Delusion (14)
Delusion (14)
I came up from the basement.
The stairs had a damp, unpleasant feel underfoot.
When I surfaced, Estelle was perched on a chair juggling apples.
"What did you do with the man who was rolling around with the Duchess?"
"Ah, that old guy?"
Estelle stopped juggling and bit into one of the apples.
The crisp crunch echoed through the empty church.
"I was going to take him away quietly, but he started shrieking.
So I killed him and tossed him in the woods."
Her voice was light and cheerful, the same as always.
Estelle moved closer.
Her silver hair caught the faint candlelight.
"Don't worry."
She brushed my cheek with her fingers and whispered.
"By now the scavengers will have taken care of everything."
"That's not what I was worried about."
I didn't push her hand away.
"Levina is coming to my room on Saturday morning.
We're taking a carriage out together."
I picked up one of the apples Estelle had been juggling and took a bite.
Sweetness spread across my tongue.
"You mean that place students go for classes sometimes?"
"That's the one."
"Doesn't strike me as ideal for a picnic for two."
Estelle shrugged.
"Probably not. Anyway, I should get going. It's late."
I turned to leave, but Estelle caught my wrist.
Her grip slid from my wrist down to the edge of my sleeve and held on.
"I brought up marriage casually, but I meant it."
She looked straight at me as she said it.
Her red eyes were unusually bright.
"It's late. Sleep well."
Estelle let go.
I returned the quiet goodnight and turned my back on her, walking away.
Back in my room, I sat down on the edge of the bed.
I took out my pipe and packed the tobacco in tight.
Then I pulled out the small box of powder Levina had given me.
I hesitated a long while.
In the end, I didn't use it.
I struck a match and lit the tobacco.
Drew the smoke in deep.
I lay on the bed smoking for a long time, then closed my eyes.
Sleep didn't come.
The next morning, Levina stopped by and handed me a new box of medicine before leaving.
I didn't touch it.
The day after that, and the night before the outing with Levina—I didn't sleep either.
The world looked hazy even with my eyes open.
But it was bearable.
It felt like I was doing something, at least.
* * *
Dawn light seeped through the uncurtained window.
Too many things surfaced the moment I shut my eyes; I hadn't slept all night.
I got up, retrieved the revolver from the drawer.
The cold metal was sharp against my palm.
I tucked it into my waistband with practiced ease.
Sat on the edge of the bed and let time drift past.
Birdsong filtered in through the window, and not long after, someone knocked.
A soft rap.
I crossed to the door and opened it.
Levina stood there.
"Good morning."
I meant to say it.
But the moment she saw my face, her expression shifted to alarm.
She stepped forward and brushed her thumb gently beneath my eye.
"What happened?"
Real worry colored her voice.
"Nothing. Why?"
I asked it back.
"You look terrible.
Do you need anything? Something to eat?"
"I'm fine."
I shook my head.
"I just... don't want to be around people right now.
I feel like walking through that small forest to the east. Would that work?"
A faint smile crossed Levina's face.
"Anywhere. As long as I'm with you."
She answered and I followed her to where the carriage stood ready.
Something was off.
Not a single servant was in sight.
Not even a coachman.
"Where are the servants?"
Levina moved in close.
She pressed her body lightly against mine and backed me up until my shoulders met the carriage.
No room to retreat.
A faint, unfamiliar perfume hung in the air between us.
"We agreed to go alone, Ravin. Don't you remember?"
Levina murmured it.
Then she pulled away and climbed up smoothly, glancing back at me.
"I packed snacks and food. We'll be fine."
I scratched the back of my head.
Maybe this was better anyway.
I sat down beside Levina.
She handled the horses far better than I'd expected.
The horse tried to drift sideways a few times, but overall she drove with steady competence.
I studied her face.
Dark circles lay heavy beneath her eyes. Her cheeks looked thinner than usual.
"I'm not the one you should worry about."
She glanced at me.
"Do I look that bad?"
"Not bad exactly. Just more exhausted than last time."
"It'll pass. A day out with you, some rest—I'll be fine.
A lot piled up all at once. My head feels like it's going to split. It's just... been hard."
Levina answered with a thin smile.
It looked fragile.
The carriage rolled through the quiet morning streets.
Only the crunch of wheels over gravel and the steady rhythm of hooves filled the silence.
Neither of us spoke for a while.
We just sat side by side and watched the scenery slip past.
"When I was young, I'd sneak out on horseback sometimes."
Levina was the one who broke the silence.
"At dawn, so no one would know. I just... felt suffocated."
"You never got caught?"
"Not officially. They probably knew. But they never stopped me."
She let out a small laugh.
It was self-deprecating.
"Did you ever do that?"
"No. I couldn't even get near the horses."
"......Ah."
Silence settled over us again.
When we'd gone deep enough into the woods, Levina pulled the carriage to a stop.
She tied the horses to a tree.
I got the mat and the basket of food from the luggage compartment.
"I really didn't think you'd come out here with just the two of us."
I said it, and Levina turned to answer.
Her voice was very small, very quiet.
"I've always wanted this. To be alone with you."
A smile touched her lips and color rose faintly in her cheeks.
"Being alone like this... it's comfortable. I like it."
We spread the mat and ate the food Levina had packed. She spoke again.
"This might sound abrupt, but... I think I'll become Family Head soon."
"While Father is still alive?"
"He called for me and said he was stepping down."
Levina said it as though it were nothing.
"It's awkward, him vanishing like this, but Mother is gone now anyway.
Have you thought about what I mentioned before?"
"What you mentioned?"
"After graduation. Manage the estate at the main house and live with me. I asked you what you thought."
"You were serious about that?"
Levina nodded.
"Serepina. Breaking the engagement has been delayed, but it will happen eventually."
"......."
"Count Belluz won't want his daughter anywhere near you.
He'll find a way to make her more useful."
"......."
"And then there won't really be anyone at your side. So stay with me."
"You don't have anyone beside you either."
Levina smiled brightly at that.
"What do you mean? There's nothing in the way anymore."
She got to her feet and paced a little as she spoke.
Sunlight broke through the canopy and scattered across the ground.
"There were marriage talks with other families a while ago, but I'm the only one who can inherit, so I told them I'd choose for myself."
Levina looked at me.
"And I found someone suitable."
"Who?"
"You."
"Me?"
My reaction must have been flatter than she'd expected. She looked a little thrown, her words trailing off.
"I thought you might be... surprised. Or disgusted."
Levina said it quietly.
"How could I be?
When we were children, there was no helping it. But you don't torment me anymore."
Should I say something I don't mean?
I thought about it.
"In the end, the only people who can truly love each other... are family."
Levina's face stayed expressionless, only the corners of her mouth lifting slightly—then a tear rolled down from her right eye.
She wiped it away with her sleeve, matter-of-fact, and spoke.
Her voice had softened.
"Whatever you want, just say it. I'll give you anything."
I paused, then spoke.
"First, become Family Head."
"Ah. Right. Family Head first.
Maybe I brought this up too early."
I stood and walked closer to Levina.
I pointed somewhere past her.
"Look over there for a moment."
Levina turned.
Her back was to me now.
Her hair fell over the white of her blouse.
I reached for my waistband and drew the revolver.
I aimed at her back and pulled the trigger.
A gunshot tore through the quiet forest.
Birds burst from the trees in a panicked flurry.