Chapter 52
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 52
Chapter Title: The World Won't Leave Me Alone
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After defeating AS Roma, we locked in first place in our Champions League group regardless of the remaining matches. At the request of Real Madrid's marketing team and Netflix, a screening and review session was held for the first part of my documentary: Saint of the East: The God of Soccer.
"Damn it, Jesus's documentary comes out before mine."
"Then why don't you play soccer better?"
We gathered in small groups, chatting away, until the lights went out.
Then we quietly turned our attention to the screen. The documentary opened with the Champions League final against Bayern Munich. It showed me scoring an unbelievable bicycle kick, stripping off my jersey, and roaring in front of the crowd.
"An unbelievable goal! A 19-year-old kid pulls off a dramatic game-winner in the Champions League final."
"A historic moment. The saint from the East! He brings Real Madrid their 15th title!"
The footage darkened after the match ended, showing me as the last player hoisting the Big Ear trophy. Then came the interview with Mother Superior, the orphanage director, and the production team.
"The first time I saw Jesus was when I dozed off while praying in the church. I had a strange dream of a child wrapped in holy light, crying under a bridge about an hour away from the orphanage."
[Was that where you first met Jesus?]
"Yes, that child was Jesus. He's a kid with a lot of wounds. Unlike most parents who abandon kids near the orphanage, Jesus was left alone under that rarely traveled bridge. They didn't even give him a name."
[Then who named him...?]
"I did. A child abandoned by his parents without even a name at birth—I named him to wish God's grace upon him."
[Once Jesus became famous, did anyone come claiming to be his parents?]
"Of course. I asked where they abandoned him, and they all said near the orphanage."
[When did Jesus start playing soccer?]
"Around age 13. Suwon Ohsung Bluewings came for a charity event where players scouted talent. That's when Jesus first showed his gift..."
Ah, this documentary is so boring.
I should catch a quick nap.
Leaving my teammates focused on the screen, I quietly bowed my head and dozed off.
Hello! My documentary is out now.
Please check out Saint of the East: The God of Soccer on Netflix!
I watched it, and it's fun and well-made!
Thanks to the Netflix crew for all their hard work.
Also, keep supporting the Amazon doc Colchester United: Legend's Beginning!
What? He was sleeping and now says it's fun?
Why is Colchester United doc on Amazon instead of Netflix?
Amazon offered more money!
This guy's so consistent.
The documentary didn't turn the world upside down, but there were some meaningful changes.
First, rumors spread that I might actually be Jesus resurrected.
Second, I became the ultimate symbol of rags-to-riches triumph, from orphan to world's best soccer player.
Third, thanks to Mother Superior's interview, I was seen as a child blessed by God.
Even I, who'd seen the doc, called her to ask if the dream was real. Of course, she replied:
Jesus, there's no such thing in this world.
I just made it up.
Why do people think religious folks don't lie?
Anyway, don't believe everything people say, Jesus.
Even if I ask to borrow money promising to pay you back later, don't trust it.
Empty promises are the most meaningless thing.
She reminded me of modern society's cold reality. Then she mentioned starting a business under the name Jesus Soccer Orphanage Academy.
Jesus Soccer Orphanage Academy starts selling souvenirs commemorating the child blessed by God. 'All proceeds go to supporting kids from poor families dreaming of soccer careers.'
It unexpectedly blew up.
Orders for God's Child souvenirs flood in from around the world. Even applying now means a six-month wait?
Well, it's for a good cause and helps my image, so I decided against a correction interview.
And I didn't lie anyway.
I just didn't tell them after hearing the truth.
"Oh, child of God! Jesus, if it's not too much trouble, could you shake my hand?"
The fourth change was pilgrims who'd walked the Camino de Santiago asking for a handshake, like this.
Like the superstition that touching a dol hareubang's nose brings a son, suddenly rumors spread that grabbing my hand grants God's grace. Now, meeting pilgrims meant giving a quick shake as routine.
Man, her chest is huge.
I shook the pilgrim's hand while glancing at her chest. As she left, Yu-na landed a body blow to my side.
It didn't hurt, but seeing Yu-na's flushed face, silently grinding her teeth, meant I'd have to give her a chest massage at home.
But do chest massages really work? Why won't they grow?
That evening.
"Haah... Jesus, that feels good."
As I diligently massaged Yu-na's chest, her body blow knight made Google Spain's main page.
Real Madrid's 'successor' no issue at all. Señora Song shows off great athleticism.
Oh, I witnessed it live. A fantastic body blow.
Jesus's son will join La Fábrica, right?
Question's contradictory. Madrid kid obviously joins La Fábrica.
So happy. And the kid's name sounds like he'll be good at soccer too.
I want Jesus's son to debut straight in the first team. Even if he's not as good as his dad. Seeing them play together would move me.
Far future, but dreamy. Means Jesus is still at Madrid then.
Exciting news, but his son could pick Spain NT.
¡Dios mío! And Jesus as coach. Perfect?!
You're a genius.
Reading the comments, I thought:
Why are you deciding my son's future?
Real Madrid vs. Atlético Madrid
Pre-match interviews.
[Atlético coach Simeone: 'Real Madrid is the world's best team. But the ball is round. We'll give it everything for the win.']
[God's Wall Paolo Nesta, confident in stopping Jesus: 'I am the Wall of God.']
[Real Madrid manager Valverde: 'Atlético is a good team. That's why we can't take victory for granted.']
[Valverde on World Cup 'God's Wall' Paolo Nesta, new to Atlético this season: 'A great player. Outstanding defender. Reminds me of Croatia's legend Gvardiol.']
[Jesus: 'Paolo Nesta has world-class potential as a defender. Looking forward to an exciting match.']
As we entered the stadium, our friendly neighbors the Atlético fans gave us a warm welcome.
The Atlético crowd's creative jeers cracked me up. The moment I laughed, my face hit the jumbotron, and their target switched to me instantly.
Wow, I just laughed once, and they lose it.
Wearing a merciful smile, I waved to the jeering Atlético fans.
Loving the Atlético fans' reactions, I took my position in the center circle and waited for the ref's whistle.
With the ref's whistle, the game kicked off. I quickly passed to Luis García and darted into their half—
Beep!
—but I couldn't. Their central midfielder's rough tackle sent me tumbling. Atlético fans erupted in chants like they'd won the game, mocking me.
Atleti, Atleti, Atlético de Madrid,
Jugando, ganando, peleas como el mejor"
These crazy bastards crossed the line.
While the ref warned the fouling player, Luka Savić extended a hand and pulled me up.
"Jesus, you okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
Dusting the dirt and grass off my kit with Luka's help, I stood.
Sigh. I'm trying to live quietly, but the world won't leave me alone.