Vestige (1)
Vestige (1)
I opened my eyes.
The ceiling wasn't unfamiliar anymore.
My room at the academy.
The place reeked of cheap tobacco smoke, so saturated into the walls it was hard to imagine anyone actually living here.
Dying and coming back — by now, I'd gotten used to it. Mostly.
Dying itself, though. That never got any easier, no matter how many times it happened.
Still, thanks to the powder Levina gave me, at least it hadn't hurt.
Not that I felt particularly grateful.
My limbs still remembered being severed. The ghost of a blade lingered against my throat.
A raw unease made me touch my neck. My fingers came away smeared with blood.
I probed more carefully. A shallow cut ran along the edge of my throat.
Thin as a paper slice.
I reached into my coat for a handkerchief but found nothing, so I grabbed the nearest white cloth and wiped the blood away.
The bleeding must have been superficial — after a moment, nothing more seeped through.
It rattled me a little. Then again, dying and then waking up in your own room probably should rattle a person more.
I tossed the bloodied cloth onto the floor. I'd deal with it when I cleaned up.
I stood, stretched, and opened the window.
Glass bottles, trash, cigarette ash — I shoved it all into a corner, swept it into the bin, and pulled another cheap smoke from my coat. I bit down on it.
Then, without thinking, I flicked my fingers through the spell and lit it.
Fwoosh.
The flame that bloomed at my fingertip was bigger than I expected. It startled me — I actually flinched.
Three years of beating my head against a wall and I couldn't produce a single spark. Squander the family fortune and squeeze the peasants dry, though, and apparently this much was possible.
Not that I'd ever do it again.
Rineta's figure surfaced in my mind — walking through that mansion as if nothing was wrong.
Strolling calmly through corridors where blood and scraps of flesh lay scattered, making conversation. I'd never imagined a person like that could exist.
I caught myself wondering if someone like her had been in the original story. Then I remembered I could barely recall the original story anymore. Or much of anything else, really.
From the start, I'd tried to separate "Ravin" from myself. But I couldn't remember who I was — my name, my life, what kind of person I'd been. I'd just felt this vague, formless conviction that he was fake, that I was real, and I'd never once questioned it.
Not once.
Took dying five times before the thought even occurred to me.
But that didn't make sense. I'm a mess, sure, but I'm not senile. Hardly any time had passed. There was no reason for my memories to have gone this hazy.
While I was turning the thought over, a translucent window flickered into existence in the air before me.
[Collect the Endings. 5/?]
[Current collected rewards: Lingering Fragrance, Afterimage, Lingering Trace, Lingering Soul, □□]
[Reward: Love]
[Accept □□?]
I didn't want to look at this right now. I swiped at the window to dismiss it.
[Accept a reward for which payment has already been rendered?]
The window dimmed, vanished for a moment, then blazed back into focus right in front of my eyes.
It had never done that before. I stumbled backward and tripped over the table.
Flat on the floor, the translucent window still hung in the air above me.
[Claim the reward you are rightfully owed.]
[Yes] [No]
Without meaning to, I stared at the window as if hypnotized. My hand moved on its own. I pressed Yes.
Instantly, an image swept through me — myself on horseback, a deep hood pulled low over my face.
I don't know how to ride a horse.
Then Serepina, split in half, dead. Gathering her remains, sewing her back together with a needle for half a day, laying her in a crude coffin and burying her. That swept through me too.
In the vision, I used a spell to dig the earth — light work, opening the ground for the coffin.
Serepina had never died in front of me.
Next: Estelle, so mangled by demon blades that she was scarcely recognizable, but unmistakably her. I gathered what was left into a box and buried it.
Estelle couldn't have died in front of me.
Levina, seated in her office, turning to me with a bright smile. Saying something. I shook my head. She pulled a magic stone from her coat and swallowed it.
A heartbeat later, she burst. The room — there wasn't a single surface left unstained. That swept through me too.
Levina isn't supposed to die. So she couldn't have died.
The hallucinations ripped past, a cascade of fractured images and tangled half-thoughts. Nausea surged. I scrambled to the bathroom and retched.
"Hurk— ack! Ughh—"
Nothing came up. I hadn't eaten anything, so at least there was no mess.
I didn't have the strength to rise. I stayed slumped there for a long time.
