Jealous of Myself
It was completely different from the reaction she had anticipated. Mentioning the name of Duke Craitan's house, or claiming to be the younger sister of those two brothers—Rudeum didn't seem to care in the slightest, acting as if he hadn't even registered it.
“Rudeum. I just told you I'm a daughter of House Craitan, and the sister of those two brothers! Didn't you hear me?”
“I see. I heard you loud and clear. So that is why those two were calling my lady by a pet name.”
What on earth kind of reaction is that?
“I wish to call you that as well, to be fair.”
“No, forget the nickname! Don't you find me suspicious? Huh? House Craitan doesn't have a youngest daughter!”
“Ah.”
Only then did Rudeum nod, as if finally understanding.
“Then starting today, I will simply alter my memory.”
“Huh? Alter... what?”
Was he always like this?
“Will that do? Ponya.”
The tenderly spoken nickname carried a familiar, deep-seated affection.
Ah. Even with your memories gone, you are still...
Lefonya gave a rueful smile and rested her hand against Rudeum's cheek.
“It is strange.”
“What is?”
With a relaxed expression, Rudeum caught her small palm and nuzzled into it.
“Clearly, all I possess are dry, meaningless, and utterly trivial memories, yet whenever I look at you, my spirits soar.”
“Your spirits soar?”
“A sense of urgency overtakes me.”
Rudeum interlaced his fingers with hers. A tingling sensation shot through her at the feel of his fingers sliding between her own.
“Fearing that by some mistake of mine, I might lose you.”
Rudeum gazed steadily at Lefonya.
“Never in my life have I experienced something like this—felt this kind of emotion. Even knowing I might be making a misstep, I cannot stop myself.”
Though she hadn't let it show, she had been anxious.
Worried that once he heard everything, Rudeum would look at her with shock and contempt. Worried that he would coldly turn on his heel and head back to the Villemon estate alone, not wanting to share the same space. And worried that she might dare feel hurt by Rudeum, who was suffering from these side effects in the first place only because he had indulged her efforts to coax him into eating something when he had no appetite.
“Rudeum.”
Lefonya tugged their joined hands and pressed a brief, sweet kiss to the back of his hand.
“There's no chance you'll lose me. Because I'm never going to leave your side.”
She was reminded of the past Rudeum had confided in her back at the inn.
The lonely Rudeum. A person who had wanted to live, yet had no idea how, and so somehow forged a purpose just to keep on living. A purpose that meant throwing himself into the brutality of the battlefield, claiming victory, and saving the Empire.
“That is a promise. Ponya, that you will never lose me, and that you won't drift away from me.”
“Drop the formalities. You always spoke casually with me from the very start.”
“From the start, you say?”
“Yeah.”
Leaning against him comfortably, Lefonya stroked Rudeum's cheek as she continued.
She explained that the memories he possessed belonged to an already finished world, and that this place was the world to which he had regressed. How Rudeum had saved Lefonya's life, how the world had shifted because of it, and how Lefonya's life had been transformed. And, of course, the nature of their relationship.
Since I don't know when his memories will return, it's best to tell him everything.
Rudeum, having listened quietly to the whole story, remained silent even after Lefonya finished. Was he confused?
Lefonya watched with a worried expression, waiting for Rudeum to speak first.
“Then—”
“Yeah?”
“Ponya is already my fiancée.”
“Y-yeah, that's right.”
“To think someone as lovely as you is my betrothed.”
Rudeum spoke softly, his gaze cast downward. It wasn't the strange, overly polite tone from before, but his familiar casual cadence; yet, perhaps because the inflection and pitch differed, it carried an unfamiliar allure.
His voice sounds wonderfully charming like this, too.
Lefonya smiled without bothering to hide her blushing face.
“Not even a day had passed, so I was worrying about how on earth I was going to propose... What a relief.”
“Huh?”
“Ponya. Then when should our wedding be?”
Rudeum drew their clasped hands toward him, peppering soft kisses across Lefonya's palm.
“Going by what you said, quite a bit of time seems to have passed since our engagement.”
“...”
“Ah. Since my memories aren't intact, tell me—has a date already been set?”
Rudeum smiled languidly, looking visibly relieved.
“Rudeum. Aren't you confused?”
“About what?”
“From your perspective, you went to sleep, woke up to find the whole world changed, and suddenly have a fiancée you've never even laid eyes on.”
Lefonya asked cautiously, but Rudeum's reaction remained nonchalant.
“If anything, I'm grateful for my past choice.”
“Grateful?”
