Coloring (10)
Coloring (10)
The carriage rocked.
It cut through the night air, retracing the familiar road.
The scenery outside was swallowed by darkness, but the views I had gazed at while talking with Serepina stood out clearly.
The bakery, the lane to the reservoir, the general store.
Even in the dark, they remained vivid afterimages.
When I returned to the Academy, the dormitory was dead silent, as if even the mice had died.
I didn't head straight to my room.
Instead, I walked to the bench behind the empty dormitory.
The cold night air felt strangely welcoming.
It seemed to cool whatever scorching thing had been filling my head.
I took the cigarette Estelle had given me from my pocket.
My fingertips trembled faintly.
I lit it.
The small sound of the match burning down.
A flame flared briefly in the dark, then caught the tip of the cigarette.
I drew the smoke in deep.
Bitterness coated my tongue.
It seeped into the depths of my lungs, riding the cold air.
There was no need to feel gloomy over this, and Levina wasn't worth it anyway.
I repeated that to myself.
Over and over.
Like reciting a spell.
Her final image rose in my mind.
A face stained with blood and tears.
'What could I have done.'
At the very least, I shouldn't have said that.
Because she could have done so much for Ravin.
One smoke.
Two smokes.
The cigarette smoke dispersed into the night air.
I stared blankly at the drifting smoke.
Estelle's face surfaced in my mind.
I chain-smoked.
Only when the ember of the last cigarette died out did I rise from the bench.
Beneath the bench, which had no ashtray, a dozen cigarette butts lay scattered.
I picked them up and tossed them roughly into the central trash bin.
Back in my room, I threw myself onto the bed without even changing clothes.
Sleep wouldn't come.
Somehow the world seemed to spin around and around.
And I hadn't even had any alcohol.
I stayed awake all night like that.
Until the darkness lifted and a faint light seeped through the gaps in the window.
The next day, I attended classes as usual.
The Academy hadn't changed one bit from the day before.
The air in the lecture hall was still stuffy, the professor's voice still boring.
But something had changed.
The atmosphere surrounding me felt slightly different.
People's eyes.
The blatant curiosity and contempt embedded in them.
Now the whispers about being expelled from the family and the broken engagement reached my ears directly.
They no longer tried to hide it.
"I heard you're not an Edelgard anymore?"
"They say you broke off the engagement with Lady Serepina?
Go on, tell us you're going to propose to her now.
That moron bastard, what could he even do now?"
As if they meant for me to hear.
Or rather, because it didn't matter if I heard.
After all, the scoundrel who oddly attended classes so diligently had just returned from the mansion with Levina and Serepina.
They must have thought I finally got kicked out.
Because now I was no longer untouchable.
I let the words slide off me.
As if I were listening to a story that had nothing to do with me.
While I was walking like that, I ran into Serepina in the hallway.
She was with her friends.
Laughing and chatting.
The sight was unfamiliar.
Her smile always looked unfamiliar, no matter when I saw it.
But the moment she noticed me, the laughter vanished from her face.
The rigid expression I knew so well.
Her wavering eyes.
After meeting her eyes for just a moment, I walked past her.
We weren't on terms to acknowledge each other anymore.
As I passed by, I felt her body flinch.
I didn't bother to look back.
"Serepina, that's him, right? Ravin."
"Mm."
"Don't make that face because of trash like that. You've had it hard enough. This is a good thing now."
Several voices reached me from behind.
Serepina didn't reply.
It wasn't particularly important.
After all, at the familiar hour when the sun was setting, I headed to the church as always.
When I opened the church door, air thick with the scent of wine and candle wax greeted me.
Estelle was lounging on the long pew in front of the altar, just like always.
But today, something was different.
She wasn't wearing the pure white clerical robe she usually wore.
A priestess robe as black as pitch.
When she spotted me, she sprang up from her seat with a smile on her face.
"You're here. I've been waiting forever."
She approached me.
She was barefoot.
Stepping on the cold stone floor without a care.
Her footsteps made no sound.
"So, how was yesterday?
I've been hearing bits and pieces, but they say you were completely kicked out now?
Officially, that is."
She asked, studying my face.
Her tone was playful, but her eyes were serious.
"It was just... fine. The dinner was a bit, well, tasteless."
I answered, deflecting.
"Hm. A tasteless dinner. That's the worst. It was because I wasn't there, right?"
Estelle nodded playfully.
Making little "Mm. Mm." noises.
Then she pulled my hand and sat me down on the chair.
She sat right next to me, pressing close.
I could feel her body heat.
"Still, it's over, right? Now you don't have to see those people anymore. That's pretty good, isn't it?"
Estelle stared at me for a moment.
Then she let out a sigh.
"No. You don't look okay at all."
After saying that, she hugged me tightly.
Like last time, without warning.
