Fair Play Fiasco: Hunting the Second Jesus
Fair play spirit # Amid the flood of promising young talents, a craze for finding the second Jesus swept through. The funny-sad part? It was prospects older than me getting slapped with the "second Jesus" nickname.
"Pwaa-! Read books with me!"
Yohan came toddling over, clutching a book to his chest. It was a soccer tactics book simple enough for even a kid to understand. Not every second-generation soccer star succeeds, of course. Plenty got overshadowed by their famous dads. But I was sure Yohan would break free of my shadow and become a top-class player in his own right.
Might just be a doting dad talking, but even at his young age, Yohan took soccer dead seriously. And the talent was there in spades.
Eh, whatever. Even if he bombs as a pro, no biggie. By then, he'd be swimming in cash. He could just run Colchester United and live out his days as a soccer man.
"Yohan, Mom said learn Hangul first, remember? Let's study it together with Dad."
"Nooo studies..."
"Finish your studying, and we'll play soccer in the yard with Dad, okay?"
"Ooo..."
I didn't forget Yuna's pleas and coaxed the reluctant Yohan into learning Hangul. Not long after we started, he began nodding off. I nodded back at the sight. Guess he takes after his mom—no head for books.
I carefully scooped up the sleeping Yohan and carried him to his room. Yuna, fresh from shooting a YouTube video, spotted me and slipped quietly into my arms.
"Huh? Yohan's asleep?"
"Yeah. Must've been wiped out."
She stroked his head, then we headed to the living room together. Being twins, her belly was even more swollen than during Yohan's pregnancy.
Looking at Yuna struggling lately with the weight gain made my heart ache. If only we could figure out defense somehow... World Cup third place feels legit possible.Ha... damn. If only a killer center back would just drop out of the sky.
I let out a sigh of regret, and Yuna stroked my cheek with a worried look. I dodged her question with an awkward grin.
"What's wrong? Bad news?"
"Nah. Just happy, that's all."
Real talk, though. Time to kidnap a center back or something. Who were the naturalized ones again...? I started flipping through my regressor's mental directory, only to hit a wall—no good fits.
#
League Round 26.
Real Madrid 0 : 0 CD Leganes.
A-match break right after this game. Banned from national team duty thanks to my suspension, I planned to watch Korea's matches at home with the family.
I grabbed the jersey of an opponent dribbling past me with my right hand.
There was a midfielder there!
Chomp—whoosh!
Now there isn't.
Leganes' midfielder tumbled to the turf, and the orphaned ball rolled my way. Caught off-guard by the sudden turnover, CD Leganes scrambled to reset their defense. But Real Madrid finished the attack before they could.
I lofted a penetrating pass into the space ahead of Jesus Gonzalez, who was sprinting down the flank with his hand up. He shredded their defensive line, broke into the box, and chipped the keeper for the goal. Jesus Gonzalez shared the joy with his teammates. Leganes players protested to the ref, but his firm stance shut them down. Five minutes later, the net rippled again. Jesus Gonzalez took Luis Garcia's lobbed pass, tore up the wing, and crossed to me infiltrating the box. I slyly tugged a contesting defender's shirt for disruption, then nodded the ball perfectly into the net. As the ref signaled the goal, I bolted to the corner flag for my celebration. Meanwhile, Leganes whined about my arm usage, but the ref ignored them. Their heated protests even earned one a yellow. I met the glares from Leganes players with pure confidence.
Getting burned twice makes you the dumb one, right?
#
[Ah… Two players are down on the pitch right now. Looks like Jesus and Leganes' Matuidi… Hope it's nothing serious.]
[They collided hard in the challenge. Ref's stopped play and called the medics.]
[Jesus is up and fine, but Leganes' Matuidi is being stretchered off.]
[Tough break. Hope this calms the players down a bit.]
[Drop ball restarts. Jesus lofts a long one into Leganes' half!]
[Jesus showing fair play spirit! He's been calling himself the gentleman of the pitch lately. One netizen joked he's a 19th-century British gent.]
[…Huh? Jesus' clearance has ripped straight into the net!!]
[Sucked right into the top corner. Killer instinct from Jesus kicking in again?]
[Yup… Jesus, who took an accidental shot, raises both hands in apology to Leganes. Talking to Valverde now. Looks like Real Madrid might offer an own goal.]
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!"
[Uh… Ter Neuer disagrees.]
#
I asked the Leganes players for the ball. No way was I expecting Ter Neuer, screaming "NO" nonstop, to just hand over his goal.
"Hey! Amigo! Gimme the ball. I'll score and bring it back."
The Leganes guys handed it over with skeptical looks. I bolted straight for Ter Neuer's net.
He crouched low, ready for the save. Time to drop an uncomfortable truth on him.
"Yo! This is a pass—if you touch it, indirect free kick!"
Not a shot—a soft "back pass" that just cleared his height. Ter Neuer desperately flung his head at it, but...
"Verdammt! (Damn it)"
The ball ignored his prayers and nestled into the net.
"VAMOS!!!!!"
Ref calls own goal. I sprinted to Valverde, beaming with joy. Celebrating a fair play own goal? Leganes fans who'd come to watch, the ref smiling at the wholesome scene, both teams' players—all stared at me like I was nuts.
I blew past the dirty looks and grabbed Valverde's head.
"Three goals! Three goals! Sub me!"
I channeled that high school kid who picked up the Death Note, grinning like a demon.
Everything according to plan!
Thud.
But disaster struck here. Shaking the coach's head dislodged his wig. Cameras caught it, and the home fans' applause froze mid-clap.
Dead silence blanketed the stadium.
"Yea…h~ VA…mos!!"
I awkwardly smiled and plopped the wig back on, but the flipped-out coach made me play full time.
FYI, as you'd expect.
I go-slowed in protest of Valverde's unfair treatment.
"Puta!! Quit the water rocket shit, you bastard!!"
. .
Full time. Real Madrid 3 : 1 CD Leganes