“Hearing that the world is different, that there is no more catastrophe, or that people who were dead are actually alive here—it is bewildering, yes. ...But hearing that thanks to such a world, you survived and became my fiancée makes everything feel completely all right.”
Lefonya's cheeks flushed a rosy pink. Words like that were practically a heartfelt proposal of marriage.
Rudeum reached out, taking her chin and gently tilting her face upward.
“Since we've been engaged for a while... then we must have kissed already. Ponya.”
“Well, yes. We've already kissed... Mmph.”
Before she could even finish her sentence, the instant Lefonya nodded, Rudeum crashed his lips against hers.
The soft lips, the breath stealing into her, the brush of his scent and warmth—everything was so familiar. Lefonya gently closed her eyes.
I see. No matter when or where we meet, you are always, unfailingly you.
Breaths scattered between their tenderly pressed lips. Arm wrapped around her waist, Rudeum tilted his head, striving to take her deeper, to taste and consume every part of her.
...Wait, something's...
It was clearly just like usual, yet at the same time, completely different.
“W-wait, Rudeum. Just a second.”
Panting for breath, Lefonya pulled her head back. Rudeum, his eyes half-lidded and drowsy with desire, followed her mouth and showered her with lingering pecks.
“Why? Hm? What's wrong?”
She was utterly breathless. Something was wrong. This wasn't how this was supposed to go!
The Rudeum from before the regression should be completely inexperienced... I was planning to guide him!
Why, why was she the one being overwhelmed? And even more thoroughly than usual!
This was completely different from what she had envisioned.
As Lefonya wore a look of utter confusion, Rudeum, who had been kissing her like a man possessed, finally came to his senses.
“I'm sorry. I... let my feelings get ahead of me.”
It wasn't your feelings getting ahead of you, it was your kissing skills!
Lefonya rubbed her glistening, moist lips with a flustered expression. They were swollen from how long they had been pressed together.
“...Rudeum.”
“Hm?”
Lefonya swallowed down the sudden prickle of jealousy surging within her.
To be sure, Rudeum had insisted that he had never been with anyone before the regression, but...
Why does he seem so experienced?!
This definitely wasn't petty jealousy or obsessing over a lover's past. What did the past of a world that was already gone matter anyway? This was just... Right. This was simply curiosity. They said humanity began with curiosity, so it was merely that kind of sentiment. But was it really all right to ask?
...I read in a book that there's nothing more idiotic than interrogating a lover about their past!
Besides, Rudeum didn't even have his complete memories right now. He would probably answer whatever she asked, but it might dredge up something he had wanted to keep hidden. So...
“Ponya. For the record, you are my first.”
Rudeum caught Lefonya's hand as it rubbed her lips and gently drew it down.
“Did I... just say that out loud instead of thinking it?”
“No.”
“Then how did you know what I was thinking?”
“It's written all over your face, Ponya. You were glaring at me like you wanted to kill me.”
Strange. She thought she had suppressed her emotions as tightly as possible.
“Ponya. As I said earlier, feeling this kind of emotion is a first for me. I've never felt this kind of impatience, nor have I ever coveted or desired to possess something like this.”
Rudeum rested his cheek against the back of their joined hands.
“Because these feelings are unfamiliar, I may be clumsy, but what I desire is unmistakable.”
Rudeum leaned down and pressed his lips firmly against Lefonya's forehead.
“I only want you. I'm sure it was always that way. Yes... it feels like it has always been like that. Ponya, I want you. Because in the first place, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't even be capable of feeling this way.”
“I just... you seemed so practiced.”
“Practiced? I put every ounce of effort into not seeming inexperienced.”
“Huh?”
“I didn't want to appear clumsy in front of you. Even if I can't remember... I could tell by the habits ingrained in my body.”
“Why wouldn't you want to look clumsy? I already know full well that you've only ever been with me, Rudeum.”
Lefonya tilted her head in confusion.
“Not that.”
Cutting her off firmly, Rudeum furrowed his brow. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he muttered under his breath:
“Ponya. For me, that kiss just now was my first kiss. But for you, it wasn't.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? My first kiss was with you too, Rudeum.”
“No. I mean the kiss we just shared.”
Rudeum pulled Lefonya tight into his arms, as though trying to hide his burning red face.
“I'm jealous of the me who regressed to this world. Ponya, that other me who saved you, who watched you as a child and grew up by your side... I envy him, and I'm jealous.”
Lefonya couldn't believe her ears.
What is he even saying right now?
“...That's literally you?”