Delusion (15)

I stood there, dazed for a long moment, watching Levina fall forward.

Then I looked up at the sky.

It was a clear, cloudless blue.

A chill crawled up my spine. I shuddered once and tightened my grip on the revolver.

I walked toward Levina.

The crunch of dry leaves underfoot sounded unnaturally loud.

Sprawled on the ground, she gasped for breath, struggling to push herself up.

A small hole pierced the back of her pristine white blouse. Red bloomed slowly around it, spreading outward.

The spreading stain made the hole itself less conspicuous.

I stepped closer and aimed the gun at her calf.

I pulled the trigger. Once for the left. Once for the right.

Her body convulsed. Faint, guttural groans leaked from her lips.

Sounds I never thought I would hear coming out of Levina's mouth.

Arms planted against the ground, she twisted her body with agonizing effort until she could look up at my face.

Dirt and dust smeared her features. Pain twisted them.

I raised the barrel toward her head.

My finger found the trigger.

Then I let out a long breath and lowered the gun.

"Was it all a lie?"

Levina's voice was cracked and hoarse.

"Not all of it."

She let out a choked, rattling laugh.

The sound mixed with a cough. An unsettling noise.

"Right. I was the one who should have been worried."

She wiped the blood trickling from her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Did you hate me that much? Pretending you didn't know what I wanted, telling me only what I wanted to hear, asking me to go somewhere alone with you. So this was your plan all along?"

I moved even closer to her. Even with bullet wounds, she wouldn't stop talking.

I touched the muzzle of the revolver to her forehead.

"Kids play pranks on someone they like, but the shit you pulled on me? I'd never do that. I was too scared of being hated."

"Because you and I are different. We're not like other people. You said you understood why I did it."

Her eyes still looked straight at me. No matter what she did, no matter what she said, Levina never looked away. She only ever looked at the person in front of her. Whether she liked them or not.

"How are we different?"

"Neither of us ever grew up loved. I thought everyone like me—born with everything—grew up like this. I really did."

She wiped the blood from her lips again and went on.

"But I was wrong. It was only me. Children of royalty, children of high nobility unloved while they grew up... it seemed like we were the only ones."

Levina laughed that choked laugh again.

"Maybe it's because they had so much. They were all full of love. People who received plenty—so they had plenty to give."

I had thought getting shot made blood pour from your mouth, but here she was, still speaking clearly. I seriously considered putting another bullet in her.

"You ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and I were born among worthless people, and this is what we've become. We should have been idiots—idiots like our mother. Old enough to know better, and still running away for the sake of love."

Levina bit her lip, trembling. Blood welled up. Droplets trickled down her chin.

"She didn't run away. I took her."

Levina's expression went blank. She asked, 'How?' but I didn't answer.

"So when you were kids, you did all that to me. You cast me out of the family. And then, in your own way, you came back like you genuinely liked me."

"When I was a child... I didn't know any better."

Levina answered. I felt anger rising, but I let it go. She let out a breath and continued.

"I cast you out because I thought... you needed to suffer a little, too. Then you'd finally realize who it's safe to be with."

"Your plan was to wait until I came crawling back in rags, lock me up in the annex, and keep me like a pet?"

A thin smile spread across Levina's face. Smeared with the blood around her mouth, it was a horrifying sight.

"That wouldn't have been so bad."

She sucked ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠in short, ragged breaths. Hiss. Hiss.

"When I was a child... I truly didn't know any better. I didn't know you were the only person who could ever love someone like me. No one else would ever love a moody, spiteful person like me. Even I hate myself. But family—family is supposed to be the ones who love you and care for you. Isn't that right?"

Levina's voice wavered, almost a sob. She held out both hands toward me. Hands filthy with blood and dirt.

"Everyone says other families aren't like this. So why is ours like this? They say normal families don't have these problems. But there's nothing normal about us. We're both damaged."

A hollow laugh escaped me. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I wanted to separate 'Ravin' from myself in my head. But it wasn't as easy as just saying it. I dug my fingers into my temples, but the headache wouldn't ease. Just like this situation.

Levina said it was too hard to speak. She asked me to help her up, to at least lean her against a tree. I moved closer and took her hand. As I pulled her up and helped her lean against the trunk, Levina suddenly yanked me hard. I nearly stumbled into her. I planted my hand on her face and pushed off, regaining my balance and straightening up. When I looked at Levina's expression, she wore the face of a child who had just played a mean joke. Our eyes met.

I pressed the gun barrel against her stomach. I pulled the trigger.

Pain made her legs buckle. I grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her back upright against the tree. She gasped again. Her eyelids fluttered. But she lacked that particular look of someone dying. I'd never been shot to death myself, but dying in general was something I had enough experience with to recognize. Left like this, I didn't think she would die.

I glanced down at the wound in her abdomen. A faint glow emanated from it. The blood wasn't soaking through. I remembered the last time Levina had come to my room—right before I'd fallen from the window. She'd been surprisingly full of color then, too. She must have cast some kind of spell.

I dug my index finger into the bullet hole in Levina's stomach. As I gouged the wound with my finger, her body writhed. A moan escaped her.

"Ngh... ah-ghk... st... stop, hikk..."

She tried to push my face away, but there was no strength in her hands. The inside of the wound was wet. Stiflingly hot, more than warm. She groaned in pain, clutching weakly at my shoulder. She tried to shove me away, but her hands only clung to the fabric of my clothes.

"Looks like it hurts."

I pulled my finger out. Levina gasped and sagged against the tree.

In the distance, I could see a faint human silhouette. Dressed in pure white. That would be Estelle.

"Everything you said to me... all the kindness... you're telling me it was all to kill me?" Confusion filled Levina's voice. Blood still trickled from her mouth. "That can't be. You're supposed to... you're supposed to like me."

"I don't dislike you." I answered her. "And I don't intend to kill you."

Another hollow laugh escaped her.

"My little brother can't be that stupid. If you don't kill me here, can't you see exactly what's going to happen to you?"

I didn't answer. I raised my head slightly and tucked ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the revolver back into my waistband.

The sound of footsteps approached.

"You didn't kill me, either."

The footsteps drew closer. Estelle smiled brightly and waved at me. She wasn't wearing her usual priestess robes. She was dressed in a simple black outfit.

"I thought you'd be wearing your pristine white priest robes."

"I had a feeling I might get dirty today, so I wore this. Why the question about white?"

"It suits you better."

"Then I'll just wear this from now on."

I didn't pay the remark much mind and asked her to patch up the wound.

Levina looked at Estelle. Her eyes widened slightly before she let out a hollow laugh and stared at the ground.

"So you sold me to the Church."

"Not the Church. He sold himself to me."

Estelle replied. She stepped over to Levina and crouched down. She prodded the gunshot wound in Levina's stomach with her finger, healing it as she tapped.

"In exchange for taking everything from you and giving it to Ravin, I'm getting Ravin. He said he'd do anything. Kisses. Tight embraces. Staying together all night. Maybe we'll spend every single day together."

Estelle looked at Levina. She gently brushed a finger across Levina's lips and grinned. Levina tried to knock her hand away, tried to say something, but the weak swing didn't even touch Estelle's wrist. She could only moan in pain. Unable to form words, the tension finally bled out of her. She lost consciousness.

Estelle stared down at Levina for a moment. Then she lifted her and loaded her into the carriage. Afterward, she turned to me.

"Ravin, do you know how to drive a carriage?"

"I don't, but I'll figure it out."

I helped Estelle clear away the snacks we'd laid out on the picnic mat. Then I climbed onto the driver's seat.