Chapter 67
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 67
Chapter Title: Post-Madrid Blues -1
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Last season, Real Madrid had clinched the Champions League title, earning them the crown of Europe's top club. But this season, they crashed out in the Champions League round of 16, the Copa del Rey round of 16, and finished third in the league—sweeping up a grand total of zero trophies.
"Puta! That disgusting Laporta!"
A laundry list of reasons got blamed for the nosedive, but the one that hit home hardest with the socios was the absence of Jesus Joo. Once they latched onto that truth, their obsession with Jesus Joo kicked into overdrive.
"Madrid! Madrid! Hala Madrid!"
"Jesus! Jesus! Hala Jesus!"
"Jesus, return our glory!"
"...Jesus, just sign quick and get lost. What the hell is this crap in front of the bathrooms?"
"...Can't you go out there and tell them I'm not here?"
"Me? If I say that, those guys'll turn into a mob in seconds."
Jesus Joo had started out basking in the attention, but as the Madridistas' fixation grew more intense, he hatched a plan to flee to Korea until things cooled off.
He was racking his brains over how to slip out of Spain when the Chinese national team coach handed him the perfect excuse on a platter.
Chinese national team coach Feng Xiao: 'Jesus Joo? He's scared of Chinese soccer and won't play. If Joo suits up, we'll be heading to Korea for this A-match.'
Jesus Joo immediately called up coach Utilicke, got himself called up for the A-match, and...
Jesus Joo heads to Korea for A-match friendly against China.
Utilicke praises call-up: Real Madrid's Jesus Joo joins June A-match friendly. 'Joo wanted to play against China.'
With the Madridistas' obsession fading into the rearview, he jetted off to South Korea.
"Jesus! Where you going! Don't leave!"
"If you go, we're all dead!"
Even as they screamed at the airport, shaking his head with a weary look, Yu-na was grinning ear to ear for some reason.
"Babe, you're so loved."
"...Isn't that more like obsession?"
"Pfft-!"
(U&I Community Stadium echoing with Colchester United's chant The U's)
Atmosphere killer.
Didn't catch this on vid, but the second the scoreboard flashed Jesus-hyung's congrats video after promotion was locked in, the crowd lost their minds with cheers and red flares exploding everywhere.
If Colchester United's this wild,
just how insane must it be at Real Madrid??
p.s. No idea why it's here, but Colchester United's history museum has the '39-40 La Liga Golden Boot trophy on display...
You don't know Jesus-hyung's Madrid-exclusive guardian charm?
For real. Korean tourists in Madrid throw on a Jesus-hyung jersey and speak Korean, some random Spanish dude comes up like 'Oh! Koreano!' and buys 'em a beer lmao
Oh! They get Korean in Madrid too?
Nah, they don't understand Korean lol. If you look Asian, they just roll up like 'Oh! Koreano!' lmao
Isn't this racism? Why's Joo letting it slide? Am I the only one uncomfortable?
Ah fuck off if you're the only one uncomfortable, get out of our playground pls
It's for tourism draw.
This guy's a total psycho lol
Not crazy, just mega narcissist?
Thinks his scoring title trophy will pull crowds.
Jesus-hyung's infamous for wild shit, but look close—he's got narcissist vibes.
You guys don't know—Jesus-hyung bought Colchester United and tourists flooded in for real.
Yeah, tons of promo when he took over. Backpacker Korean kids flock there, and Madrid locals who got into it via video season passes drop by sometimes.
You fucks, stop pirating on illegal betting sites. Buy season tickets and watch proper.
Hyung... but that price buys 5 chickens?
Nim... chicken prices went up, it's 4 now...
Chicken at 40k won real??
Fuck... Korea's done for. Chicken at 40k??
Hyung! Toss some chicken while you're here!
Season tickets giveaway. Sign up.
Ah fuck! Illegal betting sites stream free, gimme chicken over season tickets!
...You commie cunts
Boohoo! Baby commie wants chicken not season tickets!
Touching down in Korea, he was mobbed by a crowd big enough to rival his send-off from Madrid.
"Waaaaah-!"
[Pride of Korea: Jesus Joo!]
