Embers (5)
A thin trail of smoke drifted up from the cigarette dropped on the floor.
Without even thinking to crush it beneath my heel, I simply stared at her.
The clacking of wooden swords from the training grounds outside faded into the distance.
The air in the room felt as if it had frozen solid.
It was Arin.
The girl in my memories was much younger than the woman standing before me.
Sun-kissed cheeks, hair with a faint pink hue.
How should I describe the change from the face that used to wave and call my name at the entrance of our village?
Perhaps that the childhood innocence had been completely hollowed out.
She was gaunt.
Her hair was slightly faded, and the coat—likely issued by the guild—hung loosely over her shoulders.
The nape of her neck peeking through the collar, the knuckles gripping the hem of her clothes.
I had planned to search the slums, find her eventually... and approach her only after I had prepared myself.
Meeting like this, so suddenly, was not to my liking at all.
I had replayed this moment in my head countless times.
The moment of reuniting with Arin.
Though I never imagined it would happen in a place like this.
I thought I would do something—grab her by the collar, turn my back on her, spit out whatever words came to mind, or just hurl curses at each other...
I never expected us to just stand here, dazed, unable to utter a single word.
I couldn't tell if I was glad to see her or if I wanted to throw up.
I let none of it show on my face.
I had to.
Despite the numbness, I reached into my coat and pulled out a cigarette, doing my best to keep my hands from shaking.
I put it between my lips and lit it.
The smoke filled my lungs, but it did nothing to clear my dizzy head.
"Did you... start smoking?"
She was the first to speak.
Swallowing what she actually wanted to ask, she used something as trivial as a cigarette to break the ice.
"It just became a habit. I'll put it out if you don't like it."
"Oh, n-no! It's just... I was surprised. I didn't think you would do that sort of thing."
It felt like talking to a dead person.
I was not the Lihen she used to know, and the woman before me was not the Arin I used to know.
We were both merely clumsy imitations of the faces we had left behind in that village.
"Um... should I sit here?"
She had said she was dispatched from the guild.
That meant one of the two clean desks in the office belonged to her.
"Sit wherever you want. I just got here too, so I don't really know how things work."
She chose the desk in the furthest corner, sitting gingerly on the very edge of the chair.
Then, she turned her chair slightly toward me, sitting stiffly.
Like a student receiving punishment.
"But, h-how did you end up here... I mean, how did you become a professor? Before, you definitely said... you were going to join the knights."
"It just happened."
Explaining the details would only make things uncomfortable for both of us.
"I thought you might become someone so great that someone like me wouldn't even be on your level... but I didn't expect it to be this much."
"So back then, you surely... No, never mind. Those days—"
Instead of answering, Arin merely parted her lips before closing them again.
So, this time, I spoke first.
"Anyway, how have you been?"
Though her gaunt face already told the story.
"...Just, fine in my own way."
"You said you came from the guild?"
"Ah, yes. I didn't graduate from here, so this was the only way to work at the Academy."
"What about wanting to be an adventurer? The bakery lady back in the village was upset that you hadn't sent a single letter."
"...For now, I'm still an adventurer. I belong to the guild. And sending letters back home... is more expensive than you'd think, so, yeah. I haven't been able to send any."
The cigarette burned down to the filter, dropping ash onto my hand.
I brushed the ash off, crushed the butt against the floor, pulled out a fresh one, and lit it again.
If I didn't keep smoking, I felt like the screams trapped inside me would burst out.
"It feels like it hasn't been that long since we last met... Lihen. Back then, you said you couldn't follow me to the capital."
"I did."
"Without even telling me why, you just said you couldn't come..."
Arin met my eyes for a brief second, then averted her gaze, staring at the cigarette butt on the floor as she shut her mouth tight.
She let out a slow sigh, finally parting her lips to speak in a low voice.
As if desperately holding back her breath.
"So why are you standing in front of me now?"
I wondered how to explain that I was supposed to drag myself to a battlefield and die, but unfortunately survived and somehow ended up here. Realizing there was no good way to put it, I gave up.
