Growing Numb
Oh, come to think of it — there was one thing. Ever since the incident where I'd snipped off a cock with my own teeth, the day I was strung up on a cross and bawled my eyes out, Ervan's attitude toward me had changed. I'd grown considerably more docile out of preemptive terror that the same thing might happen again, and it seemed he'd taken a liking to me for it.
He was a man who had never once engaged in small talk beyond the subject of my training, yet at some point he'd begun occasionally telling me about the outside world. And it was through him, just a few hours ago, that I'd heard the news about Rean.
Rean, who had lost his precious manhood in a single instant, was apparently grinding his teeth, determined to hunt me down and have his revenge no matter what. He'd come here in the dead of night, even drawing the Holy Sword with every intention of storming the place — but it seemed the Hero, standing before an Order that had long since finished investigating the Holy Sword, was nothing more than a powerless man. I heard he threw a tantrum right in front of Cardinal Frei and was promptly turned away at the door.
"Hmph. Serves him right. Perverted bastard."
That's what you get for not knowing when to stop — go coveting an innocent saintess's virginity, and this is where it lands you. It was so deliciously satisfying that I crawled right back under the covers. Picturing that prideful bastard getting smacked down hard by the Cardinal's light and tossed out on his ass, a vicarious thrill welled up in me, and I simply couldn't stop laughing. For a good long while, I just snickered to myself.
"···········"
Of course, after that the reality of it hit hard, and I had to quietly curl in on myself. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I'd found so funny. He got to take my virginity and spend an entire week fucking me senseless, while I was the one locked away in the Order, reduced to this. If I grabbed a stranger off the street and asked which of us was more wretched, the answer would be obvious.
Even so, I had decided not to cry. I wasn't a child of one or two; sobbing day in and day out would do nothing but drain what strength I had left. I would endure with my spine straight, and on the day I had fully become the saintess the Order wanted, I would escape this place. For now, believing the words Ervan sometimes tossed my way like jokes was my only answer.
"Once your training is fully complete, Saintess, you'll be accompanying me outside more often. However important the training may be, we can't very well keep you confined here forever."
I couldn't ask him exactly what I was needed for, but there seemed to be a plausible reason behind Ervan's wish to mold me into a saintess who spoke only refined words. Whatever it was, it was a hopeful sign. It would be my first chance at contact with the outside world — all I had to do was hold out until then.
Before long I threw off the covers, yawning and stretching. Drowsiness came creeping back, but I resolved to fight it by pinching my skin. If I drifted off now, I'd be waking again in less than ten minutes anyway.
"Saintess. Are you busy?"
"......Come in."
The visitor had arrived far earlier than expected. Thankfully, this time it was at least someone whose face I knew. I could guess exactly how much it would hurt.
"Oh. Did you just finish washing up?"
"Yes. I just got out of the— nngh."
Haah. If he'd come to ravish me, I wished he'd just get it over with quickly the moment I spread my legs for him, but apparently he was quite worked up today. Whenever I ended up with a man burying his nose against my body and sniffing at me like this, even my mind grew weary. The urge to spew every curse I knew surged up my throat, but I had to swallow it down.
"Your scent is always so lovely, Saintess."
"Hah."
"Especially after tasting this prettily closed little pussy, I find myself thinking of it even in the middle of a meal — I simply can't get my excitement under control."
I'd lost count of how many times I'd heard that exact line. Of all the luck, this bastard was the only bald man in the entire Order, so he'd burned himself into my memory at our very first meeting — and being able to recognize that face anywhere had soured my mood more than once or twice.
"Hhaah, ahn."
Having my pussy sucked with a wet smack by that man's mouth made every hair on my body stand on end; I felt drained of all spirit before we'd even begun.
"Then excuse me, Saintess."
"Hngh."
As he rolled his hips in slow, languid strokes, a lewd squelch rang out shamelessly through the room, and his glans plunged straight to my depths in a single thrust. Perhaps because all I'd done today was with Ervan, in the middle of a lesson, it hurt like hell.
"Hnngh! You're so much tighter than last time! Did you perhaps pleasure yourself before I came?!"
"I didn't do... any such— aahh."
"Then that must mean my mouth pleased you all the more! I don't know whether you'll care to hear this, but I'm terribly fond of your mouth-pussy as well, Saintess!"
Fuck. I wanted to ask him to shut that mouth already. But if I actually did, he'd no doubt carry on about how my lovely lips had spouted vulgar filth and go running to tattle to Ervan, so I kept my eyes closed and pressed it all down. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...
Slurp.