Awkward grin on his face, he waved to the welcome crowd. Under airport security escort, he sent Yu-na and little Joo Yoon ahead first, then stuck around to sign autographs and snap photos with fans.
"Whoa-! Jesus-hyung, you're so handsome!"
"...You look older than me..."
"...I'm 17."
"...Sorry, no school today?"
"...It's founding anniversary."
He wrapped up the nearly cringey fan meet-and-greet and hustled out to the car, heading straight to the Paju National Team Training Center.
Before checking into the Paju Training Center, he fielded a quick interview with the press.
"KBC's Kim Kyung-seop. Any plans to sign Korean talent for Colchester United?"
"If the team needs 'em and coach Pedro Rodríguez says so, yeah."
"STB's Jo Hyun-young. Thoughts on Friday's preseason friendly between Colchester United and Hatch Unicorns?"
"Hope both sides put on a great show."
"MBT's Kim Dae-gi. How about the China friendly?"
"Uh... I love Chinese kung fu, traditional martial arts. Loved it so much as a kid I'd mimic movie moves. So yeah, pumped for the match against the Chinese players."
The interview was chugging along politely when some punchable face popped up with a rude question.
"Player Joo grew up in an orphanage on state aid. Don't you think you're giving back way too little compared to what the nation gave you?"
A familiar mug. Then it clicked—the guy who'd invaded the orphanage every damn loop, hiding behind "public's right to know," glaring with venom.
"Ah- fuck! Who the hell is this rude bastard!"
"Where'd this reporter crawl from!"
Nearby journalists unloaded on the guy; security rushed in and dragged him off.
Jesus eyed the hauled-off reporter with pity.
Pretty sure background check last loop said he was a magpie...
"Player Joo! Your resolve for the China friendly!"
Caught off-guard mid-daydream, no filter engaged, he blurted it out.
"I'll show the pride of Korean martial arts."
.
.
Jesus Joo: 'Thrilled for chance to show my martial arts skills to China's kung fu stars.'
Jesus Joo checks into Paju: 'Here to show Korean martial arts pride.'
While Jesus Joo settled into Paju Training Center for drills, Song Yu-na took Joo Yoon to her grandma's hometown.
She parked on a dirt road shoulder, scooped up Joo Yoon carefully, and headed to the address.
Unlike other rural homes, this one looked brand new. Joo Yoon, nestled in her arms, started fussing like something was off.
"Waaah-"
"Aww, is our Joo Yoon smelling his own poop?"
"Waaah-"
"Prince Joo Yoon, hang in there! It'll be better once we're inside!"
At his whines, Yu-na hit the doorbell. Grumbling from beyond the fence, then the iron gate creaked open.
"Fuckin'- who rings this late?!"
"Grandma! It's me!"
"Ooh! My little shitpuppy!"
"Hehe, brought Joo Yoon too!"
Joo Yoon peeked out from her arms at his great-grandma, arms stretching like he wanted in.
"Why you wanna go to granny?"
"Ahboo-!"
Grandma chuckled at the sudden charm offensive, taking him gently from Yu-na.
Squish-
Cradled in grandma's arms, Joo Yoon felt the pillowy cushion at his neck and conked out instantly.
"..."
Yu-na stared, then cupped her own chest. The firm feel made her pout in seconds.
"Hiiing..."
No paradise in the hideout. That old cliché nailed my situation.
A hulking dude built like armed infantry marched up, stone-faced.
"Hyung! Huge fan! That El Clásico goal and epic ceremony—could you sign my fist potato Jesus?"
"That senior... you're older than me..."
The ripped commando shyly asking for a signature was pure agony to watch.
"Psh, age? Looks and soccer skills make you hyung! So Jesus-hyung, autograph pls!"
"Ooh! Me too, hyung!"
Game day for the China A-match friendly rolled around. Seoul World Cup Stadium in Sangam packed with fans to see Jesus Joo play.
"Dae~~han Minkuk!"
"Dae~~han Minkuk!"
The roaring cheers hit his ears, flashing him through 200 years of grind. Jesus Joo's wistful look got caught by the broadcast cam, instantly memed.
(Jesus-hyung's face watching Korea NT vs China NT warm-ups.jpg)
Joo send-off... Ye send-off... Victory send-off...
Jesus-hyung hit with that reality slap hard lmao