Delusion (19)

Serepina followed me out of the room.

I had taken only a few steps into the hallway when her fingers closed around my wrist—thin, strangely cold.

I looked back. She had come after me without even properly fastening her clothes.

One hand clutched ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the front of her top, face faintly flushed, while the other held my wrist tight. She did not let go.

Her voice came low, trembling at the edges.

"Wait. Just—stop a moment, Ravin. Let me talk. Let me say something."

"You want me to listen?"

I turned around.

And drove her back against the wall.

Her shoulders hit the stone.

A muted thud rolled through the corridor.

"So I'm supposed to throw back what you once told me?

Scold you for not knowing how long we've been together, how well ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠we know each other—is that what you want!?"

I was angry.

I had been busy convincing myself that everything was finally working out, and Serepina had just doused me in ice water.

She shook her head at the words.

Eyes brimming, she looked up at me.

"For your own safety—I had to know if it was true.

That's why I got it from the Church..."

The sentence broke off.

Because my hand was at her throat.

"I don't even care what that thing was you just threw at me.

But you—you can't pretend you don't understand what it means that you brought it to me in the first place!"

Serepina took one look at me and burst into tears.

"To protect you! I did it to protect you!"

"If you wanted to protect me, you should've let me die instead of blasting my wrist off!!"

The shout tore out of me before I knew it, raking my throat raw.

Serepina tried to pry my fingers from her collar, spluttering.

I didn't loosen my grip.

"Is it Kyle? That motherfucker again?"

"What does Kyle have to do with this?"

She sounded genuinely bewildered.

"You're always running around with that bastard hunting demons and monsters like it's your job!

It doesn't have to be you!"

"I don't understand why Kyle is even coming up!"

Serepina shot back.

"Because every single piece of godawful shit that tangles you up traces back to that son of a bitch!"

She shook her head and began to sob.

Through the weeping, she spoke.

"You know exactly what your situation is!

Didn't you hear what happened yesterday?"

When I offered no answer, she peeled my hand from her collar—my grip had slackened without me noticing—and pressed on.

"Sure, I know we can just ignore the testimony ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that you were the one riding alone with Levina in a carriage on the very day she vanished.

Anyone can open their mouth and say words."

Serepina looked at me as if I had already wounded her.

It was hard to meet those sunken blue eyes.

"But Levina's blood was found in that forest you went to, Ravin."

"......."

"A priest sent by the Church and Kyle tracked it down. So, yes. Kyle again."

Serepina let out a sigh, the sound of someone past caring.

"You don't pay attention to high society or public opinion, so maybe you don't know—but the high and mighty who'd rather see you dead than let you become head of the family are swarming. That's why Kyle is running wild out there."

"So I tried to stop him. Tried to confirm things myself first, because he's not the type to sit still if you tell him no."

"Confirm whether I was lying?"

"...Yes."

"I'm not exactly the most trustworthy man, Serepina. In that case, we just shouldn't be together at all."

"I don't—I don't care. Whatever you do from now on, I don't care.

This time I had a reason to check!

Lie to me, roll around with the maid like you just did, I don't care—all I need is for you to just... love me......."

"Then you should have just told me you trusted me, then asked me to swear on it right here."

"I didn't want to show you I don't trust you!

I want to seem like the good wife in front of you, the woman who always believes in you!

I don't want you to see the ugly parts......."

Serepina's voice stretched thin between sobs.

"But this one thing—the rest I could let go, but this one thing I had to confirm.

Even if I trust you, even if you really did kill Levina, the truth itself—"

"So if I did kill her... what were you going to do then."

"I keep telling you, it doesn't matter to me whether you did or not!!"

Serepina yelled.

"What difference does it make to me if you killed that woman, if you killed a Duchess!

You are my Ravin. You are going to be my Ravin!"

Her voice was fading, swallowed by a droning pressure in my ears.

"I needed to know so I could figure out a plan, help you—"

"Then breaking off the engagement works out nicely, just like you planned."