Her warm body enveloped me.
I didn't pull away or push her aside for no reason. I hugged Estelle tightly back.
Estelle wasn't very tall, so the position was a bit awkward, but she didn't mind and held me close, gently patting my back.
I could faintly hear her heartbeat through her clothes.
"But it'll be okay. The Saintess's favor is worth far more than you think."
She whispered.
I buried my face deeper into her chest.
Somehow I had the feeling it smelled like apples.
But there was also another familiar scent, something different from apples.
"Hey."
A long while later, after I had lifted my face from her chest, Estelle spoke.
Her voice was a little lower.
"Aren't you curious why I'm so good to you?"
"...What does that matter."
I answered, mumbling.
"It matters. There's nothing more dangerous than kindness without a reason."
Estelle giggled.
Then she gently pulled away and looked me straight in the eyes.
In her pupils, the candle flame flickered.
"But promise me, even if you're horrified, don't run away."
She said, playfully tapping my shoulder with her fingers.
"Remember when Levina said I had a younger sibling?
I had a little brother.
He was two years younger than me.
If he'd grown up, he'd probably have been much handsomer than you.
He would've taken after me, after all."
I was momentarily at a loss for words.
She was still smiling, but I had the illusion that the life was draining from her eyes.
She rose from her seat and ambled toward the altar.
The sound of her bare feet touching the cold stone floor echoed faintly inside the quiet church.
She picked up a candlestick from the altar and twirled it around.
Melted wax dripped onto her fingers, but she paid it no mind.
"I was around twelve, I think. He suddenly got sick.
The bastards at the church just told us to bring money. Our family wasn't poor, but we weren't exactly well-off either.
Ah, I wasn't the Saintess back then. Just some nameless girl from the neighborhood."
She put the candlestick back and then started fingering the dried flower branches decorating the altar.
The parched petals crumbled under her touch.
"A petty little story, isn't it?
But back then, it was my whole world.
I prayed every night.
Please save my little brother.
That kind of cliché prayer."
She gathered the crushed petals in her palm and blew them—puff.
The dry pollen scattered in the air.
A few drifted onto my hair.
"Anyway, you're a noble lord, so you probably don't get it. It's a pretty common, predictable story.
He just... died like that. Holding my hand. Saying he was in pain. Saying he was jealous that I was alive."
She swept her fingers across the empty altar.
As if wiping away invisible dust.
Then she turned and gave me a faint smile.
I couldn't say a word.
I just listened to her story.
"You resemble him."
Estelle walked back to me.
Then she crouched in front of me and looked up at my face.
Her fingers gently brushed my cheek.
"You don't look anything like him, but strangely, it feels like you do. Especially when you make that expression."
Estelle moved back a little, then picked up the wine bottle that was on the long pew.
She uncorked it, grabbed a wine glass that had been lying around somewhere, and wiped it roughly with her sleeve.
Red wine filled the glass.
Glug, glug.
The red wine flowed down her throat.
"Aah... nice."
A few drops spilled, soaking into her black robe.
But since the robe was black, it wasn't very visible.
"Hey, am I disgusting?
Even if I seem gross and sleazy, can't you keep doing this with me?
Eat dinner together every day, stay together. Hm?"
"In exchange, I'll be deciding the menu from now on. As the Saintess, money's not an issue, right."
At my words, she burst out laughing.
She set down the glass, pulled a cigarette from my pocket, and put one in her mouth.
"See, you don't resemble him at all."
She said, blowing out a long stream of smoke.
She laughed.
This time, it really seemed like she was laughing happily.
"Want a peach? I brought some from the cathedral this time."
She crushed out her cigarette carelessly against the altar, then fetched two peaches from behind it and tossed one to me.
"I snatched them from that moronic old archbishop's room, but God will understand. The Saintess is a bit hungry."
Estelle muttered that He'd understand and stared vacantly at the statue on the altar.
I caught the peach in a daze.
The soft fuzz on its surface tickled my palm.
A sweet fragrance pricked my nose.
And for some reason, a faint coppery, metallic scent too.
"I didn't know God was that generous."
"Well. Generous if He is, I suppose."
But as Estelle handed me the peach, I noticed small red stains on her fingers and on the surface of the fruit.
They looked like dried blood.
Dark, crimson stains.
That wasn't all.
Looking closely, I saw specks of red blood spattered on the sleeves and near the hem of her black robe.
As if someone had been playing with red paint.
If she'd been wearing her usual white clothes, I would have noticed immediately.
But because it was black, it hadn't been visible in the dim church—now up close, it was clear.
"What's that on you?"
When I asked, Estelle looked down at her clothes.
Then she smiled nonchalantly.
"Ah, this? It's not my blood, so don't worry."
Her voice was far too casual.
"I told you, I took them from that old geezer's room."