Delusion (17)
Delusion (17)
I sat down opposite my father.
The chair was softer than I'd expected.
The Edelgard family head set a glass in front of me.
Then he lifted the bottle and poured.
The low sound of blue liquid filling the glass echoed through the room.
"I seem to have asked the wrong question."
My father spoke.
His voice was lower and slower than usual.
"Even if you didn't do it, it was still your doing, Ravin."
I looked at him for a moment.
I accepted the glass and answered.
"Yes. I did it."
"Did you want to sit in this seat instead of Levina?"
My father glanced at my face and let out a small laugh.
It sounded like dry leaves rustling.
"Mm. You still don't want to sit here, I see."
I drank half the glass.
The hard alcohol burned down my throat.
Heat traced a line down my esophagus.
My father kept his mouth shut for a long while.
He just fiddled with his glass.
"That greedy pig from House Belluz couldn't possibly have come up with something like this on his own."
He spoke again.
"Was it that little miss who thought of it?"
"You mean Serepina."
"Yes."
"No."
At my answer, my father's brow furrowed.
He looked like he couldn't understand.
"Then who, and how?"
"I sold it to the Church."
At those words, my father stared at me for a moment.
Then his expression shifted — almost like relief.
"At least you won't be dying alongside that worthless Belluz, then."
"You're not angry."
"A father who never gave you anything has no right to be angry over something that wasn't precious to begin with."
My father emptied his glass in one go.
Then he picked up the bottle again and poured.
This time he poured until the glass overflowed.
"Levina. How did she die?"
Levina's image flickered through my mind at the question.
The face of my sister who, even after being shot, spoke of love and wanted to be loved.
The hand she reached toward me, filthy with blood and dirt.
I thought about it briefly, then answered.
"I didn't kill her."
My father's hand stopped.
The hand holding the bottle froze in midair.
Liquor spilled over the rim of the glass and ran across the table.
He set the bottle down.
And looked at me.
His eyes were trembling violently.
"Don't you hate Levina?"
I heard the question and answered that I wasn't sure.
Then I said that even though she was the sister who had tormented me so much, I still didn't want her to die.
It was a contradiction.
"I didn't want my brother to die either, whether I became family head or not.
But the woman who put me in this seat, every single day......."
My father spoke quietly, then let his words trail off.
"I'd better hope the person trying to put you in this seat doesn't kill Levina."
This was the first time I'd seen the family head so unguarded — face flushed, eyes slightly unfocused.
"If you become family head, will you let Levina go?"
I nodded at the question.
"If you let her go, do you think she won't point a blade at you?"
"I don't know. But I'll hope she doesn't."
At my answer, the family head's eyes grew slightly wet as he stared into the empty air.
"When I was young, I used to go hunting in the nearby woods with my siblings."
My father gazed into the distance as he spoke, as if lost in memory.
"Didn't you go with uncle?"
"That child never liked riding horses."
That was his answer.
He paused for a long time, then asked again.
"How did he die?"
"I don't know either."
"A brat who couldn't even meet my eyes when he spoke — and yet there he was, rolling around with a woman he didn't even love, wallowing in some pathetic thrill of transgression and enjoying it like a fool. I can't tell you how precious that ridiculous sight was to me."
The family head laughed, light and careless.
The sound echoed hollowly through the room.
"What could possibly be so good about a woman like that? Every time their skin touched, every time her voice brushed past his ears, every time that revolting mouth of hers spewed filth — !!"
Bam!
My father slammed the table.
The glasses shook. The blue liquor sloshed.
He exhaled a sigh and continued.
"Every time she begged for my affection, I couldn't stand how disgusting it was — and he liked that. He liked it. Ha."
"......."
"That child was as stupid as I am. Stupid enough that he must have known he was just a convenient substitute."
I had no idea what to say at a time like this.
I just kept silent.
"Your mother wanted to see the sea."
My father said it out of nowhere.
"Did she."
"She did. So I should go see it."