"I just... gained the ability to come here. That's all."
"I must look ridiculous to you, right?"
"Arin."
"Seeing a girl with absolutely nothing to her name chase a pipe dream to the capital, only to end up living in this pathetic state... you must also..."
"You're the last person who should say that."
"...Say what?"
"At the very least, you shouldn't talk about yourself like that."
Since she had abandoned and denied everything about 'Lihen' to leave, she shouldn't deny herself now, even if she ended up living miserably on the streets of the capital.
Otherwise, what did that make the 'Lihen' she rejected?
What did that make me, who begged her to stay by my side?
When you, who followed someone else despite how desperately I clung to you and pleaded, say things like that... what about me? What about my feelings...?
Someone knocked on the door.
Hearing the knock, Arin lowered her eyes and quickly stepped far away from me.
As if we were nothing to each other, like a subordinate meeting her boss for the first time.
"Professor Grian, may I come in?"
"Come in."
An unnamed staff member entered the room.
"The Principal is summoning you."
"Tell him I'll be there shortly."
"Normally, as soon as you arrived..."
"I said I'll be there soon. Leave."
The staff member frowned slightly at my tone and left the office.
I stood up and spoke to Arin, who was still in the corner.
"...I'll be back soon, so wait here. Don't go anywhere. Stay here."
It wasn't as if she could just vanish, yet the words slipped out of my mouth automatically.
So, these weren't really my words.
Though I doubted there was any point in making such a distinction now.
I knocked and entered the Principal's office. He was holding a cup and stirring it with a spoon.
Judging by the faint, sweet aroma, he seemed to be dissolving sugar into his drink.
"Professor Grian, you certainly have a knack for keeping people waiting."
The Principal spoke, raising his cup.
"Care for a cup?"
"I'm fine."
"Well, sit down first."
The Principal gestured for me to take a seat.
"Still, no matter how prestigious your family is, to think a failing student like you would become a professor. I had no idea you still held the appointment rights granted in the past."
Once I sat down, he took a sip of his sweet tea and spoke in a low voice.
"You've really moved up in the world, haven't you?"
"Principal."
"...Principal? Did you just call me Principal?"
"Yes. They say when an old man wants to receive at least a shred of respect, it's best for him to keep his mouth shut and open his wallet."
I stood up and stepped closer to him.
Although he belonged to a family of mages that had pledged loyalty to the Empire for generations... he was a human mixed with elf blood.
Thanks to that, he was famous for never aging and holding onto the Principal's seat for an eternity.
He wasn't incompetent, so he did command respect from many.
But would the Church look kindly upon this half-breed?
I walked right up to the Principal's desk and met his gaze.
However, the Principal did not look away, staring back at me as if looking at a mere greenhorn.
"When I was sent to the battlefield, nothing I learned here was of any use. Though, to be fair, I didn't learn all that much on the front lines either."
There was no need to pick a fight on my very first day, but... he looked just like him.
That motherfucker on the front lines who captured me and tried to skin my head alive.
Or maybe it was just because they were both pointy-eared bastards.
"However... I did learn one thing perfectly. That non-humans are cruel, savage, and despicable creatures who do not deserve to live."
"...Such remarks cannot be tolerated within the Academy."
"Is that so?"
"Do you think I cannot dismiss you on your very first day?"
"I hear that lately... the number of those who worship forbidden things and oppose the Empire has been growing within the Academy."
......
"Well, in a school that embraces so many people from all over the world... surely there must be at least one heretic, wouldn't you say?"
Only then did the arrogant Principal's face, which had been looking down on me just moments ago, twist in dismay.
"Since there's always a possibility."
There might be.
One couldn't say for sure that there wasn't.
I knew this was a stretch, but there was no way he could counter it.
After all, when dealing with an irrational threat, there was no way to refute it with rational arguments.
And... despite what I said, I didn't actually care about heretics or whatever.
I had no intention of catching them either.
I needed to talk to Arin, and I didn't want to waste my time on this nonsense.