At that, the tears already streaming down her face poured faster.

"As if you'd ever accept my help. So far you've never once... no."

Serepina clutched her chest, mouth ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠forming half-words, breaths turning harsh and shallow.

Her face twisted with pain.

"Ravin, it hurts."

She slid down against the wall, crumpling where she stood.

A moment later, she tried to rise again, to reach me.

I did not help her up. I ground my teeth, turned my back.

Even if Serepina offered help, it was never going to amount to much.

My feet carried me toward the Church.

* * *

I pushed the doors open. Estelle greeted me with a bright smile.

She was perched on the altar, peeling an apple.

"I had a feeling you'd come. Thought you would yesterday, but you're a little late."

I crossed to one of the long pews and dropped into it as if lying down.

From inside my coat I pulled out the pipe I hadn't touched in a long while, packed the leaf in tight, and dusted it liberally with the powder Levina had given me.

I lit it, dragged the smoke deep, then coughed it out.

"Estelle. I'm told I'm thoroughly fucked."

"Naturally. As luck would have it, someone from the Church happened to see you and Levina riding alone toward the forest that day."

She said it with an oddly cheerful laugh.

"Someone from the Church?"

"Mm. Someone from the Church."

I lifted my head to look at her face.

Playfulness lingered there, along with a trace of dissatisfaction.

"Right. And this Church person just happens to know the exact location of Levina's blood?"

"Just so happens, yes."

Estelle took in my limp, hazy state, plucked the pipe from my hand, and drew a mouthful herself.

She gave a small cough, handed the pipe back, and spoke.

"I'll do everything I can for you from now on."

Her voice sat lower than usual, more serious.

"In exchange—I need an answer. About what we discussed last time."

"We discussed more than one or two things. I'm not sure which you mean."

Estelle crossed to me and settled onto my lap.

She leaned in close.

Her breath smelled of apples.

"Break off the engagement with her.

There's no way some nobody priest would be authorized to loan out a holy relic that distinguishes truth from lies. Not unless it was the Saintess playing dress-up.

She's a stupid, faithless woman, isn't she? She didn't even notice something was off the second she laid eyes on it."

"......."

A small light flickered in Estelle's right hand. She brushed it over her hair, and in an instant the pure white turned black.

"The facts just need to come to light. Or rather—

Even if it turns out your fiancée did it, the Church exists to help good people like you. I'll help you.

I'm reasonably well-connected with the higher ranks of the Church. There's quite a lot I can do."

Her features had shifted too—subtle enough that in passing you might not notice, yet unmistakably different.

"Just come back after you've checked whether it's true. That way we can take countermeasures, right?

Heh. Heheh. Heheheh. The fact that she actually believed it—that she nodded so seriously—hhh.

Every time she talks, it's all 'my Ravin' this and that. Ravin is mine, you bitch."

Estelle's tone had shifted slightly. She laughed in hiccupping bursts as she went on.

"Ravin. Marry me, and everything resolves itself.

No one will say a word against you.

You'll get the position you want, and you won't have to kill the two you've got locked underground."

When I failed to answer properly, Estelle cupped my face.

"Why the hesitation? You said you'd do anything. Ravin."

She kissed me.

I hesitated a moment, then accepted.

Our tongues met slowly.

The taste of apples mingled with the pipe's bitterness.

I don't know how long it lasted.

When our lips parted, I let out a hollow laugh.

She was gazing down at me with satisfaction.

"So? Your answer?"

"I'll think about it."

"Stalling again."

Estelle rose from my lap and shrugged.

"Don't take too long. If this escalates much further, I'm not sure I'll be able to help you."

She returned to the altar and resumed peeling her apple.

I sat smoking for a while longer, then got to my feet.

"I should go."

"Already?"

"Yeah."

I answered and walked toward the chapel doors.

Estelle's voice followed me from behind.

"Come again tomorrow. Let's go have something good to eat.

Outside. Not caring who sees. Just the two of us."