He rose from his seat.
His steps were unsteady.
"I'm stepping down from this cursed seat.
Not for your sake — for mine."
He walked toward the door as he spoke.
"The life you'll live sitting here won't be enjoyable. But I hope it won't be painful, either."
And then he left the room.
I looked at the liquor spilled across the table, the two empty glasses.
I picked up the bottle, filled my own glass again, and drank until the bottle was empty.
That evening, I was hastily proclaimed Heir Apparent.
There were objections.
Of course there were.
The family head — who had lived as nothing but a figurehead without a word — had pushed this through by sheer force in a single day.
It was absurd from the start.
At first, arguments flew about how someone with that kind of reputation could possibly be named Heir Apparent.
But the family head had only two children of his blood, and most of those who claimed Edelgard lineage were distant collateral branches — or questionable bastards whose blood ties were uncertain. And so, in the end, I was named Heir Apparent.
The vassals glared at me. They didn't like it. But I wasn't expected to run the family or work diligently, so it didn't bother me much.
Nothing really changed.
Except now, it seemed no one would openly treat me however they pleased.
Before I returned to the academy, a vassal stopped me and said they'd assign a tutor to teach me the basic duties and responsibilities of the Heir Apparent.
"That's for you to handle among yourselves.
That's what you want anyway, isn't it."
I left those words behind and returned to the academy.
And began living an ordinary life again.
Though the people around me didn't see me as ordinary.
I'd gone from being trash born of scandal — a bastard, a punk, a whore's son — to something closer to a monster: the man who disposed of a Duchess and his own sister without leaving a trace.
People didn't fear me, but they couldn't tear me down to my face the way they used to.
The contempt, though — that seemed to have deepened considerably.
Wherever I walked, I could feel gazes pricking at my skin.
I was attending classes at the academy, going through the motions as usual.
Around lunchtime, on my way through the corridor to grab a meal, I spotted Serepina arguing with a friend.
"No. There's no way Ravin is like that.
Elise, what do you even know about him to say such things?"
Her face was flushed red.
"The Edelgard Heir Apparent disappears, the Duchess vanishes — who benefits most?
Start there!"
"I've been at his side for over ten years.
Since we were children. We've always been together.
And you know what kind of person Lady Levina is. You know at least that much.
You really think that chilling woman was bested by Ravin?"
"W-well, whatever method he used——"
"He spends every day with me. He attends every class without fail. When would he even have the time?
And honestly — you know Ravin's reputation. His capabilities.
How could Ravin possibly pull off something like that without anyone knowing?
He couldn't do it even if he tried openly!"
Her friend had no counterargument.
If anything, she seemed to be accepting the logic.
Watching this, I felt something complicated — and at the same time, a sense of relief.
It was then that the students walking through the corridor noticed I'd stopped to listen to Serepina's words. They fell silent.
Stillness spread through the corridor in an instant.
Serepina realized I was there too. Her face went pale.
"Ra-Ravin? You heard that?"
"Yeah. I heard."
"I-I wasn't trying to say anything bad about you, I was just, trying to explain that there's no way you——"
"I know. Thanks for defending me."
"N-no, I, I mean it......."
I was on my way to lunch when she kept trailing behind me, apologizing over and over. So I stopped, walked up to her, and spoke quietly.
"If you're that sorry, you could buy me a meal."
"Huh? That's enough......?"
"You're going to be the lady of House Edelgard someday. I wouldn't dare ask for more."
I said that and headed for the dining hall.
Serepina followed behind me.
"Since when did you get so smooth?
You do seem a little different somehow... no. More grown up."
She must have thought I'd be upset if she said I seemed different.
We exchanged a few words while finding a table and choosing our meals, then said nothing until the food arrived.
We just looked out the window or fidgeted with the salt shaker on the table.
After the meal, Serepina caught hold of my sleeve.
"Ravin, you're still the Ravin I know, right?"
I looked at her.
My face was reflected in her blue eyes.
"Who else would I be."