Even though I walked first, because of the difference in stride, he eventually overtook me.
Stopping in front of the carriage, he extended his hand to me and said,
"Please board, Miss. I will help you."
If I hadn't known anything, I might have accepted it, thinking he was a kind person.
However, now, I couldn't accept that kindness at face value.
That touch didn't look like a gesture of consideration for me, but rather like a gesture of handling expensive pottery carefully.
That felt unpleasant, so I tak slapped his hand away with my left hand.
I didn't bother looking at what expression he made.
"I can ride by myself."
I replied as coldly as possible and tried to climb into the carriage, struggling on my own.
It didn't go well.
I slipped after missing my step a few times and almost fell.
Still, I gritted my teeth and finally climbed up.
I didn't want to receive help right now. Especially not from that person.
I barely got into the carriage and sat down.
Only then did I realize I was breathing quite heavily.
My right arm, hidden inside my sleeve, became hot and itchy.
Resisting the urge to scratch it, I bowed my head while hugging the bundle.
As I waited, I heard his voice from outside.
"The contract will be fulfilled."
He must be talking to Father.
"The promised gold will arrive before the sun sets. I will also send the craftsmen needed for restoration within three days."
He wasn't exactly speaking as if he were happy, but for some reason, it felt like his face would be smiling as he said that.
Listening to that, the farewell I had just made felt as distant as if it had been a long time ago.
Before long, the carriage shook slightly, and he sat on the opposite side of me.
So I curled my body up more.
I didn't want to be seen by him.
I don't know if he knew or not, but he didn't say anything in particular and just signaled the coachman to depart.
———
...I had expected there would be noise, of course, but the situation seemed to have played out worse than that.
It wasn't because of the loss that I thought so.
It was a loss that would be made up for in a few days.
The cause of that thought was sitting across from me.
It was the Aeche I had specially ordered from the craftsmen.
It was called Aeche, but it looked exactly like the sunglasses from my original world.
Since I was wearing something like that, there was no way she would notice even if I stared.
However, it felt a bit shameful to look.
Perhaps it was because of her body, which was much smaller than I remembered.
Or perhaps it was because the bundle she was clutching like a sacred treasure was so pathetic.
I don't know, but it wasn't a very pleasant sight.
Above all, because from her eyes, I could see the eyes of the person I originally knew overlapping.
The empty eyes, as if her heart had been broken and shattered, made me feel more uncomfortable than anything else.
I knew.
That what I did would be an unforgettable wound for a young girl like her.
Even if sufficient advance preparation had preceded it, I had proceeded with it overnight without consulting her, something that would remain a wound in a child's heart.
Even if she resented me for the rest of her life, I would have nothing to say.
Thinking that, it was also funny.
Where on earth is this action saving her?
Even as such self-mockery welled up, when I thought of her before the regression, I also thought this was right.
The longer she stayed in that house, the more she would have withered and grown thin.
Without even understanding why she was being ostracized, she would have smiled to look good, and honed her martial arts thinking that maybe if she proved her usefulness, they would love her again.
With the sole desire to be recognized as a daughter by her family again, she would have continued unrequited devotion until her body and mind wore out.
At the end of that devotion, she would have been sold to a merchant like me to pay off the debt.
So, this might actually be better.
I decided to consider it that way.
If I didn't think so, I didn't think I could look at her sitting opposite me properly.
"If there is anything uncomfortable, please do not keep it to yourself and tell me immediately."
To ease my uncomfortable heart a little, I showed her kindness.
"I will fix it right away."
She didn't even pretend to hear.
It seems I've been thoroughly disliked.
Even so, it was just a matter of paying it back from now on.
No matter what she thinks of me, I just have to pay back the debt I owe her.
From what she deserved to enjoy in her past life, to what I intend to give her in this life, I will give her everything.
I vowed to make her happy no matter what.
Even while the main gate of the Jujak Family was moving away, Hwari did not look back.
Seeing that, I felt relieved, but my conscience stung.
I had thrown such things away a long time ago.
It seems there was still a little left in me.
Still, it will get a little better when we arrive at the new house.