Chapter 33
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Translator: Silver Dragon
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: La Decimoquinta -7
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Beep—! Beep—!
The halftime whistle finally blew.
The first half, which had felt endlessly grueling for Arsenal, came to an end.
Arsenal's players trudged into the locker room, heads bowed low like defeated remnants of a routed army, down 5:0 from the first half alone.
The home fans unleashed a torrent of boos at the sight.
"Booooooooo! You bastards, refund my ticket money!!"
"You think you'll get paid playing like that shit?!"
Arteta, the manager directing them, stormed into the locker room with a hardened expression and kicked a water bottle on the floor with all his might.
Bang—!
"Fuck!!! What the hell are you all doing? Why are you cowering from that punk Jesus Joo like a bunch of scared little bitches?!"
A few players flinched at Arteta's rage.
"Ugo! Press up! Play with confidence!!"
"That goes for the rest of you too! Press them!!"
"If any of you want to give up right now, step forward. I'll bury you in the reserves forever."
"I only ask three things of you: don't walk, don't stop, don't give up!! The key is an unbreakable spirit. Fight on that pitch with the resolve to die, you bastards!!"
Arsenal's players steeled their resolve anew at Arteta's words. But that resolve shattered just ten minutes into the second half.
Jesus Joo! Jesus Joo!!!! Oh My Gosh!!! He douses Arsenal's boiling atmosphere with ice water!! Jesus Joo with a magical pass assisting Bruno Iglesias's goal!!
Arsenal came out aggressively attacking right from the start of the second half. But Real Madrid strikes first again with just one pass and one shot.
Yes, Real Madrid makes it 6:0 at Arsenal's home Emirates Stadium. A catastrophic moment for Arsenal. They've shattered their own Champions League record for most goals conceded.
The worst part for Arsenal is there's still plenty of second half left. They need to snap out of it fast, or this could go down as the Champions League match with the most goals conceded ever!
Second Half, 25th Minute.
Arsenal 0 : 6 Real Madrid.
Beep—!
Oh! Foul called! Real Madrid gets a chance for another goal!
Yes. After Jesus Joo's killer pass, Iker Bravo touches it smoothly and lines up for a shot, but King Ugo grabs him by the hand to stop it.
King Ugo already had a yellow from the first half. Oh, the ref's pulling out a red card.
Can't blame him—it was a prime chance. But now King Ugo misses the second leg at Santiago Bernabéu.
Absolute nightmare for Arsenal.
Eh? What's this? Jesus Joo's down in the center circle!? Did he get injured?
Hope Jesus bro isn't hurt!
That ain't an injury, he's sleeping lol.
Fr, eyes closed, straight up napping.
The ref urgently stops play. Real Madrid's medical staff rush out from the bench. The bench is buzzing. Pedro Rodríguez starts warming up quickly.
Jesus Joo records a hat-trick and assist hat-trick in this match, becoming the first player in Champions League history to achieve a double hat-trick.
Kya. Crazy dude but damn good at soccer.
Bro didn't water rocket Luis Garcia's pass today lololol.
He must've been pissed af.
Mind-blowing fact, guys.
4rsenal revival incoming kekekeke.
Last CL SF exactly, previous CL SF exactly, this CL SF exactly kekekeke.
Arsenal defeated by science...
Oh. Medical staff signals an X toward the bench. Hope it's nothing serious for Jesus Joo.
Fortunately, he gets up fine and walks off along the touchline. Pedro Rodríguez replaces Jesus Joo.
Wtf? Why's he yawning? Lol injured?
Just sleepy I guess?
This guy's been on the community forums last night too lol.
I exchanged greetings with Pedro waiting on the touchline.
"Told you to take it easy on us old folks. A few beers and you pass out, forcing me to sub in."
"What are you talking about? I am Jesus Joo, god of soccer and god of alcohol! Mere beer can't intoxicate me!!"
Pedro Rodríguez sighed at my declaration, gave me a high-five, and dashed onto the pitch. I sat on the bench, watching the game until sleep overtook me at some point.