Didn't even have the energy to question the emotions and phantoms that had just torn through me.
I was still collapsed in the bathroom when the door opened and a familiar voice called out.
"Now you want me here... Ravin? Are you not in your room?"
Footsteps crossed the room.
They stopped right at the open bathroom door. She found me.
Serepina stared down at me, eyes wavering. In her hand was the white cloth, smeared with blood.
"Ra— Ravin! Are you hurt?"
She flung aside whatever she was holding and rushed to me.
A faint lilac scent brushed my nose.
The nausea that had been clawing up my throat finally settled, just a little.
For a long moment, Serepina touched my cheek, searched my eyes, her face tight with worry. I watched her watching me, then pushed unsteadily to my feet and splashed water on my face at the basin.
"No. I'm not hurt at all. So... why are you here?"
"Why am I here? You called me, Ravin."
"...Right. I did."
"Are you — is your body injured? Are you sick?"
"I just fell and hit my head. I'll be fine after some rest."
"But—"
"Wait just a moment. I'll wash up and come out."
Serepina kept her worried eyes on me as she settled into a chair to wait.
I rinsed my mouth, cleaned my teeth quickly, and stepped out of the bathroom.
She was sitting at the table, staring at the envelope I'd left there. Staring at it like a dog told to wait in front of a treat, not daring to touch it.
I sat down across from her.
"It's for you. Read it."
"Ah. Yes. A letter. For me."
She picked it up, expression blank. Her fingers started to open the seal, then stopped. She tucked it into her coat.
"...You're not going to read it? You're not going to throw it away, are you?"
"Throw it away? Of course not. I — I'll read it in my room."
She answered in a rush.
Then she lifted her head and looked at me.
It was too awkward to ask why she was staring.
And then, a moment later, Serepina started to cry.
Tears spilled from only her right eye.
"Why... why is this happening? My right eye is strange. Maybe something got in it."
She rose from her seat as if fleeing.
"I — I think maybe neither of us is in a place to talk today..."
I stood, crossed to her, and caught her hand.
"Ravin?"
She looked at me, startled.
"It's been a while. Do you want to go get chocolate cookies together?"
"Cookies?"
"Yeah."
"I... I want to."
Still crying, she wiped her tears with her sleeve and nodded.
I kept hold of her hand and led her out toward the main street.
No idea if I even had money in my wallet.
Worrying about money — that was an unfamiliar sensation. Been a long time.
The streets were packed with people. Lively, buzzing, full of energy.
I felt out of place. I walked like some country bumpkin fresh off the farm, head swiveling to take everything in.
As we walked, Serepina fidgeted with my hand, then laced her fingers through mine and squeezed — tight enough to make my hand tingle.
From the dormitory to the café on the main street, neither of us said a word.
It wasn't the awkward, uncomfortable kind of silence, though.
We found a café. I ordered something to drink, chocolate cookies, and the cream-laden bread Serepina liked. We took a quiet table on the terrace.
The server brought coffee, warm milk, cookies, and the bread.
Serepina drank her milk, but she only looked at the cookies. Didn't touch them.
"Serepina. Aren't you going to eat your cookies?"
She stared at me, mouth slightly open, then answered in a rush.
"Ah... yes. I — I should eat them. Thank you."
She began nibbling at a cookie, slowly, bit by tiny bit.
Like a small bird pecking at seed.
After she'd eaten about half, she set it down on her plate.
"Actually... I came to find you because I had something to say too."
Her throat must have been dry. She took a sip of warm milk and spoke again.
"I already told my father and Heir Apparent of Edelgard. That I'm breaking off our engagement."
She chewed on her lower lip.
The wet sound of it was painfully audible. Blood welled up. I reached over and pressed my fingers gently to the corner of her mouth, soothing the skin.
Slowly, the tension in her jaw released.
"Ravin... I just told you I'm breaking the engagement, and you're fine with it?"
"I'm not fine."
I said it with a smile.
I didn't add anything. Didn't let any ugliness seep through.
I'd been through this enough times already. Sick of it.
And Serepina — whatever else might be true — she loved me.
Genuinely. Not out of pity. Not because we'd simply known each other too long and the sunk years felt wasted. She really did.
"I... maybe I wasn't fine either. I thought I was."
Her voice came out damp.