My Whole World
"Did you just say you're jealous of yourself?"
When Lefonya asked in utter disbelief, Rudeum lifted his face from where it had been buried against her shoulder.
"How is that me? I don't even remember any of it."
That's because your memories are scrambled right now!
"All I know is that I fell in love with you at first sight, Ponya, and we just shared our very first kiss."
"Rudeum, the you right now and the Rudeum who regressed, crossed over into this world, and saved my life are the exact same person. Shocking, isn't it?"
She tried to laugh off his nonsense, but Rudeum remained dead serious.
"It just feels like someone else is using my body."
Could this bizarre obstinacy be another side effect of his scrambled mind?
"So... I didn't want you to have any unpleasant memories of kissing me. No, to be completely honest, I wanted to make you feel even better than that bastard ever did."
Lefonya's face flushed crimson. In other words, he had been so jealous of a kiss he had shared with himself that he had relied on pure muscle memory to give her an even better experience.
What kind of insane logic is that?
Lefonya rubbed her burning cheeks, though she couldn't bring herself to feel upset. Rudeum being jealous of his own self was simply too precious to pass up. When else in her life would she ever witness a spectacle like this?
"Rudeum. Since the you of right now and the regressed Rudeum who saved me feel like different people to you... um, what you're saying is that you didn't want to look clumsy to me, right?"
It was difficult to sort through, seeing as they were the exact same man anyway.
"Exactly. You already kissed that other me."
Yet Rudeum looked entirely sincere. He was so utterly, hopelessly earnest that she couldn't even bring herself to tell him it was him anymore.
"I almost wish my memories wouldn't come back," he muttered, lowering his golden eyes halfway.
"I just want to stay beside you like this, as I am right now. Ponya."
Lefonya bit down hard on the inside of her lip. If she didn't, she was going to burst out laughing right in front of him.
"Do I really have to get my memories back?"
His golden eyes shimmered with a familiar glint of obsession and madness—a look she knew all too well.
"If I regain those memories, the me standing here will surely vanish."
"Rudeum. You will always be with me."
"But that won't be me. That will be that other Rudeum who was by your side." He whispered in a tone that sounded as if, given the chance, he would gladly murder his future self on the spot. "Ponya. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were my destiny. I think I finally understand what it means to fall in love at first sight. So don't marry that bastard—marry me."
Watching him whimper so plaintively, Lefonya suppressed a tender smile and patted his back.
From the way he acts, even if his memories are gone, his feelings and habits toward me are still carved into him like second nature.
In that case, it was only natural for a disoriented Rudeum to cling to her so desperately.
Putting his anxiety to rest comes first.
Lefonya smiled warmly at Rudeum, who was hanging on her every breath as he awaited an answer.
"Alright."
"What?"
At her casual agreement, Rudeum snapped his head up. His expression went completely blank, caught off guard by an answer he clearly hadn't dared to hope for.
"What did you... just say?"
"Why? Did you think I would refuse?"
"Yeah."
Lefonya took his hand and led him over to the bed, lying down while drawing herself comfortably into his embrace. Startled by the sudden intimacy, Rudeum's entire body stiffened like stone.
The Rudeum of this era has probably never held anyone like this, nor been held.
With an awkward, uncertain posture, Rudeum wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Lefonya chuckled softly, leaning her full weight comfortably against him.
"Rudeum. If not for the memories you hold right now, you never would have searched for me after regressing. And if you hadn't, I probably never would have found my lost family, dying alone just as I did before."
"..."
"So the reason I am alive and here today is because of you, too." Lefonya rested her hand over his where it wrapped around her waist. "Rudeum. Every single part of you is precious to me simply because it's you. There isn't a single version of you that doesn't matter."
She gently soothed him, knowing how useless he must have felt in this unfamiliar place. Waking up abruptly to see another version of himself—who had used their shared memories to build an entirely different life—basking in happiness couldn't have been easy to swallow.
That's probably why he's so jealous of himself.
Everything he had never been able to do, every joy he had never been allowed to taste, had been claimed by that other self. It was only natural that he viewed him as a stranger.
"You saved me, and because of that, my family survived whole and happy, and I learned what it feels like to love someone."
Rudeum fidgeted with their intertwined fingers, looking unaccustomed and terribly shy at hearing such tender praise.
"This world is whole and alive because of you, Rudeum. That makes you my entire world."
Lefonya nestled her face into his chest. After a brief flinch, Rudeum reached down and pulled his arms tightly around her waist.