And when I opened my eyes...
"Unfamiliar ceiling."
I was in a hospital.
Match End
Arsenal 1: 7 Real Madrid
Post-Match Interviews
Real Madrid manager Valverde: 'Jesus Joo's injury? He's healthy. Just looked tired, so we subbed him. Hospital tests came back completely normal.'
Real Madrid manager Valverde: 'Player carry? I admit it. I ride my players hard.'
Jesus Joo on Joker celebration: 'Just a random celly. No intent to provoke Arsenal fans.'
Jesus Joo on Valverde's interview: 'Valverde's a great manager. Not authoritarian—easy to talk to.'
Anonymous Real Madrid starting midfielder: 'Manager and Jesus Joo in a dirty honeymoon phase. Worst offender: Joo deliberately water rockets my passes and pretends it's a mistake.'
Anonymous Real Madrid starting striker: 'That's cuz your passes suck, dude.'
Luis García rushes at bedridden Jesus Joo, gets instantly subdued.
Arsenal manager Arteta: 'Nothing to say about the game. Sorry to the Gunners. We lost. That's it. We'll prepare diligently for the second leg away at Santiago Bernabéu and land a punch on the Evil Empire.'
Arsenal CB King Ugo: 'Felt possessed by a ghost. His play didn't seem human.'
Gunners rage at King Ugo's interview: 'We don't need cowards like that!'
Gunners demand match void: 'Jesus Joo drank our thrown beers pre-game. He played drunk, so void the match!'
UEFA: 'Gunners' claims are absurd. What does that have to do with voiding? Instead, evidence of racial abuse toward Jesus Joo at Arsenal's home. Considering punishment for Arsenal.'
Gunners: 'Real Madrid bribed UEFA!'
Passing German: 'Beer isn't booze. It's a beverage. Complaining about drinks? Weak Brits as usual.'
UEFA hands Arsenal heavy 3-game fan ban: 'Racism is a sin that must be eradicated.'
Gunners rage at 'London Shame Arsenal' banner in North London Derby vs Tottenham.
"Soccer's just a simple game. 22 guys chase a ball for 90 minutes, and in the end, Jesus Joo wins. Crazy bastard plays soccer like a god. -Gary Lineker-"
Korean News.
Real Madrid brutally crushes Arsenal at Emirates Stadium. Advances to Champions League final for first time in 8 years.
Real Madrid president Nuñez: 'Thanks to Barcelona for sending our god to Madrid.'
Nuñez prez ain't right in the head either, right?
Lmao Barca digging their own grave hard.
Barcelona legend, newly elected president Gerard Piqué's vow: 'I'll make Barcelona great again.'
Sigh. At least he's prez material. Barca's changing now.
Your new messiah went to Real~
Don't jinx it, that little prick ain't no messiah.
Too classy to call him little prick...
Madrid turns into a festival. Madridistas in Joker makeup sing hymns to Jesus Joo on the streets.
Why no mention of Joker celly from Gunners?
Gooners collectively memory-holed it lol.
Tbh it was scary af lol almost pissed myself.
Bayern Munich beats Inter Milan 4:2. World-class showdown: Yusuapa Mukoko vs Jesus Joo?
Real wins tbh.
7:1 away win at Arsenal? Insane.
Second leg still left, fuckers.
Lolol Inter maybe, but 4rsenal no chance.
Fr, thank god Jesus bro took a nap or Arsenal would've been first CL team with double-digit goals conceded lol.
After the massive away win at Arsenal, the club gave the squad a short vacation.
Manager Valverde shifted focus from the already-lost league title to winning the Champions League for the first time in 16 years. League games went to bench players who hadn't seen much action.
La Liga Round 35: Real Madrid vs Almería underway. Most first-teamers including Jesus Joo given rest today.
I lay in bed listening to the Korean broadcast on TV while watching Yu-na film a YouTube video from behind.
"I blew 10 million won cash from my YouTube earnings?! Today I'm pulling the main target to complete the corrupt Korea squad!"
Why call the card I gave her the "main target"...
Scam, this is.