"Hah?!"
Startled, I opened my eyes to find his tongue dragging one long lick from my chin all the way up to my lips. With the lower half of my face drenched in saliva, no amount of effort could smooth the stiffness from my expression.
"Ah, from here on, I'll need your permission, Saintess. Am I perhaps displeasing you?"
What a calamity. This timid man had suddenly started reading my mood.
"No. I was only a little startled..."
"I see."
"Nnh."
He kneaded one of my breasts while reaching his other hand up toward my face; the fingers at my mouth wiped the saliva from my chin and caressed my lips. At least he was a man capable of considering a woman, which made him bearable.
"Saintess. May I do more?"
"......Yes."
"Then might you offer me both of your hands?"
Apparently this man had some peculiar fantasy of his own. Without warning he seized both my wrists and raised them above my head, then pounded his hips like a madman as he pressed his lips over mine. Judging by how our forcibly interlaced fingers trembled, he seemed to be venting his pent-up rage on my behalf.
After several minutes of that, I felt warm fluid seeping into my lower belly. The cock buried deep inside me pressed against the mouth of my womb, throbbing over and over as it spilled its seed. So much of it filled me that by the time our rather lengthy kiss finally ended, a stretched white thread hung long between us. As I stared at it, my lower belly seemed to grow a touch warmer. His climax was still rolling on, and he was clearly anticipating what would come next.
"Hahh."
Before long the withdrawn cock touched my lips and rubbed against them a few times. I slowly parted my mouth and took it in. It was the cleanup that had long since become routine. Still, having my throat pounded while both wrists were pinned was an ordeal in every sense, and a few tears slipped free.
Of course. So much for consideration. Feeling like an idiot for having hoped for anything, I forced the tears back down.
"I'm glad it seems you felt as good as I did, Saintess."
Ah — I'd been holding it in precisely so I wouldn't have to hear that. The face wiping at my eyes with that contented smile was as displeasing as ever. Perhaps I should count myself lucky I wasn't nauseated. If I'd still felt sick enough to retch after the act was finished, even the faintest curl of my lips would have been impossible.
"......Yes. It felt good."
His smile widened further, and I felt relieved. Thank goodness he was satisfied with this much. Because I'm a pathetic little saintess who can't manage to meet a man's eyes with a forced, happy smile the way any common whore would. If next time he pleased me even better than this, I might just catch myself grinning like a fool — but not now.
Unfortunately, the Order was crawling with priests who were far better at sex than this man. I didn't want to admit it, didn't want to remember it, but there was nothing to be done. It hadn't been just once or twice that I'd been wrecked into a senseless mess like at the baptism ceremony, so some part of me was unconsciously comparing him to the times before.
It was a strange thing. No matter how meekly I submitted, it was rape, plain and simple — and yet I seemed to be growing number by the day. Had my revulsion faded so far that rape was dissolving into the fabric of my ordinary life?
"············Hnn."
At the very least, I had to admit there was no shock left at all, nothing like the first time. Since it would all be stripped off again in a few minutes anyway, I wore only the dress I'd been given as sleepwear with nothing underneath, and every movement dragged my nipples across the fabric, sending a rather fierce stimulation through me. Not the stinging kind — the pleasure of being suckled by a mouth was climbing up my spine.
And so, in the ten-odd minutes after brushing my teeth and washing my face, I agonized over it countless times. Even though I had never once touched myself in this woman's body, I found myself wanting to quench this smoldering heat, even if only with my own hand. For some reason, my arousal kept deepening, as if I'd slipped into heat.
"Saintess. Are you in there?"
"...Yes. Come in."
I caught myself thinking that if that priest hadn't arrived right on cue, I might have been stirring my pussy with my own fingers by now. And if someone had come looking for me mid-act, they'd have seen my heated state, grown all the more excited, and pounced on me like a beast — I'd even gone so far as to think that wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps this, too, was an intended outcome. Because I still couldn't fully accept this pleasure. No matter how satisfied my body was, some corner of my heart kept screaming that I must never, ever acknowledge feelings like these.
It hadn't happened once or twice — it had been going on all along — so perhaps the desire that had quietly piled up each time was finally due to burst. It seemed the moment to change my thinking had arrived. I could keep clenching my teeth and wait until I exploded, or I would have to let go of something else. Of course, the choice had already been made. Having tried it once and found the results better than expected, it seemed fine to simply keep doing it this way.
"Saintess. Thank you for your efforts. I hoped you'd have a good time — how was it?"
"Hahh......... Yesh. It fesh good..."
Just like now.