"Then I suppose I should praise that bastard for doing whatever it took to keep you by his side. ...Even if my memories never come back, will you really marry me, Ponya?"
"Isn't that obvious?" Lefonya smiled softly. "I've never once imagined anyone other than you in my life. And after all... you still love me, don't you?"
Rudeum nodded slowly and closed his eyes.
"It's strange."
"What is?"
"Earlier, and right now. You're the only thing that shines. Whenever I'm with you, it feels like everything will be alright."
Perhaps his body was still exhausted from the strain, or perhaps all the tension had finally drained from him after making such a frantic fuss, but Rudeum's whisper trailed off as his muscles softened completely. Steady, rhythmic breathing filled the quiet chamber, and before long, he sank into a deep, peaceful slumber.
Wow. I've never seen him sleep so completely defenseless before.
Lefonya's eyes sparkled. Even on the rare occasions they fell asleep together, he was normally so sharp and alert that the faintest rustle would make his golden eyes snap open. But today was different.
She reached out and poked his cheek with a fingertip, but his serene, relaxed expression didn't waver in the slightest.
"So handsome."
Lefonya smiled with pure, fond satisfaction.
"Nnngh... that tickles..."
Lefonya mumbled in her sleep, nudged awake by a faint, persistent warmth brushing against the sensitive curve of her neck. Even when she tried to swat it away, it clung stubbornly, refusing to leave her be.
A soft, damp sound of lips pressing and parting echoed right beside her ear. Lefonya blinked her eyes open blearily, only to find a familiar head of jet-black hair nuzzled against the crook of her neck.
"...Ru... deum?"
Rudeum, who had been firmly planting kisses along her throat, lifted his head at the sound of his name. Far from stopping, he placed one more lingering peck on her jaw before offering her a radiant smile.
"Ponya. Are you awake? Did you sleep well?"
...Wait. He was smiling, but an unmistakably ominous chill prickled down her spine. What was more, his aura was entirely different from the boy who had fallen asleep in her arms.
This felt exactly like the Rudeum from before he lost his memories... Wait. Could it be?
"Did you—"
"Yes." Rudeum let out a low chuckle, wrapping his arms possessively around her waist and pressing another kiss against her skin. "I'm back. They did say the side effect wouldn't last long, after all."
"Gasp. Really?!"
Lefonya's eyes flew wide. Rudeum laughed softly beneath his breath.
It was wonderful news—truly wonderful news. So why was he looking at her with such a petulant, brooding pout?
"By the way, Ponya."
"Yeah?"
"While I was without my memories... you kissed that bastard."
...A powerful wave of deja vu washed over her.
"What do you mean, that bastard? That was you, Rudeum!"
"Of course it wasn't. How could he be me when we didn't share the same memories? That was just some other guy wearing my face."
You're both the exact same idiot right down to being jealous of each other! What on earth are you talking about?!
"Ponya. Even if it was me from another timeline, accepting a proposal that easily was far too unfair." Rudeum gently cupped her cheek, brushing his lips lightly against hers. "Especially when you haven't even accepted my proposal yet."
I'm telling you, that WAS you!
"Ponya."
Rudeum laced his fingers tightly through hers, holding on as if he had no intention of ever letting go today. Sensing imminent danger, Lefonya forced an awkward smile and tried to scramble out of bed.
"W-we should tell my family that your memories are back! You have no idea how worried everyone was—eek!"
Before she could even slide an inch off the mattress, his arm locked securely around her waist, hauling her back into his chest. Leaning languidly against her shoulder, Rudeum chuckled.
"Is there really any need to tell them right away?"
"Huh?"
"You were the one who told everyone to stay out so as not to confuse me until my memories returned, Ponya. Which means... no one will be coming in to disturb us for quite a while."
Those golden eyes, edged with sweet, possessive madness, gleamed with gentle warmth.
Ah. Come to think of it, I thought those obsessive, manic eyes felt familiar yesterday... and this was why.
"Ponya."
Rudeum leaned down with a tender smile and kissed her.
"You're the only world I need, too."
A sweet, dizzying warmth poured between their tangled lips.
"So marry me."
Lock me away completely inside your world.
Watching Rudeum draw her close once more, Lefonya surrendered with a helpless, fond laugh, letting herself sink back down upon the bed beside him.
"Alright. Let's get married."
Because only through him was she made whole, and only through her was he complete.